my foot is on fire

nothing feels better than winning monopoly. not love. not sex. not free pizza. nothing

I’m sorry, have you tried pizza…?

yes and it doesn’t compare to owning half the board and watching the light die from your friends eyes as you take their money and feel your friendship slowly deteriorate

Dr Doofenshmirtz gay moments

Wedding dresses r so weird and fucked up u spend 7k to buy a dress you will literally wear like once. Or twice if you decide to put it on when you have a breakdown and like axe murder your husband or whatever

i’m going to shatter you like glass

like this post if that you worked at Starbucks and Jared Leto came in for a coffee you’d act like you’d have no idea who he is because you think that it would really annoy him and that when you ask for his name to write on the cup he’d be like “it’s Jared Leto” and then you’d be like “I only need your first name” and then you write Jacob on the cup.

op why are you on incognito mode lookin for turbines

op why are you on incognito mode lookin for turbines