SAILOR MOON JUNKIE

I think this might happen because people are afraid of having their opinions conflated with a character’s, or because they’re used to movies where everything is external, but in a story you don’t actually have to use words like “she thought” in order to show us that a character is thinking something. 

Consider: 

The bar was smoky and over-crowded. Mary didn’t like it. She thought the only people who would willingly choose a place like this to meet up were idiots at best and most likely degenerates. Ugh, she thought. I need to get out of here. 

Vs 

Mary pushed her way through the crowded, smoky bar. It was packed full of the usual idiots, desperate degenerates grinding against each other like some frenzied mating ritual. She didn’t want to waste another second of her time being jostled by these pigs. 

In the second example, we know what Mary’s thinking because we’re deep in her POV. It has less narrative distance (ie, the difference between the narrator and the character) and, because of it, a stronger voice. It’s also got stronger verbs doing more of the heavy lifting instead of more passive sentence constructions. 

We often think of the editing process as fixing what’s wrong with our stories. But that’s not what revision is about.

Yes, we cut and edit and proof, but the purpose of all that work isn’t just to get rid of what’s failing. It’s to bring out what’s working — finding those moments of fire, where your story leaps from the page, and spreading that fire across the rest of your story.

The end goal of revision isn’t fixing. It’s animating. Invigorating. Igniting.

It’s about taking a spark, and making a wildfire.

— — —

The first chapter of your novel is the most important chapter of your novel. Anyone who picks up your book will read the first page, but unless that first page is good, there’s little chance they’ll make it to Chapter Twenty-Three, the the best piece of writing ever set down on a page. 

So how do you get it right? 

By remembering three things: 

1. The first chapter is a promise to your reader.

Your first chapter is a promise to your reader that this is what this book is going to be–that there’s not going to be a sudden switch in focus in chapter fifteen. 

It’s important that the first chapter accurately sets up the rest of the book–that it lets the reader know what they’re in for, whether they’ve read the synopsis on the back or not. 

If your book is a murder mystery, don’t start the book with a funny, romantic scene featuring your detective’s love interest. Instead, set a sinister tone, display your detective’s ability to perceive things others can’t, use imagery that suggests violence, show the murder victim being a jerk to the detective soon to be investigating their death. Set up a murder mystery. 

What’s the best way to do this? By remembering that…

2. The first chapter focuses on introducing three essential story elements. 

There are three essential story elements your first chapter needs to focus on:

The protagonist: who they are, what they want, and why we’re reading about them.

The world: whether the world is Middle Earth or Minneapolis, we need a sense of what we can expect of the setting - what its “rules” are

The plot: this might not come until the very end of chapter one, but we need a hint as to where the story’s heading before the words “Chapter Two.” 

But it shouldn’t linger too long explaining them because….

3. The first chapter’s primary job is to hook the reader. 

Your first chapter needs to hook your reader by intriguing and engaging them.

Intrigue your reader by taking your readers directly into a scene that shows off how interesting your protagonist, and world are, by ending on some sort of plot point that turns everything on its head - a revelation or action that will make us go “ooh, what’s going to happen next?” 

Engage your reader, however, by using your protagonist, plot, and world by showing them in action, not description.

Don’t stop to explain that this is a fantasy world–have your protagonist summon fire from her fingers when she goes to light a candle. 

Anything that takes us too far away from the main action of the first chapter, should be put on hold. 

Any time you pause the action to explain what’s going on, what the world is, who the main character is, stop and save it for the second chapter, or third–once you already have your reader’s attention and their trust that you’re going somewhere with this. 

Because that’s what your first chapter is all about: showing you reader that you’re going somewhere with this, and that somewhere is going to be good.

One of my most ignored pieces of writing advice is (roughly paraphrased) “don’t include dialogue that doesn’t drive the story forward”. To me nothing makes a story feel flatter (especially a character-driven story) than interactions that don’t allow you to explore a character in another light. I’ve read many writings where the dialogue is only ever heavy and sorrowful, and any sliver of lightheartedness is never shown. We don’t see the main character converse with friends in a friendly way, we don’t get to understand the characters before chaos ensues. And so the reader feels detached from the protagonist and their relationship with side characters, and it significantly detracts from one’s ability to fully believe a story or any development a character could have had.

1) stay away from using the “i-i l-love y …” dying words cliche. unless you know 100% it makes sense and works well, it can come off as quite cringy and might seem rushed. try making your character gasp in pain, struggling to form the words they’re trying to say. (i hope this doesn’t offend anyone, this is just my opinion :) again, use it if you feel it fits)

2) don’t. drag. it. out. i’ve said it in a previous post and i’ll say it again — dragging out these types of scenes just takes away the effect you’re looking for, especially if there’s an injury involved. keep it short; make it panicky, make it teary, make it so your readers will need to put down your story to think what the heck is going on. in a good way, of course.

3) at the same time, don’t rush it. i know, a little confusing. while your sad scene shouldn’t just go on and on, ending it abruptly without any explanation as to what happened will only confuse your readers and/or anger them, so just keep working on it until you really feel it’s finished.

4) try to think about how you would feel if you were reading the scene for the first time. chances are, if your heart hurts a bit after writing it, your readers are gonna feel it, too, especially the more emotional people. this is what makes your story even more memorable and special.

5) shock your readers. make them confused and surprised; get a reaction out of them. do something that never crossed their minds, something that will make their hearts throb even after they’re done reading. again, this will make your story even more memorable to them.

Guide: Author Platforms–What, Why, and How

There tends to be a lot of confusion surrounding what author platforms are, why they’re good to have, and how they’re built. Does building an author platform help YA fiction authors get published? Yes, it can definitely help. Are they absolutely necessary? It depends on who you ask. As far as the what, why, and how, though, let me go through it point by point. :)

First, a Quick Caveat:

The most important thing you can do to increase your publishing odds is to make sure you have a compelling, polished, and marketable manuscript. The best way to do that is to keep writing, completing, and polishing manuscripts to improve your writing skills; make sure you’re taking advantage of feedback from beta readers and critique partners, and read as many books as you can, including books about writing and books in your own genre. If you do all of that, a solid author platform can certainly improve your chances.

What is an Author Platform?

In a nutshell, your author platform is made up of three things:

1. Your visibility as an author/aspiring author.

2. Your reach as an author/aspiring author.

3. Your brand as an author/aspiring author.

Visibility refers to how visible you are if an agent or publisher Googles you. Do you have a nice looking web site and/or blog? Do you have a newsletter? Do you have active social media pages? Have you been featured on another writer’s blog or other writing-related web site? Have you been published in any writing publications, anthologies, or magazines? Have you made any appearances or done any speaking engagements? Have you won any contests or other writing competitions?

Reach refers to how many potential readers you’re able to reach. This includes the number of followers you have on social media, how many people follow your blog, how many views you get on vlogs if you do them, and how many people subscribe to your newsletter if you have one.

Brand is what makes you stand out as an aspiring author. It’s your web site and social media aesthetic, it’s who you are and what makes you interesting, it’s what you share with your audience, and what you offer potential readers who are following your writing journey.

Why Author Platforms Matter

As we’ve talked about before, like any industry, folks in publishing want to make money. Unlike a lot of other industries, publishing requires an initial risk. Literary agencies make money by selling manuscripts to publishers. When an agent agrees to represent you, they’re doing so because they’re confident that they can find a publisher for your manuscript, but if they can’t, they’re not going to get paid. When a publisher decides to publish your book, it’s because they’re confident your book will sell well enough to cover the cost of acquisition and production while still allowing for a nice profit. If your book doesn’t sell well, not only do they not make a profit, they could potentially lose money. 

Again, the most important thing is that you have an amazing, well polished manuscript. But, if they can also see that you have a solid platform–good visibility, extensive reach, and a recognizable brand–that can potentially boost their confidence in your marketability as an author and your ability to promote and sell your book. It doesn’t hurt that you have a built-in audience ready to buy your book when it comes out.

For aspiring indie authors, author platforms are essential because that’s how you’re going to build an audience and sell your book.

How to Build an Author Platform

First and foremost, don’t stress about it. Author platforms should be fun and aren’t something you need to create overnight. You’ll spend a lot of time with a small number of followers, feeling like you’re shouting into a wind tunnel–and that’s fine. If you create interesting content and interact with other readers and writers, you will slowly build a following over time.

Start by making a blog and/or web site. WordPress is a great place to start, because you can create a free blog online which is easy to customize. Blogger, Wix, and Weebly are other popular choices.You should also create author pages on social media sites using your author name/pen name and a unified handle, like @jazinamariewrites (I just made that up, so apologies if that actually belongs to anyone!) Then, start posting content. Post a blog every week or month about whatever reading and writing-related topics interest you. Post reading and writing-related photos on Instagram. Post and reblog reading and writing-related posts, memes, articles, etc. on facebook and tumblr. And post reading and writing-related tweets on twitter. If you feel up to a vlog, start posting videos. Share links to your blog posts on your social media pages. You may also choose to share snippets/teasers/aesthetics of your WIPs, though I would wait to do that until your WIP is in its final stage of editing prior to querying or self-publishing.Start interacting with the writing communities on your social media pages. Find and follow other writers, authors, and readers. Like, comment on, and share their posts. Get to know the community’s most popular tags and make sure you use them. Find and participate in challenges and “tag” games.

After a while, when you’ve made some writer author friends and have rooted yourself in the different writing communities, you might start looking for someone who might want to do a blog swap. In other words, you’ll write a post that they’ll feature on their own blog, and they’ll write a post that you’ll feature on your blog. What’s great about this is it allows you to get some new and unusual content to your followers while also encouraging your followers to check out another author. Likewise, their followers will check out your blog and potentially follow you, so it’s a nice win win. You can also look for writing contests and competitions to enter or places where you can submit short stories.

Guide: Writing a Slow Burn Romance

I actually have covered this before but this is a good opportunity for a guide on this subject, which I don’t presently have. So here we go! :)

What is a “Slow Burn” Romance?

A “slow burn” romance is one that takes longer to develop than the typical period of several weeks or a couple months. Slow burn relationships can take several months or even years to develop thanks to obstacles that prevent the romance from progressing. Unlike typical romances, which often begin with an open romantic interest, slow burn couples generally start out as acquaintances or friends, usually in situations that aren’t romance-friendly, such as being roommates, co-workers, or in other relationships.

In television, slow burn couples are called “will they/won’t they” relationships, because the romance develops over multiple seasons leaving fans to wonder if and when they’ll ever get together, and when they finally do it’s a really big deal. Think Jim and Pam in The Office, Ross and Rachel in Friends, Niles and Daphne in Frasier, Jane and Rafael in Jane the Virgin, Nick and Jess in New Girl, FitzSimmons in Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., and Jake and Amy in Brooklyn Nine-Nine, just to name a few.

How Does a “Slow Burn” Romance Develop?

As with any romance, slow burn can start out with no romantic interest, one-sided romantic interest, or dual romantic interest, but unlike a typical romance, in slow burn that romantic interest isn’t pursued. This is due to whatever situation makes the romantic interest inappropriate, inconvenient, or otherwise undesirable at that time. Instead, the relationship develops as a friendship and all interactions appear to be platonic on the surface, but on the inside they’re slowly falling in love. 

When the two characters inhabit the same space, you can do a lot with just the eyes:

- stolen glances- sharing a knowing look- their eyes meet and then they both look away bashfully- lingering looks- communicating feelings through the eyes (worry, pain, hurt, pride, affection)

When they physically interact, you can add in things like:

- accidentally touching- intentional but tentative touching- touching in non-intimate ways that feel intimate when touch is restricted- open, affectionate touching- flirting disguised as platonic playfulnessWhen the characters aren’t together, you can do a lot with the mind:

- thinking fondly of the other person- recalling fond memories- worrying about the other person- daydreaming about the future- analyzing a previous interaction- dreaming about the person- remembering moments containing looking/touching moments

The astute observer (whether that’s readers, viewers, or even other characters) should see clues that there are deeper feelings at play, and those subtle hints are the driving force of the slow burn relationship. They’re what make us root for things to work out, but the key is that there are continued obstacles that hamper romantic development, drawing out out over several months or even years.

How the Obstacles Create the “Slow Burn”

Initially, the obstacle keeping romance at bay will probably be situational. In other words, something about the situation of one or both characters makes pursuing a romance undesirable or impossible, so they maintain a friendship instead. But over time, that situation may change or their mutual attraction may transcend the situation, and that’s when you’ll start looking for other obstacles. 

(Spoilers for The Office…) Jim and Pam are one of my favorite examples of a slow burn romance. They were co-workers and work friends who bonded over tormenting an annoying co-worker. Thinly veiled flirting, lingering looks, and bashful interactions made it clear there was “something there,” but Pam was engaged to Roy from the warehouse and had been for years. The fact that they had no wedding date set was the viewer’s first clue that all was not well in Pam’s relationship, and Roy’s constant mistreatment of Pam–and Jim’s subsequent frustration over her treatment–provided some good conflict and tension. When Pam and Roy finally set a date for their wedding, that solidified that obstacle further, which resulted in Jim transferring to a new branch in another town. Despite this new obstacle, Pam ends her engagement to Roy anyway, and as luck would have it, Jim’s new branch was closing and he was being transferred back. In a normal romance, that would be the end of it. With no further obstacles, they could finally be together, The End. But this is a slow burn romance, so things aren’t that easy. When Jim returns, he has a girlfriend, and she’s transferred with him. Not only does this relationship provide a new obstacle, but it creates further conflict and tension as Pam has to deal with working and being friends with her romantic rival, and Jim has to live with the reality that he’s still in love with Pam. Then, when Pam decides to get back together with Roy, it sets off a whole new line of conflict and tension. It doesn’t help that Jim is also being considered for a promotion to corporate, which creates yet another obstacle for any romantic development between him and Pam.As time goes on, Pam breaks up with Roy again, Jim breaks up with his girlfriend and takes his name out of consideration for the promotion to corporate, and finally they’re able to start dating… but, once again, this is a slow burn romance so it just can’t be that easy. After they date for a little while, Jim’s planned proposal is upstaged by another co-worker’s proposal (to yet another co-worker), and they ultimately decide to wait to get married so Pam can move to New York for a few months to study graphic design, and this distance becomes one last obstacle before they’re finally together once and for all. But, as in any relationship, there are still obstacles to be overcome.

Drawing it Out without Dragging it Out

“…but I also don’t want to write 50+ chapters just to show that they’re in a slow burn relationship.”

While you certainly don’t have to draw a slow burn relationship out over anything like fifty chapters, you also can’t make it slow burn unless you “show the math,” so to speak. You can’t just say it’s slow burn, you have to show it, and that’s going to take time… you’ll have to draw it out, and in a novel with a slow burn romance, that typically means they don’t get together until the last quarter/final act.

So, how do you draw it out without dragging it out? Well, for starters, there needs to be something else going on in the story. Slow burn romances work best in a story with a non-romantic primary plot or a strong non-romantic subplot. In other words, what else is this story about? Are your characters fighting in a dystopian rebellion? Are they researchers trying to survive on a dangerous island after a shipwreck? Are they trying to survive a clan war while trying to get your protagonist back through the portal he fell through from the twenty-first century? If your story can be about something else in addition to the slow burn romance, you don’t have to worry about boring your reader because there’s so much other stuff going on.

And remember, slow burn is as much about time and quality as it is about page count. In other words, if you have a novel that takes place over three years, but you want your characters to be together by the middle (two years into the story), that’s fine. What matters is that we see as much of the development as possible. It doesn’t have to literally take your entire book to unfold. :)

You’ve done it. You’ve come up with an idea for your fantasy world, but right now it’s mostly curb appeal and decorations without much else. So, you have the skin and flavor of your fictional world, but what if you’re having a bit of trouble coming up with the meat needed to make your world juicy and delicious? Well, I have a little game that can help flesh out your world.

Imagine a ship or whatever other kind of vehicle arriving on the shores or outskirts of your fantasy land and from that vehicle emerges 5 people from our own mundane world: a historian, an economist, an anthropologist, a diplomat, and a cartographer. There are some other visitors, but these are going to be the most universally beneficial.

The Historian:

This person is going to be interested in the backstory of your world. They don’t need to know every minuscule detail (though they wouldn’t turn that much information down) and just a general overview would be much obliged. Many fantasy worlds such as Tolkien’s Middle Earth and Martin’s Westeros are far more rich and interesting due to the amount of effort put into crafting their world’s histories. If you’re stumped, look to real world history for inspiration. It doesn’t even need to come from the middle ages so long as it works for your story. You should be able to answer questions like: How long has the dominant civilization been around? What are the biggest defining moments in your world’s history? What things are common knowledge that every child is expected to learn (such as George Washington being the first president of the USA) and which stuff is known more by historians and social studies teachers? And as you’re discussing the rest of the visitors, think back on how the answers you give would impact the historical aspect.

The Economist:

You don’t have to know the exact cost of every single thing in your world, but have a good guess. Be able to at least have a scale of price. If someone can buy a loaf of bread for 13 of your world’s currency, but a house costs 17, that would mean that either that bread is very expensive, that house is very cheap, or each unit of your currency is equal to a lot of real world money. Whatever you use to refer to your currency, keep not only price scaling in mind, but economics. If you have a port city, there’s going to be a lot of merchants in that area. The first primary export you’re likely to see in such a port town would be seafood, but also keep in mind the things that are closet to that port, as well as the climate. Greece for instance is a very rocky and mountainous country, so while they can grow crops, they would not have been any match for medieval French Aquitaine, the crown jewel of medieval farming territory. It’s also worth remembering that food in the middle ages was far more valuable than it is today. There was an old saying that wheat is worth its weight in gold. It was southern France’s bountiful soil that caused it to become one of the richest and most coveted territories in medieval Europe.  So, keep in mind where resources would come from and where they would need to go, as well as trade that would be useful. A seaside farming town might not have any good access to raw minerals, while a city in the frozen mountainous north might not be able to grow crops, but are bountiful in minerals. The correlation of supply and demand now opens a vital trade route between them. This becomes more complex when the topic of war comes into play. The kingdom that supplies your crops and food is at war with your oldest ally. Now there’s a dilemma between having enough food to feed your people, or betraying the trust of a long time friend. Now your world building can be used as a part of your drama and narrative tension. The economy also impacts culture. What is considered a display of wealth, or is a common status symbol? What are the living conditions of the poor, the working class, the rich, and the aristocrats? Is there upward mobility? In the middle ages, you were what you were for the most part, especially serfs: peasants tied to their land. It was illegal to leave your territory, but there was a saying in the middle ages that “city air makes you free” that once a serf made it to a city, they’d be free of the life they’ve escaped.

The Anthropologist:

Every society has a culture. The way they act, think, dress, believe, talk. It’s all impacted by culture. Beliefs tend to be tied either to what has come before, or based on the world as observed. While many modern fantasy pantheons are based on ancient Greece, it’s not the only model to live by. In a loose interpretation, religion in it’s earliest stages was a rudimentary science used to explain why things happened. A culture that developed along rivers, sea coasts, and other popular trade routes are far more likely to be diverse melting pots due to the frequent traffic of people coming and going, and the common sight of foreigners choosing to set down roots. Meanwhile, a more out of the way and isolated culture is far less likely to have widespread cultural diversity. Tying back into history, a country that has experienced a number of successful wars may tend to think of themselves as invincible, or may try to police the issues of other countries, assuming they’re always on the right side, or that they can’t be defeated. The same culture may ask a high price of any other culture that asks them for militaristic support. Ask what things your people value, be they material or abstract ideals. However, try to refrain from creating a Planet of Hats, a trope often seen in Star Trek and similar Sci-Fi shows and even some Fantasy stories where everyone of a single race all have mostly the same skills, interests, personalities, and roles in the global culture. This is also the time to start thinking about myths, legends, folk heroes, and historical people and events worth celebrating, as this may be when you start to craft holidays or celebrations. This could also lead into discussing religion, and the gods or lack there of that might be celebrated by your culture. How does your society reflect itself in art, music, literature, dance. Does the way someone dresses tell you something about their place in society? Some taboos come from simple logic. The reason it’s frowned upon to eat a cow in India is the same reason it’s immoral to eat horse in western culture. Both are beast of burden livestock worth a lot more alive than dead. Cows produce milk, a source of nutrients and health. Horses are strong and were used in just about everything from plowing fields to pulling entire families or communities a great distance. Horses even became status symbols, as even in modern culture, owning a horse or pony is still considered to be (largely) a snobby rich person thing. Understanding not only what your people believe, but even just a vague idea why they would believe it is a vital aspect.

The Diplomat:

As this landing party is your fantasy world’s first contact with our own reality. How would they react to the newcomers? If there’s more than one society in your world, how would each society, country, kingdom, race, etc. react to something completely foreign? Would they try to forge an alliance? Open trade negotiations? Declare war? Prepare a feast? How would they feel about the way we dress? act? talk? How would they react to different levels of progression in technology? Could an unbiased third party from our world help two feuding sides come to peace with one another? How would they feel about knowing of a world beyond their own? Are there actions or behaviors acceptable in our own society that are considered offensive to them?

The Cartographer:

Although it’s not necessary that all fantasy worlds have a fully designed map, it is a good idea to have at least a rough idea of where things are in relation to one another. This can tell you about climate, resources, wildlife, natural borders, natural disasters, food chains, and more. It’s worth at least taking a crash course in understanding how geographical biomes tend to be laid out in order to make your world feel more real. Some authors claim that a world map is the single most important feature, others say it’s not that important. Frankly, trust your gut based on the kind of world you have. You may need a map, you may not. It really depends on the size and scope of your world. For instance, with Disney’s

Zootopia

, the entire world doesn’t matter. The audience doesn’t need to know where in the world Zootopia is, or what climate or biome it’s in. Zootopia itself is the world being built, and the separate districts and biomes of the city explain the world that’s being focused on.

Secondary Visitors:

They may still be important to your world, but are less likely to be universally helpful to all people.

Biologist: if your world has creatures beyond those found in our real world, it may be worth exploring how their bodies work on a more scientific level in order to give more realistic weight to their supernatural abilities.

Linguist/Translator: If you feel compelled to come up with a language no matter how basic or complex, it may be worth while to consider the problems with communication. this may also extend to unique idioms, colloquialisms, and slang native to your fantasy world.

Teacher/Scholar: Regardless of whether or not there is a formal education system in place in your world, a teacher may be interested in how knowledge is passed down, and what information the culture might have that would be unknown to people of our world. Whether that’s how to keep a wild animal from charging you, to knowing how to forge a mineral that exists only in your world, being able to readily answer questions is generally considered to be a good thing.

If you’re looking to be a writer, chances are you’re already pretty good in an English or Language Arts class. But aside from studying older literature to learn from, focusing exclusively on Language Arts materials is only going to get you so far. So, here are some subjects I’ve studied that I’ve found helpful to my writing.

Psychology: Since Psychology is the study of behavior, this is a good tool to study if you’re having problems with characterization. Understanding how people act and what thought processes cause people to take certain actions. This can help you give a character a more realistic response after experiencing emotional trauma, or may just help you slip into someone else’s mindset in order to write them better.

Cultural Anthropology: This may be more vital if you write Fantasy or Science Fiction, since both genres tend to require world building. Understanding the cultural element of society, what shapes it, and how it impacts behaviors, social norms, and etiquette can make worldbuilding easier for you. 

History: If you write Fantasy, War Dramas, or Historical Fiction, the subject of history is going to be your best friend. Whether it’s pulling from real people, events, or conflicts, history is littered with a goldmine of possible story ideas.

Screenwriting/Playwriting: If you struggle with ‘show don’t tell’ or dialogue, this is probably going to be a useful skill to learn. Since films and plays tend to lack an internal narration, they’ll push you to have to learn how to convey information visually or through dialogue, taking away the crutch of narration. This can also be useful as a means of writing a skeleton version of your chapters with just basic setting and dialogue and then go in later and fill in the narration elements.

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We’ve all had crushes. We catch feelings for that cute somebody. Some people watch helplessly from afar, but others walk right up to the one they’re crushing on and ask them out. Again. And Again. And Again. No matter how many times they get rejected. So, I want to break down this romantic trope and highlight why it works in some instances and not in others.

If you looked at Fry and Leela’s relationship in Futurama and Elfo and Bean’s relationship in Disenchantment, you would assume they’d hold the same weight. Both were created by the same person, and Fry and Elfo are both losers hopelessly pining after a strong confident girl who could kick their asses. So why then do I cringe every time Elfo makes a move on Bean, but Fry’s pursuit of Leela is charming? It’s all about the execution.

In Futurama, Fry and Leela are completely separate characters. Although Fry shows an attraction to Leela in episode 1, the first time there’s a genuine display of romance between them wasn’t until season 2 when the crew went aboard the Titanic. Fry has interests and hobbies that don’t involve Leela at all. There are episodes that focus on his relationship with Bender, dealing with his feelings about being so far from his own time, and getting into wacky hijinks on alien planets. For the first few seasons, Fry’s pining took a backseat to his everyday escapades. Leela is just as fleshed-out as Fry. She is a totally independent character with her own goals, backstory, issues, and character traits. Her desire to find her planet of origins and find her place in the universe, her love of animals, her short temper, and her responsible nagginess is in no way dependent on Fry’s character even needing to be in the show to work. But more importantly, Fry didn’t just endlessly pursuit Leela on a baseless feeling of entitlement to her. It was always clear that Leela felt at least a little something for Fry, as there were many quiet moments with her showing her warming up to Fry. Whether it was bonding over their nebula on the titanic, Burning a hole in the picture of Chazz and symbolically seeing Fry as an option for the first time, deciding to forget the coin toss and just go out with Fry of her own will, Realizing that he gave up his oxygen to keep her safe, becoming enamoured with the perfect Fry created by the super worms, and wanting to hear how Fry’s opera ends, even when he lost the ability to play the music as beautifully, there is a clear and steady build-up to Leela coming around to Fry. Fry likes Leela, and he does pursuit her, but dating Fry isn’t just Leela getting fed up with turning him down, there’s a genuine development of reciprocated feelings that genuinely feels earned.

The same is not true for Elfo. Elfo serves no real purpose in Disenchantment. If Bean was not in the show, he would have no real goals or purpose. He states in episode 1 that he wants to experience things other than constant happiness, but then he shows no interest in pursuing this goal upon meeting Bean. All of his character is either pining after Bean or being Bean’s nagging conscience. The show goes out of its way to beat us over the head that Bean has no interest in Elfo. From blatantly calling the spot at her feet “The Friend Zone” and telling Elfo to sleep there, to eating what the audience is supposed to think is Elfo’s leg and saying she likes it, but only as a friend, this pairing completely misses the point of Fry and Leela that made it so charming. And while Fry could get jealous of other guys Leela had an interest in, Elfo is downright possessive, sabotaging her relationships with guys she shows interest in. Where as Fry is generally a nice guy who doesn’t act entitled to ownership of Leela, Elfo deliberately hurts and lies to Bean to manipulate her. As a result, they have no chemistry, and I wasn’t at all saddened by Elfo dying toward the end of season 1. Frankly if they left him dead or forced him to live far away from Bean for a season or two, it might help give him a personality outside of obsessive stalker.

Althought I was an avid Klance shipper, had Allurance at least been well-written I could have unenthusiastically lived with it. But Allurance was straight up toxic from every angle. First and most importantly, Allura never showed any interest in Lance. Unlike Leela who slowly warmed up to Fry and came to like him on her own gradually, Allura always looked annoyed and frustrated whenever Lance hit on her. It wasn’t until after Lotor broke Allura’s heart that she suddenly and randomly gained feelings for Lance literally out of nowhere. It wasn’t earned, there was no build up to the payoff, and Lance didn’t act any differently to change her opinion of him. The only reason Allura finally settled for Lance was because she felt betrayed, she knew Lance wouldn’t do that to her, and she used his feelings for her to validate her self-worth. The entire time they spent as a couple, she completely disregarded his feelings, his opinions, his concerns, his needs, and his help. At no point during their relationship did she put Lance first. He always had to put her needs above his own. And who did Lance turn to when he needed someone to lean on? Oh right, Keith. Someone he has actual romantic chemistry with who doesn’t use him as an emotional bandage. And Lance has Allura on this pedestal, worshiping her like some kind of goddess, to the point that he can’t see the way she’s using him. And if he can see it, he’s choosing to ignore it because he spent so long and fought so hard to win her over, he’s afraid to say anything that would risk losing someone he perceives as being too good for him, when in reality, he’s way too good for her. This entire pairing is just toxic. They’re both terrible for each other.

But a hopeless pining idiot isn’t always excruciatingly painful. In the first three volumes of RWBY, Jaune Arc is hopelessly pining after Weiss Schnee. Every time he does, she turns him down. However, while he is still on the cringy side of “can’t take a hint”, he is able to put Weiss first. When he finds out she likes someone else, he actually gives the guy a pep talk and encourages the guy to go out with her. But with Weiss and Jaune being reuinted in season 5, and team RWBY being officially back together in season 6, we saw a glimmer of this ship rear its ugly little head and frankly, it hasn’t really earned the right to sail yet. While Jaune and Weiss have both matured, nothing has really changed between them. Neither of them has really done anything to shift their dynamic from what it was when Weiss so bluntly turned Jaune down before. If this relationship is ever going to have to work, they both need to adjust their attitudes and the way they see each other. Right now, the most Jaune has is an infatuation. They don’t yet have the kind of bond where they seek one another out or turn to each other for comfort or advice. There are no seeds of trust or mature understandings of who each other are. They simply aren’t in a good place to start dating unless they can learn to be vulnerable with one another.

Of course, not all good pining ships have to end in a relationship. Pearl’s love and admiration for Rose Quartz is beautifully complex, tying into her own feelings of worthlessness and how Rose made her feel like she was more than what society told her she was. Yes, Pearl had elements of toxicity herself, being possessive, jealous toward Greg, and putting Rose on a pedestal above herself. However, a big part of her character is learning to recognize and move past these feelings of entitlement toward Rose. Learning to accept, let go, and move on from this deeply rooted pining. The show fully admits that Pearl never had a chance with Rose. She never saw Pearl that way, and while Pearl’s feelings are not inherently invalid, and there’s a good reason for her to love Rose as much as she does, it doesn’t distract from the fact that Rose never returns Pearl’s feelings and Pearl simply needs to move on with her life.

*tools for general use, but especially when you gotta get something fixed. AKA a thing I wish everyone had because problems become real obvious when you know what to look for.

Something about the prose is bothering me. Look for:

Tonal dissonance between individual words: think of it as words being colors. Tone=Color. The question is whether the colors match. Especially look at adjectives for colorful words, but verbs and adverbs tend to be strong in tone as well. You can use words that mean very different things together and the reader might not really notice so long as the tones match well enough. See, the character’s warm, effervescent personality makes more sense than their balmy, effervescent personality. It’s off even if you are down for atypical word usage. (One among many reasons writers dislike thesauruses.) 

Tonal dissonance between words, characters and readers: it’s important to keep in mind that when we talk about word “tone,” we mean emotion. The tone of warm is appealing and the tone of balmy is gross. Therefore, you have to make sure that the words you choose carry the same emotion you want your reader to feel. Most writers do that intuitively, so it’s a case of something being so obvious you forget to consider it. But as well as mood matching what your reader should feel, also be aware of how those adjectives represent what the character is feeling. If the character is pissed off and you go on about how “warm” the other character’s personality is, that’s dissonant.

Show-don’t-tell (otherwise termed “trust your audience”): Part of the fun of reading is filling in the blanks. Look for places where you might be over-explaining, places where you state something outright (especially if you do it more than once), and try to scale back. Sometimes you’ll find you can just delete the statement, because you implied it well enough elsewhere. This is possibly the most common piece of advice because over-telling is the quickest way to piss readers off.

And here’s a quick grab-back of common, easy to identify problems: tenses, repeated words (easiest to use search+replace function), active v.s. passive voice (just make sure it’s consistent for now), sentences all the same structure/length (try moving your subject around), and a problem with adverbs (assess the adverb and if it doesn’t add something new to the verb before it then it’s not useful).

I think it’s the characters?? Look for:

Romance is hard to write for some people because it’s one of those things that is so different for every individual. It’s also highly tied into feeling which can be hard to show for certain characters, so having multiple forms of expression is important. There are five general factors that can be charted in stories to help readers believe that characters are falling for each other romantically.

The character falling for someone else (or both characters) generally feels at least one of these five things, though the way they express them will be influenced by their personality and attitudes about love. The more things they feel, the more ‘in love’ they typically are:

They feel important.

The character should feel like their thoughts and opinions matter to their love interest, and that they are prioritized and considered in either a short or long term future. This can be verbal (“I want to ask your opinion on something”) or non-verbal (the love interest waits for the protagonist to react to a situation). It can also be blatant (the protagonist fantasizes about moving in with their love interest) or subtle (waiting for a smile as a sign of approval).

They feel fun, or joy in shared experiences.

Generally noted by laughing, joking around, or smiling, but can vary by character and situation. It’s common for people to be attracted to those they have positive experiences with, and when those experiences are tied into a tension-filled plot, it’s a great start for a romance.

They feel attractive.

This can be both physical and mental and caused by any number of traits, usually shown with prolonged eye contact, miming of movement, or chosen close proximity. Depending on the characters, there can be flirting or innuendo, as long as both parties are feeling good about the interaction. Part of attraction is related to feeling important or like the characters easily have each other’s attention.

They feel understood.

Similarities of situation, past experiences, or ways of thinking all contribute to empathy and character bonding. Even if the characters don’t initially share these feelings, they can be found through conversation and learning.

They feel loved.

This is beyond the other factors and hits the idea that the characters feel like they are cared for by each other. They support each other and generally want to keep each other company. Love can be displayed in many different ways depending on character and situation, so it’s important to really look into background and current events to see how they would interact.

Note: These factors alone are not enough for romance because close friendships can also cause similar feelings, but they can be important signs of comfort and well-being in budding relationships. Well-written romance goes beyond “this person is attractive” into a genuine kinship that overlaps with friendship in many ways.

Creating a connection between characters, platonic or romantic, starts with a point of interest, then develops using the 5 factors mentioned above. The factors can be used for friendship or romance because there are different types of love and attraction, but romance typically has a deeper level of understanding than the average friendship and usually comes with physical intimacy.

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