TheBeautifulAndDamned

theres no escape im trapped in my head... release me please

forget what i said before. forget that all. i got my hopes up far too quickly and now im in the position of being let down. all by him. i really dont know why i do this. i set myself up for getting let down and then being disappointed . i want to cry but theres no tears. i dont know why im not crying but at least his not in tomorrow so i dont have to see him. why do i do it. why cant it all just end.

another day another time thinking about everything... including you. we saw each other for the first time today and to say i was an understatement. i finally got to see you the person i’ve been waiting to see for ages. i hope you never find this account because its kind of a bit of a diary and i hope you don’t mind me writing about you. 

i asked you today if you was talking to anyone. this was because one of your friends said something and i said i didn’t hear it which i didn’t my friend told me. sounds stupid but yeah i was a little worried which is understandable. i didn’t wanna start talking to someone who was talking to someone else. but some good news finally your not which i was happy about i cant lie about that and i am trying my best to talk to you and let you know your amazing and i can be good for you. not that im trying to push things but i do want something out of this. i do love talking to you and i am starting to fall for you... i hope you dont mind that. i just cant help it. you once said “it takes me a long time to fall for someone” thats okay i can deal with that and you said your biggest fear is rejection. you need to know you dont have to worry about that with me because i do kinda like you. im not admitting this to you yet. i want to wait. for the right time. for you to finally say to me yeah i feel the same. i will say it i promise just not yet. the one thing im not doing is telling anyone i told you because yeah rejection sucks and thats what im afraid of, so i wont tell if you dont... 

another call. another couple of hours i got to talk to you about everything and anything we could think of. we got that time together talking about us as people and what we want. we spoke about relationships and the deep intensive things about them. we both know what we want and i think you know what i want. one day maybe you could tell me the same. another 8 hours on the phone to each other. talking about us as people. us a friends. maybe more one day. if you ever happen to find this. ill be here for you to tell me too. you don’t know how much i have to resist and tell you the truth. god i hope you feel the same i really do.