Hi everybody! Starting today, I will begin writing full essays where I bash the work of Homestuck creators who don’t make the work canon enough to my liking. These posts will be put in the tags meant for those who actually enjoy the work, and I will not put them under a read more. Even if those who browse the tags ask me not to put my posts into the tags, multiple times over multiple years! If one of the members of said projects comes to me and says they are uncomfortable with my obsessive attention and malice, I will make fun of them publicly.
I promise I’m not self centered. I am rational and objective.
With that, our first victim - I mean, bad Homestuck content creator: give it a drumroll...
First off, we have Magikarp Jump. In Magikarp Jump, you can catch Magikarp that show a plethora of colors and patterns.
Yet in the main games, we’re still stuck with orange and gold! What gives? Are you even TRYING, Game Freak? No? Disgusting.
Second, we have the fat pikachu decision.
What started out as an endearing chubby mouse became an endearing less chubby mouse. What are you going to squeeze? His cheeks? You’ll get electrocuted and just fucking die! Keep your story straight!
Third. You can’t have Pokémon follow you.
Among all other complaints, this is the most absolutely valid one. Why would you NOT let us have gigantic monsters follow us outside of their pokeballs?! Why did you give us just a couple games with it? Absolutely despicable. Not canon.
Lastly, we don’t have a console destroying game that allows one to visit each and every region in full. There’s just no point in continuing to play this franchise if we don’t get a single game that has enough data to cause a console to overheat and melt within minutes of starting up the game.
Thanks for tuning in to episode one of Sunday Trash Bash!