The Wild Pendulum

hm, the contrast of how Natsuhi and Hideyoshi both view having been taken into the family.

Hideyoshi (also a man) really had a choice in the whole matter and states he thinks of it as his only family now and that it’s “warm”. Natsuhi (also a woman) was literally forced into it and only recalls all the coldness she’s faced as a result, but still calls it her “home”.

a lot of Natsuhi’s thing is she tries so hard and desperately wants to be acknowledged and “part of the family”, but no matter what she does, she’s not really treated as such. even so, she’s still so adamant on calling herself “USHIROMIYA Natsuhi”.

it’s really sad honestly, i know we all joke about how much she’ll always say “I am Ushiromiya Natsuhi” and she really does say it a lot, but she was taken from her previous family and wants to actually at least be accepted into the new one.

i already talked about this before, but with her whole mindset of how “(as a woman) marrying in means casting aside your old family”, she holds on so tightly to her pride because without it — without being an Ushiromiya — she doesn’t know who she is anymore. could she even go back?

everything about what she says and how she acts heavily implies she really never even gets into contact with her original family, and everything about that really just makes it all the more sad.

which brings me back to this again. while i do think Natsuhi does genuinely care about and love Krauss, i think a lot of this is the true reason why the idea of divorcing him is so terrifying for her. who would she become and where would she go?

a lot of why people might not want to divorce/break up even if it would be better for them is because the familiarity of the relationship is less scary than change/being alone, and i think that’s a lot of what’s going on here for Natsuhi’s case.

which ACTUALLY even brings us back to all of this.

Natsuhi is so lonely and despite anything, Krauss has neglected her for so long, but then when he does show her just a little bit of kindness and support, she immediately falls into it.

EP1 THEIR MARRIAGE WAS IN FUCKING SHAMBLES  😭😭😭

dfjvneifdj like, bro, listen, LISTEN. he does not defend her or comfort her or tell her ANYTHING. he leaves her crying in a dark room, he literally just walks away gbnfkdcl; i fucking can’t, when he dies, she does not care about his death at ALL, they were going to get divorced.

again, it’s just so funny to see how honestly, DRASTICALLY, different their dynamic is from EP1 to EP5. like, you can seriously just tell Natsuhi was originally planned to have an affair, this man was not giving her anything.

(for anyone who’s new, i do like them actually (platonically)) but you cannot deny the way the earlier episodes did NOT paint them in a good light with each other.

their communication is soooo bad. it’s made even more evident when we see later in the same episode how well Eva and Hideyoshi communicate with each other. also, it’s so funny but also extremely telling how Eva even comments about how Natsuhi’s excited to try and take the lead

also a little interesting how Eva admits how Natsuhi’s “always been treated so coldly”. whether she’s referring to from Krauss specifically, or in general, including from her, even if she is being kind of rude about it, at least she is actually very aware of it.

it also makes me think of this in EP3 though where Eva  realizes and feels horrible for thinking the same way about Jessica as she herself always was. it just makes me wonder if she ever does actually feel at least a little bit bad for how she treats/views Natsuhi sometimes

like, i honest to god find it kind of hard to believe that when Natsuhi was first married in and their was no animosity between them yet, that Eva didn’t ever think like “god, this poor woman having to be married to Niisan”

And i mean that in a genuine she truly felt sorry for her, not a “haha that sucks for her”. Especially since we see the flashback in EP3 with her and Krauss, and Eva hates him so much because of how he treats her just for being a woman. she even says “That’s an insult to all women!” about everything he says to her at the time. I just find it hard to believe she wouldn’t pity the woman who ends up having to marry him (Natsuhi).

Also when she talks to Hideysohi in EP1 about how she actually thinks it’s better that Shannon died, but then immediately calls herself the worst for thinking like that. Eva has a lot of internalized misogyny and treats the women around her just as poorly, but she also deals with a lot of guilt and self-hatred for it, which we only ever really see her voice regret about when alone or with Hideyoshi.

nevermore.