eccedentesiast

as fast as how the sun sets and as swift as you maneuver along the road,

two days had passed just like that

missing the waves crashing the shore but i miss you all the more

Am I being too much?

It was sudden when we became together. All the moments were smooth and everything was just so sparkly like the glasses of cocktails we drink. You didn’t have to try hard, I gave my “yes” without you having to try hard. Maybe because I was too comfortable and excited. It was swift but not a rush.

Now, we are seven months together. As i look back, It was me who always go for an extra mile for us. Yes you were the one who initiated, but after that? It was me who plans our dates, was the first one to give a present, to surprise, to ask for video call. I do understand that I am one step ahead cos I have a job and you don’t but still, there are still many ways. You have to be told what to do and I don’t consider those things your effort, because it feels like it was only your job as a boyfriend. It hurts.

Sometimes i think, do i have a high standard? 

Why did I gave myself if I do have a high standard? I look for the things you can’t give. I think of the things you lack. If you love a person, you have to accept his whole self right? But why do I feel like this? I feel like it’s wrong and right at the same time.

I started to think that I deserve better. 

I started thinking that I don’t receive the love I give.

I love too much but I have so much bitterness in my heart I got from the past.

I love yet I am not completely healed.

Are you tired of me?

Am I too much?

I love you, but they said I can’t be loved if I don’t love myself first.