Helen ;)

a foot fetishist told me my feet were weird at a party once. do you know how humiliating it is to have your feelings hurt by the foot dude

imagine like. getting married and then moving into your home together. going to bed bath and beyond. getting a nice toaster. ah, love. one day…..

Hands down my favorite part of Night At The Museum is that it’s low key the plot of The Mummy (1999) but like, chill.

Like Rami Malek’s character isn’t like a mannequin come to life like the rest of them. He’s 100% a 3000 year old reanimated corpse. And everyone’s just fine with it.

He could just take the tablet and fully walk out of the museum and just live his life but he’s a bro and would rather be a glorified docent.

you can actually pinpoint the moment when he realizes he’s made a huge mistake

sorry but if your bed isn’t against at least one wall you’re not valid

Everything about this is a masterpiece: the girl that says “wow” and the girl that says “hi” shyly and bill awkwardly lifting his hand to say hi to them I’m cracking THE FUCK UP