“I’m all for it, then,” James replied. “It’s nice to have someone to share it with. I certainly prefer it to sleeping alone. Trouble is, in my line of work I can so rarely trust someone enough to allow that.”
He was fairly certain Q would see that comment for what it was. He had had sex with a lot of different people over the years, but he rarely slept with any of them. But he trusted the younger man enough to leave himself vulnerable. For someone in James’ profession, who had survived all that that entailed for so long, that was a compliment of the highest order. He would still be careful. Not so much to ensure that Q didn’t hurt him, though, as to ensure that he didn’t end up hurting Q.
“As to free time,” he went on, “I hardly know myself. I should think we can find out what sort of things go on around here. But there’s always the garden to tend. And this far into the country there’s bound to be decent hunting. We could even train birds and dogs for it, if you’d like. I’ll admit, my skills in that regard are a bit rusty, but it’s a bit like riding a bike, probably”
He knew so little about the Quartermaster when he really stopped to think about it. That the man could be trusted was nearly the whole extent of it. He knew nothing of the his preferences and predilections. And for all James knew, the request to share a bed could very well be nothing more that exactly that: a desire not to have to sleep alone. It certainly sounded to James like an invitation for much more, but he didn’t know if that was remotely close to what Q had in mind. He had never even seen Q so much as shake anyone’s hand of his own volition, let alone give any indication that he wanted anything physical from them that wasn’t strictly job related.
It was that which spurred his next comment. After he was certain they were not being surveilled, he turned Q to him with a gentle hand on the younger man’s elbow. It was as much to test the waters as to get his attention. Gently as he could, he said, “Q, if we’re to play a couple, I am going to have to touch you. When we’re out. People will expect that we’ll touch. It doesn’t have to be anything too big - a hand on your arm or a shoulder against yours, for example - but I’ll need you to return those gestures. It would look odd if I were to seem comfortable touching you, but you didn’t seem comfortable touching me.
“However, it doesn’t have to follow us home unless you want it to. I do understand that sometimes an invitation to share a bed is simply that. Sharing a bed, nothing more. Even if you just want me close and would rather I not touch you, I will respect that. I suppose I’m just trying to assure you that I will not pressure you for anything. Not now, not ever. You do understand that, don’t you Q?”
"Perhaps you should just call me Ben all of the time…” They noted quietly, wincing a little at the use of the shortened form of Quartermaster that now meant absolutely nothing. They couldn’t be a Quartermaster, not a decent one anyway. Not now that they were breaking apart even if it was a slow process. They could only be a Quartermaster while at their top mental peak and now Q… Ben was struggling a lot more than they were willing to admit.
“There’s no reason not to trust me. You’re my agent… were my agent. All I really want is for it to be safe and happy and I… I suppose that’s the only reason I agreed with M told me it was time to leave. Then again, I didn’t have a choice. But he said that if I stayed I would put all of you in danger and I couldn’t stand the idea of that.” They noted quietly.
They smiled slightly at the idea of getting dogs. “I’ve never had pets past the cats. I would love to get dogs and see more of the wild. We can go walking and… that would be nice.”
Ben leaned against the doorframe and allowed themself to be touched. In fact, their eyes slid shut and they leaned into the touch. “It would be nice to be touched. I so rarely get touched. I might no be a real person but my form is human and craves this kind of contact.” They admitted shyly. “I understand James. But I trust you and I like you very much.”
There were a number of things James thought to comment on, but they all left him at Q’s remark that he wasn’t a real person. That brought him up short. He hadn’t any idea where that notion would have come about, but it needed to be sorted.
“Q - Ben...” James started, catching hold of both of Q’s elbows to keep the younger man close and looking at him. Not that Q seemed to mind. In fact, he seemed to like it. More than James was strictly comfortable with, if he was honest. Not because he was opposed to touching Q, or even to Q liking it. The younger man was attractive. But this... This was touch starvation, James had seen it before. And he didn’t like to think on what it would have taken to induce this.
His voice was as gentle as he could make it as he asked, “Who ever told you that? That you aren’t a person?”
