I'm on my way.

It kind of makes me more sad that I’m not more upset about this... like this was kind of a burning trash can of a relationship for a while now, so it’s more of a relief that I don’t have to try and salvage it anymore? But also I’m pretty bummed that one of the only times he called me of his own volition in the past two months was to break up with me. It makes me feel like my identity was just too much for him. Maybe I should have just bottled it up for longer. If he didn’t make an effort to learn more and we had been together for over a year maybe nobody else will. Maybe I’m always going to be too much for anyone to truly love. Too complicated. Not girl enough. Not boy enough. Some disgusting amalgamation outside and in between everyone’s usual “types”. I need more LGBT+ friends. I need support. I know deep down inside me that I am not disgusting. I am not abnormal. That somewhere out there is somebody waiting for somebody exactly like me. That somebody out there will appreciate my honesty with myself, my empathy, my compassion, my patience, my dedication to what I deem important. Somebody out there will learn of my trans identity and know how to handle it. They won’t feel the need to walk on eggshells through it all. They will ask the right questions when they don’t know how to proceed. They will respect my body as being complete no matter what stage it is in. They won’t view me as some odd battle between parts vs. personality. One day somebody will love me completely and wholly for who I am and not the person that people see today.