15.07.26 — after an exam (and looking ahead)
studied four hours today. flunked an exam earlier this week, so I'll be retaking it in September🙃. there's another exam tomorrow that I don't feel ready for. my body is just worn out from constant studying with no real break. every part of me feels heavy.
📚 midnight study:
trying for two more hours around midnight. that's genuinely all I can make myself do at this point. my brain feels slow,my focus is patchy, but Im hopping something is better than nothing.
🎧 listening: Tabber- Like A Vampire (hearing it on repeat so it's basically just background static at this point, but silence feels worse.)
🍵 drink:cold barley tea with a slice of lemon. warm drinks require too much effort right now. this is easy, and I don't have to think about it.
already thinking about jobs and internships. medical internships are scarce and extremely competitive. research opportunities feel just as out of reach tbh you need connections, a name, a CV that stands out, and I don't have any of that yet. the thought of cold-emailing professors or putting together applications is literally making my stomach drop. it's intimidating, but I know I'll have to start somewhere. not tonight though. tonight is just about getting through to tomorrow.
if you're retaking an exam, exhausted down to the bone, or anxious about the future just know you're not alone in it.
— helia 🛸🍀✨️
