Call me Jessie

“I’ll try not to yell.” Despite his best efforts, his voice was still loud, though it couldn’t really be considered shouting. “I’m tired.”

“I need to- I have to go back to our room. Can we go back?”

“They used to get more quiet when I was with you, but now they’re screaming again. I don’t know what to do.”

“I want them to shut up, they’re so loud. They never shut up.” He whispers as he wipes more tears off his cheeks.

Another tear rolls down his cheek as he tried to keep his gaze in her, his breath shaking.

“They’re too loud, I can’t- it’s too much.”

Keep your eyes on me.

Confused and scared when Jess left to look for paper, Evan let out a scream, screwing his eyes shut as the voices kept yelling words in his head. He didn’t notice her returning at first, but a tear had rolled down his cheek once he did, quickly wiping it away. “I’m so scared, Jess.”

It’ll go away. I promise. Hang on to hope. Hang on for Ella and Jackson. They need you. I need you.

Evan jumped a little at Jess’ unexpected touch. “I can’t- it’s hard to hear what you’re saying.” He didn’t remove his hands from his ears as h sat down on the ground, leaning his back against the wall. “Jess, I can’t hear you.”

She sighed and walked around until she found a pad of paper and a pencil, going back to Evan and writing on it. I love you. Everything will be okay. 

When she was done, she turned it for him to read.

“I’m not yelling, only a little louder than everybody else.” Evan let out a frustrated sound and covered his ears, shutting his eyes tightly.

Jess put her hands on either sides of Evan’s face and kissed his forehead. “You just have to stay calm. I know it’s loud but you need to ignore it as best as you can.”

“It’s not, I can hear it. They’re so loud, and I can’t hear what they’re saying. They’re shouting so much, can’t you hear them?”

“No. All I can hear is you yelling at me...”

“Let me go!” Evan pulled his arm away from her grip. “I can’t calm down. It’s- everyone is talking, it’s too loud. I can’t hear anything, it’s too much!”

Despite the fear inside of her, Jess tried to remain calm. “Evan, it’s just in your head... Just let it pass...”

“I don’t care! I’m always awake, now they’ll know how I feel. There’s too much noise!”

Before the babies could wake up, Jess grabbed Evan by the arm and dragged him into the hall, walking a ways from their room so they wouldn’t wake the babies. “Evan, you need to calm down... Take deep breaths.”

“Shut up!”

Evan, you’ll wake the babies.”