Hempster88

Just wanted to speak my mind today, I can't be the only one feeling this way, hopefully. I understand the road of depression is a long one but what I cannot get over is the fact that for the rest of my life here on this earth I will be forced to take little pill just to "feel" right. Now, don't get me wrong , I understand the whole medication is needed. I'll be first to say that without it, I would not be here today. But to have a pill hold that much strength I won't say power cause it's not in power over me it merely is a tool I use to be productive like a old man and a walking stick. But it does have strength enough to make me pause to think how it would be without it. It's just still so hard to tell if I'm acting normal or still under the influence or that dark shadow.

Its weird I'm not sure what I expected or even gain by this but I just want to make this my "Meditations" I know I'm lucky to have a good job and I thank God for it. Yes, I'm living out of my car, but in the bigger scope, I'm actually Simi living my dream. Things never turn out like you want, but you make do. I don't like to say it, but I suffer horrible depression as well as darker issues. This is actually the first time I'm stating it out loud. I might as well go ahead and say I'm gay as well while at it, which is another first for me. I hope future posts don't bore you, and who knows if I connect with just one person? Then I can count my endeavor a success.