And that’s the scary thing because what if that’s the last time I will ever love that whole again? What if that’s the last time I’ll be happily and willingly in love with no fears that holds me back? What if that’s the last time I will ever be reckless because I was clueless that this is how endings would injure me? What if I’ll never see the world with brand new eyes without letting the lurking past invade me?

What if everyone I will meet will only receive crumbs of love and affection and they’ll only meet the worse and violent versions of me instead?

It terrifies me because what if I’ll never love someone the same way I did while I was still at my best? What if that’s all I ever had and I gave it all out?

It’s very sad to experience betrayal from someone to whom we gave our love, attention, trust, and a genuine relationship.

I know it’s very painful to be betrayed by someone—especially a lover who felt like a sister or brother, a good partner, and a life companion. That fantasy is destroyed because of betrayal.

It’s traumatizing and deeply hurtful to be betrayed by a loved one. You think this person is someone you can truly trust, someone you envision spending the rest of your life with.

Accepting this reality is incredibly painful. The heaviness in your heart is immeasurable, and the accumulated pain is unimaginable.

It’s okay to burst out, to say bad things, to shout, and to be angry. But you must understand that not all people are meant for us, and not all leave us for the same reasons. They might betray us, and they may destroy our kindness.

Now I realize that sometimes the person you’d take a bullet for is the one standing behind the trigger.

Be careful, be wiser, and protect yourself from people who enter your circle. Walk away from those who use your kindness and from that toxicity. —Heal your wounds and start becoming the best version of yourself.

Trust your instincts and put yourself first. Learn to set boundaries to protect your peace and communicate them clearly. You are strong, and I admire you for enduring the pain they caused you.

Keep this in mind:

Yes, I still feel lonely and sad from time to time for those things I couldn’t have and people I let go of. Who wouldn’t be? If you wanted them so badly. But just like everything else, emotions don’t stay the same. I would be sad, mad, and upset for a moment but I know, after accepting things I would be fine and be able to move forward again.

I did so many things I wish I didn't, said words I hope I just kept to myself, but never will I apologize for turning my back on the people that brought me traumas I still carry around. I'll never regret entrusting my secrets now to no one but the stars and my pillows, and while this may come back to bite me someday, never will I apologize for building invisible walls around me just to protect the pieces of me that still shine.

Its been a year already nung lumayo ako sa pinas. Sinubukang makipagsapalaran sa ibang bansa, sinubukang mag isa, sinubukang makisama sa iba't ibang tao. Napakahirap, oo. Pero naisip ko na the more ko iisipin ang hirap, mas mahirap. Sinubukan kong yakapin at tanggapin lahat ng mga pagsubok na dumarating habang nandito ako. Nilabanan ang lungkot at mas lalong sinubukan kong kilalanin lalo yung sarili ko paunti unti.

Funny, right? Gusto ko maniwala eh pero hindi ko talaga siya kayang sugalan. Hindi ko nakikita ang sarili kong mag commit sa kanya. Yung mga binibitawan niyang salita, di ako nabibilib. Naging prangka ako sa kanya kasi ayoko na isipin niya na pinapaasa ko siya or something pero wala talaga.

When I say I'm tired, I want people to understand me. I want them to appreciate me eventhough I will never be enough to impress them. I want them to give me silence for awhile or simply leave me alone. I never want to quit, but at least give me a time to rest from this tiredness.