H E I R.

it's yi-joon loving hours. he's decided. thank you.

He's also sad, but he may be trying to hook a finger around one of Hyeon's as a sign of comfort.

and though not a word is spoken between them, hyeon does shift, just enough to take yi-joon's hand in his own. maybe a little too tight but he needs to know that the other is there because he can't stand the thought of being here alone.

𝐇𝐄  𝐈𝐒𝐍'𝐓  𝐆𝐎𝐈𝐍𝐆  𝐓𝐎  𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐏  𝐇𝐈𝐌.   In  fact,  his  hand  shifts  to  lace  fingers  together,  squeezing  his  hand  in  return  before  shifting  closer,  resting  his  chin  upon  the  others  head  in  their  mutual  silence  ;  though  his  actions  speak  louder  then  words  possibly  could  in  this  moment.  Hand  squeezes  Hyeon's  once  more,  lips  pressing  to  the  top  of  his  head.

great. he's sad now.

He's also sad, but he may be trying to hook a finger around one of Hyeon's as a sign of comfort.

"I   dare   you   to   try."

"Do   you   always   get   close?"

"You’re   pushing   my   limits."

"Stop   looking   at   me   like   that."

"I’m   losing   control   here."

"You   have   no   idea,   do   you?"

"I   can’t   resist   you   anymore."

"Stay   back,   or   don’t."

"I   know   what   you   want."

"This   is   getting   dangerous   now."

"You’re   too   tempting   for   me."

"I   shouldn’t   want   this,   but…"

"I   don’t   play   fair,   remember?"

"Careful,   you’re   testing   me."

"You’re   just   making   it   worse."

"You’re   too   close   for   comfort."

"Do   you   always   push   buttons?"

"Stop   before   I   kiss   you."

"You’re   making   it   too   hard."

"I   can’t   stop   thinking   about   you."

"I   want   you   too   much."

"You   know   exactly   what   you’re   doing."

"I’m   not   playing   games   here."

"You’ve   crossed   the   line   now."

"Keep   pushing,   and   you’ll   regret   it."

"This   is   dangerous,   isn’t   it?"

"I’m   trying   not   to   care."

"Don’t   make   me   regret   this."

"You’re   playing   with   fire."

"You   don’t   know   what’s   coming."

"I   shouldn’t   be   this   close."

"We’re   getting   dangerously   close   now."

"I   can   feel   the   heat."

"Don’t   test   me   right   now."

"I   want   you   too   badly."

"Don’t   make   me   chase   you."

"You’re   distracting   me,   you   know."

"I   won’t   fall   for   this."

"I   want   you,   but…"

"What   do   you   want   from   me?"

"I’ll   never   give   in."

"I’m   trying   not   to   care."

"You’re   playing   with   my   patience."

"Don’t   make   this   harder,   please."

"I   can’t   stop   this   feeling."

"I’m   already   in   too   deep."

"You   won’t   walk   away   unscathed."

"You’re   walking   a   fine   line."

"I’m   trying   to   stay   calm."

@bitchscoped  :  [  11PM  ]  the  backseat  of  a  car  parked  in  the  pouring  rain  on  a  lonely  road. 

𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐘  𝐃𝐈𝐃𝐍’𝐓  𝐓𝐘𝐏𝐈𝐂𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐘  𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐕𝐄𝐋  𝐓𝐎𝐆𝐄𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑.  It  would  raise  far  too  much  suspicion  —  and  if  they  got  caught?  It  would  ruin  everything  for  both  of  them.  However,  tonight?  Yi-joon  didn’t  understand  why  the  other  was  alright  with  driving  to  the  hotel  together  ;  the  same  one  they  go  to  time  and  time  again,  same  day  every  week.  Every  time,  Yi-joon  would  meet  him  there,  and  generally  it  was  earlier.  Maybe  Hyeon  felt  better  about  being  in  the  same  vehicle  because  it  was  so  late?  Whatever.  Ha-yun  was  none  the  wiser,  to  his  knowledge,  and  that  was  what  mattered.

𝐍𝐎𝐖,  𝐇𝐎𝐖  𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐘  𝐆𝐎𝐓  𝐓𝐎  𝐓𝐇𝐄  𝐏𝐎𝐈𝐍𝐓  𝐎𝐅  𝐍𝐎𝐓  𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐍  𝐆𝐄𝐓𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆  to  their  destination  didn’t  matter.  Far  too  impatient  were  they  tonight,  weren’t  they?  The  rain  poured  ;  coming  down  so  hard  that  they  could  hear  it  hitting  the  vehicle.  No  traffic  had  been  coming  by  in  this  desolate  back  road  that  Yi-joon  had  been  taking  ;  and  if  they  do?  Windows  were  tinted.  It  would  be  fine.

he'd sworn to himself that last time had been a fluke ; a moment of weakness that he'd be able to patch back up and pretend like it had never happened. it wasn't as though he didn't want to remember, it wasn't like he didn't enjoy it either ━━ but what they were doing was risky enough as it was. just sex, could be explained away, to some extent. it could be ignored, denied, with any evidence disappearing come morning time. but when feels got involved, it became complicated. and perhaps hyeon had been holding onto these feelings for quite some time, perhaps every time he met with yi-joon they threatened to burst free ; hard to control, hard to cope with. but he had managed well enough ━━ for years now, he'd managed.

but last week had been a turning point. too weak to say no when yi-joon had asked for them to just pretend . . . pretend like they were in love, pretend that they were together. hyeon thought he could do it ; foolishly told himself that allowing such a thing once would not be his ruin and yet . . . everything had changed, and he doesn't know how to get things back to the way they were.

he's lost control and worst of all, he doesn't mind. because for once, his secret lover does not hide behind degradation and anger ━━ neither of them do. there is a quiet understanding between them that things have changed, and though there isn't much that they can do from the shadows, they can at least pretend on nights like this, that they were just . . .

normal.

𝐈𝐓𝐒  𝐓𝐇𝐄  𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐒𝐓  𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆  𝐈𝐌𝐀𝐆𝐈𝐍𝐀𝐁𝐋𝐄  ;  knowing  that  after  this,  after  all  of  this  —  they  would  not  be  going  to  a  home  built  for  the  two  of  them.   No,  Hyeon  would  be  going  back  home  to  that  annoying  woman  who  he  was  forced  to  wed,  and  Yi-joon  would  be  going  back  to  his  own  miserable,  forced  marriage.  Neither  of  them  wanted  that  for  themselves  —  neither  rid  them  wanted  anyone  but  eachother  ;  and  the  anger  within  Yi-joon  scratched  at  the  back  of  his  mind  and  clawed  at  his  chest  like  a  hungry  animal  —  angry  and  rabid  with  a  need  for  what  it  wanted  —  not  what  it  had  to  go  back  to.

                         Beyond  everything  logic  ;  Everything  is  turned  upside  down.

𝐓𝐇𝐄  𝐖𝐀𝐘  𝐘𝐈-𝐉𝐎𝐎𝐍’𝐒  𝐇𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐒  𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐒  𝐀𝐍𝐘  𝐀𝐌𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐓  𝐎𝐅  𝐒𝐊𝐈𝐍  𝐇𝐄  𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐋𝐃  𝐅𝐈𝐍𝐃  𝐈𝐒  𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐋𝐄   ;  it  so  different  from  his  usual  rough  behaviour.  That  night  a  week  ago  —  he  tried  so  hard  to  push  it  to  the  back  of  his  mind  and  tell  himself  that  it  was  unattainable  —  that  none  of  it  mattered  and  that  they  were  destined  to  not  be  together  —  and  yet  part  of  him  clings  onto  the  hope  that  they  could  more  than  what  they  currently  were.  That  one  of  these  days  he  wouldn’t  leave  a  trashed  hotel  room  in  his  wake  because  Hyeon  couldn’t  stay  with  him.   For  what  were  their  marriages  if  not  a  prison ?  And  they,  two  prisoners at  birth,  Unable  to  live  the  life  they  wanted  if  only  to  appease  their  families.

                 You  better  watch  it  —  The  more  I  look,  the  more  amazing  ...

𝐘𝐈-𝐉𝐎𝐎𝐍  𝐋𝐎𝐎𝐊𝐒  𝐃𝐎𝐖𝐍  𝐀𝐓  𝐇𝐈𝐌  ;  looks  down  at  the  man  who  had  consumed  his  every  thought  each  and  every  moment  of  every  single  day  ;  whose  very  presence  always  managed  to  sink  deep  into  his  bones  and  settle  within  the  marrow,  calling  it  his  home.  The  man  who  Yi-joon  never  expected  to  fall  so  deeply  in  love  with,  the  man  who  he  craved  from  the  time  he  woke  up  to  the  time  he  went  to  bed,  and  even  in  his  dreams.  Hyeon  was  like  an  all  consuming  entity  ;  making  his  mark  on  Yi-joon  and  consuming  him  fully.  He  stares,  perhaps  a  little  too  long,  gaze  fixated  on  blonde  hair  splayed  out  on  the  car  seat  underneath  Hyeon’s  head  as  if  it  were  some  magnificent,  glowing  halo  —  for  Chen  Hyeon’s  body  was  a  temple  ;  and  for  tonight  (  like  that  night  last  week  ),  Yi-joon  was  going  to  worship  it,  rather  then  hide  behind  those  rough  exterior  walls  that  he  always  seemed  to  hide  behind.

                                          I  cannot  stop  it  —  It's  like  a  ritual.