Henry Violet Wood

I have lived an astoundingly miserable and worthless life

Love is the way life distributes pain

I thought I found love once but then never liked myself or my life again. not worth the price

Lately no matter how many times I stop the bad thoughts they just come flooding back

Lately I just want to lie on the ground and yell, “I give up! I give up! I give up! Please stop.” Like I did to my brother when he was hitting me

This is the thing I have learned. No one will rescue you. If you're just a normal person like me no one will listen to you when you say something's wrong. They'll be patronizing and say, You know I love you. But it's a way of saying, don't be yourself. Be the person I imagine I love. Don't be a bother. That's not how the person I imagine I love acts. I feel good about loving that person. Don't take that from me by acting this way. A song says, "The water filled my lungs, I screamed so loud But no one heard a thing." That's my experience. You can scream and scream as loud as you want but no one hears. No one wants to hear. And the more depressed you get the more they doubt you. The more they say pacifying things and then ignore you. No one wants to help. They want you to stop hurting so you won't annoy them.

For the first time in my miserable life I had the thought: You know, relief is as close as the cutlery drawer.

They know me so well in the void they have my order waiting when I get there

The stats are in. Life is in fact not worth living

My mind has bombed my heart into rubble

Lately I just feel like I can’t take it anymore