You Were My New Dream

Six months of being away has made some of my feelings for you die down. But, I think a part of me will always love you. Even though I will never say it to you for many reasons, I can’t deny the fact that you were my first love. You were the one that made me realize that I was not the person who I thought I was. And for that, thank you.

*Calmly* “Here, the angler fish compares its camouflaging skills to that of a flounder, also a master–”

I kissed a girl Wearing a cross Around her neck Her lips didn’t taste Like church But her hips Felt like god I wonder what Her pastor would Have thought I wonder if that Cross around her neck Meant more to me Than it does To her

Science fact: The world around you is made up of protons, neutrons, morons and electrons.

i want play fights that lead to you pinning me down and kissing every inch of my body. i want flirty shopping trips after dark with us shooting things into the cart and you getting annoyed with me making puns with all of the item names. i want to make dinner together, smearing the ingredients on each other’s faces more than actually cooking it. i want cuddles on the couch while watching scary movies. and i want you stroking my hair behind my ear before leaning in for my daily after work kiss. i want to spend every holiday with you; taking our kids trick or treating, making food for thanksgiving, decorating the christmas tree, and every year for the rest of my life, i want you to be my new years kiss. i want you. only you. & for as long as i’m still breathing, i want us. for forever and a day.

cocky, i got called that a lot. i didn’t take offence to it, i know i did it to cover up the never ending insecurities. people also told me i was funny, i liked that one better. i liked knowing i could make people smile, make them laugh. sometimes i got cute or pretty, got told i had nice style. that was always nice, but empty. occasionally i got told i was too much, but i always preferred that to not enough. there was one word missing in the list used to describe me, yours. all i wanted to be called was yours, but more than anything i wanted to call you mine.

I know what you’re feeling. Sometimes you have days composed of more wormholes than light. You write bad poetry. You make ugly art. Your hands create nothing but the rotten you feel inside. Some days just don’t align with your superstitious stars and everything has the desire to fall apart. And you are impulsive, you don’t do half-off bandages, you either take a hit like a bullet or you dodge it by a foot– sometimes you make it worse for yourself because you want to know that it hurts. You run headfirst into the fire, and you dare it to burn. Almost as if you were aching for certainty because at least when you are bleeding you know there is something worth holding onto. Maybe I don’t make sense right now. But maybe you understand. And if you do, I am sorry you have to go through this, too.

here’s something i remember from physics (apart from that inappropriate crush i had on the teacher): there’s only so much energy in the universe. it breaks down and breaks apart and attaches itself and reattaches itself but it never grows or shrinks. finite. kind of like fossil fuels. (everyone knows how finite those are, right? yeah, even them. they just don’t care.)