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on my first watch i was so in naim's head that i didn't fully understand that from ryan's perspective he is experiencing the entity in a completely different way than naim. he doesn't share in naim's guilt at being the reason the entity was introduced to their lives, and in my opinion i think he's a lot less caught up in the "wrongness" of being queer than naim is. even when he and hunter are waiting for the deliverance healer to do the ritual, he's unfazed, making fun of the church goers for being gullible, snickering at the priest, outwardly unaffected. it's not until the ritual has real consequences that he starts to show genuine fear, and avoid naim if only because he knows the town will do the same ritual to him if they suspect why they're talking. even when he's attacked by the entity, and they learn more about what exactly it is that has been done to them, ryan's relationship with the entity remains so much less damning. when jessica tells them that it comes when they're alone, that it will never leave them, that it will only get worse, ryan just goes. ok fine. we'll figure this out together. he's so much more willing to try than naim, so much less shackled by the guilt and fear that naim struggles with throughout the entire film. not to say that he isn't scared, of course he is. but ryan continually pushes back on naim's defeatist attitude. I know it's scary but I want to try. I don't want it to look like some other dickhead, I want it to look like you. and at the end, naim leaving his mother behind and seeing ryan at the bus stop is him finally letting go of the strong hold the guilt and the fear has on him and meeting ryan where he's at. I can live with the fear, if it's with you. If it's with you, I'm willing to try.

the more i think about the bus scene in leviticus the funnier it gets. like they just discovered that they will be eternally followed and tortured by this monster that looks like each other and theyre on this bus and ryans like. ok so you like me. and naim is like we are going to fucking die dude this thing is going to kill us for the rest of time and ryan is like. okay but. you LIKE like me. can i jerk you off right here right now

theres some stuff im rather abnormal about

fast car by tracy chapman isnt even a song thats God