DRIVE AROUND TOWN HOLDING HANDS;

“Seeing the Windsor name plastered on businesses and buildings all around the city. I mean, it’s... stupid, I know it is. I just can’t help but feel... I don’t know, left out? They’re always building and investing, and going to fancy places, having fun at parties... I made the decision to go my own way, I know I should just... ignore it. But-- sometimes I just miss having a family. I miss my mother making sure I wasn’t staying up too late reading. I miss my grandfather’s German lessons. I even miss my father lecturing me about tracking mud into the manor after I’d been playing outside.”

“They don’t need me there, though. I never fit in. And that’s fine-- I’m fine. I decided to leave. I didn’t want the money, or the crazy lifestyle. And they-- they don’t miss me. ... I’m okay with that. Really.”

this could be worth the risk, worth a guarantee — alice ( @heartovermindalice )

Occasionally Callie wondered whether or not they ought to attach a disclaimer to any students in medical school intent on being surgeons; something about the insane hours or the late nights or the soul crushing fact that they watched their patients die as much as they saved them. It had simply become knowledge she’d absorbed and remembered keenly any time she stepped out of the hospital with her shoulders slumped, a bone deep exhaustion and a bad mood she was sure might as well have been projecting itself out into the world from sheer force alone. It had been one of those shifts— losing one of her favorite patients had stung more deeply than anything and she wanted nothing more than several strong drinks and the ability to sleep for the next two days she had off. 

She wished idly, on occasion, that she could have someone to come home to. Chances were they wouldn’t quite understand her poor moods or her bone deep desire to protect and treat every patient she had, but they would be a comfort. Something to offset the half lived-in, cold apartment she inhabited, and the grating loneliness that came with it. She hunched her shoulders against the chill of the late evening and walked a little faster; as lonely as her apartment was, it had alcohol and a bed and that was more than enough to encourage her forward. 

Her attention being as fragmented as she was she never looked up to see whether anyone was in front of her and her shoulder colliding roughly with someone ahead of her startled her out of her thoughts so thoroughly she made a brief noise of blatant surprise. “I’m so—” Her apology died in the back of her throat the moment she took a brief second to look at the person she’d bumped into properly. There was something distinctly unfair about the fact that Alice still looked so, so beautiful in the dim light and Callie’s attempt to speak further only succeeded in producing a pained noise somewhere in her throat. “Um. Hi, Allie. Long night?”

Her day had been a long one, full of edits, rewrites and one particularly gruelling meeting that had left Alice desperate for a lunch break. She loved her job, she truly did, but the amount of work she had to put in sometimes was enough to make her consider freelancing. Working on her own schedule and allowing herself some down time-- it sounded like heaven compared to the paper’s insistence that they stay on top of current events at all times. Alice felt like she hadn’t had a breather in a very, very long time, and that night was no different. She was still in the office, far later than anyone else had been, just trying to get ahead on her projects and finish articles before deadlines hit.

It was dark by the time she left, the cleaners locking everything up as she swiped her pass to get out of the building and began her trek back to her apartment. It wasn’t terribly far, and Alice didn’t want to waste money on a cab when her own two legs could get her there perfectly fine. The night air was cool, a gentle breeze running through the streets as she hitched her bag up on her shoulder and made her way through the usually bustling but now quiet area. She had her phone out, too, headphones in as she was returning emails and listening to some music, trying to occupy herself during the journey. The bright light was enough to dim the part of the pathway right in front of her, Alice unbothered by the lessened perception-- she knew the way, there was no need to check street signs or anything of the like.

Of course, this absolutely meant she was prone to walking into something-- or someone. And it was her awful luck that for a second time in the last week or so the person she happened upon, this time clashing roughly against their shoulder instead of simply noticing them next to her, was an ex-partner.

“Oh, gosh, I’m so--” They both began to apologise at the same time, and in the same moment that they realised who the other was, they both ceased to speak. They were both startled, that much was obvious, and Alice’s chest grew tight just looking at the other woman. She was as gorgeous as ever, albeit a little tired. Alice would know her face anywhere; the face she’d kissed goodnight and woken up next to for countless months.

Alice didn’t know how long it’d been since she’d last seen Callie. The time had rushed by, but she’d done so many new things, gone so many places-- and loved so many people since then. But they hadn’t been Callie. No one else had ever been like Callie. As soon as those thoughts entered her mind, the guilt of thinking of the other woman in such a way when she was supposed to have moved on hit her like a ton of bricks, and Alice’s nervousness only grew more obvious. Averting her gaze from Callie to the ground, she began to scuff her shoe against the concrete, her demeanour off-beat and awkward. Well, more so than usual.

Still disturbed by the things he had done, Kaleb sought forgiveness. He thought that by doing so, he would be clearing his conscience. He thought that by gaining some sort of reconciliation with Alice that he might finally have a chance to find what it was he was looking for. There wasn’t an inch of his soul that he did not crave to burn out of him. His ego shrouded the hatred he had buried so far deep within himself that sometimes even he’d forget the reasons for which he was so relentlessly destructive. He did not deserve women like Alice and he certainly did not deserve her forgiveness. Yet still, in vain, he asked nonetheless. Like the Beast asking the the Enchantress for forgiveness, knowing that he should never receive such mercy without learning his lesson. Yet, he stood there, seemingly unaffected by her words. What use would it be for him to speak up for himself? Or to admit his feelings? Alice was the kind of woman that would react with guilt and she did not deserve to feel guilt for this monster. He was the one that had driven such a polite and beautiful human being to speak with such contempt. He knew now, stood there, looking at her with not so much as a hint of emotion in his eyes of what it was he was so undeserving of. Kaleb hoped that one day he would be well and truly man enough to deserve someone like her, or to at least have the gall to admit his wrongdoings and apologise. He was so very aware of what he had done to her, it was one of the many reasons he had fled the country. Alice would have forgiven him, had he given her half the chance but instead, he ran away.

“Oh no, you get to call me out for my bullshit but you don’t get to be a fucking hypocrite here.” Kaleb interjected, deciding it was about time he spoke up for himself. “You’re no better than I am. You don’t get to shit all over my past just because you happen to keep all your exes wrapped up in a pretty little bow like fucking pets. We’re two of the fucking same and you know it - that’s why you liked me. Just don’t call me a coward for ending things when I know it’s not going anywhere instead of waiting for it to fizzle out after the honeymoon phase is over.” He was a lot of things, he wouldn’t deny that he came with a gargantuan truck load of baggage but he was not dishonest. “Stay mad at me all you want, I don’t care, but don’t come all high and mighty when I try to make peace.”

He hoped that one day he could make it up to her but apparently that day was not today.

And here, in the middle of a busy London street standing opposite the man who had hurt her so terribly, was where Alice finally broke. Just like every other time she had tried to stand up to someone, it took a few simple words to cause her to back down. He had pushed her to anger, he had pushed her to madness, and then he had pushed her to sadness. Her eyes had been stinging with tears she hadn’t cried since Kaleb had left her, but now they rolled freely down her cheeks. Drawing in a shuddering breath and trying not to let herself audibly sob, she knew better than to try and snap back at him-- she knew she couldn’t, having lost all resolve she’d previously had. No, she wasn’t perfect or totally innocent, but he didn’t need to treat her like a monster for trying to protect herself, for trying to keep her heart and her feelings safe; she knew that he was well aware that she barely ever did that in her life.

“Was I really not enough for you?” The question was blurted out before she had the time to think, asked in such a pathetic way that it was obviously how she truly felt about all of this. All this time had passed and she was still so vulnerable to his words, and to him. No, she wasn’t forgiving him, or pardoning his actions. She was searching for answers. “Why did it ha-...have to end? Who says that after the excitement of a h-honeymoon, it isn’t still good? ... Who says that we weren’t good?” Alice didn’t even want pity. She didn’t want sympathy. She just wanted to know why she’d deserved what he’d given her.

Hastily pulling her sleeved arm up to wipe the tears from her face away, Alice sniffed a few times and tried to erase any signs of her crying. She was exceptionally used to this by now, people giving up on her; her family, her friends, her lovers... it still hurt every single time. And she knew she shouldn’t care, she knew that because of the things that Kaleb had done, she should hate him. But she didn’t. As upset as she was, she could never truly hate someone. Not even him. She had loved him-- oh, God, she had loved him. And he had loved her back. Alice knew better than to question something she knew to be true. So why did love like that have to end up in flames? “We c-...could have tried a little h-harder,” She continued, her voice shaky and her stutter really flaring up. “We didn’t h-have to fight. We cou-... We could have been--...” Words failed her, and her sentence trailed off.

This was a side of Alice that Kaleb had never seen before, he’d heard her talk of family before but never saw the attitude that came with such a name. When they were in what most would consider a ‘happy relationship’, Alice and Kaleb both spoke so freely about their family matters. He hated to say it, but he liked the way she spoke when her tone was laced with malice. Kaleb knew he was a shitty person, when he was dating Alice he knew one hundred percent that he did not deserve someone as wonderful as her. Deep down he knew that what he did to her was a product of his own insecurity. The man expected her to leave, every single time and she never did, not until he took it too far. Even when she walked away, he acted with such disdain. She deserved so much better, much more than he could ever offer. That wasn’t to say he had never loved her, for he had. He loved every woman that graced his sheets, in his own way. He loved too often and too passionately, with flames that died so abruptly that it left it’s previous occupant cold. 

“You cannot possibly still be mad at me after all this time.” He’d fled the country when they broke up, the guilt was far too much for him to handle. Kaleb couldn’t dare admit that he was in the wrong for hurting someone so delicate and sweet. Everyone was so quick to assume that he had no heart, but the truth was that he was just too proud to say that he did. In his own mind, he was invulnerable. Alice had every right to remain angry with him. “Can’t we just bury the hatchet? We are both going to be living in the same city.”

A huge part of Alice so very badly want say ‘yes, we can forgive and forget’, but for reasons she could guess without much trouble her pride wouldn’t allow her to be so lenient with Kaleb. No amount of time was going to convince her that he was a changed man-- because he just wasn’t. To forgive someone who had not learned a thing... no. She couldn’t-- she wouldn’t do it. There were limits to her understanding. She had many exes, just the same as him. She had always been a serial romantic. She was searching for the one, though, not dating just to date. Most of her relationships had ended because they were no longer compatible and because their future together was nonexistent, or simply not one that either party had wanted-- not because she had been goaded into a fit of anger, causing her to break things off.

The countless times he had treated her like something he could throw away at any point, and she’d allowed those actions to slide every single time-- now, she had had enough. Kaleb Durrand did not deserve kindness right now, nor was he going to earn it with such an arrogant attitude. Perhaps it was her short fuse after such a stressful day, and perhaps she would regret being so rude later on, but right then and there she had had enough.

“Actually, yes, I am still upset with you. I am allowed to be. And no, I will not ‘bury the hatchet’. You did this to yourself.” Her scathing tone was so out of character for her that she almost couldn’t believe it herself. It seemed as though Astrid truly had rubbed off on her.

Taking another drag of her cigarette, Alice huffed, clearly unhappy that this was how they were meeting after such a tumultuous relationship followed by a messy break-up. He had disappeared for a long while after it had all occurred, and truthfully it had been better that way. If Kaleb had stuck around, she was sure she would have tried to reconcile, to continue their obviously dysfunctional relationship. Or, had she not gone down that route, the very least she would have done was attempt friendliness. And if either had happened, Alice had no doubt she would have had a much more difficult getting over the man.

Continuing to walk down the street, she rolled her eyes when she realised that Kaleb was still behind her. She turned on her heel to face him and she let out one more crude remark. “You don’t you go find another ex-girlfriend to bother, Kaleb? How many have you left like you did me? Have you slept your way through the rest of the city yet?” Though she might have been mad, as soon as the words left her lips, Alice experienced instant regret. She was not a cruel or mean person, and she hated the fact that Kaleb would know her words were only said out of frustration. They had both loved one another when they had been together, and Alice never spoke to people she loved like that. Kaleb had known her too well during her relationship and it wasn’t as if she had changed much since then.

“The snow is always so beautiful this time of year...” Alice commented, not to anyone in particular, but she knew Kaleb had heard her. Her barely covered shins were practically chilled to the bone as they made their way down the cobbled laneway, and she’d been silly enough to forget a proper jacket at home. At least she’d had the sense to wear boots that had enough grip so as to avoid a slip on the icy patches. A slight shiver ran down her spine as the iciness well and truly hit her. Walking beside her boyfriend, she let outstretched fingers curl around his hand, relishing the warmth of his palm against her smaller one. Glancing up at Kaleb, she grinned, her heart flipping over in her chest, as it always had when she looked at him.

“I’m getting kind of cold,” She remarked, hoping he’d catch the hidden question. Alice then tugged him closer on a whim, really feeling the frost now. Carefully, she leant in as if to kiss him. “I’m getting really cold,” She murmured, all the while sliding his jacket off of his shoulders and arms. Once it was free, she snatched it away, dodging his lips at the last moment, playful giggles bubbling up from her chest. “Gotcha! You’re so easy, Kale. That’s the third time this week!”

Quickly, she slipped his jacket on, and hugged her tiny frame to lock in what little warmth was left as she let her eyes track the floating snowflakes in the air before her gaze landed back on Kaleb. Again, her chest fluttered with excitement, and happiness. She took a step closer to her again, this time intending to stay next to him. “Promise you’ll keep me warm?” She asked quietly, her nose grazing against his and a soft smile decorating her features. Alice didn’t have to wait for an answer; Kaleb was hers, and she was his. Even if it was just for right now. Standing on her toes, she let their lips press together in a deliciously frozen kiss.

For the first time in a long while, Alice was truly content.

( @kalebdurrand )

“I don’t want to be abrupt or interrupt anything that’s going on here but I need you to pretend to be in my company for like, 10 minutes while I hide. Is that cool? It’s my ex girlfriend and things are still awkward so I’d rather not deal with that right now.” Dylan pulled out her pens and paper before showing the other a small portfolio of her work, “As compensation I can draw you as a superhero. Deal?”

Alice understood the situation this girl was in all too well. After all, she’d been in the same spot many times herself, trying to avoid people she fallen out with or exes who were intent on speaking to her. She glanced over to try and spot whoever this stranger was trying to avoid, and immediately squeaked a little as she realised the ex-girlfriend seemed to be coming this way. Without even really having to think about it, her cunning side sprung into action and a rolodex of ideas began to spin in her mind. When she came across one that made sense, she grabbed the other girl by her shoulders. “Play along,” Alice then leant in and kissed the stranger, obstructing the view of her face from any onlookers.

She kept their lips pressed together, her eyes cracked open a centimetre to watch for the ex this woman was trying to avoid. A body passed them, but made no comment, and after a subtle glance through her lashes, Alice could no longer see the other person. It looked like she hadn’t noticed at all; her idea had definitely worked, that was safe to say. Maybe Hollywood wasn’t all lies. “--I think she’s gone,” She finally murmured against the woman’s lips when she deemed it to be safe, before tentatively moving back from the touch.

It was as though a cold wind had just brushed by him. He felt stiff for a moment, uncomfortable and strange. It was a feeling he often experienced when running into an encounter with an old flame. Many of whom he had parted ways with on terrible terms. He hadn’t the best track record when it came to women, or men for that matter. Oftentimes, the women walked away with much more disdain than the men. Every time he started a new relationship, he would be convinced that he was ready to start new, that he was prepared to make this work – and that mentally would last for a while, two or three months at the most. His eyes would wander, and almost as quickly as one could flip a coin, his fake morals would be flying out of the proverbial window. Kaleb Durrand was a man that could not thrive without new excitement and challenge. Alice, unfortunately had been all too kind and sweet for a man such as he. She had deserved better, so much better and even he knew that. Would he admit such a thing? Most definitely not.  

Though she may have been small, her efforts to sneak by were in vain. He spotted her the moment she pushed her hair to the side. And such a beauty could not go without turning the heads of almost everyone in her path. Of course he was forced to look her way. He was an asshole but he wasn’t blind and he didn’t date her for her mind. Stretching his legs even further away from the hotel, he made sure to walk into the females path so to join her. “You wouldn’t happen to be avoiding someone, would you?” Kaleb inquired, sliding both of his hands into his pant pockets.

"Oh, tits,” Alice muttered, steeling herself for the likely tense conversation she was about to have. She’d already spent her day dealing with people she didn’t particularly like, which only raised her stress levels, and now this was happening. Of course he’d noticed her. Of course he wanted to stop and chat, act like nothing was wrong. It was just so like him to demand attention, so like him to jump on the pounce on the chance to speak to her, a sort of taunt about the fact that they were no longer in a relationship.

Sweeping her hair back over her shoulder so she could give Kaleb a defiant look, quite at the end of her tether after her lack of results, Alice exhaled a lungful of smoke into the space between the two. “Can I help you?” She questioned, her tone jarring-- even for her own self. If there was one thing she had learned from her family, it was how to be cruel. And while she didn’t particularly enjoy it, there were days where she was not nice, where she was not sweet and gentle. Days where she truly was a Windsor.

The act was incredibly bold, especially for one such as her, but the spurned lover within her had won out over the urge to be kind. Rather than stuttering her way through a sentence and making a fool of herself, Alice was determined to be cutthroat. Or as close to that as she could ever be. “Am I avoiding someone? Oh, yes. You.” It was said with a small smirk, intended to hurt his ego.

“I’ve been waiting here for 45 minutes and the contractor still hasn’t turned up.” Kaleb guffawed hearing what the man on the other end of the phone line had to say, “What do you mean he’s at the hotel? He’s obviously at the wrong building.” A patient man he might have been, but he wasn’t one to take unprofessional-ism lightly. This was the third time he’d been on the phone to this company in a week, trying to set up the new ballroom extension to his hotel. This was by far his smallest of the hotels he owned, but he had big plans for the future. “Forget it. You’re wasting my time, I’ve cancelled two meetings for this. I’ll find someone else.” It took all of his energy not to curse, but he had a company to represent and this idiot wasn’t going to ruin his day entirely. As he hung up, Kaleb walked towards the front desk and told his receptionists that if anyone from the company were to turn up, they were to send them away. He rubbed his face as he walked back towards the entrance and took a minute to breathe in the fresh air. “I need a break -” he murmured, more so to himself than anyone else.

In her attempt to perform some investigative journalism into the world of hospitality in London, Alice had ended up in a hotel, trying to get something more substantial out of the employees than drivel about how amazing their hotel was. This wasn’t intended to be a fluff piece, she had intended to look into how the employees of establishments were treated, but she was decidedly getting nothing from the people who had agreed to speak to her. The particular manager she was speaking to was touting about how well their underlings were treated. Which, of course, gave her nothing to work with. None of them had.

“-- Thank you for your time, I think I have what I need.” Alice suddenly blurted out, admittedly making the encounter an awkward one, but she’d be damned if she was going to spend her entire day listening to someone tell her how great everything was, and how well everyone was treated. Her tip had informed her that was not the case, and she was clearly getting frustrated that she wasn’t able to speak to the right people. Exhaling slowly as she went to leave the building, Alice decided to come back another time, find a way to win over those who had something interesting to tell her. Until then, it was best to just walk away.

“Jesus Christ,” Stepping out onto the sidewalk, Alice finally let out the exasperation she’d been feeling, lighting up a cigarette and letting her posture slump slightly. The last thing she expected was for someone else to join her outside the hotel doors so quickly, looking rather upset. Assumedly things had not gone well for him, either, and as she opened her mouth to greet the stranger, she caught a good look at his face and paled immediately. Jerking her gaze away, she felt like a deer caught in headlights, her body tensed and ready to run. “Oh, bloody hell,” She muttered under her breath, her chest tightening as she recognised the man who’d appeared to the right of her.

As far as he was concerned he operated far better in the evenings; there was something about the anonymity darkness could bring to any situation that was particularly comforting to him, especially considering he spent a great deal of his free time these days doing things that he’d never have dreamed of in his younger years. Despite his relative comfort in the darkness, however, he wasn’t an altogether solitary person and attempting to catch anyone’s attention for the night was often so hit and miss he grew quite bored of trying faster than he’d really like. It was how he’d found himself out a dingy pub, patting his pockets with mounting frustration in search of a lighter for the cigarette hanging between his lips. “Fuckin’ hell,” He mumbled around it, raising his head to grin crookedly at the nearest person, “You wouldn’t happen to have a light would ya?”

Alice wasn’t sure how she’d been coerced into going to the pub tonight, especially given the steadily growing pile of assignments she had on her work desk... and her desk at home. She’d made the most of it, having a couple drinks while she had the opportunity. After an hour or two in the stuffy building, Alice had been eager for some fresh air and a cigarette- a habit she hadn’t really expected to pick up, but had in her time away from her family-- which now meant she was standing outside the pub with one between two fingers, rocking back and forth on the balls of her feet.

At first, she didn’t hear the question directed at her, struggling to stay attentive to her surroundings with a bit of alcohol in her system. Blinking a few times, she finally registered what had been said, her cheeks turning pink and a sheepish expression reflecting her awkward demeanour; it never seemed to matter who she spoke to, she would always be off-kilter. “Oh-- sorry-- here.“ Alice then offered her lighter, which had thankfully already been in her hand rather than in her bag.

“oh come on, please!” zoe said with the sweetest smile, knowing very well that the person opposite from her couldn’t resist it. 

Luckily, Sam was too busy freaking out to really notice what the girl had said until a little after they had started a conversation. “That must be what’s happening right now. I’m craving that dark, warm, bitter taste that I’ve just gone so long without. Okay, it’s been four days but I’m breaking. Today I call quits, I can’t to do this any longer.” He shook his head, vehemently refusing to continue on with this ludicrous plan of his. “Don’t worry, it’s usually me interrupting everyone else. I’ve been called an ‘obnoxious American’ at least three times since I’ve been here.”

“Oh-- yeah. Four days would d... do it.” She had calmed slightly after the initial shock of putting herself in the situation, and offered the stranger a sheepish smile. “You could always treat yourself and go down to a really nice c--... a really nice c... café. I know quite a few if you want suggestions. I don’t think I could give up caffeine if I wanted to. I really need it for work. But if you want to, you could always cut d... down.”

“You know, I wasn’t looking forward to this, but the music is decent and I still haven’t gotten anything spilled on my dress,” Isla commented, glancing at the person next to her. The station had asked her to cover the event and she’d begged them to find someone else, but she’d be forced to admit it wasn’t the worst party she’d ever been to. “Enjoying yourself?”