hex

I used to say I would never outgrow my childhood friends. That they were nothing short of a reflection to the insides of my soul, but recently it seems to me that everyone I have held on to for years were just glimpses of what made me. I held on to them thinking they had to follow me with every version I evolved into. Never realizing that maybe I was just inviting the ghosts of my past into the brighter parts of my future. It seemed like every time I grew a new leaf or inched spiritually taller, the ghosts started showing their true appearances. Lurking through the shadows of my happiness and success. Disguising the envy with false support, attaching to the idea that one day I could bring them out of their darkness and guide them to the light. Shit.. sometimes i believed i could too. I started noticing their shadows lurking and not dancing around my success with me. I swept a lot under the rug in hopes that maybe i was just looking at things wrong. Maybe it was my vision that was impaired. Maybe I let the candle burn for too long. It was never me though. I sat with a body unscathed and a heart full of confusion, wondering why people I thought would always be there for me couldn't even bat an eye in my direction as I went through some of the most trying times of my current chapter. That's when it all started to click. They never were with ME. They were attached to what I could BE. It's now that I realize love is so much stronger than loyalty. Loyalty is for the sheep that are afraid to take the hard route. It's for the people who continue doing things because it's what they were taught - not what they believe. Love is for the people not afraid to sit in fear with you. Love is for the people who will hold your hand even when they are scared of you. The ghosts of my past that lurked through my success never held me when I was down; they only appeared when my feet were elevating off the ground. That's when I realized I'd choose love over loyalty any day. That maybe i needed to re-evaluate the skeleton crew i was dragging alongside my journey and re-fill it with the light source I'd been leading with.