The Side, Unknown.

Pero sino nga ba ako para ika’y angkinin. 

Gusto ko ring magmakaawa na “Ako, ako nalang sana”

Today is an another episode of my so fucked up self. Emotionally unstable ako ngayon sobra. Kanina lang, tumatawa ako sa pagkwekwento, Tas eto ako ngayon ganto. Naiyak ng walang siguradong rason. It’s tiring, So fucking tiring. Kung kailan kailangan ko ng concentration, here I am. Plus you, i want to hug you talk to you and hear your voice, gusto kong kumalma. I want to talk to you. But I don’t want to be a burden sayo and exam mo pa naman, Ayokong gawin kang comforter ko, plus lalo lang akong nalulungkot pag yung taong gustong yumakap sakin in my days like this ay wala sa tabi ko. I love you.

So ayun, nagmessage ka na. Shet ikaw lang nakakapagpakalma saken tangina. Tangina. Normal lang ako sayo, I dont want you to see this fucked up side of me. Shet bad day ka den, bat ba? Sana malapit ka lang, sana, Tumigil na ako sa kakaiyak, your presence makes it all calm the fuck down. Some days, I daydream of us as conventional couples, yung walang distansya; andito ka, andito ako. Yung tipong malapit ka lang. Gusto ko kita kwentuhan ng araw ko, kwentuhan mo ako ng araw mo. I want to kiss you everyday. But we’re far, and that’s okay. 

Nothing worth it comes easy. Worth it ka. You’re my worth it.

I want to fucking hear your voice, damn. I am so so so fucking fucked up today, anglungkot ko so naisipan kong basahin yung mga messages mo na pagkahaba haba na iniscreenshot ko. Tangina, natatawa at naiiyak ako. Tiningnan ko yung mga pictures naten, lalo kitang namiss shet. I just got sadder, ayun fuck. Overthinking. My dear fucked up old friend.

I wonder if your feelings before are us strong as they are now?

Mahal mo ba talaga ako o mahal mo ako kasi ako lang yung choice mo?

Nagsasawa ka na ba saken?

“Putangina. Shet. Tanginaaaaa. Mahal na mahal ko na to”

—  Me upon realizing that I love you, tagos hanggang puso’t kaluluwa. I may have all the right words with my poetry and musings, but I’m so fucking overwhelmed with the feeling (so sorry for the words) when I know down down down deep down na tinamaan na ako. 

It’s more than just “lagi kitang naiisip”, “I miss you”, “I love you” or all those sweet words. It’s about you; yung bigla nalang kitang minahal ng di ko alam bakit at papaano pero mahal kita. You made me feel really loved for the first time, di naman ikaw yung una pero bat ganto?