oh the joy

ANAÏS NIN

from a diary entry featured in The Diary Of Anais Nin, Vol. 4: 1944-1947

“A lot has happened since two years ago, the last time I was in court,” Spears said. “I don’t think I was heard on any level when I came to court last time.”

She then continued to detail that she was forced to do a 2018 tour, and forced to change her medication, among a long list of other grievances she said made her feel like a slave. “Not only did my family not do a goddamn thing, my dad was all for it,” said Spears.

“I’ve lied and told the whole world I’m okay and I’m happy,” Spears said, explaining that she was in denial. “If I said that enough, maybe I’d become happy. … I’m in shock. I’m traumatized. … I’m so angry it’s insane.”

Spears said she didn’t know she could petition to end the conservatorship, and that she was told she’d have to be evaluated again in order to do that.

“I’m scared of people. I don’t trust people with what I’ve been through,” says Spears of the idea of seeing another psychiatric specialist. “It’s not okay to force me to do anything I don’t want to do. … I truly believe this conservatorship is abusive. I don’t feel like I can live a full life.”