make yourself bloom

“We don’t have to go outside. I’d… kind of prefer we didn’t, actually,” he admitted, tail giving a little nervous flick. Rin hadn’t been out in public since Kurikara broke, aside from a few quick convenience store runs done in hoodies and sunglasses. “At least until Yukio heals more and I get more under control. I don’t think it’s safe for me to be out in public yet.” His eyes drifted over to the burns on Shiemi’s hand.

He used to not pay attention to hiding his demonic features in public, knowing he’d just be mistaken for a cosplayer— but now everyone knew demons existed, and his heritage was more obvious than ever. Although Rin wanted to avoid conflict, it wasn’t people’s reactions to him that worried Rin; if some stranger got it into their head to hurt Shiemi or Yukio because they were associating with a demon, he wasn’t sure what he’d do. It’d be more than enough to bring his other half out, that was for sure.

“We’ll figure something out.” It wasn’t like they needed dates to be around each other, after all; neither of them were going to be leaving any time soon. Not while Hell was breaking loose outside and Yukio was still—

“Oh crap, Yukio,” Rin said, placing a hand on his forehead. “Should we tell him? …We should, right?” His tail began to lash back and forth anxiously; he’d only just gotten Yukio back and he was still recovering. The last thing Rin wanted to do was upset him with this news somehow. 

Rin was probably right, the timing really wasn’t the best here. Perhaps Shiemi should have waited. She likely would have if today didn’t happen, with Rin’s other half and the sudden realizations that meeting brought. Still, she couldn’t bring herself to regret the way things turned out.

When he mentioned Yukio, she felt a momentary discomfort, but beyond that, she wasn’t sure what he was suddenly worried about. “Of course – why wouldn’t we?” Perhaps their friendship was still a little bit precarious, considering they hadn’t really talked to each other in a while… and Shiemi was aware that Rin still thought Yukio might be upset with him for how he went about the whole Satan eye thing… but Yukio loved Rin, right? Surely he wouldn’t be upset about something that made his brother happy?

Shiemi’s blush made a light dusting of pink appear on Rin’s own cheeks, his hands wringing out the hem of his shirt as his eyes darted away. The last thing he wanted was to get his own hopes up, but was it possible that she liked him after all?

…Even if she did, he wasn’t going to ask her about it any time soon. Her previous rejections still smarted a little, and he wasn’t exactly in a good place to be thinking about romance right now anyways.

His first instinct was to grin and say he was fine— in fact, Rin was in the process of opening his mouth to blurt a reassurance when he thought better of it. “I… I don’t know,” he admitted, meeting Shiemi’s eyes with his own for a bit before his gaze went to the ground. 

The sheer relief Yukio’s return had brought was fading slightly, and other emotions came to the fore; guilt was starting to creep back in, accompanied by worry. “…I don’t think it’s fully hit either of us that his eye is gone.” Even saying the words felt surreal; thinking about how felt like a bad nightmare. “Yukio is fine with it now, but what’s going to happen when he’s not fine with it?” His hands were quivering now, and his voice dropped to a whisper.

“What if he leaves again?”

Any and all thoughts of being flustered went out the window when Rin answered her question, worry and concern taking its place. Truthfully, Shiemi was wondering about the same things, or at least had been the previous evening – it seemed that having Rin vocalize them was what she needed to come up with a response.

She hesitated for a moment, but reached for his hand anyway, disregarding any implications. She was good at ignoring distractions when she was focusing on something, and right now, her focus was Rin, and the attempt to make him feel better. Wrapping her fingers of both hands around one of his, she gave it a small squeeze, looking up at him and willing him to meet her eyes.

“We wouldn’t let him leave,” she said, trying to sound as confident as possible. “And I don’t think he would want to – why would he? What does his eye have to do with him being here?” This was more of that confidence issue, right? Shiemi couldn’t have phrased it well if she was asked, but she was aware of it, having seen it in both boys’ eyes; both of them carried the same guilt, and neither was willing to accept the other’s, both wanting to take responsibility for something they thought the other might hate them for. It was confusing, and overall rather silly, in Shiemi’s opinion.

At first, the renewed intensity of her tears worried Rin, but he quickly realized that the tears were a good thing; if this giant mess had taught him anything, it was that it was better to let yourself feel than to lock up and hide the emotions you felt were wrong. He held Shiemi a little tighter, tail curling around to rest against the backs of her calves.

He wished he could do more to comfort her. Rin wanted to run a hand up and down her back while the other hand curled into her hair, but… wasn’t that a bit intimate for friends? The last thing he wanted was to make her uncomfortable. Instead, he kept his hands where they were and let a purr rumble in his chest.

The purr trailed off once Shiemi pulled away, and Rin glanced down at his soaked shoulder with a small huff of laughter. “It’s just water, it’ll dry,” he told her. If he had better control over his flames, he’d dry it right now, but the release of his heart had set him back significantly. He’d probably end up burning a hole in the shirt by accident.

“It’s no problem,” he said with a wave of his hand. “It’s what friends are for, right?”

Shiemi laughed with Rin when he did, though her voice was still a little shaky. Slowly but surely, she was finding her way back to herself – if the awful nightmare had been good for anything, it was that it finally provided an outlet she seemed to have desperately needed. The previous day had been so chock full of stress that even when the boys were finally relaxing, she hadn’t been able to do so.

In fact, it felt that she only did when Rin hugged her. That was a thought she cautiously filed away for later examination. For now, she tilted her head back to be able to look at him, giving him a smile that was far more genuine than anything he had seen from her in the last half day or so. “Yes, but… it meant a lot to me.” She couldn’t help blushing, though she was not completely sure what exactly she was flustered about.

Rin stared at Shiemi with wide, incredulous eyes, his pupils expanding until they were nearly round. He really should have expected this, but it still caught him by surprise somehow; this all felt like a very strange dream, especially since this revelation came right after he’d shown her the worst parts of himself. Rin expected her to feel uncomfortable or push him away, not…

“I like you too,” he blurted, his ears flushing bright pink. “…You already knew that.” His mind was still a jumbled mess, and he was pretty sure his flames were starting to slip out— he felt their signature lukewarm tingling on his shoulder and the side of his head. His tail quivered as it was held aloft, and Rin couldn’t tell whether it was excitement or nerves or both.

He reached for Shiemi’s uninjured hand and took it into his own. “I don’t know if anyone ever feels all the way ready,” Rin said softly. “I’ve wanted this for a while and I’m still kind of freaking out now that it’s actually happening… I-In a good way!” Mostly. How could he feel so excited and happy and terrified all at once? What if he messed this up? What if he messed this up? Was it a bad idea to even think about dating while his mind was split in two?

Even if it was a terrible idea, he still wanted this more than anything.

Though her face still felt hot, Shiemi was smiling. The way Rin looked at her, she thought at first that he might not believe her – but surely, he knew her better than to think she was screwing with him. She would never have done that. Thankfully, what he actually said in the end convinced her that he knew she meant it, and she let out a small breath of relief.

When he took her hand, she curled her fingers around his and gave his hand a squeeze. Even though both of them were still red in the face, she was starting to feel the awkwardness fading slowly. Is it okay if I’m not ready, then? According to Rin, it was. According to Rin… she could have waited all her life if she wanted to be absolutely sure. And she definitely did not want to wait that long.

For a moment, she thought of Rin’s other half, the demon she had been talking to just a few minutes ago. She wondered what he was thinking of this; if he fully understood what it meant. If he would assume she meant it only for his human half, like he’d assumed the same about her friendship. Or if he would assume the opposite, which… might not have been any better. Shiemi supposed she would have to find out when she next met him – and while she didn’t dislike him, she was in no hurry to do that.

“You didn’t wake me up,” he said quietly. “It’s just not possible. I slept through a fire alarm once, ask Yukio. False alarm, don’t worry,” Rin added quickly, giving her a small, lopsided grin; even if he couldn’t fix whatever was hurting Shiemi, he hoped making her smile would help a little. 

The smile faltered when Shiemi mentioned a nightmare. Before he could think about what he was doing, Rin pulled her into his arms; hugging someone had helped him with nightmares since he was a kid, and… well, Shiemi really looked like she needed it. “I’m sorry,” Rin murmured. He felt at least partially responsible; Rin didn’t know what the nightmare was, exactly, but something told him that the events of the day had probably triggered it somehow. 

He simply stood there in silence for a few moments, holding his friend while she cried. “Do you wanna talk about it?” Rin asked softly, tail giving a small flick behind him. “You don’t have to, but… sometimes it helps.” His own nightmares weren’t the kind talking helped with, but it was worth offering.

As soon as Rin’s arms went around her, Shiemi felt herself relax. She didn’t remember the last time she’d felt so instantly and thoroughly safe. It didn’t make her tears stop – quite the contrary – but there was a relief to them now, as if she was letting everything pent-up flow out with them. She hugged back without hesitation, her fingers curling into the fabric of the back of Rin’s shirt, her shoulders trembling as she cried silently.

At the apology, she only shook her head – she didn’t want to hear Rin blame himself for any of this. She wished she found the words for that, but for the moment, making any sound was beyond her. Similarly, when Rin asked if she wanted to talk about it, she just shook her head again, grip tightening a little for a moment. She had no idea if telling him about the dream would have helped her or not – but she knew for a fact that he would blame himself again, since the dream was about him; and that was the last thing she wanted right now.

It took long minutes for the tears to slow and then come to a stop. Even then, Shiemi was reluctant to let go; she was almost shocked at how Rin made her feel. Am I…? She mentally waved the thought away before it even became coherent. She’d made that ship set sail herself. It was too late for regrets.

His heart was pounding.

His human heart was, at least; his demon heart was hidden away, and instead of beating it did some sort of weird pulsing… thing.  Whatever it was, Rin was feeling both of those sensations at once in his chest, which was really disorienting. Or was he just dizzy from how nervous this was making him?

At first, Shiemi’s solemn expression and vague words scared the crap out of him. He felt his stomach drop as he began to wonder what part of their conversation she hadn’t been honest about— but thankfully, Shiemi must have seen the look on his face and known some explanation was in order.

“O-Oh?” Rin said in a voice about two octaves higher than he’d ever spoken; he was pretty sure his brain was short-circuiting. He hadn’t decided yet whether the explanation had made things better or worse. Could she really… Was she trying to say that she liked him?

No, he shouldn’t assume. His demon half just burned her hand after hitting on her mercilessly, absolutely none of that screamed ‘boyfriend material’. Or even ‘crush material’, if he was being honest with himself. Maybe she was about to say she liked Yukio? To Rin’s hormone-addled brain, that made the most sense. With Satan out of the picture, Yukio was definitely the more stable twin (which was a little like being the smartest kid in remedial classes), and he was smart, and kind, and didn’t rip his brother’s eye out and wasn’t a demon so far and and and—

“Anything you tell can me— I-I mean, you can tell me anything,” he blurted. His brain was going a million miles a minute in about a hundred different directions, so talking in a way that made sense to other people was kind of difficult for Rin at the moment. 

It felt as if Shiemi’s mouth had moved on its own, without her really commandeering it. In the meantime, she still hadn’t quite decided if this was a good idea. Had she thought it through enough? (No, definitely not.) Had she come far enough? (She had no idea.) Did Rin still want this? (Only one way to find out.) Did she want to back out? (A little bit, and at the same time, a resounding no.)

Mindful of the cream on her injured hand, Shiemi wrung the other one into the skirt of her kimono, staring at her knees with her face flaming hot. She didn’t know how to go on, what exactly to say, how to say it. Damn, she’d picked a very stupid time for this, didn’t she? But if she did back out now, Rin would have been confused, and very possibly hurt. And when it came down to that, after everything… the last thing Shiemi wanted to do was hurt Rin.

In fact, the whole reason, deep down, why she wanted to tell him she changed her mind was because she wanted to do the opposite – wanted it so badly that hardly anything else mattered; not his demon half, or his feelings about himself, or the whole world falling to pieces around them.

… Well, that was a thought.

As Rin stammered his response, Shiemi couldn’t help but look up, utterly perplexed for a moment at what he was trying to say. Seeing the expression on his face, and the completely garbled sentence, she couldn’t help the startled laugh escaping her – and, miraculously, so went her nervousness with it.

You kind of made it my problem. Rin grimaced at that; it was true, which was probably what made it so difficult to hear. Even after Shiemi softened her words with a smile and reassurances, the guilt still didn’t quite leave him.

He wasn’t sure why she was getting so flustered, and it was making him nervous in turn; was she thinking about the things his demon half had said? Maybe it was the fact that he was a guy, and he was in her room. Rin hung out in Suguro’s room all the time with his other guy friends, but… that was kind of different, wasn’t it? Rin glanced over curiously at whatever Shiemi was looking at that made her blush even more intensely, only to find a stack of shoujo manga.

Rin was kind of glad it wasn’t something actually embarrassing, but he was a little bewildered. Was she nervous Rin would make fun of her for reading something so girly? She was a girl… and Rin read stuff like that himself, anyways. 

He’d been about to mention a series he’d read when Shiemi changed the topic, leaving him blinking in confusion for a few moments. The answer was obvious, wasn’t it? “Of course,” he said without any hesitation. “I don’t think there are many fully qualified Exorcists who could have done what you did. Holding your own against the flames is no joke, especially since I wasn’t holding back.” 

Rin’s answer was so quick and seamless, as if he didn’t need to think about it at all, that Shiemi found her face even warmer than previously; she must have looked like a ripened tomato ready for picking. At the same time, she was smiling, feeling pleased – Rin thought she was strong.

The blonde glanced towards the books again, then at Rin – and suddenly, something clicked. She set the balm back in the drawer, and then went to sit on the edge of her bed, inspecting the back of her hand as she spoke. “Rin, I want to tell you something. I… wasn’t entirely honest with you, before.”

Rin awoke to find Yukio still asleep next to him, and Shiemi gone from the room. He wasn’t surprised to find Yukio still sleeping; in fact, he was relieved. His brother needed all the sleep he could get. He extracted himself from Yukio’s side as carefully as he could, stretching— only to be distracted by the sounds of soft sobbing coming from outside.

Shiemi…

For once, he was glad for how sensitive his hearing was. Rin made his way outside to find his friend crying, a sight that made his heart ache. “Shiemi? What’s wrong?” Rin’s sleep-addled mind remembered there was a lot wrong after only a few moments. Shiemi was sensitive, and the twins had exposed her to more pain and suffering in the past day than anyone would be able to tolerate. “…Dumb question.” He didn’t know what else to ask, though. ‘Why are you crying?’ seemed way too direct, and he didn’t want to presume anything.

He didn’t know how to comfort her, either. Rin didn’t feel bad about pulling Yukio into hugs with little warning, but that was because they were brothers. Even if Rin didn’t know Yukio as well as he’d always thought he did, Rin still knew him better than he knew anyone else in the world. Rin settled on stepping a little closer to Shiemi, giving her a questioning look as his arms twitched upwards slightly. Do you want me to…?

Shiemi wasn’t sure how to answer the question. Nothing was supposed to be wrong – Rin and Yuki were both here with her, safe, and as far as her conscious went, she had managed not to worry about what tomorrow would bring. It was only her subconscious that didn’t seem to be able to stop being anxious about... well, everything.

Before she could have put this into words in any way, Rin corrected himself, and Shiemi couldn’t help the shaky laugh that bubbled up in response, even as she wiped at her eyes furiously at the same time. “S-Sorry, Rin… I didn’t mean to wake you…” She hoped it was at least only Rin and her awake; out of the three of them, Yukio needed his rest the most.

Sensing Rin stepping so close to her was an unexpectedly comforting sensation – perhaps part of it was because he’d just gotten out from under the kotatsu, but she could literally feel him radiating heat, and it attracted her so very much it was hard to keep herself from just turning and hugging him, like she’d done the last time she’d been thinking of his full awakening. I thought you died. Why couldn’t she let this go, when Rin was clearly fine?

Soil

It took Shiemi a moment to realize Rin was talking about Yukio and his eye; initially, she had been confused, as Rin hadn’t hurt any of them when his sword had broken. She came to a halt at the top of the stairs, waiting for him to catch up. She knew Yuki had told him not to blame himself for this before, and it was to no avail, so she didn’t even try to reason with him about the possibilities, and how Yuki thought having only one eye was better than having Satan in one of them. That wasn’t for her to say, anyway. So instead, she said, her voice thoughtful, “You weren’t wrong after all… I think.” She was almost certain Rin remembered their entire conversation this time, so she was confident he would make the connection fast.

“I didn’t think about it at the time, but now that you’ve brought it up, I… I have to admit that making that whole forest… felt really good. It was this big giant rush of excitement – though Nii-chan helped, of course…” Thinking back to the feeling, she almost lost her train of thought, but she managed to turn back to her initial meaning. “What I’m trying to say is… there’s a difference between liking what you can do, and liking hurting people.” She glanced down at her hand again. “I know for sure that you didn’t like burning me, when it came down to it. And I’d bet anything that no part of you liked that Yuki-chan was in pain while you were saving his life. So… that doesn’t make any part of you bad, you know.”

She didn’t wait to see his reaction; her hand was beginning to hurt badly enough that it was stinging her eyes too, and she hurried towards her room to get the balm she needed. Almost as an afterthought, to what Rin said last, she replied, “I thought that was my fault.”

After all, hadn’t she been the one who pissed Rin off by how she reacted to him accidentally burning the snapdragon? From hindsight, she didn’t quite understand why she’d reacted that way.

It took Rin a few moments to recall what exactly Shiemi was referring to; when everything clicked in his mind, his eyes went wide and he flushed bright red. He was pretty sure that when Shiemi talked about how creating the forest felt good, she didn’t mean it in quite the same way his demon half had. She didn’t seem to be aware of the exact nature of the excitement he’d felt… which was probably for the best. “I didn’t like it, but I didn’t hate it, either,” he muttered, staring at the ground with an unreadable expression. 

While Rin couldn’t always recall specific imagery, emotions usually bled through the barrier separating his halves. When he’d removed Yukio’s eye and when he’d burnt Shiemi, his demon half had in no way been upset; he’d instead regarded his loved ones with a detached interest, not bothered in the least by their pain. Apathy seemed to be the most sensitive response Rin’s demon half could manage— he knew that there were moments he’d enjoyed harming others, relished their pain. Almost all of those times had involved bullies who picked on the vulnerable, but wanting anybody to suffer was bad, wasn’t it?

She pulled out a drawer, rummaging for a moment before finding the balm she was looking for. “Well, you kind of made it my problem.” Was that rude, she thought a moment later. She blinked at Rin, giving him a small smile while she opened the tub and spread the medicine on her hand. “I mean, you did ask me to be there for you, so... N-Not that I mind!” she added, face heating up.

Was it just her, or was this situation becoming more awkward by the moment? It was kind of funny, when she thought of the fact that she hadn’t felt awkward at all when she was talking to Rin’s demon half, even though some of what he’d said was quite... lewd.

She cast around for something else to say, and her gaze settled on the small stack of books on her bedstand that she had yet to return to Izumo. She felt her face becoming even hotter, and she returned to looking at her hand, spreading a little more cream on it before closing the container again.

Something had changed for sure, but she wasn’t certain what or why. She didn’t feel any more ready or equal than she had back then. But at the same time, she knew that something had shifted — and she knew it had happened when Rin’s sword broke. She also recalled the way she’d felt when Rin told her he thought she was powerful. The memory of it made her heart hammer against her ribcage, and before she thought about it twice, she blurted,

“You’ve seen what I can do to people I care about when I’m… like that,” he said, glancing away. His gut twisted with disgust and guilt; Yukio reassured him constantly that it wasn’t his fault, that he’d purposefully egged his demon half on, but Rin could still barely bring himself to look where Yukio’s left eye had been. “That part of me doesn’t think anything like a human. Not a normal one, at least.” Any human who thought the way his demon half did was very, very sick.

Rin gave a small nod and moved to follow Shiemi inside, fangs worrying at his bottom lip as he glanced at her hand again. He could tell just by looking at it that the skin was going to blister; still, it was a good sign that it hurt, right? The worst burns made everything completely numb— Rin knew that from personal experience.

His lips pressed into a thin line, forehead creasing with worry. “He shouldn’t be able to come out that easily,” he said, clenching his hands into fists. Having such little control over himself was both humiliating and terrifying. “It’s not safe.” Was it even safe for him to go out in public? What if a stranger accidentally did something that pulled his demon half to the surface?

It took Shiemi a moment to realize Rin was talking about Yukio and his eye; initially, she had been confused, as Rin hadn’t hurt any of them when his sword had broken. She came to a halt at the top of the stairs, waiting for him to catch up. She knew Yuki had told him not to blame himself for this before, and it was to no avail, so she didn’t even try to reason with him about the possibilities, and how Yuki thought having only one eye was better than having Satan in one of them. That wasn’t for her to say, anyway. So instead, she said, her voice thoughtful, “You weren’t wrong after all… I think.” She was almost certain Rin remembered their entire conversation this time, so she was confident he would make the connection fast.

“I didn’t think about it at the time, but now that you’ve brought it up, I… I have to admit that making that whole forest… felt really good. It was this big giant rush of excitement – though Nii-chan helped, of course…” Thinking back to the feeling, she almost lost her train of thought, but she managed to turn back to her initial meaning. “What I’m trying to say is… there’s a difference between liking what you can do, and liking hurting people.” She glanced down at her hand again. “I know for sure that you didn’t like burning me, when it came down to it. And I’d bet anything that no part of you liked that Yuki-chan was in pain while you were saving his life. So… that doesn’t make any part of you bad, you know.”

She didn’t wait to see his reaction; her hand was beginning to hurt badly enough that it was stinging her eyes too, and she hurried towards her room to get the balm she needed. Almost as an afterthought, to what Rin said last, she replied, “I thought that was my fault.”

salarymanexorcist:

The warmth of the cup was deeply contrasted to his own fingers, which felt quite cold. It drew him back to the room, tugging him back to reality and Shiemi’s soothing gaze. A tug in his stomach followed, emotion welling up as he clasped the cup tighter. The aroma, the heat, the feeling of his brother’s tail—it all helped ground him.

“Thank you,” Yukio said, the corners of his lips turning upward. Barely a smile, but he couldn’t muster much else at this point. His body was crying out for rest, and for once his brain was also following suit.

Rin seemed to be in the same position. Some herbs still worked for him where pharmacy drugs didn’t—though Rin had never really had difficulty falling asleep, Yukio knew he had nightmares every so often, so he hoped the valeriana would help him as well. It wouldn’t be the first thing they’d thought he was ‘immune’ to and it turned out he very much wasn’t.  

He took a drink from his cup before responding, closing his eye for a moment. “That sounds good. I’m not really up for moving around anymore than I have.” And he didn’t want to be carried either. Never mind the awkward positioning or the indignity, Rin looked tired enough to drop…and carrying Yukio would wake him back up again.

Besides, he’d slept in far more uncomfortable bedding, though he wasn’t going to say that aloud.

So he gave her a small nod, after casting his brother a glance. “In any case, I have no objections. I could also fall asleep here.”

The pillows were brought in, and Rin fell asleep about as soon as he laid down. Even while unconscious, he nestled close to Yukio, purring softly; with his brother home and Shiemi nearby, he felt more at peace than he had in a while. 

Rin had always been a deep sleeper, but peaceful sleep was rare. Lately, it’d been easier to count the nights he didn’t have nightmares— thankfully, tonight was one of those rare nights. His sleep wasn’t quite dreamless, but what few dreams he did have consisted of little more than faint impressions; a hand rustling his hair, Kuro curled up on his stomach, his father’s laughter. It was nice.

His appearance while sleeping was just as strange as it’d always been, if not more so. Rin’s expression was serene, but the effect was ruined by the fact that his eyes were half-open— something that had been unsettling to witness since he was a child, but looked almost frightening now that his eyes were permanently demonic. Most of his demonic features were on display in a way they usually weren’t while he was awake; his bangs had fallen away from his face to reveal his horns, and his partially opened mouth offered a glimpse of his fangs. 

After bringing the pillows, and a few extra blankets for good measure (the kotatsu was warm, but it was softer to lie down on them), Shiemi contemplated leaving the boys be, for a few moments. Still, she found herself gravitating back to them, after she’d cleared away the remnants of their meal. For how exhausted she knew she was, it felt as if she’d fallen through some kind of watershed where she was no longer sleepy. By the time she returned, the boys were both out like a light, so the girl simply settled down, resigned to her fate.

For a while, she simply watched them, allowing it to really wash over her: Yuki was back, Rin had saved him, and both of them were here, safe and… well, almost sound, though nowhere near uninjured. Maybe… maybe it was okay to stop worrying for a little while.

This relief seemed to have done its job in the end; somewhere along the way, without realizing, Shiemi did fall asleep, even though she was in an awkward position, still sitting up and slumped over the kotatsu. Unfortunately, her last coherent waking thought did not carry over into her dreams – rather, the complete opposite did. It would only occur to her later on that this was the first time she’d had any kind of dream ever since Rin’s demon half first came to the forefront, and she’d depleted herself creating a protective forest.

In any case, this was where her mind was taking her back to: the one prominent, unchanging part of it was the forest she knew she’d created, the rest of it was an ever-shifting mix of her running from something or someone she sometimes didn’t recognize, and then sometimes knew it to be Amaimon, until towards the end it became… Rin. And when he finally caught up to her, it was not the Rin she remembered, with black hair and partially demonic features. Nor was it his new white appearance. It was… much worse than that.

Shiemi woke with a silent start, breathless and still seeing the form of a boy burnt beyond recognition. It took a few moments for her to become aware of her actual surroundings, to realize she was still sitting at (or rather, lying on top of) the kotatsu. Its warmth, which usually served as comfort for her, right now was making her feel nauseated. Careful not to make a sound, she got up, taking one more moment to look at the sleeping forms of Rin and Yukio, to remind herself they were here, alive. Then she slipped outside and walked down to her garden for some fresh air.

Rin was shaking, too, but he felt like doing anything but laughing. He remembered almost everything, which was good in a way— he wasn’t as disoriented as he usually was, and he felt none of the heart-gripping fear that came with not knowing what he’d done while blacked out. On the other hand, most of what he remembered made him want to find a nice, secluded corner where he could curl up and die of embarrassment.

“I-I know…” He didn’t know what else to say. The whole experience had made him feel immensely vulnerable and ashamed. He’d shown Shiemi what was quite literally the worst parts of him, and even though she was taking it in stride… Rin worried that his demon half would color her overall perception of him. The way he’d acted reminded Rin too much of how he’d been as a child; swinging wildly from one emotion to another depending on how others treated him, with an immense amount of hurt disguised as anger.

He froze in surprise for a moment or two when Shiemi reached out to hug him, but he quickly moved to return the hug, holding Shiemi tight. “You’re incredible,” he said, tears of relief welling up in his eyes. Was he being a little too forward? Maybe, but he was too overwhelmed with emotion to care. “He wasn’t— I wasn’t trying to hurt you. Do you know how incredible that is?” Until now, Rin had been under the impression that harming others was all his demon half wanted to do. That Shiemi had been able to convince him to do otherwise, to cool his flames and hold her hand was… Rin had no words for it.

It probably helped that his demon half was apparently just as infatuated with Shiemi as his human half, which was… not entirely unexpected, but still an odd thing to realize. Especially since he expressed it in ways Rin would really prefer he wouldn’t.

Shiemi wasn’t laughing anymore when she went to hug Rin, but she still huffed with amusement at what he said, her grasp tightening a little. “Pretty incredible,” she said, “but you give me far too much credit.” It would have been a lie to say anything that had happened was predictable, but looking back at it from hindsight, Shiemi found she was nowhere near as surprised as Rin seemed to be. “It’s you,” she said, as if that explained everything – and to her, it did. “I don’t have any less reason to trust you than I ever had.”

She knew she sounded naïve, that Rin would be incredulous, or think she was foolhardy to have that much faith in him. She didn’t know how to explain it – not without wading into territory where they’ve already figuratively burnt each other. (In fact, when it came to this, it was Shiemi who had hurt Rin far worse than the other way around. Now, she wasn’t sure she had the right to open up that can of worms again.)

When she pulled away, she was still smiling for a moment, but it didn’t last very long. Now that the remainder of – whatever it was she’d felt while the other Rin was around (adrenaline, perhaps?) – was draining away fast, she was more aware of the painful throbbing of her hand. And while she hadn’t wanted to worry Rin or make him feel guilty, it was a second-degree burn, and she needed to treat it. “Can we go inside?” She raised her hand to her mouth, blowing a bit of cool air on it, wincing. “I’ve got some already prepared salve in my room.”

salarymanexorcist:

The care and concern radiating from Rin and Shiemi was palpable, overwhelming almost. He turned his gaze to the food instead of their faces, chest tightening with an influx of emotion. Vulnerability wasn’t something he let show, if he could help it. In fact he was more inclined to consider it as something off-limits; he had to stay strong, stony-faced, or have his weakness exploited. It was like Rin and Shiemi were peering underneath a cracked mask, and though it was a breath of fresh air, it was also terrifying.

Tucking into his food, Yukio ate small bites, reluctant to bring back the nausea from earlier. He didn’t think it’d take much, and dealing with hunger and nausea at the same time was (while not unfamiliar) wholly unpleasant. 

With a careful swallow, Yukio shook his head. No, the Illuminati had not fed him properly. Despite the white, white halls, they made no attempt to hide that the facility was run by demons, for demons, and so the mess hall had been–

“No, good food isn’t a priority of theirs,” Yukio said, shoving the thought out of his mind and finishing the rest of his portion in one gulp. As he’d thought, the nausea had come right back, so a distraction was his best bet.

“How have you been doing for food, nii-san?” Yukio asked. “I doubt Mephisto raised your allowance by much, if at all.” Ok, don’t think about him either. Control yourself.

Yukio picked up a cookie and nibbled on it instead, going silent and watching Rin and Shiemi interact. They both looked tired, he realised. Exhausted, even. He doubted the past few weeks had been easy on them, or maybe he was just paying attention for once. 

“We should all get some rest after this,” Yukio murmured. He rotated his cookie around in his fingers, looking disinterested, then unfocused. It was hard to readjust his mindset again, that he wouldn’t be returning to cold linen that always smelt off, or that horrible mess hall, or golden eyes that always were smiling no matter what face he wore, as though he’d won, and Satan would taunt him, knowingly, that he had. 

It didn’t feel real. 

“Listen, the last of your cooking I tried was those sandwiches,” Rin whined, taking another bite. “Can you blame me for being a little nervous at first?” He felt like eating a whole omelet in five seconds and then passing out face-down on the kotatsu’s tabletop, but Rin showed an impressive amount of restraint. While he was eating quickly, it was still a relatively normal pace, and his eyes and sallow complexion were the only clues that he was exhausted.

He frowned when he noticed Yukio withdrawing in on himself again; Rin had clearly touched some kind of nerve, and he wasn’t sure what to say or do to make it better. “I’ve been too busy to cook for a while, so I might go overboard these first few weeks,” he said with a sheepish grin. Going along with Mephisto’s infuriating plots and searching for his brother had taken up all of his time, and even when he’d had the opportunity… Rin had found himself not wanting to. For a while, he’d been afraid that he’d lost the motivation forever— but now Yukio was back, and Rin was determined to feed him properly. 

Rin gave a small hum of agreement, his tail curling slightly tighter around Yukio. He could fall asleep just about anywhere at this point, so long as he was near his brother; Rin didn’t want to let Yukio out of his sight for a while. “I could fall asleep right here, honestly…” The kotatsu was incredibly comfortable— so comfortable that it was starting to get difficult to keep his eyes open.

“You mean the sandwiches that saved everyone’s lives?” Shiemi quipped, mouth quirking into a smile. She honestly couldn’t fault Rin for being so cautious, even if it hurt her pride a little bit. Still, there was no use being offended by facts: she was not the best of cooks. She was quite happy they liked her omelette, too – there was no point wanting more. “We can’t all be as fantastic at cooking as you are.” She rested her cheek in her palm, elbow on the table, and smiled warmly at Rin for a moment before turning her attention over to Yukio.

Her smile waned a little bit, though not noticeably. From where she sat, he just looked exhausted to the point of depletion – and honestly, no wonder. If it weren’t for Rin needing him, Shiemi never would have let him get out of bed. With a small sigh, she took one of the mugs and the kettle, filling it with tea, and then pressed it gently into Yukio’s hands in an attempt to jostle him slightly out of his introspection before he fell into it too deep, whatever it was about. When his fingers were around the ceramic, her hands covered both of his for a moment, and she blinked at him, her gaze holding a secret smile that didn’t show on her lips, before pulling away.

“I put a little valeriana in it,” she said simply, knowing even exhausted, Yukio’s mind would connect the dots. It would help him sleep a little deeper, with fewer dreams. At this point, helping him get some actual good rest was the extent of what else she could do for him – but it would do wonders for healing, they both knew that.

It wouldn’t do much for Rin, of course, but listening to him, and seeing the way he blinked slowly, it seemed he wouldn’t really need it, either. Still, for good measure, and just so he wouldn’t be left out of her rounds of care, Shiemi poured Rin some tea as well, her expression turning thoughtful as she handed it to him. “That’s not a bad idea, actually… I was thinking you two would take my bed, but there’s even more space here, and more warmth – I can just bring the pillows over here.” Of course, the floor would be a little harder, but Shiemi thought the warmth would make up for it.

Rin and Shiemi moment in Ao no Exorcist I just adore their relationship, and interactions.

This is an actual craft I made, it closes up like a card and when you open it, all of this stands up. I’ve made this awhile back in 2017 I’ve actually finished it on Christmas Eve. The art style of it is a little older than my current improvements. This was already posted on my Deviantart as well. Hope you guys like it