"There's an invisible voice that is talkin' to me"

[ @ask-shslpianist ]

She stepped inside, glancing back at Shuichi once she’d done so. “Don’t worry about it— it’s really okay. It’s really nice to see you again, by the way,” she quickly added. “There’s nothing you needed to do for me, I just wanted to see you again and wanted to see how you’d been doing. But if you haven’t been feeling well lately, I can always come back another time,” Kaede offered, not wanting him to feel forced into a conversation with her.

“How have you been? All things considered… It’s been a while since we’ve talked.” He offers a wavering smile her way.

“Don’t say things like that— it’s fine, really. That’s what friends are for, after all, right? Being there for each other?” Kaede assured him. “But I’d love to stay here for a little while, especially if having company would help. In all honesty, I’ve been feeling a little lonely myself, so I’m glad we can help each other that way. A lot of my friends are out of town right now, and I can’t really contact them, so I’ve been trying to keep myself busy with concerts and stuff. What about you, though?” she added, tilting her head slightly. “What’s been going on, do you want to talk about it?”

“A-Ah how rude of me… I haven’t even offered you a chair. Would you like to sit down?”

The last thing the pianist wanted was to talk about her concerts. Besides the glaring other part of her life right now, she’d thrown herself into concerts, and she already thought about them all the time. But Shuichi wanted to know, right? “So… I’ve been doing a lot more concerts closer to home recently. Reminds me of all the competitions and recitals when I was younger, especially with all the new pieces I’ve been learning,” she explained.

“But really, how have you been? I promise it’s okay to talk about it if you want, I’m more patient than you think,” she added with a soft smile. “I don’t want to talk about myself this whole time, trust me. You’re my friend, and I want to know how you’re doing,” she assured him, leaning forward and lightly placing her right hand on top of his left— in such a way so that it’d be easy for him to move his hand away if he decided that he didn’t feel comfortable with it.

“If it gets to be too much though, please tell me to stop… I don’t want to make things bad for you. I don’t want to overwhelm you, and a lot of what I have to say I don’t fully understand either.”

She listened carefully to him as he talked. A lot to handle… not pretty… jeez, is it worse than I thought…? Even so, that only made Kaede want to help more. The pianist stood up halfway, moving her chair closer to the bed before sitting back down, placing her hand back on top of his. “Shuichi, trust me when I say that if you getting this off your chest and having someone to talk to about it will help you in any way, I’m more than glad to listen to you.” She turned her gaze off to the side, not wanting to do anything that might pressure him into making eye contact he didn’t want.

The more he speaks, the more his voice wavers. He cuts himself off when his voice cracks. His vision starting to blur from welling up tears. His free hand clamping over his mouth to stop any involuntary noises from leaving him as he shuts his eyes tightly. “Everything I see, or hear? It all feels like it’s happened before… I don’t know what it means…” His voice is softer now, aside from being muffled by his hand.

“I might not be an expert on this kind of stuff, but… violent thoughts don’t make you a violent person. I know that’s not who you are. You just told me yourself that you don’t want to hurt anyone. Your thoughts don’t define you. Your words and actions do. And you are one of the kindest, most genuine people I know. Thoughts that last half a second don’t change that,“ she assured him, brushing her thumb over the back of his hand in an attempt to comfort him. “But I can’t say much about the time loop thing— I can only imagine that being really scary. It’s perfectly reasonable to feel the way you feel. Can I ask something about that? Has this happened before— my visiting you and this conversation?”

“I just… I don’t understand it myself. I want to be of more help but I can’t if I might hurt someone one day. I really don’t want that to happen Kaede…” He looks up to her, those tears still lingering in his eyes and his hands shake. He’s crumbling at the seams and he hates it. Saihara was trying his best to keep himself together in front of her, but Akamatsu had a way of pushing past his barriers.

“Trust me, I don’t want something like that to happen. Nobody does. But not once in my life have I ever worried that you would hurt someone. Not now, not in the killing game. You are an incredibly kind, caring person, and I don’t believe that you would do anything with the intent to hurt someone else. You might not believe that, but that’s what I see, from an outside perspective,” Kaede explained.

"It's just so hard w-when I always feel like I'm surrounded by death. T-These hallucinations are too much for me to handle and it hurts..." He's trembling in front of her. His arm wrapped around himself tightly, but his hand never leaves hers. "S-Sometimes it's me d-doing it- Or I found a body- God sometimes it's... It's someone killing me... I just feel so disconnected from myself! I don't feel like myself! I'm losing touch of what's real and what my mind is making up!" That's when the breakdown overtakes him. He's put things in too many bottles and overflowed them. It was as if Akamatsu was a cat knocking every bottle off the shelves he so carefully built.

Genesis.

「 ig: m_mokatt 」

[ @ask-shslpianist ]

She stepped inside, glancing back at Shuichi once she’d done so. “Don’t worry about it— it’s really okay. It’s really nice to see you again, by the way,” she quickly added. “There’s nothing you needed to do for me, I just wanted to see you again and wanted to see how you’d been doing. But if you haven’t been feeling well lately, I can always come back another time,” Kaede offered, not wanting him to feel forced into a conversation with her.

“How have you been? All things considered… It’s been a while since we’ve talked.” He offers a wavering smile her way.

“Don’t say things like that— it’s fine, really. That’s what friends are for, after all, right? Being there for each other?” Kaede assured him. “But I’d love to stay here for a little while, especially if having company would help. In all honesty, I’ve been feeling a little lonely myself, so I’m glad we can help each other that way. A lot of my friends are out of town right now, and I can’t really contact them, so I’ve been trying to keep myself busy with concerts and stuff. What about you, though?” she added, tilting her head slightly. “What’s been going on, do you want to talk about it?”

“A-Ah how rude of me… I haven’t even offered you a chair. Would you like to sit down?”

The last thing the pianist wanted was to talk about her concerts. Besides the glaring other part of her life right now, she’d thrown herself into concerts, and she already thought about them all the time. But Shuichi wanted to know, right? “So… I’ve been doing a lot more concerts closer to home recently. Reminds me of all the competitions and recitals when I was younger, especially with all the new pieces I’ve been learning,” she explained.

“But really, how have you been? I promise it’s okay to talk about it if you want, I’m more patient than you think,” she added with a soft smile. “I don’t want to talk about myself this whole time, trust me. You’re my friend, and I want to know how you’re doing,” she assured him, leaning forward and lightly placing her right hand on top of his left— in such a way so that it’d be easy for him to move his hand away if he decided that he didn’t feel comfortable with it.

“If it gets to be too much though, please tell me to stop… I don’t want to make things bad for you. I don’t want to overwhelm you, and a lot of what I have to say I don’t fully understand either.”

She listened carefully to him as he talked. A lot to handle… not pretty… jeez, is it worse than I thought…? Even so, that only made Kaede want to help more. The pianist stood up halfway, moving her chair closer to the bed before sitting back down, placing her hand back on top of his. “Shuichi, trust me when I say that if you getting this off your chest and having someone to talk to about it will help you in any way, I’m more than glad to listen to you.” She turned her gaze off to the side, not wanting to do anything that might pressure him into making eye contact he didn’t want.

The more he speaks, the more his voice wavers. He cuts himself off when his voice cracks. His vision starting to blur from welling up tears. His free hand clamping over his mouth to stop any involuntary noises from leaving him as he shuts his eyes tightly. “Everything I see, or hear? It all feels like it’s happened before… I don’t know what it means…” His voice is softer now, aside from being muffled by his hand.

“I might not be an expert on this kind of stuff, but… violent thoughts don’t make you a violent person. I know that’s not who you are. You just told me yourself that you don’t want to hurt anyone. Your thoughts don’t define you. Your words and actions do. And you are one of the kindest, most genuine people I know. Thoughts that last half a second don’t change that,“ she assured him, brushing her thumb over the back of his hand in an attempt to comfort him. “But I can’t say much about the time loop thing— I can only imagine that being really scary. It’s perfectly reasonable to feel the way you feel. Can I ask something about that? Has this happened before— my visiting you and this conversation?”

"I just... I don't understand it myself. I want to be of more help but I can't if I might hurt someone one day. I really don't want that to happen Kaede..." He looks up to her, those tears still lingering in his eyes and his hands shake. He's crumbling at the seams and he hates it. Saihara was trying his best to keep himself together in front of her, but Akamatsu had a way of pushing past his barriers.