No Matter What

Here I am after everything, sitting here alone. As the walls of this house grow larger around me I feel so small. The curtain of reality has lifted itself to things that even I was blind to until now. Without your presence it just seems like a void..... Weird actually, I used to adore the emptiness and peace but now it’s such a quiet echo of the warmth you brought that I (apparently) had become deaf to. I’m sorry I stopped hearing your energy.... After so many cuts and wounds here I am still wallowing in my own misery grieving as if you’re dead. Actually feeling like I can’t just pick up the phone & call you.....but I know I shouldn’t. What have I become? Do I have no self worth? I’ve endured so much pain and grief while you were around and dreamt of being free again to spread my wings and live how I want to live. But here I am finally alone...thinking of you. Missing you....hoping and praying you’re okay. I miss you, but you can’t keep hurting me. It has to end......or we will 💔