!! kiko !!

ellie x reader with piercings | tlou m.list

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♰ eyebrow/anti-eyebrow piercing:

She thinks this one makes you look dangerously hot, she loves the way it catches the light when you’re under her. She is really considering getting one to match you..

“You think I should get one?”

♰ ear piercings (multiple lobes, helix, conch, etc):

Ellie is OBSESSED. She loves when you wear little hoops because she can tuck your hair behind your ear as an excuse so ‘your hair doesn’t get caught in them”, she thinks they make you look effortlessly cool, her favourite part to kiss you while making you fall apart on her fingers is right behind your ear, so she can feel the cool touch of the metal on her lips while she whispers filthy shit to you.

“Sooo… are you getting another one soon or..?

♰ septum piercing:

She finds this one incredibly attractive, especially when you’re annoyed and your nose does that little scrunch. She loves grabbing your chin and tilting your face up so she can see it better. Bonus points if you have a silver horseshoe in, she thinks it makes your nose look incredibly cute.

“This one is stupidly hot, I didn’t know I could ever find someone’s nose THIS hot.”

♰ navel piercing:

Huge yes. When you wear anything cropped or lo rise, Ellie cannot stop staring, her hands will be on your waist the whole time. She’ll run her fingers over it absentmindedly while you’re lying in her bed, hen she goes down on you, she’ll teasingly dip her tongue against it just to tease you.”

“It makes me wanna put my mouth on you for hours.”

♰ nipple piercings:

Hell. Fucking. Yes. This is her bread and butter. The first time she saw them she literally went quiet for five seconds, just staring, mouth agape. Now she’s completely feral about them, she loves sucking on them, gently tugging the bars with her teeth and watching your reaction. She buys you pretty barbells and captive beads in different colours. During sex, she spends so much time licking and tugging them that you have to pull her away by her hair, she will pout about this.

“Maybe go without a bra…?

Bonus: the healing time was hell for her like… she isn’t even the one with two bars of metal through her tits….

♰ tongue piercing:

She loses her mind with this one. The first time you kissed her and the cool ball at the end of the bar rubbed against her tongue, she moaned into your mouth like she’;d been shot. She’s obsessed with how it feels when you go down on her or when you lick up her neck. She’ll straight up beg you to use it on her.

“Baby, please use it on me again— I-I haven’t stopped thinking about it all fucking day..”

♰ clit/clit hood piercing:

Ellie is both terrified and insanely turned on.. she was nervous the first time, like, overly cautious even though you kept telling her that it was healed but once she realized how sensitive it makes you.. she was almost mean about it.. she loves watching your reactions when she flicks it with her tongue or grinds against it. When she’s eating you out, she focuses on the piercings with the tip of her tongue until your legs are quite literally shaking. Sometimes shelly just rest her thumb on it while fingering you and watching your pretty face.

“Makes your pussy look even prettier, didn’t know that was possible.”

♰ labia piercing:

Ellie was insanely shy about them the first time she saw them but then quickly became obsessed. She loves the way they look when you’re spread open for her, she’s extra careful though, but loves teasing the rings with her tongue.

“These are so fucking pretty..”

♰ lip piercing (snakebites, labret, philtrum, dahlias, etc.):

She thinks these are stupidly fucking hot. She loves kissing you and feeling the cool metal press against her lips, running her tongue against it, and gently tugging at them with her teeth. She gets distracted when you’re talking because she’s staring at your mouth. She’ll trace the piercing with her thumb while the two of you are cuddling.

“Holy shit, you look so— this is so unfair..”

♰ nose piercing (nostril/bridge):

Finds it cute and attractive. She likes giving you kisses on the tip of your nose.

“No, a little kiss won’t make you breakout, now, get over here.”

♰ dermals (back, hips, shoulder):

She’s insane over these, especially hip or lower belly dermal. When you wear low-rise jeans or panties, she’ll trace them with her fingers and/or tongue.

Ghostface! Ellie x Reader | tlou m.list

tw: blood mention, knife mention, i think that’s it lol

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The house was so quiet you could hear a pin drop. Every creak in the old Prescott family home made your skin crawl. You were sitting on your bed, knees pulled up against your chest as you nervously bit at your nails.

There had been three killings alone this week and it was only fucking Tuesday. You weren’t stupid, you knew you were a prime target, after all you were Sydney fuckin’ Prescott’s niece.

“Come on, pick up.. pick up,” you mumbled against your chewed up thumbnail as you tried your boyfriend’s cell once more.

It went straight to voicemail.. for the tenth time.. texts unread, too. Curfew had passed an hour ago and the news was already reporting, yet, another masked killing near campus.

You jumped when your phone buzzed in your hand, your best friend’s name lit up the screen.

Ellie: open the back door, i’m outside :P

You didn’t even hesitate, within a split second you hopped off your bed and raced downstairs. The second you twisted the lock, Ellie slipped inside like a shadow, she was wearing a black hoodie, the hood pulled over her hood and the front zipped all the way up, that stupid Stab keychain you’d jokingly bought for her so that she’d ’always remember’ you was dangling from her backpack. She immediately pulled you into a tight hug, chin resting on your head.

“He’s still not answering?” she asked, voice low and rough.

You groaned and shook your head against her chest, breathing in the familiar scent of her: mint gum, weed, and something metallic that you couldn’t really place. “I’m freaking out, El, everyone’s dropping like flies and now my boyfriend isn’t even picking up.”

“I know, I know,” her gloved hand rubbed slow circles on your back, “That’s why I came, figured you shouldn’t be alone right now.”

You didn’t question the gloves, Ellie was always fidgeting around with weird horror props, or the heavy backpack she’d carefully placed in the corner earlier. You definitely didnt question the fact that Ellie had somehow known you were alone despite you telling her that your boyfriend was there about an hour ago when you were sure he was coming.

The power had flickered earlier, leaving only the dim glow of the hallway nightlight, a few candles you found in the basement, and the blue flicker of the muted TV, showing whatever trashy late night show was on at 3 a.m.

To Ellie, the darkness felt like a blessing.

Ellie walked you upstairs to your room, arm slung around your shoulders, the second the door clicked shut behind you, the tension shifted. She tilted your chin up, thumb brushing your bottom lip.

“You know you’re safe with me, right?” she murmured, “I’d never let anyone hurt you, ever.”

You nodded against her hand, “I know.”

Your heart was hammered for a different reason now. Ellie had always been protective, almost territorial, but tonight it felt different, almost heavier, hungrier. You kissed her first. Maybe it was the desperation to feel safe, the fear growing with every passing moment that your boyfriend didn’t call back, or the need to feel anything else besides panic but all logic left your body when you felt her warm lips against yours.

Ellie’s left hand roughly tangled itself into your hair, pulling you deeper into the kiss while her free hand worked itself into your pajama shorts.

It felt like she had been waiting for this moment for years.

Both of your clothes came off fast. Her hoodie discarded next to the bed, your oversized t-shirt on the foot of the bed, and the rest scattered all around the two of you. She pushed you onto the bed, crawling over you in the near-darkness. You couldn’t see much, just the outline of her lean, toned body, and the faint gleam of her eyes.

“Fuck, I’ve waited for this moment for so long” she whispered against your neck, teeth grazing your skin as her hand slid between your trembling thighs, “It’s finally paying off,” she mumbled against you.

Before you could even question what ‘it’ was, two fingers pushed into you without warning, curling deep. You gasped, hips rolling up to meet her hand.

Ellie fucked you like she was trying to crawl inside your skin, relentless, a little mean, muttering filthy praises between kisses.

“That’s it.. let me take care of you, been dying to hear how you sound when you scream my name<“ she murmured.

You were loud, whining her name, lefs shaking around her wrist while she ground her palm against your aching clit. The darkness hid the way her eyes flicked toward the window every few seconds, listening. It hid the dark smears on the toes of her black Converse, still a little damn but beginning to crust. It hid the unmistakable outline of a knife tucked into teh waistband of her jeans, now crumpled on the floor underneath her hoodie. It hid the backpack in the corner that definitely wasn’t carrying just horror movies and weed.

Your arms traced the scratches on her toned bicep, “Ellie, what happened?”

You sat up and reached to turn on the light before she grabbed your wrist with a bruising grip.

“Don’t turn the lights on, you look prettier in the moonlight,” she loosened her grip and brought her hand up to yours, the one that was still tracing a particularly long scratch on her arm, “I got these on the way hers,” she huffed, “I keep telling you, that god damn fence is goin’ to kill me one day.”

You giggled softly, “I don’t get why you don’t just come through the front door like a normal person.”

“God forbid I try to spice things up once in a while.”

She dropped lower, shoving your thighs apart and burying her face between them. Her tongue was greedy, licking and sucking like she was starving to you, it was almost animalistic, like a starving wolf who finally got its fangs on a little lamb. Every time you got close, she slowed down, teasing, drawing it out until you were crying and begging.

Only when you were a trembling, soaked mess did she finally let you cum. Your orgasm came crashing into you hard, with her fingers buried deep and her pretty pink lips sealed around your clit. She didn’t stop until you were pushing at her head, oversensitive and breathless.

Ellie climbed back up, kissing you so you could taste the mess you’d made on her lips and tongue. In the dark she smiled against your lips, soft and almost sweet, maybe even a little shy.

“Bet he doesn’t make you cum like that, huh?” She chuckled and pulled her tshirt over herself.

For a split second, a wave of guilt came crashing over you until she started talking again, “Your boyfriend’s a piece of shit anyway, you don’t need someone like that. You’ve got me and I’d never abandon you the way he did, I’d never, ever leave you alone.”

You laughed weakly, still a little floaty, assuming it was just jealous best-friend talk. You had no fucking idea.

Ellie pulled the blanket over the two of you, arms wrapped tightly around your waist like she’d kill anyone who tried to take you from her.

What you didn’t know is that she already had.

Just as you were about to drift off to sleep, your phone buzzed with a missing persons alert, the missing person? Your boyfriend.

AV nerd! Ellie x reader | tlou m.list

TW: exhibitionism, recording, semi-public, lots of teasing, unintentional (Intentional?) edging, lowk sadistic ellie, humiliation, and nerd ellie.

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The AV room smelled like dust, warm electronics, and the faint metallic tang of cable ties and possibly nerd sweat. The fluorescent lights buzzed overhead, half of them flickering like they didn’t see the point in even trying anymore. You were perched on top of a rickety editing desk that had seen better days, skirt bunched up around your thighs from your constant shifting.

Ellie was late. She knew how much you hated when she was late. You had places to be, people to see, and she had the audacity to be five minutes late.

She had already sent another text reading: where the hell are you?????

Just as you got ready to send her another message—this one reading ‘don’t even bother coming’—Ellie burst through the doors. Her hair was messy, glasses slipping down her nose, backpack clinging onto her shoulders for dear life. In her hands was a big crate of dusty old cameras. The newest one looked like it was from the nineties, maybe even the early 2000s if you squinted.

“I’m late, I know, I know!” she whined as she carefully set down the crate, causing small clouds of dust to puff out around it. “I saw these in the old auditorium and nobody was claiming them, but then one of the professors caused a big fuss and kept me there, accusing me of stealing them. So I had to explain to her that I wasn’t and—”

Before Ellie could finish the sentence, you spun her around by her belt loop and pushed her against the desk, crashing your mouth into hers. A surprised whimper left her as her hands finally left the dusty crate and settled on your hips.

After a few seconds, you pulled back and shot her a glare. “I don’t even know why you’re into all this shit,” you huffed, pulling back slightly to shoot another glare at the crate. “Do those even work? Honestly, you’re more interested in all this dusty old tech than you are in me.”

Ellie’s eyes widened before she hurriedly shook her head. “What? No, o-of course I’m not. God, I’m so sorry,” she said, grabbing your face in her cold, scarred hands. “But… I really do have to test these cameras.”

You scowled, a groan leaving your lips as you pushed her hand away. “You always do this, Ellie!” you huffed. “You’re so fucking lucky I’m even here right now. I spend every free period waiting in this dusty fucking shithole for you. Not a single other girl in this school would do this for some audio visual geek.”

Ellie rolled her eyes. “You’re so fussy. Calm down, I have an idea.”

You were already grabbing your bag and heading for the door when she suddenly grabbed your wrist. “Come on, just hear me out?”

“You have one minute.”

Five minutes was all Ellie needed to get you under her: one minute to explain her ‘plan,’ two minutes to convince you, one minute to get you undressed, and one more minute to set up the crate of cameras beside her.

Ellie was between your legs, calloused fingers tracing lazy circles on the inside of your knee while her other hand adjusted the chunky camcorder. “These are fucking ancient,” she muttered, wiping dust off of it with her flannel sleeve, “but the lenses are still good, I guess.”

You were already bent over the editing desk, skirt shoved up around your waist, panties halfway down your legs. “Ellie, I swear to God, if you don’t fuck me properly within the next minute, I’m leaving and never speaking to you again. I mean it!”

She laughed under her breath, that low, mean little chuckle that always made your stomach do an excited little jump. “Jeez, you’re so impatient,” she muttered while navigating the camera’s settings. “I’m multitasking here—technical work and directing. Give me a break.”

Before you could argue back, a flash of red lit up the area around you and she muttered, “Alright, hold still.”

Ellie positioned the camera on a short tripod, lens aimed straight between your spread legs. She took a quick glance through the viewfinder before chuckling. “God, even on this shitty camera you can see how fucking wet you are.”

“Ellie!” you shot a glare over your shoulder.

“Sorry!”

She chuckled again before settling on her knees behind you and pushing two fingers into you without warning. The stretch was perfect. She immediately curled them, making you whimper against the desk. For a few glorious moments, she fucked you properly—deep and steady—thumb brushing your aching clit.

Then she stopped.

You let out a frustrated whine. “You fucking bitch.” You glanced back over your shoulder just to see her digging through that fucking crate again.

“Sorry, this camera is shit. It literally just died right before I pulled my fingers out,” she mumbled, like your orgasm was the second most important thing to her in that moment. “Let’s see… ah, 90s Sony. This should do.” She set the camera back up, its mechanical hum syncing with the fluorescent lighting’s dull buzz. She hurriedly scribbled a note on a sticky note reading ‘blurry and shaky’ before sticking it onto camera #1.

This time, Ellie sat you on top of the desk, dropped to her knees, and threw one of your legs over her shoulder. She dragged her tongue through your folds in one long, filthy stripe.

You whimpered loud enough that you were sure anyone in the hallway could hear it.

Ellie ate you like she was starving—messy and eager—until your thighs started to shake and your fingers twisted in her auburn hair. Right as your orgasm started building, she pulled back once more, lips glossy, and grinned up at you before grabbing the camera to review the footage.

“Camera two’s color accuracy is insane, wow,” she mumbled. “Your pussy looks so fucking pretty here. The gradient— Ha! Oh my god, the mic on it is insane too. Listen to this.” She held up the camera so you could hear your pathetic whines and the obscene sounds of her tongue against your pussy. She labeled this camera ‘godlike’ before pulling out another one, a Canon camcorder from the early 2000s.

“I hate you,” you hissed, voice cracking. You tried to close your legs but she shoved them back open, holding you spread for camera three’s lens.

“No you don’t.” Before you could argue, she slid three fingers back inside you. Her lips attached to your neck as her free hand pushed up your tank top. Her fingers pumped slow and deep while her thumb circled your swollen clit. “You love being my guinea pig, don’t you? Stop squirming, you’re going to mess up the focus.”

“You’re so annoying,” you groaned.

She fucked you harder, curling her fingers just right until you were right there again—gasping, back arched, so fucking close.

Then she stopped… again.

You practically sobbed. “Ellie, I swear—”

“Next camera.”

She wiped her fingers on her jeans and dug through the old bin. “Ooh, handheld. This should be fun,” she chuckled to herself as she flicked the camera on. With her eye to the viewfinder, she repositioned herself between your legs, sat down on one of the rolling chairs, and pulled you closer to the edge of the desk. She had already labeled camera #3 ‘near perfection.’

Two fingers plunged back inside you, scissoring and stroking while she leaned in, letting the camera get a close-up of her disappearing fingers. Your face burned as you tried to swat the camera away. “Ellie, stop! This is so fucking humiliating,” you whined.

She chuckled and pushed your hand away, her fingers never slowing down. The wet, obscene sounds mixed with the whir of the camera. You were shaking, hips grinding back against her fingers like a slut.

Right as your walls started fluttering and your orgasm crested, Ellie pulled her fingers out completely and sat back in the chair, eye still glued to the viewfinder.

“Aww,” she cooed, voice dripping with mock sweetness. She reached out and spread your folds with two fingers, showing the camera everything. “Your cute cunt’s winking at the camera. Look at it,” she laughed. “Poor thing’s so empty and desperate. Clenching over and over like it’s begging to be filled. That’s really fucking adorable.”

Your face burned with humiliation. You tried to close your legs again but she forced them back open with her free hand, eyes flicking between your flushed face and the monitors.

“Ellie,” you whimpered, voice small and shaky with embarrassment.we

She leaned in, pressing a deceptively soft kiss right above your clit before looking up at you with that mean little smirk, "Beg nicely and maybe I'll let you cum on camera four... after I test the zoom, of course."

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✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　

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ᛝ it would take her AGES to ask you out like.. she’d overthink it so much and she would NOT tell anyone about it so you might have to make the first move

ᛝ once in a relationship, she is even more shy around you than before, she’s suddenly over performing less and trying to let you into her little world but it might take her some time

ᛝ she is VERY protective of her things.. like.. annoyingly so.. she lightly scolds you if you carelessly handle one of her figurines and then apologizes immediately after but once you leave, she thoroughly inspects the figure for any marks, scratches, or smudges lol

ᛝ she doesn’t really like ‘normal’ dates, her idea of the perfect date is something small and intimate like getting coffee and going to a record shop or.. you sitting behind her while she plays games..

ᛝ she WILL steal your band tees and when you ask where it is, she will deadass look at you with the straightest face and go “i don’t know” (hint: it’s somewhere under her bed

ᛝ she can be annoyingly jealous but not in the “you’re MINE” alpha kinda way but in a “oh..so what i’m hearing is that you’d rather be with her, i see how it is..” like.. babe, all you did was chat with another girl about the difference between the vinyl vs cassette listening experience but APPARENTLY that is cheating in ellie’s eyes

ᛝ her lips are chapped 90% of the time so you HAVE to remind her to put on chapstick if you don’t wanna be kissing cracked lips

ᛝ she also pics at her nails/cuticles when she’s anxious so for the love of god, get her some cuticle oil

ᛝ she secretly likes all the lacy panties and stuff but if you ever call her panties ‘cute’… her ears will go bright red and she’ll shove a pillow into your face and mumble ‘shut up, you’re so embarrassing’

ᛝ yeah, she’s lowk a tsundere LMAO

ᛝ she does NOT know when to let a bit die so it can get annoying after awhile LOL

ᛝ she teases you constantly, it’s her way of flirting and also her way of communicating her feelings like she could be in the depth of despair and you’ll only know it because she made a joke about it so.. reading between the lines is a MUST

ᛝ she will accidentally ghost you for days on end but it’s just because she is rarely on her phone so you deadass gotta do welfare checks on her because she could spend WEEKS in her room, gaming, reading, doing deep dives on her nerd stuff

ᛝ she does enjoy going on walks and hikes but she’d also get frustrated if you’re a slow walker or if you keep stopping to take photos lol

ᛝ she isn’t a gym rat but she does like to go to the gym a few times a week to let out some steam but she does get VERY annoyed with men at the gym staring at her and for getting their macho-ness everywhere

ᛝ she is a flirt but not on purpose, she is just naturally witty and has a weird sort of charisma about her that marks baristas giggle and classmates doodle her name in the corner of their notebook

ᛝ she loves d&d but she can never find anyone to play with because Jesse and Dina aren’t all that into that stuff so you might have to pity play with her

ᛝ she owns cringey fandom merch lol (think the hellfire tee when it first came out)

ᛝ she hates shopping, if you ask her to come with you, she’ll groan but put her shoes on and drag her feet when following you around, after the first three stores, she’s already asking “can we go now”

ᛝ she gets very frustrated with lingerie.. it’s a nice sentiment but she also gets all huffy and gives up

ᛝ if you’re alternative.. she posts those ‘me and my goth gf’ memes.. im so sorry..

ᛝ she is either VERY early or VERY late

ᛝ if you offer to help cut her hair, she’ll let you but.. she will be very nit picky and you’ll just end up getting frustrated after she holds her breath and says “dont you think thats a little.. short?” for the millionth time

ᛝ she secretly likes nightcore.. she was secretly a gacha kid.. bc fandoms..

ᛝ she loves sleeping with you but she also kicks off the blankets

ᛝ she gets shy when introducing you as her gf

ᛝ she is such a movie snob oh my god like.. do not ask for her imdb

ᛝ she loves arguing with kids on roblox and her avatar is just a plain bacon girl lol

ᛝ but if the kids call her out, she will get mad and she will get banned for a week and she will complain to you like it wasn’t her fault

ᛝ Jesse and Dina are around so much that it feels like you’re dating them too sometimes

ᛝ ellie may say she does not care about what Joel thinks but come on.. she dresses like a mini him and glances at him when you three have dinner together

ᛝ she for sure owns a ‘who ate all the pussy’ shirt and she thinks its the funniest shit ever

ᛝ she will pout when you don’t laugh at her jokes

ᛝ if you two are arguing, she isn’t petty but she does shut down emotionally and physically, she will look at you like a kicked puppy but will not say anything and if you poke at her, she will snap but then feel bad immediately and walk away until you come to her and MAKE her talk it out

ᛝ she will wear her converse until it is literally falling apart, even then she will look at you and say “it’s still good” and furrow her brows like YOU’RE the crazy one for suggesting she get new shoes because the ones on her feet look like they were ran over twelve times, soaked in oil, chewed on by rabid dogs, and taken for a few laps around lake michigan

ᛝ she loves video essays and will bombard your inbox with links to them

ᛝ she has a playlist of every song you said you liked

ᛝ she punches your stuffed animals when you aren’t looking

ᛝ she doesn’t always wipe her shoes.. so you better get rid of any rugs you have

ᛝ once she opens up, you’ll realize how fragile she actually is and you better not mess it up bc she will close up again once she senses any sign of you leaving

ᛝ yeah, she has abandonment and attachment issues

ᛝ she has horrible insomnia

ᛝ old ladies love her because she’s charismatic, knows her way around a toolbox, and will charm their socks off because she likes getting praised LOL

ᛝ she is insufferable after getting complimented, she is suddenly way too cocky and will show it

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a/n: i’m very sorry for responding to your request so late. this is such a sensitive topic, i’ve struggled with an ed before as well and it was the lowest point of my teen years, i hope that you find your way out of the dark and to the light (mini tlou ref sorry lol) and i hope that you can find comfort in my writing. <3 I haven’t written in forever so I apologize if it’s horrible, but this was the first request I’ve seen to make me actually wanna write after months and months of writers block and depression, I hope it brought you some comfort.

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Ellie noticed everything about you, she noticed the way your eyelashes would flutter when the sun hit your face just right in the morning, she noticed how you liked exactly one teaspoon of honey in your tea, the way you spun your favourite vinyl after particularly hard days, she saw you, like, really saw you and sometimes that frightened you because it meant, she also saw the parts of yourself you tried to hide from her like how you pushed your food around more than ate, how you drank more water than the average person, how you’d flush red with embarrassment when she’d walk in on you weighing yourself or looking at yourself from different angles in the mirror.

At first, it really frightened you, question after question raced through your brain on a never ending loop.

Would she still want to be with me if she knew? Is this too much for her? She’s already been through so much, she wouldn’t want another burden, right? She probably thinks I’m stupid, huh? Does she know..?

What you didn’t know was that, Ellie had been through the exact same thing… just under different circumstances.

After Joel’s death, it was almost like her appetite was buried with him. At first, she couldn’t tell whether or not that her appetite loss was a result from grief or if it was a form of her ‘punishing’ herself for letting Joel die the way he did, for letting him die without her ever forgiving him, for him dying without ever being able to make up for lost time. Either way, she didn’t feel like eating, she skipped meals under the guise of ‘being tired’ or ‘picking up extra shifts’, Tommy and Maria’s food rotted away in the fridge just like how she had rotted away in her room.. until you showed up.

You were like a warm ray of sunshine in her otherwise grief stricken life, your smile made her feel content, a thing she never thought she’d feel again. After a few months of knowing you, she slowly began to eat again, small at first but then gradually, she was having full meals just so she’d get to run into you at the cafeteria and maybe even eat with you.

She didn’t notice the way you’d push your food around or the way you’d watch people eat more than you yourself did because she was too busy watching you. She loved the way your hair brushed your cheek when you leaned in to tell her some cheesy joke you’d heard Tommy tell Jesse, she loved the way your eye would crinkle a bit when you’d giggle at some stupid joke she made, she especially loved the way you’d sometimes get too shy to look at her in the eye after she teased you.

It wasn’t until one afternoon that she noticed the way you had barely eaten and she only noticed because she had been watching your lovely hands gently hold the fork while the other balled up a napkin into itself. That’s when she began to grow uneasy.

She wasn’t uneasy in the loud, panicked way she’d felt so often in her life.. this time her concern was quiet, gnawing in her chest. The kind that made her fork pause halfway to her mouth as she finally looked away from your hands and really looked at your plate.

Barely touched.

Her stomach twisted, the sight of your plate looked all too familiar.

She didn’t say anything at first, she told herself that she was reading too much into it, after all, everybody did have off days but the excuses felt… flimsy, hollow because she knew that they were just that, excuses, the same excuses she’d made before meeting you. The ones she still sometimes made because old habits die hard.

She cleared her throat and watched the way you cut your foot into smaller and smaller pieces, how you nudged them around like you were trying to convince yourself more than anyone else around you that you were eating. How you took extra long sips of water between bites that never quite made it to those pretty lips that she could never get enough of. How your shoulders tensed when you noticed her eyes lingering on your plate.

For a moment, Ellie was back in her room, sitting alone at the quiet table, stomach empty, head full of noise she couldn’t quiet. She remembered Maria’s worried glances, Tommy pretending not to notice while he grumbled about Abby, Jesse’s worried looks as he’d dump out the rotted, untouched food from her fridge, and the guilt that came with knowing those were rations gone to waste. Then she remembered how badly she’d wanted someone to just see her without forcing her to explain.

Her throat tightened before she faked a laugh at one of Jesse’s cheap jokes.

After the two of you left the dining hall, she cleared her throat once more and softly spoke, “Hey.. you okay? I-I mean, I.. I noticed you didn’t really eat in there.. stomach bug..?”

You startled, eyes flicking from the snow covered ground to her pretty eyes, “Yeah, totally fine, just wasn’t hungry. You know how I hate eating vennison.. poor deers.. you know?” You tried to laugh it off.

Ellie nodded slowly, even managing to crack a forced smile, pretending to accept the answer even though it sat wrong in her chest. She didn’t push, instead, her hand found yours in the dark of the alley on the way to your house, her hand felt warm around your freezing one.

She didn’t say anything else but she squeezed your hand once.

You walked the rest of the way in silence, snow crunching softly beneath your boots. When you reached your porch, you hesitated, fingers tightening around hers like you were afraid to let go.

She noticed that too, of course she did.

“Hey,” she said quietly, stepping back onto the porch,” You.. you can always talk to me, you know that, right? L-like, I know.. I’m a total idiot when it comes to all this emotional crap but.. I really do care about you, you mean.. you mean more to me than you can even begin to imagine, ugh, that sounded so sappy..”

A soft giggle slipped past your lips and managed to nod, “I know.”

She pressed your hand to her cheek for a brief moment, warm breath ghosting your palm, “Good.”

Later that night, when you were curled up beside her under one too many blankets, Ellie traced slow, absent-minded circles on your arm. Her voice was barely above a whisper.

“You ever notice how I’m weird about food sometimes?” she mumbled.

Your chest tightened, you had noticed. You noticed the way she sometimes handed her breakfast to Jesse, how she gave her jerky to Jesse, and how she sometimes skipped dinner and opted to stay in her room.

“I used to think I was just.. that, weird,” she sighed and rolled onto her back, eyes fixed on the ceiling, “I thought I was alone, Joel was gone.. I didn’t see the point in surviving just to survive if it meant the one person..,” she cleared her throat,” if it meant he was gone.. but then you showed up..”

You rolled onto your side and looked up at her, your arm making its way onto her stomach, tracing a faint scar.

She turned to look at you then, to really look at you.

“I know.. I know you’d never come out and say it directly to me.. and I don’t want to sound l-like I’m accusing you of anything.. but just know this, you don’t have to, you don’t have to carry everything alone.. not while I’m here at least.

And for the first time in a long while, you had hope.

After that night, Ellie was more attentive.

She knew that recovery was a process, not a single conversation could fix everything, but she was in it for the long haul, after all an eating disorder wasn’t something she could kill with an arrow and it wasn’t something she could pummel into the ground.

Instead, she’d check on you in subtle ways like making sure you ate your food without pushing you to scarf it all down, making sure you weren’t skipping meals by going with you to each one, and making sure you felt beautiful no matter what the scale said.

She’d also let you know that she was there for you in subtle ways like a hand on your back when you passed by, brushing your hair out of your face, kisses to your hand and forehead, and lingering near you during meals.

You were never a burden to her, you were never stupid to her, you were never too much because she knows where you’re at and she knows that recovery is possible, as hard as it might be, she wants to repay you for bringing her out of her own hell.

Ellie noticed everything about you, the good, the bad, the parts you tried to hide, and she didn’t care about labels or judgments. All that mattered to her was you. All she had ever wanted was to be here, right here, with you because she loved you.

(obsessed with casual. but if you don’t wanna do it, don’t!!)

LOL i’ll be continuing the series next week, i’d write a chapter this weekend but im going to a concert and have like five assignments due 😭