* &. ☾ ━ // WICKED EYES & WICKED HEARTS ⟩ ;

“Are you sure?” He sleepily mumbled against her neck, he was definitely too comfortable now. Jasper didn’t want to move from this spot but knew if he didn’t he’d wake up with a sore back and a sore neck to match. “I’m wide awake and ready for action… It’s an after-school program… They don’t get out of school until 3:20- lots of time to sleep in…” Jasper’s eyes were shut, as his voice got softer. “I’m ready to paaaaarty as quoted in Bridesmaids… What do you want to do?”

He hummed as Jay answered, “That explains it… I’ve basically been hermitting and studying for the past four months. Where’d you come from?” The crunch of the first snow of the season was heard from underneath Elijah’s boots as he shivered from the cool breeze. Certainly not as cold as Manitoba- but still cold enough to send a shiver down the boy’s spine. A small chuckle escaped Elijah’s lips as the other boy asked about his books- “Psychology… but I’m starting to think it’s not for me…”

Even if Raven’s joke fell flat, he still let out a snort- “We’re both fucked up so I guess that could go both ways… hm?” Trying to be as accepting as possible- which wasn’t hard may he add, he listened closely to the words that came out of their mouth. “What’s the easy out? What if I like the challenge? Bold of you to assume that I would ever take the easy way out…” Jasper teased, moving into her more (if that was possible) and closing his eyes as he relaxed. “Please don’t cry… It’ll make me cry…”

“N-no I wouldn’t change my mind… Some of it is kind of badass- is that the right thing to say? Probably not… sorry…” He rambled, squeezing her hand back before moving closer to them and resting his head on their shoulder. “I still love you… but I wish I knew before-” I wouldn’t’ve made all those shitty jokes before, he wanted to add but decided to keep it in his head as a mental comment. 

‘It’s a lot…” He repeated, mouth twitching at the squeeze of her hand. Pulling her towards him, he plopped her down beside him on the couch. Their touch brought him back out from his stunned daze, but he still couldn’t process everything Raven told him. “That’s a whole lot of stuff… Like, I didn’t even- wow… That’s a lot.”

“Sometimes I forget you weren’t born in the land of the north, hm?” He teased, taking a sip of his beer. Not to be cliche, but Jasper was the white-picket-fence kind of person. Though he didn’t grow up with the exact fence, rather a balcony on the seventh floor, his parents still made it the best it could be. At least, it was pretty great until his mother passed away. He didn’t enjoy talking about it much, but he still talked about it on occasion when asked. 

Caressing her leg in some sort of attempt at comfort as they spoke, nodding to show that he was listening. He could relate to that, though probably not in the same way that Raven brought up. Again, he could relate to wanting a new life and feeling like it was wrong but not in the same measure that Raven intended- it was the feeling in his gut. Settling for the words of, “I get that …” as he looked down at her, encouraging her to speak more. 

raven sometimes envied the fact jasper had that nicer life, the things not given to her in the end. would things have turned out differently had the hospital not needed her mom that night? or what about that family who had done everything they could but raven still couldn’t bring them self to stay? “what, the accent doesn’t give that away?” raven had done pretty well in toning it down over the years, slipping into a more neutral way of speech ( until they were angry of course ). “i guess that’s as good place as any to start,” raven continued, picking at chipped nails as she spoke. “i wasn’t always a foster kid. i had a great mom and step-dad. my mom was an er doctor at the local hospital and my step-dad was a preschool teacher.” talking about them was hard, something they hadn’t done in years. “mom was working on christmas eve, like usual but she promised she would be home that night. she always kept her promises, you know. but there was this huge thing in the er and she had to stay overnight. she drove home in the early hours of the morning to try and surprise me for christmas day. she never made it home.” 

He poked her on the nose to tease her, “Don’t laugh at me like that, I don’t believe you…” Jasper wanted to joke about Las Vegas and the Elvis priests but decided against it as Raven already seemed shocked enough that he just admitted his feelings and desires. Technically, they asked for a long-term answer but never specified about how long-term those goals were. A happy sigh escaped his lips as Raven traced shapes on his skin, “Why didn’t you think you were going to live until 30?” 

A question that probably came with a loaded answer, polishing off the bowl of pasta while listening to her speak. Running his fingers through her hair gently, he nodded understanding. “Of course I want to hear everything… You’re like my greatest, most beautiful mystery… I told you my depressing fun facts about my life, I guess it’s only time for yours to come out…” he joked.  

as if on cue, their nose scrunched up when he poked it, giving him a funny face as they did. eyes crossed, they shook their head softly before laughing, rubbing at her nose. the idea of marrying jasper but her head in such a spin but they could see it: growing up, raising kids, buying a house, planning family vacations- everything raven missed growing up but was determined to give to their kids. 

Surprised at her bringing him back a beer along with his food, he smiled again- “You’re too good to me… H-hey now, what’s that dirty look for…” Jasper studied how she talked, watching how her lips moved to form each sentence. Hoping that they didn’t notice how he smiled and how his eyes followed every word that was formed on their lips. Raven had a point about thinking long-term, communication was important. 

Pulling Raven to rest on his lap while he ate his pasta, a hum escaped his lips as he agreed with what she was saying. Jasper wanted to date her, of course, but he also wanted to still be their best friend. He wanted so many simple pleasures in life for them, shit that you couldn’t do or get if you were single. He wanted to marry them, have babies with them, grow old with them. And maybe it was too soon to say all that because after all, they just told each other how they feel but after two years Jasper knows his feelings. “I don’t want to lose you either… I wanna marry you.” He paused for a moment, “Even if saying that was too soon, I want t put it up in the air.”

they easily settled into his lap, something that the pair had done many times before ( though now it felt much different ). slender fingers snipped pieces of tomatoes from the sauce, popping them in her mouth as he ate. an easy silence settled over them as he ate, her giving him time to gather his thoughts before answering. they hoped he was on the same page as them, wanting the same things or close to. willing to compromise, raven knew it would come down to jasper comfort in this matter- fearful his past would keep him from wanting too much right away. 

of course his words shocked her, eyes going wide and mouth falling open. floored, raven had not expected nearly anything of that level to be admitted right now. sure, they were hopeful about a long term future for him but held no dreams about being in it with him forever. they wanted him to rise as far as he could, with or without her there. she was under no illusion he was ready for that kind of commitment, but he was telling her otherwise. 

“Thank you-” He called out as they took his bowl to the kitchen, dragging out you until she turned back to look at him. In his defense, Raven made some delicious pasta and he couldn’t pass up the opportunity to devour it all to himself. Especially after work and an extra practice session. If he was honest, their cooking was probably the biggest perk of living with them. 

Leaning over the counter as the microwave heated the meal back up, his ears were wide open for Raven’s blabbering questions. Eyebrow cocked at her frantic speak, a shrug rolled off his shoulders so naturally. “Dunno… I was thinking that I just lay in bed with the pasta and you… maybe a good movie? That’s short term. Let’s be honest here babe- can I call you that now? It feels natural, might as well… We’ve been basically platonically dating for two years, I don’t think anything is going to change if we add in kisses here and there, hm? I don’t want to push anything either-” He didn’t really know where to go with this, or what was going on. Though, he would never complain about it. 

after years on their own, raven had to learn to cook or starve. out of pure survival they’d started making different dishes until mastering a few. they were proud to share that with him as well, knowing it helped look after the boy but also gave them a reason to do something like this instead of just her own survival but the looking after of another. “you’re welcome,” they called out to him, refilling and heating the bowl. 

carrying it back with a beer for him as well, the blonde placed it all on the coffee table before giving him a look. hands on hips, eyes narrowed, lips slightly pursed- what raven called the mom look. used many times on elijah, often on jasper too. “i was thinking more long term, because if anything proves we need to communicate what we want or need, it’s the last few weeks.” they realize it was a lot of their own doing, being unable to say what they’d wanted after that night. instead they fell asleep and then went on with life like it hadn’t happened, only confusing the situation more. reaching for him, raven dropped to the couch and pulled him with her. “you can call me whatever you want,” they replied softly, a small smile brightening their features. 

ft. @hellrcised

“knock knock!” noah announced as she let herself into raven’s apartment, a smile on her face as she cast a look around the front room in search of her blonde friend. her nerves felt at ease as she crossed the threshold, all thanks to the text raven had sent earlier promising her that jasper would be out all night. not that noah couldn’t bare the thought of sharing a room with the former flame, she just wasn’t keen on letting her tension with the male ruin her cozy, movie marathon with her close friend. setting down her armload of wine, chips, and candy, noah began sorting through raven’s cupboards in search of dishes for their snacks. “i’m thinking, ‘cause ‘tis the season, we dive into netflix’s collection of christmas movies,” the small girl started. “that new one with vanessa hudgens looks absolutely adorable.”

“nothing looks ugly on me, raven.” a feline smirk graced her lips. alaska was not claustrophobic. sure, small places did kind of freak her out and when she’s people crawling in them in movies she turns the channel. but she’s not afraid of them. “i think i’m freaking out the completely right amount!” she breathed out, looking at the exensive watch on her wrists. “oh! and great! i’m late for my leg wax.”

“I don’t know why I would ever hate you…” He chuckled, biting his lip as she brushed her fingertips across his skin. “Don’t worry… not a dream, I’m still real…” Taking his hand over hers and bringing them down to their sides intertwined for a moment as he admired her. In a million years he never thought he’d be having this conversation with anyone, let alone Raven;  but the heart wants what it wants. 

The words I Love You sounded much more tender and full emotion coming from them now, their lives coming full circle in the center of the living room. As they wrapped their arms around him, he snuggled them closer and rested his chin on the top of their head. You could hear his sniffles, an aftershock from crying, as he kissed the top of her head. The question now stands- what do they do now? The two of them swayed back and forth gently as they stood there, englufed in the peaceful silence of the moment. Only to be broken by a small almost giggle from Jasper, “I might have to reheat my pasta…”

there was true fear that jasper hated them after the fight, after the words exchanged that night. pointing out the ghost of mel, throwing that in his face, had been cruel and raven worried he wouldn’t have forgiven them ever for it. hearing him say he doesn’t hate her, gives such an overwhelming sense of relief that they nearly started crying right then. 

hearing his sniffles startled her, worried he was crying again before he laughed softly. it rumbled against them and looking up at jasper, raven was going to ask if he wanted to go to bed before finally he brought up the pasta left on the table. an unimpressed look from raven before rolling eyes, grinning at the same time. slipping from his arms, they reached for the bowl and headed for the kitchen.

It was funny hearing someone say their name like that- Elijah knew it was how names like Jay’s went but it was so odd to hear in his ears. A part of him wonders that if he wasn’t adopted what his name would be, probably not as Americanized as his name is now. The poor kid felt like a fraud most of the time, speaking an embarassingly low level of Korean (also known as none), not knowing how to hold chopsticks, and the final straw is probably having the whitest name on planet earth. “Well, hi I guess Jay…” He awkwardly laughed, trying to keep pace with the smaller boy. “When did you move in? I swear I’ve never seen you around…”

His breath hitched as she hugged him, relief rushing through his veins. And for a moment, the two of them just cried it out. Too much emotion trapped in two little bodies, all rushing out at once like waterfalls. Jasper knew she felt guilty for this, he felt it in the way they grasped at his t-shirt, knuckles turning white from the pressure. 

Looking into her eyes as Raven wiped the tears from his cheeks, he did the same for her only being careful that he didn’t smudge any eye-makeup that she might have had on. Feeling her lips on his, he smiled into the short kiss and let out a small noise in between a sigh of relief and a laugh as he kissed back. Closing his eyes and kissing back with a little more pressure before pulling back and whispering, “I love you…” 

if someone had told raven weeks ago this would be happening, that the man she’d fallen in love with felt the same way and they would sharing such a moment in the middle of the living room- well they wouldn’t have believed anyone. to have someone like jasper confess such feelings, something raven never thought they’d deserve or hear, was such a mind-blowing event that part of her didn’t trust it was real.

pinching herself, she laughed and looked back at jasper with hopeful eyes that still had a little wetness left in them. “i promise, they’re not sad tears. at least, not anymore.” brushing fingers across his face again, they just studied him closely and shook their head. “i’m afraid to do anything else, afraid this might all be some dream and i’ll wake up with you still hating me.” the sheer idea of having jasper hate them was too much, a fear that they never knew existed until these last few weeks.