~Life is shit honey~

Life for teenagers is boring without school

O’captain, my captain!

that line from the poem written by Walt Whitman kept ringing in my mind ever since my English teacher let us watch this interesting movie called “Dead Poets Society” in his class. 

We started the movie at Monday, wherein everyone was excited since they’d rather spend the time watching than have a discussion in class (the typical students we all know XD). Everyone was staring at the screen of the television when it played, very attentive to what’s happening, especially when Mr. Keating, the english teacher in the movie and the main character, appeared in the scene.

Everyone in the class was amazed with his style of teaching. Especially the time when he asked his students to rip out the introduction page of their textbook. It was lit!

Unfortunately, we didn’t had enough time to finish the movie. And so we expected that we would be able to continue it the next day… until we found out our English teacher was absent, and he was for two days straight XD. sigh…

We continued the movie at Thursday where our teacher skipped some parts of the movie since we really didn’t had time to finish it all, though he kept the important ones.

Then later, closer to the end of the movie, there was this handsome guy named Neil, who was a student of Mr. Keating and also a main character of the story, fucking committed suicide. Yes, he shot himself in the head with his father’s gun and in his office because he wasn’t able to control his emotions for not being able to tell his true feelings about how unfair his parents are treating him. I kind of understand how he feels because I’ve been through it as well, up until now should I say, and it is hard keeping every shit inside you. BUT WHY THE FUCK MUST HE DIE!?

And what made me more mad was when the professors of the campus blamed Mr. Keating for Neil’s death! It was cruel of them and I was furious that I’m guessing that my face was as red as a tomato that time. My other classmates, especially the one sitting beside me, had teary eyes, some were crying XD.

But it felt good when at the end, some of his students stood up for him at least, since they know his innocence, and did by standing up on their tables to remind of what he taught them, and that they were thankful of that.

And it was beautiful

I recommend you guys reading this right now to watch this movie since you’ll learn a lot and at the same time, enjoy how amazing poetry is.

A  heart could also turn into a stone…

Without knowing, a person will turn cold like a block of ice, and spit words as harsh as the blizzard wind .

Among the days this week, today was exceptional. 

Today in my parent’s room, I was about to lie down on the comfy bed when I saw my mom resting. Her arms and legs stretched across occupying the mattress. I asked if she could please move aside since she was practically covering the whole space, and you know what she did? She got angry saying that “the bed was a place to lie down since it’s not a chair.”(obviously I knew that for fuck’s sake) She kept spitting bullshit until I got pissed and left the room with my laptop.

My father on the other hand, shouted calling my name. I quickly ran to their room and found my fathers crumpled face filled with disgust and anger. There he kept shouting how ill mannered I was and all that shit, but I didn’t gave a fuck. I considered what he said, that maybe I was rude for saying that “she covered the whole bed”. Yeah…right. But that wasn’t the thing I was focusing on.

he asked angrily “Why are you so cold-hearted?”

And there, I got pissed.

There I held myself from screaming on the top of my lungs

There I wanted to ask,“Why not ask yourself?”

There I almost answered …“It was because of YOU guys.”

but I didn’t… :)

I kept quiet until I was allowed to return to my room where I cried. Asking myself, if I was even that cold-hearted to begin with. They were much more than me. And if I was even like that, should I not be? after how they acted to me… so I cried all my tears until they were gone. I ate some milk chocolates that I got from a friend (that got from someone she dumped btw), hoping it could bring sweetness to my heart. Only if it was that easy. :) 

“I see no point in living, if I can’t be beautiful.” -Howl from Howl’s Moving Castle (I watched this movie for like 10 times now including today XD)

Have you guys ever questioned yourself,  “What is the purpose of my life?” or maybe “Why do I even want to live?This week classes were suspended, the rain was pouring as lie down on my bed while matching the mood with a cup of depression XD. Those questions keep popping on my head it made me think, “Why do I even want to live?” 

Everyday, it feels like I’m living in hell anyways. At house, I feel hated. At school, I feel pressure. At my room, I feel sadness and I wonder why I still struggle to live. Why does my left hemisphere stops the right side of the brain from whispering to me “kill yourself.” Why does my heart refuse to stop beating when all it did was accept the arrows full of judgement. Why does my hand not continue to slice when the blade it’s holding was already touching my wrist. There I thought, maybe it’s because I want to be a somebody one day (to be a doctor actually XD). Maybe I want to prove that the words of those motherfuckers were dead wrong. Then I realized that maybe those thoughts, were the only things keeping me alive. It made me glad, realizing that I shouldn’t be discouraged easily to the bad things happening. Good thing I wasn’t too late to realize that XD. 

I didn't expect that we would have such a messy schedule this week because we only go to school for a day and a half this week.

Monday, all I can remember is that I just listened to my classmate who was reporting in social time and after that our teacher announced that there are a suspension and that make me so happy but I was forced tore go home because I was afraid that the rain might just get worse.

Tuesday, another class suspension, I didn't do much I just stayed at my bed and eat a lot.

Wednesday, we make a big mess our principal, Dr. Edna went around the school to observe us and she gave us a lesson that don't seat on the table after that we continue our classes.

Thursday, another class suspension I don't remember what did I do.

Monday

i cant recall what happened on monday but i think its just school and studying

tuesday

its my baby bro's birthday. none of his classmates could come so i invited my classmates we had fun. haha we were noisy and screamed alot and one friend even cried a lot

we cooked pasta at tle class

wednesday

nah just school but lots of free time

thursday

good day studying and learning

english class was cool and funny

friday

no classes, watched anime and played ml all day long

saturday

On Monday, it’s boring at school. The classes were suspended from 12 noon. Everyone was happy beacause of the suspension. My friends went to our house to eat noodles and watch movie. We watched “Ma". “Ma" is so weird and confusing. I don’t really recommend it but it’s kinda interesting. I don’t remember the rest of the day.

On Tuesday, the classes were suspended. I was inside the bathroom taking a bath when they announced the suspension. Our dinner was KFC. We had a KFC dinner because my mother had extra points. I didn’t do much so nothing’s interesting this day.

On Wednesday, it was not suspended. We had a whole day at school. There was a homework in Physics that I ended up during our MAPEH time. I did two ways for the solution and both ended almost same answers. We were supposed to have a quiz in Filipino but our teacher said it will be for the next day because she haven’t discussed something. I ended up falling asleep during her discussion. In English class, two of our classmates were told to discussed about figures of speech. I think it’s little interesting.

On Thursday, the classes were suspended again. I were dressing up when the suspension was announced. After dressing up that time, I slept almost all day. I guess there is no interesting stuff.

On Friday, the classes were suspended AGAIN. I woke up late that day because the suspension was announced the night before. I woke up feeling sick. I checked my temperature and I think I was like 37.8°C. I drank paracetamol to lower my temperature. My mother told me not to take a bath so I were feeling down for the rest of the day. I ended up sleeping almost the whole day. I slept early that day so I didn’t post this blog on the same day.

Now, I am writing this blog that you are probably reading right now.(Second to the last blog that you will see this shit.)

+ On Saturday, i played bowling with my brother and brought a new printer after the bowling game.

P.S.

A balloon without helium,

Unable to float up the sky,

Letting the wind take it on its journey.

But instead,

I can make children happy.

They can toss me around and play with me,

Pop me open for all I care,

At the very least,

They have seen the worth

Imagine, you are that star

Isn’t it lonely? 

The thought of being so far away 

From the rest of the fiasco

There’s life there.

There’s happiness there.

Yet your job is to shine light

From  4.367 light years away

So that you could see them

Replace you

After using you

For so many years

With a light of their own.

Something that lasts them a day