A STORY TO TELL

Dear little Azalia,

Thank you for fighting this far, Thank you for never giving up, Maybe this life isn’t like what you’ve dreamed of when you were a little kid, Maybe it's too little too late for you to realize, but that's Okay Keep on believing that this is not the end of your story,

Being “just friends” with you means pushing down the parts of me that want to rush to your side. Every time you’re feeling lonely, to fix your problems before they have the chance to crop up.

Because friendship means commiting to the boundaries, that I’m not sure I can trust myself to adhere to.

I believe in the power of never give up. 

I hate talking about feelings. I really do. At least, in person and to people. Talking about feelings-real feeling-just always seems so needy and foolish and stupid. That's why I write them out. 'Cause when I write about feelings, I understand them better. I am able to express them more coherently. I often feel the need to be coherent when I communicate because I feel too easily misunderstand. Maybe we all do. But what are we to do with feelings? Feel them! Seems like the obvious answer. Maybe, but not always. Feelings are natural but they are also unnatural. They can be overwhelming and overbearing. They can reveal to us what we don't know while simultaneously exposing what we always knew. Feelings are soul's witness to out human experience or maybe our human witness to our soul's experience. Either way, feelings are real. Whatever you decide, know that your feelings can change who you are and who you are can change your feelings.

What if, when you spent days with someone that attractive and click with you in intimate way, but you're separated by the distance after that for so fucking long time. What would you do? I no longer be able to choose either using my heart or my evil mind. It just hurts, but you can't resist. The time spent was precious and lovely. And the last hug also kisses were the hardest. In a flash, you say "I miss it" , "I miss you" for so many times. But it's no longer there. Was it real or just fun thing? What if there was no distance in between? Would this go somewhere? Would this mean more than just a short happiness and enjoyment? 

What if it was never happened? What if the love that you feel is real? You have no idea why have a crush on someone is so fucking complicated, especially when he is in thousand miles away and you probably have no power to kill the distance. Is it wrong to fall for someone you never met in real life? For me, it's totally right. But it doesn't mean all people you've met there is right. Most of people think is a big mistake, but for me it isn't. Even though it's not working in the end, but I'm sure and believe the love that feel is real. I admit it is depressing when you have someone special but it's unreachable. You want to be hugged, cuddle, morning kisses or even just holding hands, but you can't. 

But can't we thinking distance is only a test? If you can pass it, then your love is definitely strong and pure. However, I say that it's a true relationship because it isn't based on physically with someone. It's based on emotionally connecting with someone. Distance doesn't determine how you feel about someone. It simply limits the physical interactions. But the emotional ones are very much. But they are no less of a real relationship then love the one you may have. I will not limit my options of finding the one person I'm supposed to be with simply because of distance.