Hi there! Sorry for the late response.

I think that the newness of all relationships wears off. And a lot of that newness can be exciting, and fun. The anticipation plays a big part, too! But something no longer being new to you and feeling different about it as time goes on and things change, doesn’t make it bad.

Think of a car. When you first buy a car, it smells new. It has that ‘new car’ smell. But, no matter how well you treat it, eventually that will dissipate. The excitement to drive it might diminish from the first day or week. But that doesnt mean you don’t look around and go, ‘man, i love this car. Remember my last car? that car was so wrong for me compared to this one!’. It’s still *your* car, and you want to take care of it, and treat it well.

Now, as my friend said - whether you do that willingly, lovingly, or begrudgingly and out of duty or obligation - that matters. And so does how you treat it.

All relationships change, and change isn’t necessarily bad. You both grow, you learn about eachother, what you like and dislike. Who your first crush was on, what their most hated food is, you learn these things, and millions of little ones in the middle of those.

So here’s what’s important. Take an evening to yourself. Close your eyes, and think. Do you want to be with your partner? Really. Think about it long and hard. How would you feel if you broke up? How would your life look without them - not just after the initial breakup, but a month down the line, a year? Are you sad to think of your life without them, or do you think you would be okay? Do you think you would be relieved?

Or do you want them there, a month from now? Two?

It’s okay not to be certain of 6 months, or a year, those are big gaps of time, especially for someone younger or new to relationships.

But give it some time, and think about it yourself. How YOU feel and what YOU want is what matters. Not what you think relationships are supposed to be like, or what your friends from high school say.

Are you happy? Are you comfortable? Do you want to be with them still?

Then, you have your answer. Whether things have changed, or not.

“Freee ittt!!!” he yells again, louder this time, trying to pull the waistband of my leggings down an inch to reveal skin that is yet covered.

I giggle as he fingers tickle me, stroking up and down the fabric of a waist shaper he hasnt yet realized i’m wearing.

“Go ahead!! Try!!!” I cackle, and he soon realizes what’s going on.

“Oh gosh, I’d love to come but, I told my girlfriend we’d go out to dinner tonight! Bye!”

“I know we were meant to come to visit this weekend, but my boyfriend got really sick and I’m worried about him. Say hi to the cousins for me?” 

Have you ever seen those taiwanese romance dramas? Where two people are drawn to eachother and just never seems to work. Other relationships, distance, etc, always seems to come between them. About halfway into the series there’s this moment, where they could be together, but they don’t know it, and you just wish one of them would run to the other, and their pain would end.

My friend, you are in the drama, you are your own hero, and you know you have a chance now.

Why are you here? Oh my goodness, run! 

Look, this is scary, of course it is, but you have to take a chance here, and tell the person you care about, that you care about them. If telling someone you’re interested in them means they won’t have a relationship with you, then that’s... I mean that sucks but that’s not a relationship you should really be in anyways. I’m sorry but to be in a healthy working relationship you have to be able to communicate and accept that both partners have feelings and thoughts and should express them. 

 In any case, RUN! Go go go! Brush your teeth, put on matching panties, text him on your way to a restaurant to pick up Chinese, or whatever his favorite food is. Hell, get him flowers if you think he’d like them. Go to him, meet up with him. And just be honest. Tell him you’ve cared for him and wanted something more ever since that one time 4 years ago when he opened the door for you, or when he helped you with a problem, or didn’t laugh when you walked into a pole. (Done that). Write it on a card if you can’t say it out loud. Stand by while he reads it.

Make the leap, my friend. Give him a chance to catch you. And reconcile the fact that, someone who needs to be the one to make the first move, who isn’t able to accept you just saying you care for him before he says it, isn’t someone you can have a long-term healthy relationship with. 

As for how to make the leap, like I said, a card, or a letter could work. Send him a text to go eat lunch or get coffee or take a walk at the park. Just hang out at his house. Gather your wits, wing that eyeliner, make a plan, and just go! Do it fast, please, before your window of time closes. 

Hi lovely!

Jealousy is one of the hardest things to deal with in a relationship, at least for me. It’s a natural human emotion and not really something that you can magically logic your way out of, even when you know your boyfriend won’t ever cheat or there’s no reason to be jealous. There really isn’t anything you can magically do or say to make it go away, and it wouldn’t be right to ask him to stop seeing his best friend, so my advice is really just to try to talk about it. Keeping your feelings inside and quiet won’t help anything, it’ll just cause more friction between you two and possibly cause resentment. Be honest with him. Tell him what you’re worried about - even though you might know that he won’t do anything to cause you to be concerned, having him aware of what your feeling might help him to be aware of you and your needs. It also helps because then he can help to put your worries at ease, by directly acknowledging them and then reassuring you. Knowing your boyfriend would never cheat is great, but having him look you in the eyes and tell you he loves you and reassure you that he would never do anything to hurt you can be a lot more soothing than just base knowledge. 

In this situation, I think you two need to reassure eachother. Tell him you’re worried about him having unresolved feelings, remind him you trust him, that you know he wouldn’t cheat, but that you are still feeling anxious. Talk about specific things that cause you more insecurity than others. Is there something he does with her that makes you most anxious that he can compromise on? For example, staying overnight at a friends house is normal, but maybe the thought of them spending the night alone together is too much, and you can work out a compromise or set specific boundaries, so you don’t feel like he’s overstepping his bounds with her or walking over your feelings when he’s acting as a friend to her. I would also consider talking to her, since you said you were friends. Maybe explain that you’re concerned or feeling uncomfortable, and try to have her reassure you as well, or set out things you think are unacceptable, like say, cuddling. Skinship can be normal in a friendship, but might be inappropriate in this situation. 

When it comes down to it, yes, you are being jealous, but its important to remember that that’s a normal human emotion. Sure, it’s not a fun one, not for anyone involved, but its not something you can wave a wand and fix. It’s going to take time and energy and effort to slowly work your way forward and towards becoming more comfortable with their relationship. Acknowledge your feelings, then acknowledge that they are currently unfounded and just do your best to move forward. 

It sucks but when it comes down to it, if your boyfriend isn’t willing to put in the time and effort to make you feel secure in your relationship, and be understanding about why you would feel anxious, then he might not be the right guy to be around. All you can do is be open, honest, and try to be proactive with your feelings and relationship.

Hey friend! We are indeed, still together and had our anniversary sometime in November. We’re not super sure on the exact date of our anniversary so basically somewhere around two weeks into November I look up, realize we’ve been together for so many years and then go lay across his lap while he sits on the couch playing video games or watching a show, and then proceed to say gooey things that he teases me about. It happens like that pretty much every year. And then we get pancakes. Because I fucking love pancake dates. Stay warm, friend!

so I’ve been in a relationship for 5 years now. And I see a lot of posts about how people think relationships mean having butterflies forever, your heart beating faster when they walk into a room, about cuddling together every night, legs intertwined, that you’d be so happy to live together you’d sleep on a double bed with each other every night.

And its not really like that, at least not to me.

You stop getting the butterflies when you live together. Your heart no longer speeds up when you see them, but instead, everything calms down. When youre in the room with them, you feel calm, and secure. When you cuddle them you feel your heart beat slow, and the sound of their breathing carry you towards comfort. It doesnt feel like a roller coaster anymore, it feels like home.

You don’t sleep curled up with each other every night, legs twisted between theirs so tight its hard to tell where yours begin and theirs end.

Instead, you sleep comfortably, side by side, sometimes facing different directions. But every night, you find yourself scooting backwards on the bed so you bump into them. You snuggle against their arm, or stroke their hair as they fall asleep. There are nights when my boyfriend, in his sleep, reaches around me and pulls me to him, like a child with his teddybear, like I am his comfort.

 In the wee hours of the morning before the dawn breaks, when the world is blue and you see through cracked eyes, you curl into their chest and inhale their scent before drifting back to sleep. 

Kisses aren’t always romantic and firey anymore. But there are so much more of them now. There are cold kisses when you’re eating ice cream in the summer, and sticky kisses over breakfast pancakes. There’s “im leaving now” kisses, and “one more kiss before you go” kisses. There’s sleepy morning kisses before work, when you don’t remember the alarm going off but instead the press of their lips against yours is what brings you into the day.

There’s kisses before sleep, and, you are so sweet with the things you do kisses. There’s kisses because you treat animals so tenderly, and I’m so glad i’m with you and not someone else kisses. There’s quick kisses in the aisles of the grocery store, when its loud and you gravitate together, when instead of having your own personal space and their own personal space, its both of yours together, and you step into their chest to take up less area together. 

You don’t always text each other with confessions of love and care like you used to, because that’s a given now, and you’ve moved on to quirky inside jokes about the life youve built together. You share looks of exasperation and amusement in public, your own little world against the outside one. 

Relationships aren’t always a fairy tale. They’re not always fireworks and sparks, at least, after the start.

But they are a quiet rhythm and hum of love and care. It’s not a fire in your soul, but one in your hearth, keeping you warm and comfortable, comforting you as you drowsily drift into sleep.