Murphy's Law

that bad sensory moment when you’re trying to do something that requires a lot of focus and the people around you are talking loudly and you’re just sitting there like $&@&&@@^%#%^%***++*%%#%^*+%%%

I find it kinda funny

I find it kinda sad

I walk this broken road on the boulevard of broken roads Don’t know where it broke but it’s only me and I broke the road

I would let a racoon do surgery on me

Have you seen their little hands? Those motherfuckers would give me a great heart transplant for the low low cost of a cold pizza slice

you do realize where racoons' little hands have been right

is that the...only reason you wouldn’t let a raccoon give you a heart transplant?

Come on! They are so well known for washing their hands that they’s called “washing bears” in German! You don’t have to worry about where their hands have been!

Well! you heard it folks, getting a heart transplant from a raccoon is perfectly safe!

where is the raccoon getting the heart

don't worry about it

*Googles big word before I fuck around and use it injudiciously*

There's an old saying (I think it's Russian): the same boiling water that softens the potato will harden the egg

fruit makes me so happy ... the colors ....... the scents ...... the taste ........................ they grow from the ground .. trees ... bushes ....... shrubs .... Ready To Eat... im so grateful for them

Is this written by a bat? I still support the post, just curious.

“...he made a leap year joke about how Julius Caesar became such a “powerful maniac” that he was stabbed to death by senators — after which Mulaney told the SNL audience, “That would be an interesting thing if we brought that back now!” Mulaney revealed to Kimmel that that punchline earned him a rare accomplishment: a Secret Service investigation. “I guess they opened a file on me because of the joke, and I have to say: Am I stoked there’s a file open on me? Absolutely. Did I enjoy it in the moment? Not so much,”