Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
ā Live Streamingā Interactive Chatā Private Showsā HD Qualityā Free Actions
Free to watch ⢠No registration required ⢠HD streaming
a series about love, crime & lust: written about enhypen, written for engenes!!
first release date : sunday, nov 24th, 2024 @ 10pm est
last updated : nov 18th, 2024
mdni
UNDER THE TABLE - lee heeseung
his criminal background profile
heeseung's got everyone's secretsā and now he's got yn's too. he's use to playing high-stakes games, but now yn might just be the biggest risk he's ever taken. so now he must choose, protect yn or lose it all?
pairing : blackmailer!heeseung x yn
genre : smut, angst, fluff.
wc : tbd.
release date : tbd.
enter?
DEALER'S TOUCH - jake sim
his criminal background profile
jake's everyone's go-to for everything and anything. all yn wanted was a little in to his world, she didn't expect to have fallen this deep into it and that there were this many dangers.
pairing : drug dealer!jake x good girl!yn
genre : smut, fluff, angst.
wc : tbd.
release date : tbd.
enter?
FAST LANE - park sunghoon
his criminal background profile
sunghoon has a need for speed, and yn has a knack for getting under his skinā now they're playing a dangerous game, and the stakes? so much higher than they expected.
pairing : car thief!sunghoon x sarcastic!yn
genre : smut, light humour?? idk angst
wc : tbd.
release date : sunday, november 24th, 2024 @ 10pm est
enter?
STRICTLY BUSINESS - jay park
his criminal background profile
jay is the perfect heir. he's charming, controlled and basically untouchableā until yn catches him in the shadows of their perfect boarding school. now, she's in too deep and jay's not about to just let you go.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
ā Live Streamingā Interactive Chatā Private Showsā HD Qualityā Free Actions
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ā° summary:Ā the art & science of parenting 101 (PSY1009)āĀ in this interactive course, students will explore the psychological, social, and biological foundations of parenthood. through a mix of theory and hands-on practice, you'll master the art of raising a simulated babyāaka the 'robot child'. late-night feedings, tantrum taming, and crisis control are all part of the deal.Ā Ā
what you didn't expect to be part of the deal? getting paired with jay parkāthe last person you'd trust to raise,Ā well,Ā anything.Ā youāre pretty sure he couldnāt even take care of a pet rock. now, youāre stuck co-parenting this robot baby together for 40% of your final grade.Ā
warning: sleep deprivation is guaranteed. and maybe,Ā just maybe, some unexpected feelings for your disaster of a partner. good luck!Ā
ā° pairing: jay park x y/n [ft. enha members!]
ā° genre: fluff, comedy | e2l!au,Ā college!au, (fake)parenting!au, he fell first, she fell harder type beat
ā° contains: mentions of parenting & parental neglect (sorta, only a smidge of like five words), crack! bc if you know me i self indulge in crack whoops, jay & y/n being opposites & school rivals, jay's annoying smirk like a million times, reader & jay are psych majors, jay's also a photographer, cheesy ass kisses, jay & reader are awkward! so awkward! thereās SO much tension . but in a cute awkward crush way
ā° wc: 20.5k [ONCE AGAIN -- this was not intentional..if you know me i just have too much fun writing sometimes & get too attached to the characters...]
ā° a/n: omg itās finally done. tell me why it took me so long to finish, i promise i didnāt mean to but lifeās been busier lately :ā) aNyways! ugh i luv writing e2l!jay for some reason,,,he fits the trope so well in my eyes heh but i hope you all like him & the characters as much as i enjoyed writing them !!! as busy as i am i love indulging in my crack x enha writes :P hope u enjoy & tell me what you think <333
Welcome to PSY1009, The Art & Science of Parenting 101! Throughout the next 12 weeks, weāre going to dive deep into the wondrous world of parentingādirty diapers and all. To kick off our course, weāre starting with our campus-famous project: raising your very own robot baby for the first half of the semester (with the help of your assigned partner, of course). Before our first class, we ask that you complete this pre-project questionnaire on your current views and opinions about parenting. No pressureāthere are no right or wrong answers (maybe only judgements from your future robot offspring)!
Q1 ā The Art & Science of Parenting 101 aims to apply different psychological approaches to parenting. What theories and methods do you believe are important to parenting?Ā
Y/N's Submission [8:25AM, September 18th]:
"I strongly believe that effective parenting revolves around a strict routine, which can be reinforced through the principles of operant conditioning, as developed by B.F. Skinner. Proper feeding schedules, consistent nap times, and regular development check-ins are essentialāI think a structured timetable would ensure a baby's needs are met efficiently and consistently. With a set schedule and a focus on developmental milestones, I believe we can maximize a child's growth potential, even if it's just a robot baby.ā
Q2 ā What do you expect to learn and gain out of this co-parenting experience?Ā Ā
Y/N's Submission [8:29AM, September 18th]: Ā
"I expect to confirm that a well-organized system is the key to successful parenting. I want to test my hypothesis that if you follow a set structure, yes, even with a robot baby, things will run smoothly. I am hoping that this experience runs smoothly with no unnecessary surprises.āĀ
āć».ć»ā«
Satisfied with your answers, you click 'submit' and close your laptop, feeling a wave of satisfaction as you settle into your seatācenter of the second rowāas you wait for the 9AM lecture to start.Ā Ā
It's 8:30AM.Ā Ā
You're the only one in the room.Ā Ā
Yeah, you're a little early. So what? One can never be too prepared. You've waited for this course forever, and you're determined to not only ace it (like you do with every class) but to dominate. So yes, coming early is characteristic of you, as you want to ensure you get the best seat in the classroom: center of the second rowācenter to get the best view of the professor's podium, and second row to be close enough to show you're engaged, but not close enough that it screams, Look at me, I'm a tryhard! Ā
It's clear you've come prepared. Plus, this class isn't just any ordinary electiveāit's the elective to take. Only the top students majoring in psychology get in, available only through direct invite by the professor. If you were invited to PSY1009, it meant you were the crĆØme de la crĆØme of psychology students. The best of the best. The elite. TheāĀ
Your train of thought is derailed when an all-too-familiar figure strolls into the room with that signature smirk. Backpack slung lazily over one (1) shoulder (as if two straps are too much effort), hair clearly still bedhead status, wearing whatever clothes he fished off The Chair (you know, the oneāwhere all questionable, semi-clean laundry lives).Ā
He strolls past youāof courseāand plops down right in front of you. Front row.Ā Ā
Try-hard.Ā
"Y/N, fancy seeing you here," Jay Park spins around, a knowing look plastered on his face, eyes gleaming. "I missed seeing that frown of yours all summer."Ā
"What are you doing here, Jay?" You roll your eyes and scoff at his comment. "Don't tell me you got into this class. It's for serious students."Ā Ā
Jay's grin only widens to your despair. "Contrary to your deeply misinformed opinion, Professor Kim actually loves me. I'm a great student."Ā Ā
āI donāt believe it,ā you deadpan back. āYou never turn your assignments in on time, and quite frankly, I'm surprised you were even able to find this classroom."Ā Ā
Jay shrugs, unfazed. "What can I say? Professor Kim doesn't just look at deadlines, she looks at talent. Guess that says a lot about me, huh?"Ā Ā
You mumble something under your breath about ātalent for procrastinationā but before he can fire back, Professor Kim walks into the room, cuing the silence of all the students who've filled up the class.Ā Ā
"Good morning, class! I'm so happy to see so many familiar faces."Ā Ā
Jay turns his head back towards the front of the room, as you instantly straighten up, flashing your favorite professor a smile. This is officially the fifth course you've taken with Professor Kim. It's no secret youāre one of her biggest fansāthe countless early mornings you've spent waiting at your computer, finger hovering over the āenrollā button the second registration opens so you can be one of the first students to sign up for her classes have proven that. Challenging but rewarding, her classes are always worth the effort. And yet, for reasons beyond your comprehension, Jay ParkāJay Freaking Parkāsomehow always ends up in the same classes. Every. Single. Time. Itās like a curse.Ā Ā
A loud, messy, procrastinating curseā¦
ā¦that just so happens to have a side profile almost as annoyingly good that it only pisses you off more.Ā
You wonder if heās actually here to learn or if heās just here to spite you. Because, honestly, the amount of classes youāve shared with him is no longer a coincidence. Five semesters in a row? Suspicious.Ā
But realistically, and unfortunately, Jay does study the same major as you, which means those last five semesters? Oh, those were five long semesters of endless debates on discussion boards, in-class duels over psychological theories, and the infamous showdown for the TA position in Professor Kim's Intro to Psychology course. And the worst part? Neither of you got the job because Professor Kimāin a diplomatic twist that made zero sense to youādeemed you both 'equally qualified.' So, the job went to the third best candidate instead. Tough luck.Ā Ā
You open up your laptop again, opening a perfectly organized Google Doc, ready to take notes on whatever pearls of wisdom Professor Kim is currently bestowing about your upcoming projectāwhich, in hindsight, you should really be paying attention to. You should be. But something so ridiculous, so blood-boiling, pulls your attention elsewhere.Ā Ā
Jay's desk is completely...empty.Ā
No laptop. No notebook. Not even a measly little pencil. Did he bring an empty backpack? Or did he just walk in here like he's casually waiting for someone to present him his grade on a silver platter? He's just sitting there like this is a casual hangoutāprobably expecting his robot baby to parent itself while he simply supervises (oh, how you pity the poor soul who ends up as his partner).Ā Ā
Before your self-induced inner monologue spirals into complete rage, you suddenly hear your professor's voice cut through the class, breaking you out of your mental rant.Ā Ā
"Y/N and Jay."Ā
Wait. What?
Your head snaps up so fast it's a miracle it didn't pop off your neck and roll away.
You blink. You must have misheard.
"Y/N and Jay," Professor Kim repeats as if she could read your confused expression, voice too nonchalant for the life-wrecking news she's about to deliver: "You two are partners."Ā Ā
The words hit you like a bus. No, not even. The words hit you like a bus driven by a T-Rex that flips over, crashes into a building, and explodes into a million ashy pieces. And there you areāstanding right in the middle of the wreckage, somehow still alive to suffer through every second of itāwhile Jay, smug as ever, whips around in his seat to face you.Ā Ā
And of course, there it is: that look of his that screams 'This is going to be so much fun for me, and so much pain for you.'Ā
"Guess we're parents now, Y/N!" Jay chimes, his voice dripping with so much sarcastic enthusiasm you swear he just got handed an Oscar for Most Annoying Human. If that tone were a substance, you'd bottle it up and use it as insect repellent. On him. Repeatedly.Ā Ā
You blink at him, you're sureāyou're prayingāthis has to be some elaborate prank. Maybe Jay bribed Professor Kim with his rare attempt at turning in an assignment on time just to mess with you. Or maybe the universe just hates you and this is your karma for stealing your roommate's last ramen packet that one time a year ago.Ā Ā
But no, Professor Kim keeps rattling off other pairs like it's business as usual, as if your entire academic career and sanity isn't currently being flushed down a metaphorical toilet, while you sit there, paralyzed, your brain rapidly melting into a useless puddle from the sheer thought of being paired with him. Ā
"What's wrong, Y/N?" Jay teases as he leans over the back of his chair towards you, puppy dog eyes on display. "You don't want to play house with me?"Ā Ā
You narrow your eyes at him, mentally wielding your imaginary bug spray like it's a holy weapon.Ā
"I donāt," you reply flatly. "In fact, Iād rather perform open-heart surgery on myself with a plastic spoon than co-parent with you."Ā
Jayās eyes light up as his hand goes to his heart. "Aw, you really know how to make a guy feel special. This is why I like our little relationship, you know?"Ā
"Relationship?" You scoff loud enough to make the people sitting three rows behind you to glance in your direction. You bring your voice down to a whisper, leaning towards him. "The only thing we have in common is a shared oxygen supply."Ā
"See, thatās the spirit," he says, turning back to face the front like he didn't just ruin your life. And somehow, that pisses you off even more. Is it his voice? His stupidly perfect hair? The fact that he has the audacity to breathe in your general direction? At this point, he could literally sneeze, and it would still feel like a personal attack.
Is it too late to switch majors? Or schools? Maybe even countries? Surely, restarting your entire college career as a super senior would be better than spending the next six weeks parenting with Jay. Jay Park, who has probably never held anything more fragile than a Red Solo Cup.Ā Ā
Jay Park, who is just sitting there, all calm and collected, clearly loving every second of your misery.Ā Ā
While you're frozen in pure, unadulterated horror.Ā Ā
Your grade? Plummeting as we speak.Ā Your robot baby? Probably going to need therapy by day two. And you?Ā Ā
You're screwed.
Q1 ā The Art & Science of Parenting 101 aims to apply different psychological approaches to parenting. What are your current theories and methods that you believe are important to parenting?Ā
Jayās Submission [10:09AM, September 18th]:Ā
"I think babies need more freedom to explore and make their own choices, even if that just means grabbing random things. Bowlby's attachment theory leans towards a secure attachment, but I don't think that means hovering over them 24/7. It's about being there when they really need you, not scheduling every second of the day. I also believe letting babies learn through their own experiences is key. Strict behaviorism, such as Skinner's, sounds exhausting and I don't think a rigid system is what makes a good parent. Babies are messy, and that's okay."Ā
Q2 ā What do you expect to learn and gain from this experience?Ā
Jay's Submission [10:12AM, September 18th]: Ā
"I'm hoping to learn how to be a responsive, yet flexible parent without overcomplicating it. The goal is to find balance between being hands-on without hovering. And, I think this whole robot baby thing will teach me how to handle unpredictable situationsābecause no matter how much you plan, life is going to surprise you. And also, being able to say I know how to change a diaper under 30 seconds sounds pretty cool :)"Ā
āć».ć»ā«
Jay's screwed.Ā Ā
Like, completely, utterly, hopelessly screwed.Ā
He was already kinda skeptical heād make it past his 40s if he kept living the way he does, but now? Now, heās not even sure heāll survive the next 24 hours. Why? Well, todayās the first official meeting with youāas co-parentsāat the campus coffee shop at 12PM sharp.Ā
It's 12:17PM.Ā Ā
He's late.Ā Ā
Seventeen whole minutes late. To your meeting. And you're basically the human embodiment of an atomic clock. Youāre probably sitting there, checking your watch every few seconds, calculating his absence down to the millisecond. Jay can practically feel the murderous vibes youāre radiating from halfway across campus.Ā Ā
And while Jay sometimes finds your need for punctuality weirdly endearing (but don't tell anyone that), he also values not getting scolded on a Saturday morning (12PM is still morning to him, don't judge), especially when he could be sleeping in.Ā Ā Ā
If Jay wasn't fearing for his life, he might have actually stopped to admire the view. Might have. Ā
When Jay finally reaches your tableā17 minutes and 46 seconds late (but who's counting)āyou look up, meeting his gaze with a look that's somewhere between not surprised but definitely not impressed.Ā
"Well, well," you say, quirking your mouth up ever so slightly that Jay thinks he might see you smile for the first time in, like, ever. "Look who finally decided to join us! Must be nice living on Jay Standard Time." Ā
Jay flashes his usual, unbothered smile as he pulls out the chair across from you. "Oh, c'mon, Y/N. Seventeen minutes is nothing in the grand scheme of life."Ā Ā
"Yeah? Tell that to our future robot baby when you're seventeen minutes late to feed it and its batteries die."Ā Ā
"Yikes. That got dark quick," Jay's mutters, grin wavering. "But hey, glad to see you're finally accepting the fact that it's our future baby!"Ā Ā
"Future robot baby," you peer your eyes at him from above your laptop. "Anyways, did you read the guidelines?"Ā Ā
Jay rubs the back of his neck as he leans back into his chair. "Uh, define 'read'."Ā Ā
Without missing a beat, you slap a packet of papers down on the table. "Here's the breakdown. Feeding schedules, emotional development tracker, diaper changes, mood swingsāthe whole shebang. We're going to have to approach this strategically."Ā Ā
"Woah, okay," Jay's eyebrows shoot up, his brain trying to catch up with the words you just spewed at him. "First, how the heck is a robot going to develop emotionallyāthat's a little scary if you ask me. Like, dystopian, Black Mirror, scary. And second, since when is parenting just following a spreadsheet? Isn't part of it, you know, winging it?"Ā Ā
At the words winging it, your eye twitches so violently, Jay half-expects you to reach across the table and strangle him with his own hoodie strings.Ā
"Winging it?" You shut your laptop and lean forward. "Winging it is exactly how we end up with a malfunctioning robot baby that starts a fire and fails us. Parenting is all about structure, consistencyā"Ā Ā
"āand having a little fun," Jay cuts in, mouth quirked with mischief. "I mean, what's parenting without some chaos?"Ā Ā
"Chaos," you mutter, narrowing your eyes at him, "is what you bring into my life on a daily basis."Ā Ā
"Yeah, and yet you secretly love it," Jay shoots back, leaning in to meet you, as if daring you to disagree.Ā Ā
You stare at him, unblinking. It's either you're plotting his slow and painful demise or seriously considering what he just said. No in-between.Ā Ā
And yet, somehow, Jay almost finds it endearing how you can look like the world's most innocent golden retriever while also simultaneously sending him six feet under with just one agonizing glare. Almost.Ā Ā
Finally, you sigh, "This isn't a joke, Jay. This is 40% of our grade."Ā Ā
"And I'm 100% ready!" Jay shoots back with a wink, to which you respond with a full-body eye roll.Ā Ā
"Oh yeah? Alright, Mr. Ready-for-Anything, what's your brilliant plan?"
"Hmm," Jay leans back in his seat, folding his arms behind his head as if he's got it all figured out (he doesn't). "Well, for one, I was thinking maybe...shifts. We split responsibilities based on our schedules. I'll take the baby on certain hours, you take it other hours, and we'll spend our free days together. And if we're not together and there's a baby crisis, we stay on call."Ā
In complete honesty, that came from out of nowhere. Jay didn't even know any ideas were subconsciously cooking up within him until the words tumbled out of his mouth before he realized it. But there's no way he was going to tell you that, not when you don't immediately tear his idea to shreds. In fact, you actually look...impressed?Ā
Or so he thinks. Jay definitely needs to get better at this whole 'reading your expressions' thing.Ā Ā
"Huh," you murmur to yourself, fingers tapping against the table. "That's...not the worst idea you've ever had."Ā Ā
Jay feels elated. Validation? From you? Phew, this means his life is spared. Thank god. Ā
Jay flashes you a satisfied smile and while you don't return it, he hopes you're secretly softening. Just a little. Behind that straight face, you're probably low-key impressed, but no way are you letting him see that.Ā Ā
"Don't get too excited," you say, as if you've got some sixth sense for whenever Jay throws a mental victory parade. "This is only day one. Of, like, 42. We've got a long way to go."Ā Ā
"Okay, okay," Jay raises his hands in surrender, though there's no hiding the smirk on his face as he still mentally takes the win. "Message received. Let's just figure out our schedules?"Ā Ā
You nod, pushing your laptop aside to make space for a sheet of paper you've already preparedābecause of course you're prepared. It's like you're about to whip up some elaborate high-stakes legal contract that probably involves blood signatures.
"Okay," you say, clicking your pen, picking a bright blue that basically stabs Jay's eyes by simply existing, but whatever makes you happy, I guess. You write 'Jay's Schedule' at the top, neatly highlighting it with a pink highlighter that somehow hurts even more. Jay wonders if this is a secret ploy to blind him into submission. He wouldn't put it past you.Ā Ā
"What's your typical weekly schedule like?"Ā Ā
Jay squints, clearly thinking hard, as he tries to remember what a 'typical' week looks like for him. Mostly it's a mix of spontaneous decisions, power naps, and gym sessions sprinkled between classes.Ā Ā
"Uh...well," Jay rubs the back of his neck. "I usually sleep in until like 11...sometimes noon, depends on the vibe, you know? Classes after that, gym a couple times a week, maybe? And, um, naps are non-negotiable. Make sure you pencil those in too."Ā Ā
Your pen freezes mid-air, hovering like you're considering whether to throw it at his face or not.Ā Ā
"Naps? Non-negotiable? For someone who wakes up at 11AM? We're raising a child, Jay, this requires commitment!"Ā Ā
Jay raises a calm eyebrow. "Hey, sleep is very important for brain function! You wouldn't want me underperforming as a parent, right?"Ā Ā
Your eye twitches. "No, Jay. That's already my biggest fear."Ā Ā
But instead of escalating the snark, you bite your lip, clearly restraining yourself from unleashing a full lecture on time management. Jay struggles to stifle his own laugh at your reaction. If looks could kill, you'd have him buried under six feet of color-coded charts and to-do lists by now.Ā Ā
Finally, you sigh, accepting your fate and jotting down āJayās naps: apparently crucial for survivalā in your notes with a frown drawn next to it, while Jay gives you an approving nod from across the table.Ā
"Alright, my turn," you flip the page over with dramatic flair, carefully writing 'Y/N's Schedule' in the same stab-your-eyes-blue and pink highlight combo as Jay mentally braces himself for what's to come.Ā Ā
"So," you continue, starting with that no-nonsense tone that's clearly meant to be seriousābut to Jay, there's something almost charming about how strict you are. "I wake up at 6."Ā Ā
You blink back at him, as if he's the one saying something ridiculous. "Yes, Jay. On purpose."Ā Ā
His mind reels, purely amazed, yet utterly horrified at the thought. 6AM? Who does that? He's seen 6AM before, sure, but only when he's stayed up all night, probably cramming for an exam. His mornings start at 10AM at best, and that's very, very rarely. There are birds chirping at 6AM. Who wants to live in a world where birds chirp you awake?Ā Ā
"Wait, wait," Jay holds up a hand, needing a mental pause button. "You work here?"Ā Ā
"Yeah," you nod, like it's the most casual thing ever. "Why, is that surprising?"Ā Ā
Jay squints at you. He's never considered the idea of you pulling espresso shots and dealing with caffeine-deprived college studentsāhe's always pegged you more as a 'quiet math tutor for third-graders' type. Or maybe someone who sells cute stationery at the campus bookstore, organizing pens in rainbow order or something. But now that he's picturing it, yeah, it kind of makes sense. Maybe that's why you're so uptight all the timeātoo much exposure to coffee fumes. Or, more likely (and evidently), you're just an insanely busy person.Ā Ā
He likes the coffee fumes theory better.Ā Ā
"I guess not," he admits, then surprises even himself by adding, "that's kind of impressive, though."Ā Ā
He gives you a genuine smile, and you blink back, as if searching for the hidden jab that's usually lurking beneath his words. But it's not there this time...oddly. Slowly, your expression softens, and you give him the tiniest of smiles. "Thanks? It's alright, I guess."Ā Ā
It's nothing bigāno, not at allābut Jay feels a weird sense of accomplishment at your reaction. Better than nothing.Ā
He leans in over the table, all faux-innocenceāeyebrows raises, large puppy eyes and all. "Does this mean you can get me a free coffee?"Ā Ā
You lean in too, mirroring him, and he's not sure why his heart skips a beat at the close proximity.Ā
"Yeah...no. Nice try."Ā Ā
Jay groans, throwing himself back in his chair dramatically. Worth a shot.Ā Ā
"Anyway," you continue, totally unfazed, "I usually work here until 5, then Mondays I have a study group for Econ 301, and club meetings scattered throughout the week."Ā Ā
Jay's head spins for maybe the nth time since he's sat down. Honestly, you lost him way back at 'class until 1PM.' Your schedule is like some kind of twisted Sudoku puzzle, except much more intimidating.Ā Ā
"So...you're, like, busy...all the time?" he asks, the words tumbling out of his mouth as his brain tries to process how anyone can function like this.Ā Ā
You give him a look that almost convinces Jay himself that he's the crazy one here. "Yes, Jay. I am."Ā Ā
"Wow, okay. So why did you even take this class? What happened to being committed? You don't even have time to breathe."Ā Ā
You narrow your eyes, and he swears you're about to launch into some motivational TedTalk. "It's called efficiency, Jay. Also, I like to challenge myself. That's what parenthood is about, after all."
Jay stares at you like you've just self-declared yourself a cyborg.
"Oookayyy," he drawls, dragging out the word because, honestly, he's 99% sure you've completely lost it. The remaining 1%?Ā Ā
It's slightly impressed by your sheer, terrifying level of commitment. He's over here winging life, including this conversation, while you've practically mapped out the rest of your entire existence.Ā
"Do you even, like, sleep? Or is that optional for you?"Ā Ā
You shoot him an amused glance, half-joking, half-serious. "Sleep is for the weak."Ā Ā
Jay raises an eyebrow. "Good to know I'm weak, then."Ā Ā
You stifle a laugh, but Jay catches the brief twitch of your lips before you quickly compose yourself. Heās known you for so long, and yet, this might be the first time heās seen even a hint of your guard slipping. Itās subtle, barely there, but he notices. And for some reason, it makes him smile. Youāre always so put together, so seriousābut this small crack in your armor? Jay canāt help but appreciate it.Ā Ā
Maybe, just maybe, he could get you to soften up more if he tried hard enough. And yeah, heās definitely going to try.Ā
But before he can try to tease you more, you snap back into business mode, instantly scribbling down more notes. "Alright, so letās just split the baby's care based on my work schedule and your...nap schedule, apparently."Ā Ā
Jay leans back in his chair, catching that flicker of amusement in your voiceādespite the serious look on your faceāand he fights the urge to push a little more. There's something about that side of youānot the one behind the cold wall you've built of color-coded schedules and deadlinesāthat he wants to see more of. Somehow. Ā
"Works for me,ā he shrugs and grins at you, ābut if the baby's anything like me, it'll nap a lot. You might have it easy."
"And if itās anything like me,ā you mutter, barely pausing, āthen itāll easily get annoyed by you.ā
Jay catches the ghost of a smile on your face, barely noticeable unless you were looking for itāwhich he definitely is. Itās enough to keep him intrigued. He leans forward, resting his chin in his hand like heās watching some fascinating show.Ā
You donāt notice him staringāor maybe you do, but youāre too busy pretending you donāt. Either way, thereās a small, almost imperceptible shift in your body language that Jay senses. Your shoulders arenāt as tense, and you donāt look like youāre mentally calculating how many minutes you have left before you can escape this meeting.
Jay decides to take advantage of the moment. āSoā¦do you think our robot baby is also going to be a superhuman genius? Like in a you way?āĀ
You finally let out a laugh, to his surprise, and he feels so satisfied he has to bite his lip to hold back a smile. āDefinitely, but also part crazy. Like in a you way.āĀ
Jay chuckles, mentally declaring this conversation a victory. Your laugh fades but for a split second, he catches you studying his face like youāre trying to figure out what his deal is. And he doesnāt mind it at allābecause, for once, youāre not giving him the usual death glare that sometimes seems permanently reserved for him.
Then, just as he starts to settle into this very rare, almost⦠pleasant vibe between you two, you suddenly snap back to reality, capping your pen and standing up.Ā
Jay frowns as he watches as you turn towards the coffee bar, not ready for this conversation to end just yet.Ā Ā
"Wait, where are you going?" he blurts out, sounding more tragic than intended.Ā
You pause, turning back with a knowing look that sends his pulse tripping.
"Do you want a free coffee or not?"Ā Ā
The following Monday, at exactly 9:55AM, you and Jay are handed your robot babyāJisoo, as Jay somehow convinces you to name it after his favorite celebrityāat the end of your class.Ā Ā
You didn't even try to put up a fight. The moment Jay's eyes lit up at the idea, you knew you'd already lost. After three whole minutes of bickering and one PowerPoint titled 'Why Our Baby Deserves to be Named After Star Quality,' you realized there was no saving it. He had arguments. He had fan chants memorized. For a robot baby. Your robot baby.Ā
"Admit it, Jisoo has star quality," Jay beams, proudly looking down at the robotic baby in the baby carrier that came with her.Ā Ā
You look from Jisoo to Jay, then back to Jisoo, unimpressed. "It's a robot, Jay. Not your bias."Ā Ā
Jay just shrugs, unbothered. "Bias or not, she deserves only the best."Ā Ā
He glances down at the robot, which blinks its eyes open and closed with a soft whirring noise, its chubby plastic arms flopping lifelessly by its sides.Ā Ā
There's a beat of silence as you both stare down at it, unsure of what to do next.Ā Ā
"It's kind of creepy, right?" you finally mutter, breaking the knowing silence between you two.Ā Ā
Jay snorts. "Not even 'kind of.' A lot." He leans in to inspect it, his brows furrowed, "So, does it justā¦sit there?āĀ Ā
You huff, already pulling out the meticulously detailed notes you took during class. "No, it's on schedule. It says here it won't eat for another three hours and it has a clean diaper, so everything should be fine. Babies are predictable once you understand their needs, Jay."Ā Ā
Jay lifts an eyebrow as he turns to face you, "Right...because in real life, babies are totally like robots and are totally predictable. Got it."Ā Ā
You open your mouth to respond, probably with something unnecessarily snarky (you don't know what yet though, you haven't gotten to that part yet), when a loud, high-pitched wail shatters the air, cutting through the now-empty classroom you two are in. The robot baby's face contorts into an exaggerated crying expression, its mechanical arms flailing (which you didn't even know was possible) like it's preparing for takeoff.Ā
"What theā" Jay instinctively jumps back like Jisoo is a grenade on her last few seconds. "Why's it doing that? What did you do?"Ā Ā
"I didnāt do anything!" You snap, panic slowly rising as you flip through your notes quickly. "It's not supposed to be crying! It shouldn't be hungry, and it's definitely not tired yet!"Ā Ā
The wailing intensifies, vibrating through the room as the cries echo louder and louder, Jisoo clearly not caring about your carefully crafted timeline. You glance down at your schedule. Why is it crying?Ā Ā
You groan and snatch Jisoo out of the carrier, awkwardly holding her in a way that's probably not safe for any life form, real or otherwise. The wailing doesn't stop. In fact, it gets louder, as if Jisoo's personally offended by your existence.Ā Ā
"Hold her!" You quickly thrust her into Jay's arms, a horrified expression written all over his face. "You deal with it."Ā Ā
"Deal with what? It's a robot!" Jay stares at the baby in his arms like it's going to explode. "Oh god, are we even sure this is safe?"Ā Ā
"Yes, Jay! It's a baby!" You're sure you're borderline going insane from the combination of the screeching baby and Jay's apparent lack of brain cells.Ā Ā
Jay's eyes widen as Jisoo practically vibrates with the force of its cries. He tries to mimic the way you were holding her, cradling her against his chest like she's made of glass. It doesn't help. Jisoo keeps wailing, and now Jay looks genuinely distressed.Ā
"Uh, shh, little buddy, it's okay...Should I, like, burp it? Sing to it?"Ā Ā
āSing?ā You give him a look like heās completely lost it, but Jayās already humming off-key under his breath.Ā
The baby, predictably, continues screeching.Ā
You both just stand there, staring at the baby, then at each other, the panic palpable in the room. Jay continues bouncing it lightly, as if this will magically solve everything. āDoes it have an off switch?ā he asks, glancing at you like you've parented a robot baby before.Ā
You continue to frantically flip through your notes, pages rustling in a blur. āNo, Jay! We canāt just turn off our baby!āĀ
āWell, I donāt know, Y/N, but Iām pretty sure babies arenāt supposed to sound like theyāre summoning a demon,ā Jay retorts, his tone climbing the ladder of panic. "Maybe she's hungry or something."Ā Ā
Youāre still too busy scanning your notes as you shake your head in disagreement. āIt canāt be hungry, it's not supposed to be!"Ā Ā
Jay just shakes his head, gently cradling the baby even though he's sure it's about to lift off into space from how much it was shaking right now.Ā
āSometimes you canāt schedule everything, Y/N. Maybe it just needs a bottle, like, right now.āĀ
The idea frustrates you. āBut itās not time yet. If we feed it off-schedule, itāll mess everything up for the day.āĀ
The babyās cries reach a shrill pitch, like itās protesting your protest. Jay looks at you, then back at the crying baby, then back at you again.Ā
āI think itās already messed up, so maybe we just... feed it?ā he says, half-grinning, half-exasperated.Ā
You hesitate. It feels wrong. Babies are supposed to follow patterns, stick to a routine...or so you thought. You let out a frustrated sigh, your brain bleeding from the sheer sound of the glass-breaking screams.Ā Ā
āFine,ā you mutter, grabbing the bottle from the supply bag. āBut if this throws off the whole schedule, itās your fault.āĀ
Jay grins, but thereās something softer in his expression behind it as he watches you struggle with the bottle...and your need for control. āDeal.āĀ
You hand the bottle to him, and he places the nipple into the babyās mouth. The wailing stops almost instantly. The sudden silence is deafening, and both of you are stunned for a moment, looking down at the baby whoās now peacefully drinking.Ā
You let out a small gasp of relief and turn your head up to look at Jay, who's widened eyes meet yours.Ā Ā
Jay lets out a held breath. āWell. That was traumatic.āĀ
You roll your eyes, though thereās a slight twitch at the corner of your lips as you mutter, āI think I just lost three years of my life."Ā Ā
Jay watches as you carefully take Jisoo from his arms and place her back into the carrier, making sure everything is in order. Heās still catching his breath, but he glances at youārelaxed, for once, after the panicāand it makes him feel something weird. He almost laughs.Ā
āI dunno,ā he says, a little teasingly. āI think we handled that pretty well.āĀ
āGreat, now just five weeks and six days of this left." You give him a look, but thereās a tiny, fleeting smile this time. "I just don't understand why it was crying. It's not supposed to need food untilā"Ā Ā
Jay cuts you off with a chuckle. āY/N, itās a baby. Real ones donāt run on algorithms. They just... cry when they need something. Like this little gal. I mean, you can't exactly schedule crying, right?āĀ
The silence stretches for a moment as you watch him, realization dawning a little slower than youād like to admit. āI guess,ā you mutter reluctantly, earning yourself a content-looking Jay.Ā Ā
"Look at usāteam effort," Jay says, as he beams a smile to you before glancing at Jisoo. "We're naturals at this whole parenting thing."Ā Ā
"Yeah, okay," you roll your eyes, but the smile on your face says differently as you reach out to unnecessarily fuss with the small blanket in Jisoo's carrier.Ā Ā
Jay's eyes light up at your response. "A smile? The Y/N gave me a smile? Admit it, we make a great team, huh?"Ā Ā
You scoff, but the smile on your face proves there's no bite to itāJay knows there's no bite to it.Ā Ā
Maybe, just maybe, he has a point.Ā Ā
You'd never admit it to him, though.Ā
Not yet.Ā Ā
To your pleasant surprise, the past two weeks have been...weirdly smooth. Like, suspiciously smooth. You and Jay have somehow managed to fall into an actual routineādropping off and picking up Jisoo like two semi-functional adults who almost know what theyāre doing. You still wouldnāt call it 'seamless', as Jay himself struggled with having a consistent schedule for once in his life, but at least youāve gotten through the weeks without major incidents or spontaneous combustion.Ā
That doesn't mean you'll admit to anyoneāleast of all yourselfāthat you and Jay might actually make a decent team. His parenting methods are still objectively abysmal...to you, at least. I mean, just the other day, he almost put Jisoo's diaper on upside down. Upside down. You didn't even know that was possible, but leave it to Jay to surprise you more and more.Ā Ā
Despite his questionable approach to baby care, Jisoo's still alive (you think), and somehow you've managed not to explode at him yet (key word: yet). So, that's...something, I guess.Ā Ā
Today, though. Today is a different beast entirely.Ā Ā
Spent it with Jay. Parenting. Together. In his apartment.Ā Ā
You blame Professor Kim for this cruel twist of fate. Something about submitting photographic evidence of co-parenting. After all, this is a partner project.Ā Ā
Teamwork, she called it.Ā Ā
You like to call it pure suffering.Ā Ā
Which brings you here, standing outside Jay's apartment with a tote bag of baby supplies on one shoulder, Jisoo's carrier on the other, and a silent prayer on your lips. If this apartment is even half the disaster you're imaginingāfrat house, landfill, or some unholy combination of bothāyou're fully prepared to turn around and run for the hills.Ā Ā
You take a deep breath, bracing yourself for whatever horrors await behind the door, and knock three times.Ā Ā
Precisely five seconds later, the door swings open, and...yep, there's Jay. His hair is a mess, his clothes are rumpled, and you can't tell if he's been a) napping, b) playing video games, or c) all of the above.Ā Ā
"Hey," he greets you with a lazy grin, eyes half-lidded like he's still half-asleep.Ā Ā
It's 6PM.Ā Ā
You stare at him, deadpan. "You look like you've been hit by a truck."Ā Ā
Jay snorts as he raises an eyebrow. "You should see the truck."Ā Ā
Before you can fire back with something equally sarcastic, you catch a glimpse of his apartment over his shoulder, andāyou blink, confused. Wait. Wait. Ā
Well this can't be right.Ā Ā
You were expecting a disaster. Maybe a few pizza boxes, a stray sock on the floor, some suspicious stains on the couch. But no. Instead...it's clean. Like, really clean.Ā Ā
The floors are spotless, there's a shelf with neatly stacked books, and are those...framed photos on the walls? Like, actual art? Your own apartment doesn't even have actual art, just print outs from Walgreens of photos you thought were cute on Pinterest and your Justin Bieber posters you got from a magazine back in high-school. Damn, now you're starting to feel ashamed.Ā Ā
You do a double-take, your brain struggling to process what's happening, as Jay still stands in front of you, confused at your gawking. "Y/N? You good?"Ā Ā
You snap your mouth shut, as you spot a vacuum neatly tucked in the corner of the living room. "I...I'm just surprised you even know what a vacuum is."Ā
"You'll learn I'm full of surprises, Miss Y/N," he says, casually leaning against the doorframe as he looks down at you, his gaze making you shift in your stance in front of him. "Come on in."Ā Ā
You step inside cautiously, like you're waiting for something to jump out at youāmaybe a camera with someone saying 'You've been pranked, this isn't Jay's actual apartment!' Ā
But nope. His apartment is just...nice. It smells like eucalyptus and citrus, for crying out loud.Ā Ā
You set Jisoo's carrier down on the couch, the robot itself still fast asleep, as your eyes scan the room, still half-expecting to find a hidden mess somewhere. But instead, something else catches your attention.Ā Ā
On the wall, next to his kitchen, there's a collection of professional-looking photographs, all framed neatly. This is what caught your eye earlier. You find yourself slowly walking closer to get a closer look: landscapes, city stresses, a few candid shots of peopleāall in the same style, same camera quality, same angles. You tilt your head, intrigued.
Jay comes up behind you to see what you're looking at and you turn to him, "Are these...yours?"Ā
"Oh," he scratches the back of his neck, looking almost shy. "Yeah. I do some photography sometimes. Just a hobby."Ā Ā
You blink up at him. Jay Park? A photographer? This was not on your Jay Park Bingo card.Ā
"Huh," you say, before realizing how dumb you sound. "I didn't know you were into that."Ā Ā
"Well, there's a lot you don't know about me, Y/N. Full of surprises, remember?" Jay replies, his head tilting to match yours with a cocky smile, whichāugh, okay fineāmakes you feel just the tiniest bit flustered. Not that you'll admit it.Ā Ā
"Oh, really?" You raise an eyebrow. "And here I thought your only hobbies were napping and showing up late."Ā
"That's just the surface level," he says with a wink, walking over to his coffee table and grabbing his laptop. "I was actually editing photos before you showed up."Ā
Intrigued, you follow him to the couch and sit beside him as he flips open the laptop. You squint at the editing software on the screenāfull of layers, sliders, and all sorts of professional-looking tools that immediately make your head hurt. Jay scrolls through the images, and honestly?
Theyāre good. Really good. Like, if you didnāt know better, youād think some of them could be in a magazine. And not the kind of magazine you got your Bieber Fever posters in.Ā Ā
"Wow," you say, nodding, genuinely impressed. "Thatās⦠actually really cool."Ā
Jay freezes, his head snapping toward you with a look of disbelief. He stares at you, eyes narrowing like youāve just broken some unspoken rule. "It's been ten seconds...you just gave me an actual compliment without a sarcastic follow-up."Ā Ā
You let out a small giggle. "Geez, you always make me sound like some soulless witch or something."Ā Ā
Jay grins, leaning back in mock thought. "I mean⦠soulless witch might be a bit much. But, like⦠emotionally unavailable overlord? Maybe."Ā
You burst out laughing before you can stop yourself, the sound catching Jay off guard. He looks at you, wide-eyed, like heās just witnessed a rare phenomenon. And maybe he hasābecause even you canāt remember the last time you laughed this freely.
Ā
"Wow. I should annoy you more often," Jay smirks, clearly way too satisfied with himself. Youāre not entirely sure if he meant it to sound that smooth, but your brain certainly processed it that way. Heat rises to your cheeks before you can stop it, and you quickly clear your throat, a small, flustered smile playing at your lips.Ā
You try to gather yourself, praying your voice doesnāt betray you. "Donāt push your luck, Park," you manage, but the teasing edge in your voice is softer than usualāway softer. And, of course, Jay knows it. You know it. Youāre still smiling, andāunfortunately for youāso is he.Ā
Jay suddenly clears his throat as he shifts in his seat, "So...should we order like a pizza or something? Are you hungry?"Ā Ā
And because the universe apparently has a personal vendetta against you, your stomach chooses that exact moment to let out a soundāone that resembles between a whaleās mating call and a frog being strangled.Ā
Jay stifles a laugh, trying to act casual but failing miserably. "Okay⦠pizza it is."Ā
āShut up,ā you mutter, giving him a playful shove thatās just enough to make him fall back into the couch cushions.Ā
"No, you tell your stomach to shut up," Jay snickers, grabbing his phone to place the order.Ā
Youāre about to fire back with somethingāanythingābut a soft wail interrupts you from the baby carrier.Ā
"Someone needs attention," you say, scooping Jisoo up and cradling her in your arms. āItās about time for her to eat anyway.āĀ
As you juggle Jisoo with one hand and dig through the baby bag for her fake bottle of milk with the other, Jay watches you from his spot on the couch, a curious look in his eyes. āWhile you feed her, Iāll take care of the pizza. Iām guessing youāre more of a plain cheese type, huh?āĀ
You freeze for a second, then whip your head around to give him a mock-offended look. āFirst, you think Iām a soulless witch, and now boring? I at least add pepperoni and sausage. Give me some credit.āĀ
"Okay, okay, noted," Jay lifts his hands up in surrender, "So adventurous. I'll remember that next time you call me irresponsible."Ā Ā
You roll your eyes at him as you adjust Jisoo in your arms, holding the bottle steady at her mouth. Itās quiet for a few moments, the only sounds being the soft hum of your fake baby and Jay tapping on his phone.Ā
Suddenly Jay puts his phone down, turning to you with an unreadable expression. āYouāre really serious about this whole parenting thing, huh?āĀ
You blink, still rocking Jisoo in your arms.Ā You're thrown off by the sudden shift and sincerity in his tone.Ā Ā
āWell⦠yeah. I think itās important, you know? Responsibility, structure⦠thatās what makes people feel safe. Especially kids. They need to know theyāre taken care of.āĀ
Jayās expression shifts as he listens, a more thoughtful look settling on his face. āYou're a strong believer of that, aren't you? Structure and schedules and all that?"Ā Ā
His voice is a lot quieter now, lower, and you realize you've never really had a serious conversation (that wasn't a class debate) with him beforeāat least not long enough to hear this version of Jay. The serious Jay. And if you're being honest, it's making you a bit flustered. You hesitate, hoping your voice doesn't crack or something equally embarrassing.Ā Ā
āI mean⦠I guess so. I was raised that way. My parents always had everything planned out. It was like...nothing ever went wrong because there was always a system, a backup plan.āĀ
Jay raises an eyebrow, leaning forward a little in his seat. āBut didnāt that feel, I donāt know... suffocating? Like, what if things donāt go according to plan? You canāt control everything.āĀ
Your first instinct is to scoff, but something stops you. It's a valid question, and for some reason, you donāt feel the need to throw up your usual defenses for once. That's new. Ā
āMaybe sometimes,ā you admit. āBut I donāt know any other way. It just feels like if youāre not prepared, things fall apart. And thatās the worst feelingālike watching everything crumble because you werenāt ready for it.āĀ
Jay is quiet, studying you with an intensity that feels new. His teasing smirk is gone, replaced with something more serious. āYeah, I get that. I didnāt have a lot of structure growing up. Parents were kinda⦠there, but not really. I think thatās why I donāt plan much. Life happens whether youāre ready or not.āĀ
You blink as you sit back in your seat, absorbing his words. Itās the first time youāve really thought about Jay outside of his 'laid-back' image of him you've had in your head, and honestly, youāre surprised by how heavy his words feel.Ā
āButā¦youāre actually good with Jisoo,ā you say, almost cautiously, unsure if youāre diving into uncharted territory. āYouāve been handling this project better than I thought you would.āĀ
Jay laughs softly, shaking his head as he looks at Jisoo in your arms. āItās just a robot baby, Y/N. No big deal if I mess up.āĀ
"Itās not just about the robot baby,ā you counter, realizing you're saying more than you intended. āYou actually care. Youāre not graded on how well you change diapers or keep her entertained, but youāre still putting in effort. Youāre trying. And that matters.āĀ
There's a beat of silence as you see Jay pause. For once, he doesn't have a comeback. Instead, he's just looking at youāreally looking at youālike he's trying to figure something out, and you feel the heat slowly creeping back onto your face. You're sure you're turning an unflattering shade of red under his gaze on you, and part of you, no, all of you, is begging for him to say something immediately before you combust.Ā Ā
Then, with a suddenness that almost makes you jump, he leans over and nudges your arm lightly. āOkay, Dr. Phil. Don't go getting all soft on me now."Ā Ā
You let out a playful scoff to mask your relief, thankful for the release of tension in the air. But something about the conversation lingers in the air, hanging like a question neither of you is ready to ask. And despite the teasing, your mind canāt help but circle back to how Jay had looked at youāserious, curious⦠something else.Ā
Before you can dwell on it too long, the doorbell rings. Saved by the pizza gods. Jay springs up from the couch to answer the door, and you gently place the now-snoozing Jisoo back in her carrier. The conversation still swirls in your head as you watch Jay grab the pizza, too caught up in your thoughts to not even question how suspiciously fast it arrived.Ā
You let out a breath you didnāt realize you were holding, watching Jay at the door from your spot on the couch, your thoughts too heavy for someone who is literally holding a pizza box.Ā
For someone who sure likes to plan everything out, you definitely werenāt prepared for Jay Parkāand how he's quickly becoming the exception to every rule you've ever made.Ā
āć».ć»ā«
The first thing that jars you awake is a piercing screamāJisoo's, of course. Your eyes shoot open as you squint into the dim light, your eyes adjusting and blinking your way out of the accidental nap you fell into. You're trying to make sense of your surroundings through your blurry vision when...it hits you.Ā Ā
This isn't your room. You're still at Jay's apartment, wedged into the corner of his couch, and apparently, you fell asleep. Post-pizza-food-coma style. And also apparently, your mutual robot child has decided now was a perfect time for a meltdown.Ā Ā
The second thing you notice is the faint background noise of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire still playing on Jay's TV in front of you. Your memory jogs back to when you two finally came to a consensus on which movie to watch over dinner, and naturally, the deciding factor ended up being 'young Robert Pattinson,' and no, it wasn't your deciding factor. You didn't expect Jay to even have an opinion on this, but apparently, his love for Cedric Diggory is a hill he's willing to die on.Ā Ā
And then... that brings us to the third thing. A sound from the other end of the couchāJay's soft snores. You two must have dozed off at some point during the movie somehow and of course, he's still passed out cold, totally oblivious to the screams of robotic despair coming from the baby carrier seated between you two. You glance over at him, out cold with his head tilted back, looking completely unbothered by Jisoo's increasingly offended screams.Ā Ā
But even through all these realizations, what really slaps you awake, more than Jisoo or Jay or Cedric Diggory, is the smell. It hits you like a rogue sock to the face, and for a moment, you're convinced that Jay definitely has some biological-grade garbage decomposing somewhere in the apartment after all. The smell is like a powerful, radioactive wave, and all you can think is, What in the world is this guy hiding in here? And why is it now coming to life? Ā
You sit up from your spot, still half-asleep, and follow the foul scent in horror until you realize the source.Ā Ā
Jisoo.Ā Ā
Sure, you have changed Jisoo's diapers plenty of times over the last two weeks, but before? There was no smell. At most, you get these weird, vaguely sticky robotic poops in her diaper that barely registered. Now? Now itās like Professor Kim somehow remotely gave Jisoo a software update and coded her to emit a scent so pungent that it feels borderline illegal. You're convinced this is Jisooās final boss formāpeak realism unlockedāsolely just to spite you and your nostrils.
While youāre here on one end of the couch, one button away from confirming an Amazon Prime order to ship over a bottle of bleach for you to dip your nose into, Jay is still in blissful dreamland, not even flinching. You stare at him in disbelief, hoping your sheer mental outage might magically wake him up. No such luck.Ā
You grab the throw pillow that's wedged under you and chuck in right at his face.Ā Ā
"Jay!" You're still half-asleep, so your voice comes out like a strangled whisper, somewhere between pleading and passive-aggressive murder.Ā Ā
Jay jolts, sitting up with a sleepy yelp, blinking in confusion. "Huh? What happened? Is Cedric okay?" His panicked gaze darts around the room wildly before they finally settle on you, across the couch.Ā
"What happened?" You raise a finger to the screaming, stinky, betrayal-machine between you two. "That happened, Jay. Jisoo happened."Ā Ā
Jay blinks slowly, squinting at Jisoo, his brain clearly struggling to boot up, and then makes the fatal mistake of sniffing the air. The realization suddenly dawns slowly, and you can see the look of horror hit.
"Oh my god, how is she even capable of...of that?!" His voice breaks three octaves as his hand shoots up to pinch his nose.Ā Ā
"I don't know!" You squawk, equally traumatized. "She's never done this beforeāI didn't even know she could!"Ā Ā
Jay groans and rubs his eyes, hoping this is all a bad, bad dream. No such luck, yet again. He glances around helplessly. "So, uh, who's changing her?"Ā Ā
You shoot him a glare as you get up from the couch and start looking for the baby bag. "We're changing her, Jay."Ā Ā
"We?" Jay winces, inching towards Jisoo with all the enthusiasm one has when approaching a radioactive waste barrel. He slowly reaches down to take Jisoo out from the carrier and he starts muttering to himself. "Great. Fine, this is fine. Just another bonding moment with our adorable robo-daughter."Ā Ā
He finally picks her up, reluctantly holding her at arm's length like she's a ticking time bomb. It's so ridiculous that, despite the war-crime-level smell permeating the room, you can't help the small laugh that you let out.Ā Ā
"What?" Jay glares at you, though a look of amusement tugs at his lips. "You think this is funny?"Ā Ā
"No," you say, barely stifling your giggles. "It's justāyou're holding her like she's about to explode."Ā Ā
Jay gives you a doubtful look. "Y/N, I'm not convinced she's not about to explode."Ā Ā
You shake your head, still giggling as you shuffle the carrier off the couch and lay out a blanket, turning Jay's couch surface into a makeshift changing station. "Alright, c'mon. Lay her down and hold her legs up. I'll handle clean-up duty. And maybe...brace yourself."Ā Ā
Jay exhales like a man about to face his greatest fear. He gently lays Jisoo down and lifts her legs up with the tips of his fingers, his face still contorted as if you're both dealing with a toxic hazard. At this point, it probably is.Ā Ā
"Oh my god," he breathes. "This is it. This is how I die."Ā Ā
You crouch down in position so you're at level with the couch and say a mental prayer before you pull open the tiny diaper. The moment you do, the both of you immediately recoil as a scent that should not even be allowed to exist wafts up and fills the room.Ā Ā
āOh god.āĀ
The scent is so ungodly it feels like it came from the depths of hell itself and punched you both right in the face. It doesnāt just waft upāit attacks. Youāre pretty sure you lost at least another three years off your life from one breath alone.Ā
"That's not legal," Jay chokes as he flings himself back at the sight, dropping Jisooās little toes in the process, flailing around as if the air itself betrayed him. "There's no way that's legal."Ā
You freeze in sheer horror, staring at the scene before you: Jisooās somehow realistic poop smeared across every surface of her bottom it possibly could spread to, the stench intensifying with every passing second.
Jay starts pacing the room, spiraling into an existential crisis. āNo, no, no, this isnāt normal. This isāthis is a crime scene! This canāt be right.āĀ
āJay,ā your voice is muffled as a hand tries to cover both your nose and mouth from the contaminated air, āfocus!āĀ
Jay looks at you from across the living room, wide-eyed and pale, like a deer caught in headlights. āYou expect me toāin this economyāāĀ
āGrab. The. Wipes.ā
Jay groans and he stumbles back towards you, hesitantly rifling through the baby bag. His hands finally find the pack of wipes and he peers over your shoulder from behind you, as if youāre his shield.Ā
āAre you just gonna stand there, or are you going to help?ā
āI am helping,ā Jay protests weakly, waving the pack of wipes like theyāre a magic wand that might save you both.
You roll your eyes and turn back to Jisoo, āOkay, grab her legs again. Iāll wipe.āĀ
His eyes watch in horror as he reaches over you to take hold of the robotās feet. With a deep breath, you start furiously scrubbing Jisooās little body, trying your best to breathe as minimally as possible, sticking your hand out towards Jay whenever you need a new wipe.Ā
āI signed up for fake parenting, not surviving a biohazard. This isnāt bonding; this is trauma,ā Jay incoherently mumbles, placing a wipe in your hand.Ā
"I think this trauma is exactly what we're supposed to be learning and 'bonding' from," you retort, carefully tossing a soiled wipe into the designated waste bag.Ā Ā
"Oh, so Professor Kim is forcing us to bond over mutual suffering? Very sweet," Jay deadpans as he hands you another wipe.Ā
"Exactly. Parenting at its finest."Ā Ā
Finally, after you definitely lost three years of your life, the horror show is over. Jisoo is cleaned, diapered, andāsomehowāactually looks peaceful for once. Like she didn't just commit a crime against humanity.Ā
Jay exhales, looking at her with a newfound joy. "Well. She's definitely...less terrifying when she's not screaming and emitting toxic fumes."Ā Ā
You plop yourself on the couch and cradle Jisoo like she's a tiny, innocent angel instead of the cause of your collective suffering. āIām genuinely afraid to know what they put in her system for this to happen.āĀ
Jay collapses onto the couch beside you, visibly relieved. "Whatever it was, we did it. We survived. We did that."Ā
You can't help but laugh, still a bit punch-drunk from the adrenaline and exhaustion of it all. "We better get an A+ on this project."Ā Ā
Jay chuckles, leaning his head back against the couch. The room falls into a brief silence, just the two of you sitting there, basking in the weird accomplishment of it all. Then, as if on cue, you both start laughingāa deep, exhausting kind of laugh that two people only share after a 'you had to be there' type moment. There's something about the whole ordealāhow ridiculous, how hilariously awful it wasāthat just makes it impossible to not laugh.Ā Ā
Jay grins, nudging your shoulder with his. "Now do you think we make a pretty good team?"Ā Ā
You roll your eyes at him. "I don't know...depends."Ā Ā
Jay raises an eyebrow, "Depends on what?"Ā Ā
"Depends on whether you can make it through the rest of the project without crying again," you quip, lips twitching into an amused grin.Ā Ā
Jay gasps dramatically, clutching his chest. "Excuse you, I did not cry. My eyes were sweating from Jisoo's toxic fumes. A completely normal biological response, thank you very much."Ā Ā
"Sure, Jay," you deadpan, shaking your head.Ā Ā
"Besides," he continues, leaning back smugly, "I did all the heavy lifting. Literally. I held the live grenade."Ā Ā
You snort, glancing down at Jisoo in your arms before handing her off to Jay. "You're unbelievable."Ā Ā
"And you're stuck with me, partner," he grins back, rocking Jisoo in his arms. "You too, Jisoo."Ā
You lean back into the couch, watching Jay coo at the now-peaceful baby. Somewhere between his flair for over-the-top dramatics, his secret love for young Robert Pattinson, and (for some reason) endearing passion for photography, you realizeā¦maybe Jay Park isnāt the complete disaster you thought he was.Ā
"Yeah," you murmur, a small smile tugging at your lips. "I guess I really am stuck with you."Ā Ā
And for the first time since this ridiculous project started, you don't mind that as much as you thought you would.Ā Ā
Jay would like to make a few things clear.Ā
First of all, none of this is his fault.Ā
He hopes you understand that, as his thumbs fly over the keyboard of his phone like his life depends on it. Because in a way, it does.Ā
Jay [11:32 AM]: āi swear itās not my fault, but my friend, jake, his entire load of laundry is now the color of strawberry milk. and apparently iām the only one that can help him. can I drop jisoo off with you for like⦠an hour? tops?āĀ
He stares at his phone, waiting for your response like you hold the key to his survival. Because, in a way, you do.Ā
He hears Jisoo coo from her carrier, like even she knows how dire this situation is. Finally, his phone lights up with a buzz.Ā
Y/N [11:33 AM]: āiām volunteering at a dog adoption event on campus, but sure, drop her off here :)āĀ
Jay blinks at his phone. A dog adoption event. Of course, you'd be saving puppies on a Saturday. Of course. Like some kind of unreasonably perfect human. And here he is, about to save a fully grown man from having to wear solely pink t-shirts for the next week. Fantastic. Ā Ā
With a sigh, Jay turns to Jisoo, who blinks back a stare that can only be described as the (robot) baby equivalent of good luck, bro.Ā
By the time Jay reaches campus, he's bombarded with the sight and sound of...dogs. Dogs everywhere. It's as if he's entered the chaotic lovechild of a Disney movie and a petting zoo, complete with wags, barks, and the smell of kibble. And then he sees you.Ā
You're smack in the middle of a fenced playpen, laughing, surrounded by every breed of fluffy chaos imaginable and passerbys cooing 'aww' at the sight. And what a sight it is. Ā
You look ridiculously happy, and for some reason, that makes something in Jay's chest feel weirdly tight. He wonders what it must feel like to be able to make you smile that widely, that brightly. It's unnerving. He's not used to seeing you so relaxed, so contentāor maybe he's just not used to noticing how good you look when you're not glaring at him.Ā Ā
"Y/N!" a voice calls from the volunteer tent, snapping Jay out of his daydream. Jay watches from the distance as you haul a golden retriever pup into your arms and walk over to the tent, naturally falling into conversation with your friend and immediately organizing papers. Meanwhile, Jay stands there, dumbfounded at your unbothered, graceful rhythm that you seem to fall into like second nature.Ā
Jay thought he had you figured out, filed neatly in his mental drawer of uptight-control-freaks-that-happen-to-smell-like-roses-and-have-perfect-smiles, but now? Something about the way you look right nowāso confident, so caring, so...naturalācatches him off guard.
Now, you're like some serene multitasking goddess in the middle of pure chaos.Ā Ā
That brings us to the second thing Jay would like to clarify (more so to himself): he definitely doesn't think you look good in, like, an attractive sense, or anything insane like that. Absolutely not. He just is simply impressed at how you seem to manage and carry yourself quite elegantly. This is pure admiration. Admiration, okay?Ā Ā
But...while he's here, staring in 'admiration', it suddenly hits himāyou're not just good at taking care of Jisoo. You're good at taking care of everything.Ā Ā
And that makes his heart do a weird flip.Ā Ā
The realization that he's been staring for way too long jolts him back to the present. Focus, Jay. There's a Jake somewhere out there, lost in a sea of pink underwear. Ā
Jisoo carrier in hand, Jay manages to push his way through the dog-packed crowds until he reaches you, but the second you turn around, flashing him that wide, carefree smile that he's still not used to, he's back to stumbling over himself.Ā Ā
Heās 99% sure he audibly gulps.Ā
āOh, Jay, you made it!ā you say, shifting the puppy to one side of your arms to free a hand to grab Jisoo's carrier immediately. Your smile is disarmingly genuine. Jay thinks he may need to sit down.Ā Ā
āUh, yeahāum, thanks for taking Jisoo," he swallows, his voice barely steady as he's unsure what this feeling is that came over him. He doesn't know if it's the fact that he's seeing you in a completely different light right now, carrying both a live, adorable puppy, and a (not-so-live) baby, but something is different, and he's at a loss for words. "You look prettyāuhā¦busy.āĀ Ā
He curses himself. Busy? Really?Ā
āOh, no biggie,ā you give him an easy, encouraging grin, one so casual that it really shouldn't make his knees feel like Jell-O. "Honestly, I'd be out here every weekend if I could. But you of all people know my schedule."Ā Ā
Of course, you'd say something like that. Jay tries to think of a normal response, but his brain is spinning with all sorts of not-normal things about youālike how you look so aggressively pretty right now.Ā
And itās a little infuriating.Ā
"Yeah, no, totally," Jay clears his throat, scratching the back of his head. "Because who doesn't want to be covered in dog hair and slobber for fun?"Ā Ā
You roll your eyes, smiling. "Says the guy who's about to be knee-deep in a laundry crisis. Isn't that a little messy, too?"Ā Ā
Jay huffs, feeling himself return just a little bit back to normal. āListen, Jakeās a special case, okay? You canāt just leave him in that pink laundry disaster and expect him to survive.āĀ
"Right..," you laugh, rocking back and forth on your feet, your smile lingering as a comfortable silence falls between you.Ā Ā
Maybe it's the way you're looking up at him, or the fact that a literal golden retriever is currently nuzzled into your neck, but Jay is doing everything in his power to keep his cool. You're looking at him in a way that isn't remotely judgmental (for once), and it's throwing him completely off-balance.Ā Ā
Before Jay can pull it together and say something else, another voice calls your name, waving you over to a different table. You turn back to Jay, giving him an apologetic glance.Ā Ā
"Do you mind watching Jisooāand, um, this puppyāfor a sec?"Ā Ā
Before he can answer, or even process your words, he's standing there with an actual puppy in one arm, and Jisoo in her carrier in the other, and his life has become a circus he never auditioned for.Ā Ā
"Sorry! They just need me real quick!" You say with a grateful smile as you hurry off.Ā Ā
As you rush off with another apologetic smile, Jay's brain, for better or for worse, decides that grin of yours is now his mental screensaver. He watches you go, dumbly smiling before he catches himself.Ā
Not attraction, he reminds himself. Totally not attraction.Ā Ā
He looks down at his armsāone occupied by a carrier with a robot baby, the other holding a wriggly puppy.Ā Ā
"Bet no one's ever been in this situation before," he mutters, awkwardly standing there as he waits for your return. Honestly, Jay has never felt so awkward or nervous before. Right now, he feels like the epitome of the standing emoji, just simply existing and there, waiting for your next command and hoping he doesn't screw it up.Ā Ā
Jay tries to hype himself up. You can do this, Park. It's just a dog. And a baby. And you.You've got this. You totally having everything undāĀ
Before he can finish his mental pep talk, the sound of your laughter rings from across the event, making Jay's head snap over in record time. He tries not to lookāhe really doesābut the sound is too angelic to not. But right when he does look over, he immediately wishes he didn't.Ā
You're standing there between two of your friends, and you're giggling. With some guy he's never seen before. And this guy, is nudging your shoulder and making you laugh so hard you're practically doubling over. He feels a distinct twist in his chest.Ā
Jayās definitely not jealous. Nope. Not even a little. It's just...curiosity. Pure, innocent curiosity about what that guy could possibly be saying to make you laugh so hard. Because Jay has never seen you laugh like that with himāever.
And suddenly, the longer you continue laughing with that guy, Jay feels something hot and uncomfortable bubbling up inside.Ā Ā
Fine, itās jealousy.Ā Ā
Definitely jealousy. He scowls at himself. Now heās basically a bitter standing emoji, clinging to Jisoo and a puppy while glaring from afar.Ā
And there Jay stands, bitterness levels maxed, holding both a puppy and a robot baby, while across the way, your roommate Esther gives you a knowing smirk while you're recovering from your giggling fit. Your giggling fit which was caused by Heeseung making a comment about how he stepped in dog poop more times than the average human-being accidentally should.Ā Ā
āYou didnāt tell me that was Jay Park,ā Esther says, trying not-so-subtly to sneak a glance at the bitter standing emoji himself, awkwardly shifting his feet in the distance, avoiding to look in your direction. āYou said he was annoying, lazy, and a pain to be around. You didnāt mention heās a total cutie.āĀ
āHe was annoying, lazy, and a pain to be around,ā you scoff, though you're clearly not thinking that right now as you catch a glance of him trying to balance both the puppy and Jisoo. "But...I don't think he's so bad anymore."Ā Ā
You definitely don't add that he's a total cutie. Okay, maybe you think it, but saying it out loud is a whole other thing.Ā Ā
āOh, so you totally like him,ā Heeseung snickers from your other side, nudging you again.Ā Ā
You make a sound that's half out-of-tune trumpet, half hiccup, before breaking into a laugh to cover your sudden panic. "No, I don't!" You clear your throat, trying to stay cool.Ā Ā
"We're justālook, we're just stuck together for this project. That's all. Even if I did like him, which I don't, he definitely doesn't like me back. We're probably just going to go back to bickering with each other to no end."Ā Ā
āRight,ā Heeseung chimes in, giving you a look that says he's clearly unconvinced. āJust saying, thoughāsomeone who doesnāt like you wouldnāt be staring at you like that, and looking at me like I just committed a third-degree crime just for breathing in your direction."Ā Ā
You follow Heeseungās gaze and, sure enough, you catch Jay trying to look casual while bouncing the puppy and acting like he totally didnāt just get caught. Your eyes meet, and he does a 180 so fast he nearly launches Jisoo into orbit.Ā
You quickly turn back to your friends, heat rising to your face as you catch Esther and Heeseung giving each other a knowing look before smirking at you. You roll your eyes and grab the both of them by the back of their shirts, turning them in the direction of the event, "Okay, okay, enough with the delusions. Shouldn't you guys be signing off some puppies or something?"Ā Ā
"Don't say we didn't tell you so!" Esther calls after you as you turn on your heels towards Jay, furiously convincing yourself that they're so wrong. Ā
There's no universe in which Jay Park, the Jay Park, would ever be into you. The Jay Park, who can get any girl he wants, the Jay Park who's just too different from you, the Jay Park who you proclaimed your school rival (self-proclaimed). Absolutely not.Ā Ā
When you get back to him, Jayās desperately trying to look naturalāso, naturally, heās scratching the puppyās belly while Jisoo clings to his chest like a tiny koala. Your heart gives a little traitorous squeeze, but you ignore it. Get a hold of yourself, Y/N.Ā Ā
āLooks like he likes you,ā you say, trying to sound casual as you nod to the puppy, who's squirming excitedly under Jay's attention.Ā
āHeās adorable,ā Jay replies, blushing faintly as he shifts the puppy around. āSo, uh, everything okay over there?ā he asks, totally not imagining a deep, romantic conversation to explain your laughter.Ā
Youāre caught off-guard, blinking, wondering if Jay somehow became psychic and caught onto your previous train of thoughts about him, until you realize what he meant. āOh! Yeah, they just⦠needed help with paperwork.āĀ
Jayās expression hardens ever so slightly as he tries to imagine a world where paperwork could possibly be that funny. āCool, cool,ā he nods stiffly, side-eyeing Heeseung in the distance whoās still chatting with Esther.Ā
"Well," Jay shifts awkwardly as clears his throat, "I should get going to Jake. He's probably in tears by now, honestly."Ā Ā
You frown at that, and Jay instantly self-identifies himself as the worst person on the planet. He barely resists the urge to apologize for everything he's ever done, from breathing in your direction to any other crime against humanity he's committed in your eyes.Ā Ā
"Aw, come on," you say, teasingly, though even you're not sure why. It's just...fun having him around. "Stay a little longer. For the puppies!"Ā Ā
Jay opens his mouth, fully ready to decline when he catches sight of your expressionāthose big, pleading eyes that make it impossible to say no.Ā
And that's it. He's doomed. Right then and there, Jay knows he's doomed. Ā
Is Jay currently surrounded by more puppies than he ever thought could physically exist in one place? Yes.Ā
Does he think your puppy eyes are somehow cuter than all the puppies combined? Annoyingly, also yes.Ā Ā
And so, Jay would like to make some new things clear, for the record:Ā Ā
First, there is no way any of this is his fault. If Jake ends up crying over outfit choices and demands to know why Jay ditched him for puppies, Jay has a rock-solid explanation. Heāll explain the situation, which obviously couldnāt be helped. Hanging out with you? Totally justified. Perfectly valid.Ā Ā
And second, wellāJay would like to clarify that it's official now. Whatever he was feeling before? Yeah, definitely attraction.Ā Ā
Your fingers drum against your blanket. You stare blankly at your bedroom ceiling. You let out another deep sigh. You toss and turn, adjusting your position for maybe the hundredth time. It's no use. You're bored. Ā
And that, in itself, is a shocking revelation. You're never bored. Your schedule is usually packed to the brimābetween assignments, club meetings, work shifts, and impromptu Save the Puppies campaigns, there's hardly room for boredom. But today?Ā Ā
You turn to look at Jisoo, who's chilling in her spot on your bed next to you, not having a single ounce of consciousness for you to share your boredom with.Ā Ā
With another sigh, you grab your phone and scroll aimlessly through your apps. You eventually land in your Photos app and swipe through mindlessly until a recent picture stops you in your tracks.Ā Ā
It's a selfie Jay took of the two of you, Jisoo sandwiched between your faces. The infamous day of the pizza-night-turned-accidental-nap-turned-godforsaken-poop-incident. You'd submitted the photo to Professor Kim as proof of your co-parenting efforts, but now, looking at it again, you can't help but smile.Ā Ā
It's strange. The memory should be traumaticāokay, it is traumaticābut in hindsight, it's also...kind of fun. The chaos, the banter, the way Jay somehow managed to make everything feel less overwhelming just by being there.Ā Ā
Funny enough, that day was also the last time you remember having any sort of free time, and you remember complaining that you had to spend the day with Jay of all people. But now, looking back at it, you honestly did have fun. Being with Jay was...fun.Ā Ā
Your thumb hovers over the screen for a moment before it unconsciously drifts towards the Phone app. You hesitate, realizing with a jolt that you're one tap away from calling Jay. It's like your brain suddenly shut off and something took over you. What's gotten into you? Ā
You blink at Jay's contact on your phone, your thumb still hovering over his name.Ā Ā
No. Bad idea.Ā Ā
You don't need Jay to entertain you just because you're bored. You're perfectly capable of having fun on your own...obviously. Obviously, even though the last hour of groaning and ceiling-staring suggests otherwise.Ā Ā
Besides, Jay's probably busy doing...whatever it is Jay does at 4PM on a Saturday. Napping, probably.Ā Ā
And what would you even say? Let's hang out? Like some middle schooler asking out their crush? Not to mention, you already have your 'Jisoo' plans in two days, so it's not like you have an excuse to see him.Ā Ā
You sit up abruptly, shaking your head as if to clear the fog of ridiculous thoughts. Seriously, do you even hear yourself right now? Looking for an excuse to see him? Since when did you need excuses for anything, let alone something as absurd as spending more time than necessary with Jay Park?Ā Ā
This has to be some kind of stress-induced meltdown. It's the only logical explanation. All those late-night study sessions, midterm panic attacks, Jisoo diaper changes, and endless extracurriculars must've finally fried your brain. And now, here you are, teetering on the edge of reason, actually wanting to see Jay Park.Ā Ā
Great. Now you have a new problem.Ā Ā
Because as much as you try to convince yourself otherwise, the truth is glaringly obvious: you want to see him. And that, more than any amount of free time or boredom, is the real problem.Ā
You've officially lost it.Ā Ā
I've officially lost it, you chant in your head as your thumb hovers dangerously close to Jay's name on your screen again.Ā Ā
I've officially lost it, the words grow louder, taunting you, as you hover over the call button.Ā
I've officially lost it, your thoughts scream as you give in, pressing down and watching in horror as your screen shifts to Calling Jay Park.Ā
And now, your heartbeat picks up with every ring. You can't decide what's worseāhim answering or him ignoring the call. Maybe if he doesn't pick up, it'll be a sign from above that you're better off leaving his madness alone. Maybeā
"Hello?"Ā Ā
Your train of thought screeches to a halt.Ā Ā
"Y/N? Are you there?"Ā Ā
"I'm here!" You blurt out, your voice jumping two octaves higher than usual. Real smooth, Y/N.Ā Ā
"Hi...what's up? Are you okay? Is something wrong?" His voice is soft over the phone, a little concerned, like you're about to tell him Jisoo had another diaper emergency.Ā Ā
You falter for a moment, staring at the ceiling like the answer might be written there. "No! Nothing's wrong! I justāuhā" Quick, think of something normal!
"I was wondering what you're up to."Ā Ā
"Me?" He sounds genuinely surprised, and you can practically hear the smile in this voice. At least, you think. Or, once again, you've officially lost it. "I'm at the campus gallery, setting up for my photography showcase. It's tonight."Ā Ā
The campus gallery. His photography.Ā Ā
You blink, this is news to you. You vaguely remember Jay asking if you could watch Jisoo tonight, and he hadn't given you a reason back then, but this is why he couldn't be on Jisoo duty today. Because of his showcase.Ā Ā
"Wait, really?" You ask, hoping the interest in your voice doesn't show too much.Ā Ā
"Yeah. I didn't mention it? Guess I forgot," he chuckles lightly. "It's not a big deal, just a student showcase. I'm just setting up now, making sure my pieces are hung straight and stuff."Ā Ā
You swallow, a sudden wave of curiosity washing over you. You find yourself smiling to yourself, feeling a wave of endearment wash over you for some reason. The idea of Jay being completely focused and serious about a passion of his is...it's nice. Itās hard to reconcile the carefree, sarcastic guy you know with the thoughtful perspective he must have to capture the kinds of photos he does.Ā
"You should come by," he says suddenly, breaking you out of your thoughts. His voice is casual, but you think you catch a small, hopeful note in it. "If you're free, I mean. No pressure."Ā Ā
You hesitate, your mind racing. Go? Don't go? It's just a showcase. It's not like it means anything. Right?Ā Ā
"I'll think about it," you manage, trying to sound nonchalant.Ā Ā
"Cool." There's a smile in his voice again. "Let me know. I'll save you a front-row seat."Ā Ā
"Front row seat? For a gallery?" You deadpan, rolling your eyes as if he can see if over the phone.Ā Ā
"Hey, I'm just being a good host."Ā Ā
"Hmmm," you smile to yourself again. "Maybe. We'll see."Ā Ā
But your decision was made the second he suggested that you should come.Ā
It doesn't mean anything. Friends come support each other all the time, right? Waitā
Are you and Jay even friends? You shake your head, trying to dismiss the warmth starting to spread in your chest.Ā Ā
It's just photography.
It's just Jay.
Nothing to overthink here.Ā Ā
āć».ć»ā«
āOkay, Jisoo, in and out,ā you whisper to the robot baby in the carrier that's perched in your arms as you stand frozen outside the campus gallery doors. "We're just stopping by to say hi. Two minutes max. Like ripping off a Band-Aid. Nothing dramatic."Ā Ā
Jisoo stares back at you, wide-eyed and unhelpfully silent, which you take as strong moral support. "Thanks, Jisoo," you mutter, like a lunatic seeking validation from a robot.Ā Ā
Maybe you shouldn't even go in. It's basically the end of the event anywayāwhat are the odds he'd even notice you didn't show? Slim. Probably. Right?Ā Ā
It's not like you didn't have a valid excuse for your lateness. You did have to change Jisooās diaper before you left, and that was a whole thing. But let's be real.Ā
The real delay? The real delay was you standing in front of your closet for a solid half hour like a contestant on America's Next Top Existential Crisis. What do you even wear to casually drop by someone's photography showcase? Something that says, Hey, I'm effortlessly supportive, but I totally don't care if you notice me (yes I do). Ā
Spoiler alert: that outfit does not exist.Ā Ā
And thenābecause clearly, you love to torture yourselfāyou spent another thirty minutes pacing around your room trying to figure out why you cared so much in the first place.Ā Ā
It's Jay. Jay. The guy who thought sticking googly eyes on Jisoo's bottle would make her drink faster. Why are you stressed? Why are your palms sweating?Ā Ā
But despite all that, you somehow made it here, standing outside the gallery with your stomach doing flips like you're about to walk into your own trial. You made it all the way here, so might as well go in, right?Ā Ā
You swallow hard, adjust your grip on your emotional support robot baby, and push the door open.Ā
And there he is.Ā Ā
Center stage, right where he belongsāor at least where he seems to thrive. Standing in front of a massive wall of his framed photographs, the studio lights catch his profile just right. It's almost unfair, like he's been personally photoshopped by the gods themselves. He's surrounded by a small crowd, gesturing animatedly with his hands as he speaks, his smile so bright you're convinced it's starting to hurt your eyes.Ā Ā
But his eyes? There's this sparkle in them. Not the usual playful glint you've grown used to, but something deeper, softer. You've never seen him look so alive, so utterly in his element, and it's doing weird things to your chest.Ā
You can't help but wonderāwhat does it feel like to make him look that happy?Ā Not that it matters, obviously.
It's just a thought.
A completely useless, irrelevant, go-away-right-now kind of thought.Ā Ā
If you weren't busy trying not to trip over your own feet and accidentally drop Jisoo, you might have stopped to take it all in. To admire the way he looks standing there, talking about something he clearly loves, like he's found this magical pocket of the universe where nothing else matters. Might have. Ā
But instead, your thoughts screech in a halt, jolting you out of your daydream.Ā Ā
Abort mission. This was a terrible idea.Ā Ā
Why did you come here? Why is your face hot? Can Jisoo smell fear?Ā Ā
Before you can think of a single coherent reason to not turn around and bolt, Jay glances up. And he spots you.Ā Ā
His eyes light up even moreāif that's even physically possible. "Y/N?" He calls out, grinning widely.Ā Ā
Great. Now you're here. He's happy to see you. You're standing in the middle of his gallery with a robot baby that can most definitely smell your fear.Ā Ā
Fantastic. Just fantastic.Ā Ā
Jay's voice cuts through your existential spiral, "Y/N!" He's waving you over as he calls out your name again, like you're a long-lost friend who's just returned from war.Ā
Well, to be fair, you are fighting a warāagainst your own dumb feelings.Ā Ā
"Hey!" You croak, trying to sound casual but ending up somewhere between a dog's favorite squeaky toy and a rusty car horn. You internally flinch at your own voice.Ā Ā
"Wow, you came," he says, his sweet smile still on display as you shuffle over to where he's standing. "And you brought Jisoo! My biggest fan."
He reaches out to cup Jisoo's cheeks, and you almost smack yourself in the head for feeling jealous over your own robot baby.Ā Ā
"Yeah, well," you start, trying to sound nonchalant. "I figured, you know, project partners should support each other...teamwork and all that."Ā Ā
Jay raises an eyebrow, clearly trying to stifle a laugh. "Right. Teamwork. Totally."Ā Ā
You shift your weight from one leg to another, awkwardly looking up, eventually landing your eyes on the wall behind him, scanning the photos on display. Each photo is so himāa little chaotic, a little bold, but somehow...strikingly beautiful. There's a photo of a rainy city street, the light catching every droplet; a close-up of a sunflower against a brilliant sky; a candid of a kid laughing, his face tilted up toward the sun.Ā Ā
You suddenly feel a weird, warm pull in your chest. Itās one thing to see Jay cracking jokes and making sarcastic comments during late-night baby meltdowns. But this? This is a side of him youāve never seen beforeāone thatās thoughtful, intentional, passionate.Ā
You donāt realize how long youāve been staring until Jay speaks up, his voice softer now. āDo you like them?āĀ
You blink, startled, and then nod a little too quickly. You hope he doesn't notice (he does).Ā Ā
"Yeah. I mean...these are really good, Jay. You'reā" you cut yourself off, realizing you're about to say something embarrassing. ''ātalented," you finish lamely.Ā Ā
"Thanks," Jay tilts his head, looking almost shy. "That means a lot, actually."Ā Ā
His voice is so genuine that it throws you off. You weren't prepared for this level of sincerity. It makes your stomach flip in a way that's both exciting and mildly terrifying.Ā Ā
Jay gestures toward the wall, his hands shoved into his pockets like he's trying not to fidget. "I wasn't sure if this was your kind of thing, thought you'd be busy and stuff, but I'm glad you came. I, uh..," he scratches the back of his neck sheepishly, "I was kind of hoping you would."Ā Ā
Oh.Ā Ā
Oh?Ā Ā
OH.Ā Ā
Your brain immediately short-circuits. He hoped you'd come? Like...in a we're-in-this-together-as-project-partners way, or in a please-let-this-mean-something-more-than-project-partners way? Is this what cardiac arrest feels like? Should you call someone? Should you call him? No, wait, you're already talking to himāfocus!Ā
You clear your throat and try to channel every ounce of chill you simply do not possess. "Well," you say, attempting to keep your voice steady and failing miserably, "I'm here."Ā Ā
It comes out barely louder than a whisper, and you immediately regret every life decision that's led you to this moment. But then Jay smilesāsoft, something smaller, more privateāand it's like the world shifts slightly off its axis.Ā Ā
"Yeah," he says quietly, his eyes meeting yours with a warmth that makes you forget how to breathe. "You are."Ā Ā
And just like that, the noise of the environment dissolves, and the rest of the world shrinks to nothing but the space between you and him. The moment feels impossibly big like it might swallow you whole, and yet so small it could shatter with the slightest breath.Ā Ā
You're pretty sure you're about to combust. Explode. Turn into a human firework fueled entirely by sheer tension and whatever it is that's happening right now. God, why does he have to look at you like that? Like you're not standing here internally unraveling?Ā Ā
You break eye contact to glance down at Jisoo, and you're positive she's giving you a look that screams, Stop being weird, you two. Ā
"Anyway!" You blurt out, desperate to break the tension. "Which one's your favorite?" You gesture to the photos, your eyes darting anywhere but his own.Ā
He laughs, and the sound is warm and unguarded, "C'mon, I'll show you."Ā Ā
He grabs your free hand without thinking, tugging you toward the far end of the wall. And just like that, you're helplessly following him, heart racing again, wondering how the hell you got hereāand why you never want to leave.Ā Ā
So much for in and out.Ā Ā
Jay pulls you towards the far end of the gallery, his hand wrapped around yours like it's the most natural thing in the world.Ā Ā
It's not.Ā Ā
Your brain is in full-blown meltdown mode. Red alerts, sirens blaring, a voice screaming, "WE'RE HOLDING HANDS, PEOPLE!"Ā Ā
But there's no way you're about to let him see how much this is affecting you, so you shove the chaos down, pretending like your hand isn't currently experiencing the touch equivalent of fireworks...and hoping that it isn't sweaty.Ā Ā
"This one," Jay says, stopping in front of a photo that's somehow both ordinary and magical. It's a simple shot of your campus football field, taken from the bleacher stands. You've stood in those very bleachers too many times to countāfor school events, games, the occasional half-hearted attempt to pretend you like sports. But somehow, in this shot, the field looks...different.Ā Ā
The grass glows like it's soaked in liquid gold under a sky caught between dusk and twilight. The field is empty, yet it doesn't feel lonely. There's something about it that Jay managed to captureālike it holds a thousand stories and secrets, quietly hopeful in its stillness.Ā Ā
"It's beautiful," you murmur, the words slipping out before you can catch them.Ā
"Yeah," Jay lets out a breath. "It's my favorite spot on campus. I go there a lot when I need to think or just...get away a bit."Ā Ā
You glance at him, startled at the sudden vulnerability in his voice. Jay never strikes you as someone who gets lost in his head; he always seemed too confident, too effortlessly sure of himself. But right now, he's not looking at youāhe's staring at the photo, like he's seeing something beyond it.Ā Ā
"I took it on one of those daysāI was just overthinking a lot about life. About who I am, I guess," he continues. "I didn't think it'd turn out good or anything, but...I don't know. It felt right."Ā Ā
Your chest tightens. There's something so raw in the way he's speaking, like he's letting you see a side of him he usually keeps hidden. It makes you wonder how many other layers Jay Park has, and why it feels so important to uncover them all.Ā Ā
The silence between you stretches as you watch Jay continue to study his own photograph. There's a softness in his gaze, a quiet vulnerability that makes you feel like you're seeing him a way few people ever do.Ā Ā
But then he blinks, breaking the moment, and suddenly he's looking at you. You stiffen, panic bubbling up at the possibility that he might've noticed you staring at him.Ā Ā
"Sorry," he says, his voice carrying a self-deprecating chuckle. "It's really cheesy and stupid."Ā Ā
You find yourself shaking your head before he even finishes his sentence. "No! Not at all, really," you blurt out, the words stumbling over themselves in their rush to escape. You feel the heat creeping up your neck, mortified at your sudden intensity.Ā Ā
Jay raises an eyebrow, amused, but doesn't say anything, so you clear your throat and try again, softer this time. "I mean it. You have a good eye, Jay." You mean it more than you've meant anything in a while, and you hope he knows that.Ā Ā
For a second, he just looks at you, like he's taking note of something, his head tilted ever so slightly. And then, slowly, his lips curve into that small, genuine smile that makes your chest feel annoyingly warm. "Thanks, Y/N."Ā Ā
Your heart does a little somersault. Oh great. There it goes again. Ā
And as if Jisoo can sense the moment might be getting too serious, she lets out a cry. You stumble back, jump scared enough by the loud and sudden sound, and Jay reacts instantly, steadying you with his hands on your shoulders.Ā Ā
"You okay?" He asks, his face so close that you can now confirm there are literal, actual flecks of gold in his eyes. Of course there are.Ā Ā
You blink. I've officially lost it. Completely, utterly, hopelessly, lost it. Ā
You nod, your voice stuck in your throat. Am I okay? No. No, you are not okay. You are decidedly not okay. Ā
Jay clears his throat, stepping backāthough his hands linger a beat longer than they probably need to, but still a second too short than you should probably want to.Ā
You want to scream into the void.Ā Ā
"Looks like it's time for Jisoo's dinner," he says lightly with a small chuckle.Ā
You fumble for words, your brain still offline. "Uhāyeah. I left her bottle at my place, and I should probably get going anyways," you manage, your voice a little too breathless for comfort.Ā Ā
Jay glances at his watch, pausing for a moment before looking back at you, something hopeful flicking in his eyes.
"I'm pretty much done here," he says, tilting his head towards the door. "It's late. Let me walk you home."Ā Ā
You hesitate, torn between insisting you're perfectly fine on your own (you're not) and letting him (you want to). But the way he's looking at youālike it's no big deal, like he simply wants toāmakes the decision for you.Ā Ā
"Okay," you say, quieter than you mean to, and before you can second-guess yourself, Jay's already taking Jisoo's carrier from your arms, effortlessly shifting it onto his own.Ā Ā
"Let's go," he says, flashing you a small smile that feels like a punch to your stomach in the best way possible.Ā Ā
And just like that, you're walking side by side into the cool night air, your breaths visible in the chill, easily falling into a comfortable rhythm as you walk through the quiet campus, the streetlights above casting long shadows ahead of you.Ā
Thereās something easy about walking with him like this. It shouldnāt feel this naturalāyour heartās doing somersaults and pirouettes like itās auditioning for a circusābut it does. You steal a glance at him, and heās focused on the path ahead, his profile calm and soft in the glow of the lights.Ā
"So," Jay breaks the quiet as he stuffs his hands into his jacket pockets, "Can you believe the project's almost over?"Ā Ā
You let out a small laugh, tilting your head. "Honestly, no. Feels like just yesterday I was praying you'd drop the class."Ā Ā
Jay laughs, a sound that seems to echo in the quiet environment. "Wow, Y/N. I thought we were bonding."Ā Ā
"We were," you tease, turning to him with a barely concealed smirk. "I just also thought you were going to be a disaster of a partner."Ā Ā
He scoffs, giving you a mock-offended look. "I proved you wrong, right? I was amazing since day one."Ā Ā
"You handed Jisoo to me like she was a bomb, Jay," you remind him, unable to stop yourself from laughing.Ā Ā
"I was assessing the danger!" Jay protests, his grin widening. "And excuse me, I've stepped up. I've made bottles, I've cleaned her, I even know how to put on a diaper the right side up!"Ā Ā
"Jay, the fact that you had to learn which way was right side up is concerning in itself," you manage to let out with a giggle.Ā
"Details, details," he waves a dismissive hand. "Point is, I'm practically father of the year."Ā Ā
You roll your eyes, but you're smiling. A sharp breeze suddenly hits the both of you, and you visibly shiver from the lack of warmth your outfit provides. All that time choosing an outfit, and you still couldn't pick a weather-appropriate one. Stellar, Y/N. Ā
And of course, Jay notices immediately. Before you can so much as form a protest, he's shrugging his jacket off and draping it over your shoulders, your body immediately stiffening as his hands brush against you lightly in the process.Ā Ā
You open your mouth to say somethingāanything, even just a whispered thank youābut Jay beats you to it, sparing you the effort of finding actual, coherent words.Ā
āSo,ā he says casually, like he hasnāt just sent your brain spiraling, āwhat do you think youāll do when itās over?ā
"Uh," you blink, still needing a second to reorient yourself. "Sleep, for once."Ā Ā
Jay laughs again. "Fair. You deserve it. But you'll miss me, right?"Ā Ā
"Not even for a second," you deadpan without hesitation.Ā Ā
"Liar," he teases, bumping your shoulder lightly.Ā Ā
You reach your building all too soon, the doors looming in front of you like an unwelcome reminder that this walk, this moment, is about to end. You stop just before the steps and turn to face him, rocking on your heels.Ā Ā
"Okay, maybe a little," you admit, shrugging. "But only because you make me look like the competent one by comparison."Ā Ā
"Wow," Jay shakes his head, but there it is again. The smileāthe small, amused one that makes his eyes crinkle just enough to be unfairly attractive.Ā
You glance up at him, wishing the walk had been just a few blocks longer. Or a few miles.Ā Ā
"Well," you say finally, forcing your gaze away from his own. "Thanks for walking me. And for carrying Jisoo."Ā
You reach for Jisoo's carrier, and Jay hands it over without hesitation, but not before shrugging like it's no big deal.
"No problem," he says. Then, as you're adjusting the carrier on your arm, he adds, "And thanks again, Y/N. For coming tonight. It really meant a lot."Ā Ā
Your heart does that stupid fluttery thing again it's been doing all night, and you're starting to think you need a medical consultation.Ā Ā
"Yeah, well," you clear your throat. "Partner support, you know?" You sound dumb, Y/N. Dumb. Ā
Jay smirks, but there's something gentler in his expression now, a flicker of something you can't quite name.Ā
"Goodnight, Y/N. And goodnight, Jisoo," he says, giving a small wave to the baby carrier, making you giggle slightly.Ā Ā
He takes a few steps back, his hands slipping into his pockets, and gives you one last smile before turning to walk away. But before he gets too far, something bursts out of you, unwarned.Ā Ā
"Jay!"Ā Ā
He stops, turning on his heels, his brows lifting in surprise. "Yeah?"Ā Ā
You step forward, closing a bit of the distance between you, suddenly hyper-aware of how your voice wavers. "Um, I was wrong. You're...not all that bad." Why am I doing this? "I'm sorry if I've been...you know, intense. These past few years."Ā Ā
Jay blinks at you, his surprise turning into something softer. You take a deep breath, pushing through the self-inflicted awkwardness.Ā
"You've been a really good partner," you add, offering a small, genuinely smile. "And well...you're pretty cool."Ā Ā
His studies your face for a moment, the look longing and careful, like he's piecing together something fragile. A faint smile tugs at his lips, and there's a warmth in his expression that sends heat rushing to your cheeks.Ā Ā Ā
For a moment, the two of you just stand here, caught in the glow of the streetlamp. The world around you feels distant, like someone's hit the mute button on everything but the sound of your heartbeat.Ā Ā
Jay's smile widens ever so slightly, and he nods, his voice quiet but firm. "I'll see you around, Y/N."Ā Ā
He takes a few steps backward, his gaze holding yours until he finally turns and starts walking away. You watch him disappear into the night, the outline of his figure fading with the streetlights, and only then do you realize you've been holding your breath.Ā Ā
As you step into your building and climb the stairs to your apartment, the night replays in your head on a loopāhis laugh, his smile, his everything.Ā Ā
When you finally reach your door, you lean against it for a moment, his large jacket still wrapped around you. Your thoughts crash into you all at once, and two things become alarmingly clear:Ā Ā
You are completely, utterly, hopelessly in like with Jay Park.Ā Ā
You're in so much trouble. Ā
āCongratulations, everyone!ā Professor Kim clasps her hands together at the front of the classroom, a wide smile on her face. āYouāve survived six weeks of parenting. Hopefully, youāve learned something usefulāand that it hasnāt scared you off from actual parenthood one day. Each baby had a monitor tracking its status, so Iāll be extracting that data, combining it with your progress reports, and factoring it into your grade.āĀ
Jay leans toward you from his seat next to you, his breath warm against your ear. āThatās a little creepyā¦sheās going to take Jisoo apart? The poor thing.ā His smirk is half-guilty, half-amused, and you have to bite down on your lip to keep from laughing out loud.Ā
This is new. Six weeks ago, he was Mr. Front-Row Enthusiast, and sometime between then and now, youāve somehow managed to convert him into your next-row-back partner. Heād grumbled at first when you insisted about your theory that the front row screamed try-hard, but since then, he doesnāt even glance at the seats up front anymore.Ā
āGrades will be out soon! Iāll see you all next week,ā Professor Kim announces. āAnd donāt forget to submit your reflection posts!āĀ
The shuffle of bags and jackets fills the room as students thank her on their way out. Slowly, the lecture hall empties, until itās just you and Jay lingering at your seats.Ā
āWell,ā you say, slinging your bag over your shoulder as you stand. āThatās it. No more parenting lessons for us.āĀ
Jay heaves a dramatic sigh, his lips pulling into a pout thatās far too endearing for your peace of mind. āI canāt believe it. I already miss Jisoo.āĀ
You chuckle lightly but feel an odd tug in your chest. āRight? I got so used to carrying her and her baby bag everywhere. Itās weird not having her around.āĀ
And it is weird. You never thought youād feel this way about a glorified hunk of plastic and wires, but now, without Jisoo, something feelsā¦off.Ā Ā
Or maybe itās not just Jisoo. Maybe itās the fact that this project, unexpectedly enough, turned into an excuseāa reason to spend so much time with Jay. Now that itās over, what happens next?Ā
The thought hangs between you as the two of you head out of the building. The campus is alive with the hum of students, the energy buzzing around you as everyone heads to their afternoon classes. You both stop outside, standing awkwardly side by side as the silence stretches.Ā
No more 'Jisoo days' to plan for. No more excuses to text. No more shared tasks or inside jokes.Ā
Will he go back to his front-row seat, forgetting these last few weeks? Or will heāwill youāpretend none of this ever happened?Ā
Jay shifts beside you, rubbing the back of his neck. His eyes flicker to yours, then away again, as if heās waiting for you to say something first.Ā
āWell,ā you finally say, breaking the quiet because itās just too heavy to bear. āI have to head to my next class.āĀ
āRight. Yeah,ā Jay says quickly, too quickly, his hands both fidgeting with the straps of his backpack. āMakes sense.āĀ
He hesitates, his mouth opening like heās about to add something, but then he stops. You notice the way heās looking at you, like thereās a thousand things he wants to say but canāt figure out how to start. You feel that familiar heat creep up your neck, the same one you tend to get whenever youāre around him nowadays.Ā Ā
āAlright,ā you finally say, shifting on your feet. āSee you around, then?āĀ
Jayās lips turn up in a small, almost longing, smile. āYeah. See you.āĀ
He doesnāt move, though. Neither do you. Itās like both of you are waiting for the other to take a step away first, and the pause grows longer and longer until you can practically hear the universe screaming at you to just go already. Itās getting unbearably uncomfortable for all of us, Y/N. Ā
And when you finally start to turn, before you can even take three steps, his voice stops you.Ā
āHey.āĀ
You glance back over your shoulder, raising an eyebrow. āYeah?āĀ
Jay scratches the back of his neck, looking like heās fighting some kind of internal battle. āUh, you were also a really good partner. You know, with Jisoo. I mean, you were kinda terrifying at first with all your color-coded schedules and spreadsheets, butā¦āĀ
His smile softens, and his voice drops a little. āYou were great. Really. I think I learned a thing or two from you.āĀ Ā
Your stomach flips in a way thatās both infuriating and addictive.Ā
āThanks,ā you say, trying to sound casual even though your brain is short-circuiting. āMeans a lot from someone who had to Google which way a diaper goes.āĀ Ā
He laughs, the sound bright and warm in the cool air. āOkay, one time, Y/N. Let it go.āĀ
āNope.ā You grin, turning fully toward him now, your nerves settling under the familiarity of teasing. āYouāll never live it down. Itās my parting gift to you.āĀ
Jay presses a hand to his chest, feigning hurt. āWow. I pour my heart out, and this is what I get in return?āĀ
āExactly.āĀ
He chuckles again, shaking his head before finally stepping back, breaking the invisible bubble thatās been holding you both in place. āAlright. Iāll see you, Y/N.āĀ
āBye, Jay,ā you say, forcing yourself to turn and start walking away.Ā Ā
You make it a few steps before you hear his voice a second time, softer this time, almost hesitant.Ā
āY/N.āĀ
You glance back, your heart skipping a beat.Ā
Jay looks at you for a moment, his expression unreadable, before his lips curve into a small, lopsided smile. āText me when you get home later tonight, okay? After your day is done.āĀ Ā
You blink, caught off guard. āWhat?āĀ
āJustā¦so I know you got there safe,ā he says, shrugging like itās no big deal. But the way his voice dips at the end betrays him.Ā
Your chest tightens in a way that officially feels dangerous. But you know you never want to get enough of this feeling.Ā Ā Ā
āOkay,ā you manage to say, the word quieter than you meant, but it was the most you could muster up with the bubble stuck in your throat.Ā Ā
Jay nods, his smile widening just a little. āGood.āĀ
And this time, when you turn away, you canāt stop the smile that sneaks onto your face.Ā
āć».ć»ā«
By the time you get home, itās late, and the apartment is quiet. Esther is nowhere to be foundāprobably out with Heeseung or at the library pretending to study. You toe off your shoes and drop your bag by the door, the routine feeling strangely empty without Jisooās carrier on your arm and her baby bag strapped to the other.Ā Ā
With a sigh, you find your way to your room and collapse onto your bed, scrolling aimlessly through your phone. Jayās parting words have been echoing in your head all day, barely letting you focus during the rest of your classesāāText me when you get home.āĀ
You hover over your messages for a second longer than necessary, typing and deleting a draft once, then twice, then a third time, before finally hitting send:Ā
Y/N [8:52PM]: home safe šĀ
You stare at the screen for exactly three seconds before flinging your phone across your bed. You roll over, face buried in your pillow, half hoping he doesnāt reply so you donāt have to overanalyze the significance of a thumbs-up emoji.Ā
But, of course, your phone buzzes almost instantly.Ā
Jay [8:53PM]: good š sleep well.Ā
A small, ridiculous smile tugs at your lips. You really shouldnāt be this giddy over such a mundane exchange, over a thumbs up emoji, but somehow, here you are.Ā
And thatās when you start going insane. You shoot up from your spot in bed.Ā Ā
Why did he tell you to text him? Does he say that to everyone? Or was it justā¦you? And why does he keep looking at you like that? Youāve never been the kind of person to spiral like this, but lately, everything about Jay has you unraveling in ways you donāt know how to handle.
Clearly.Ā Ā
You groan, flailing your arms like a toddler throwing a tantrum. āGet it together, Y/N,ā you mutter to yourself, but itās no use. Every little interaction from the past six weeks replays in your head on a loopāhis laughter, his stupid jokes, the way his eyes crinkle when he smiles.Ā
Your thoughts are interrupted by a sharp buzz from your phone. You glance over, half expecting a random notification (the other half hoping Jay double texted you) but instead, itās the one youāve been waiting for without realizing it:Ā
Professor Kim: Final grades are posted!Ā
Your heart leaps. Practically fumbling with your phone, you open the grading portal, scanning the page with a held breath. And there it is, staring back at you in bold letters:Ā
Semester Project Grade: 100%Ā
āYES!ā you exclaim, punching the air like a successful cartoon character. Youāre grinning so wide your cheeks hurt, practically bouncing in bed. Itās the kind of happiness that makes you feel like youāre going to burst if you donāt share it with someone.Ā
And thereās only one person you want to share it with.Ā
Before you know what youāre doing, your closet doors are wide open, your hands rifling through. Your hands land on his jacketāthe one he lent you after the showcaseāand something about it feels right. You shrug it on, ignoring the way it smells faintly like him (and comfort), and grab your keys without a second thought.Ā
By the time you realize what youāre doing, youāre already halfway to Jayās apartment. Itās not like you had a planājust this overwhelming need to see him.Ā Ā
Because somehow, heās become the first person you want to share everything with, want to experience every moment with, want to feel every feeling with, and that thought is both exhilarating and terrifying all at once.Ā Ā
But youāve never been so sure of anything else before.Ā Ā
Your breath hitches as you reach his familiar door, hand raised to knock. You hesitate for a moment, suddenly aware of how ridiculous this is. Who shows up at someoneās place at this hour, unannounced, just to tell them about a grade? What if he already saw it and didnāt even think twice? You look insane, Y/N. Insane. Ā
But then you think about the way he looked at you earlier, the way he smiled when he said āgood job.āĀ
And you knock.Ā Ā
āć».ć»ā«
Jay doesnāt know whatās happening. One second, heās on his couch editing photos, and the next, someoneās trying to break down his door. At least, thatās what it sounds like. The pounding is so aggressive it makes his mug of tea tremble slightly on the table.Ā
Heart racing, Jay tosses his laptop aside and scans the room for a weapon. Nothing. Great. In a flash of panic, he grabs the TV remote because, sure, itās sleek, ergonomic, and maybe intimidating in the right light.Ā
Bracing himself for certain doom, he yanks the door openāĀ
āOh.āĀ
Itās you.Ā
At his doorstep.Ā
Unannounced.Ā
In his jacket.Ā
Jay flatlines. All he can do is stare at you in the oversized jacketāhis oversized jacketālookingĀ like you walked straight out of one of his dream scenarios. The rational part of him is trying to keep it together, but the feral part of his brain is screaming Sheās in my clothes. Marriage now.Ā
You tilt your head, studying his expression. āJay? Are youā¦okay?āĀ
He blinks, realizing heās been standing there for a good five seconds with his mouth slightly open.Ā Ā
āUh. Yeah. Totally. Uhāwhatās up?āĀ
āWell first, why are you wielding a TV remote like itās a sword?āĀ
Jay glances down at the remote in his hand, then back at you.
āā¦I thought you were a robber.āĀ
āA robber?ā you repeat, struggling not to laugh. āWhat kind of robber knocks?āĀ
āI donāt know, maybe a polite one!āĀ
You let out a giggle and shrug. āFair enough. But anyway, Iām here becauseādid you see?āĀ
āSee what?ā He frowns, confused, and still recovering from his adrenaline rush.Ā
āProfessor Kim posted our grades! We got a 100%!āĀ
Jay stares at you for a second before the words sink in. āWaitāwhat? We got a hundred?āĀ
āYes!ā Youāre practically bouncing, a bright smile lighting up your face. āA perfect score, Jay!āĀ
He laughs and steps forward, grabbing your shoulders in his hands. āNo way. We actually did it?!āĀ
āWe did it!ā You beam back, jumping up and down. āWe crushed it!āĀ
Jayās grinning so hard his cheeks hurt, but he doesnāt care. Thereās something about seeing you this happy, standing in his doorway like a whirlwind of energy, that makes his chest feel way too full, too complete.Ā Ā
And for a moment, the two of you are just standing there, caught up in the moment, smiling at each other like idiots.Ā
When the excitement dies down, Jay notices the way youāre still slightly breathless, like youād run all the way here.Ā Ā
āWait,ā he squints. āYou couldāve just texted me, you know.āĀ
āOh,ā you shift your weight, suddenly looking a little shy. āYeah. But I justā¦wanted to see you.āĀ
Jay blinks. His brain is once again malfunctioning.Ā Ā
āOh.āĀ Ā
Oh?Ā
OH.Ā Ā
āYeah. Soā¦here I am,ā you add, failing miserably to conceal the wobble in your voice.Ā Ā
āHere you are,ā he repeats, his voice back to that soft tone that knows how to make your heart go into overdrive.Ā Ā
His eyes flicker to yours and stay there as the air between you suddenly feels heavier. Charged.Ā
āIs that all?ā Jay asks, his lips twitching into a teasing smile.Ā
āUh,ā you clear your throat, looking anywhere but at him. āI guess.āĀ
Jay leans against the doorframe, studying you with that stupidly charming smirk of his. āWell, then.āĀ
āWell, then,ā you echo, fingers fidgeting with the hem of his jacket like itās the most fascinating thing youāve ever encountered (spoiler: itās not. That would be Jayās face. But weāre not admitting that just yet).Ā
Neither of you moves. Not even a millimeter. The silence stretches so long that youāre pretty sure somewhere in the world, a Netflix show just autoplayed its next episode.Ā
Then, suddenly, Jay watches as your face cycles through the emotional Olympics: panic, resolve, regret, and whatever it is that makes your eyebrows do that cute scrunch thing he secretly loves.Ā
āI should go,ā you say, finally breaking the silence, your voice quieter now. āSorry for barging in like this.āĀ
You look down at your feet, hands still mindlessly playing with the sleeve of his jacket. Jayās stomach twists at the sightāat the quiet, unsure way youāre suddenly retreating.Ā Ā
No. Absolutely not. He doesnāt know where his bravery is coming from (he suspects itās sheer desperation), but he refuses to let you leave like this.Ā
Before you can fully turn away, Jay reaches out and gently grabs your sleeve, tugging you back like youāre his favorite person in the worldāwhich, spoiler again, you totally are.Ā
āWait,ā he says, pulling you close enough that you bump into his chest. Both his hands find their way to your waist, steadying you with an ease that feels practiced. Like itās where his hands were always meant to be.Ā
And that's when Jay knows for sure: he likes you. He likes you bad. Painful highlighters, confusing spreadsheets, and all. He likes the way you carry your stubbornness like a badge of honor. He likes the way you chew on your pen when you're deep in thought. The way you turn his every sarcastic comment into a competition he's somehow thrilled to lose.Ā Ā
āYou forgot something,ā he murmurs, his voice soft and low as his eyes search yours, then your lips, then your entire face.Ā Ā
Your heart stumbles, your brain short-circuits, and youāre pretty sure your face is now the color of a stop sign.Ā
āOh, uh, the jacket?ā you stammer, looking down at where he grabbed your sleeve, grasping for any logical explanation. āYouāre right. Sorry, I almostāāĀ
But before you can finish, Jay does something both incredibly bold and incredibly reckless. He leans in and presses his lips to yours.Ā
For a moment, you freeze. This isnāt real. Is this an alternate universe where Jay kisses you instead of just driving you insane?Ā
But then, the realization sinks ināJay is kissing you. Like, actually kissing you. And wow.Ā
The first touch of his lips sends a rush through your entire body, like every nerve has suddenly woken up all at once. Heās hesitant at first, almost like heās giving you the chance to pull away, but when you donātāwhen you finally let go of all the confusion, overthinking, and denialāyou lean into him, your hands both instinctively reaching up, gripping the fabric of his shirt to ground yourself as you kiss him back, now realizing how much you desperately wanted this.Ā Ā
And thatās all the encouragement Jay needs.Ā Ā
His hands tighten on your waist, pulling you flush against him, his fingers brushing the hem of the jacket youāre wearingāhis jacket, you remember with a strange, fluttering thrill. The kiss deepens, gentle but insistent, a slow, breathtaking unraveling of all the tension thatās been simmering between you for weeks.Ā
Itās like the air shifts around you, the space between you collapsing into nothing. You feel his breath, warm against your skin, and the faintest hitch in it when your hand moves up to lightly curl against the back of his neck.Ā
Heās so close, and everything about this moment feels rightāhis familiar scent, the steady warmth of his hands on your waist, the way he tilts his head slightly to meet yours like heās memorizing the shape of you.Ā
Your heart pounds, the world spinning just a little too fast and too slow all at once. Itās electric, and dizzying, and somehow everything and nothing like you imagined (because, yes, youāve imagined itāso what?).Ā
Jay pulls back just slightly, his forehead brushing yours as he grins, his voice a playful mumble against your lips, not wanting to break the kiss. āYou can keep the jacket.āĀ
Your laugh bubbles out before you can stop it, your forehead dropping to his shoulder as you clutch at his arms for balance.
āSeriously? Thatās what youāre thinking about right now?āĀ
āIām a multi-tasker,ā he replies, deadpan, his lips turning into a teasing smirk as he leans in and steals another quick kiss. He starts to pull back again, but you don't let himāyour hand catches his sleeve as you dart up and chase his lips for one more peck, light and fleeting, but enough to make him smile like a fool. You're completely, utterly, hopelessly obsessed with him.Ā Ā
"Besides," he adds, the words smug as his arms tighten around you, "I've already sacrificed my jacket. Might as well give up my dignity too."Ā Ā
You roll your eyes, āYouāre still an idiot.āĀ
āAnd yet, Iām the idiot you kissed back,ā Jay fires back, brushing a strand of hair from your face.Ā Ā
You shake your head, your voice soft and teasing. āYouāre soāāĀ
The words trail off as you meet his gaze again, and before you can even think about stopping yourself, you tilt your head up, close the remaining distance between you, and kiss him first this time.Ā Ā
Jay freezes for a second, caught off guard, before he fully melts into the kiss again, one hand instinctively curling around your waist to keep you as close as possible. There's no hesitation now, no teasing, no holding backājust the two of you in the quiet of his doorway, and the overwhelming certainty that neither of you wants to let thisāthis moment, this feelingāto end.Ā
When you finally pull back, Jayās eyes are sparkling, his gaze holding an undeniable warmth.Ā
āYou know,ā he starts, voice light but tinged with something deeper, āif you keep doing that, I might start thinking you actually like me or something.āĀ
You raise an eyebrow, leaning in just close enough to make him squirm, your smirk playful.Ā
āAnd if you keep talking,ā you murmur, your voice low and teasing, āI might change my mind.āĀ
Jay blinks, momentarily stunned, before letting out a breathless laugh, his arms instinctively circling your waist again, pulling you just a little closer. āNoted. Say less. Iāll shut up forever. Youāre stuck with me now.āĀ
Stuck with Jay? As in a more-than-project-partners kind of way?Ā
Yeah, you think, meeting the smile heās giving you.Ā
You donāt mind that idea one bit.Ā
āć».ć»ā«
Now that the six weeks of parenthood is over, we ask that you write a reflection post in response to your pre-questionnaire answers we asked you at the beginning of the project. Were your expectations met? Exceeded? Any surprises along the way?
Y/Nās Submission [11:15AM, October 30th]:
Parenting, even with a robot baby, turned out to be nothing like I expected. Iāve learned that no matter how much you plan, babies (and life) have a way of completely ignoring your carefully crafted schedules. It was frustrating at times, but it also made thingsā¦unexpectedly fun.
Speaking of unexpectedāletās just say my partnership for this project caught me completely off guard, in the best way possible. Turns out, some surprises are worth breaking the plan for :)
Jayās Submission [11:30AM, October 30th]:
Honestly? I expected surprises, but I wasnāt ready to lose three years of my life over a diaper changeāor nearly go deaf from tantrums. Safe to say, I learned the hard way that being a little prepared isnāt such a bad idea.
But hereās the thing: turns out, babies (and certain project partners) have a way of growing on you. Who knew spreadsheets and sleepless nights could actually beā¦kinda great? I guess what Iām saying is, sometimes the best things arenāt planned. And also, I know how to change a diaper in 30 seconds now. The right side up :)
In the grand movie that is life, SUNOO is writing his own storyāhoping for an ending where he discovers a better version of himself, regardless of any bumps along the way in his journey.
You talked on Weverse about how you got ISTJ (logistician) on an MBTI test, the exact opposite of ENFP (campaigner), the type you usually get.
SUNOO: It feels like that was a brief glitch. Iāve definitely changed, but I donāt think Iām an ISTJ. (laughs) I guess the other members mustāve had an influence on me, since theyāre all Ts. (laughs)
Not that MBTI tests are a perfect reflection of personality changes, but have you noticed any?
SUNOO: I used to juggle so many thoughts at once, but now I just focus on whatās right in front of me. When I have places to be, thatās the only thing Iām thinking about. Seems Iāve definitely matured a bit? (laughs) I was already slowly changing before, but now Iāve fully embraced it. And I used to have to try and have a brighter personality, but these days itās not like that.
Is there a reason you changed like that?
SUNOO: My whole image used to be this really cheerful person, so I felt like I always had to be smiling, but now that Iām so much closer with ENGENE, I feel like itās okay to show the real me. I talk with ENGENE just like a friend these days, and they seem to like that laid-back version of me, too, so I feel relaxed. (laughs)
I was impressed by the detail you went into for ENGENE on Weverse about recommendations for late-night snacks and how best to enjoy them. (laughs)
SUNOO: I just suggest whateverās calling me each timeāwhatever Iām craving in the moment. Iām busy during the day, so if I eat something heavy at night, it can come back to haunt me the next day. I always recommend something tasty for them to eat. I donāt know if they actually follow my recommendations, but I feel so happy whenever ENGENE says, āThank you, SUNOO!ā They say I really know my food, too. (laughs)
Thatās real love right thereārecommending the best for ENGENE even at times when you canāt eat it yourself.
SUNOO: When you have a job like this, you have no choice but to really take care of yourself, and Iāve found ways that are healthier and better for me. If I eat something spicy, I always make sure to eat light the next day, and Iām extra careful on days when I have something important. I still let myself indulge in cravings from time to time. (laughs)
I noticed from when your room was shown on the MBC show Omniscient Interfering View that you seem to be health-conscious.
SUNOO: I started taking vitamins and supplements somewhere around the end of last year and the start of this year. It hasnāt been that long. Iāve tried taking a number of different things to figure out whatās best for me. I even studied up about the immune system. I want to hold onto my good looks and stay in shape as time goes by, so I figured Iād better start young, and thatās why Iāve been quite diligent in that regard. (laughs) Iāve definitely noticed an improvement to my energy levels and overall health. It never hurts to be consistent with something. (laughs)
What do you usually do when youāre in your room? You mentioned in a Vogue interview that you find motivation in āeveryday pleasures.ā
SUNOO: When Iām in my room, I usually put on some chill music for starters. Then I sit on my bed or lean back, turn on a lamp, and just stare at it. Thatās enough to make me feel really good. I have a nighttime routine, too: I take a shower, put a sheet mask on my face, get my legs in a calf massager, then sit there and watch a drama or movie. (laughs) Thatās all it takes to make me really happy. Itās a way of wrapping up the day, you know? I think itās important for me to discover what the small things that make me happy because I feel I need to be happy before I can make others around me happy. Iād like to find even more things like that.
You got many recommendations on Weverse from ENGENE for movies and TV shows, though youād already seen a lot of them. One of them was Culinary Class Wars on Netflix, which you have a connection to because it featured āGoddess of Chinese Cuisineā Park Eun-young with whom youāve appeared on the EBS series The best cooking secrets.
SUNOO: To be honest, I didnāt even put that together at first, since we filmed that quite a long time ago. ENGENE posted clips of me from The best cooking secrets later on, and I was like, āOh yeah!ā I couldnāt believe it. (laughs) Chef Park Eun-young was so kind during that shoot. But even when I didnāt recognize her, I kept rooting for her and chef Jung Ji Sun. When the two went head to head, I thought, I hope at least one of them makes it to the finals. I remember thinking how hard they mustāve worked to get there. At the end of the day, theyāre both amazing chefs. Their ideas and the dishes they made were so amazing that I couldnāt help but root for them.
What do you get out of watching so many different TV shows and movies? I recall you related to the way Riley grows up in Inside Out 2, for instance.
SUNOO: I love how Iām living my life now, but I always wonder what itād be like to live a completely different life, just once. When Iām getting off work for the day, sometimes I look at people and think, I wonder what their lifeās like? Inside Out 2 was just like what happened between me and my friends from school when I became a trainee. Riley goes to hockey camp and clashes with her friends, and when I started training, I couldnāt be with my friends every day anymore, and sometimes we fought. Iām on good terms with most of them now, but I lost touch with one. When I look back now, we couldāve gotten along just fine, but we were young back then and didnāt know any better. If I ever had the chance to, Iād like to see them again. Iām really curious how theyāre doing.
If you could go back, what would you do instead?
SUNOO: I would respect any differences we had and maintain an appropriate distance to hold onto the friendship. I think thatās better for everyone and makes for a better relationship. Iām really warm up to people easily, so once someoneās on my social radar, I try and make it work with them, even if weāre not a perfect match. The closer you get with someone, though, the easier it is to read too much meaning into their words or become overly sensitive, and that can lead to hurt feelings.
It seems like youāre always trying to take a step back and take a grounded look at yourself.
SUNOO: Iām pretty quick to own up to things. (laughs) I think Iām good at being objective. If I can see somethingās off, I mostly just acknowledge it right away. I mean, itās more beneficial to me to quickly get rid of the bad stuff and latch onto the good stuff.
Do you think thatās made possible by your extremely high standards for yourself?
SUNOO: Probably. (laughs) I didnāt think so at first, but it probably seemed that way to other people. But I really like how things are right now. It was tough getting to this point, honestly. But adversity always leads to growth. Itās the same with practicing. To really master dance moves, you have to practice them, and thatās hard. But itās how you improve. Things didnāt work out at first a lot of the time. But I still just kept on practicing. If you keep practicing, eventually, it all works out. Itās fascinating. (laughs) And it only seems natural to me. āNo pain, no gain.ā
I remember at the WALK THE LINE concert in Goyang that you looked a little tired for a moment but then lit up instantly when āXO (Only If You Say Yes)ā started.
SUNOO: That was not easy. (laughs) I find it pretty fascinating, too. When Iām onstage, I just get totally immersed in it. Iām only human, and sometimes I get tired before a performance or something makes me feel bad, but I have to be full of energy onstage no matter what. But dealing with the emotions that arise from all the thoughts in my head can actually help me put on a good face sometimes.
When I see you perform āXO (Only If You Say Yes),ā the song really brings your bright personality and your talents to light.
SUNOO: Iāve tried a lot of different facial expressions, and I find a real big smile looks better onscreen than just a little one. So my thought is, if Iām going to smile, Iāll really smile. And when I thought of the direction the song could take, I thought how, if I were dating someone, Iād want to show them the bright, positive side of me and be happy together. Thatās why I winked and put on that big smile. It felt really good doing that. (laughs)
You have a vocal duet with JAY in the pre-chorus of the repackaged albumās lead single, āNo Doubt,ā and the way his tough vocals contrast with your delicate ones makes the song even better.
SUNOO: I couldāve sung as tough as JAY, but for that song, I decided to focus on bringing out what Iām good at instead. For the recording, I moved in a direction that was softer, which I consider my specialty. In this line of work, sometimes even the things you think youāre good can come across as nothing special. I think itās better to play to your strengths. And if you work on what youāre not as good at, itāll eventually become another one of your strengths.
What was it like rehearsing the choreography for āNo Doubtā with the other members of the group? Since the dance is all about feeling the rhythm, it must have been challenging to nail down every little detail together.
SUNOO: It was a little hard. Thereās a lot of steps, and perfecting every little detail as a group was a bit challenging. (laughs) But it takes us less and less time to pick up choreo each time we put out a new album. We need to put on better performances the more experience we get, and our performance director agrees, so we upgrade ourselves for each album. And thereās something especially unique about our practice sessions. (laughs) We mess around a lot. The others always goof around when Iām practicing. Then eventually weāre like, Okay, we really need to get serious now, and then we all really get into it together, which ensures we reach a high level of quality. It feels really empty in there if even one personās missing during practice. We need the group to be all together so we can practice properly and have fun while doing it. We put a lot of effort into getting ready for this album, and ENGENEās going to be able to see that. I hope they can sense exactly what went into it.
The emotional course āNo Doubtā follows, about anxiety acting as a push towards confidence, seems to mirror the relationship that exists between artists and fans.
SUNOO: I think thatās exactly itāfinding confidence through anxiety. We canāt always be with ENGENE, and realistically, there could come a day when they wonāt be able to be with us either, but I choose not to think about that. When it comes to ENGENE or anyone else I hold dear, having faith in them and in the present is best for me as well as for them, I think. I think that helps us maintain a good connection.
In an interview you had with weverse magazine back in 2021, you seemed to be trying to figure out what kind of person you should be. Do you feel more confident about that now than back then?
SUNOO: Iāve definitely changed. (laughs) I used to be hypersensitive and worrying about too many things, but now Iām focused on myself. I figured out that, when you focus on yourself and work hard, other issues mostly take care of themselves. You can use being sensitive to your advantage in some jobs, and I think this is one of them. It helps me review my work and check over every little detail. And now I know what situations will trigger me, so Iām pretty good at controlling it. For example, other than when Iām not feeling well, nothing really sets me off lately, so I just make sure that Iām feeling well beforehand.
In your fan dedication song āHighway 1009,ā you wrote the words, āSo I can get back up even when Iām sick and tired.ā They seem to echo the way you manage to overcome every challenge.
SUNOO: Youāre right. Iāve always been like that. (laughs) I thought about what ENGENE means to me. No matter how tired, or worn down, or how close to collapsing I am, when I see ENGENE, I canāt help but stand back upāthatās what I came up with. When I wrote those lyrics, the image in my head was me rising up on a platform during the FATE tour while ENGENE lit up the venue. That was such a beautiful moment. It made me think about how happy I am to have made it all this way.
It sounds like youāre always dreaming of a better future and of happy times.
SUNOO: Yes. I really hope my future is a happy one. And Iām happy these days. (laughs) I have plenty of concerns, obviously, but when I look at life through a wider lens, everyone faces some kind of issues in life. I doubt theyāre a big enough deal to throw my life off track. If I keep trying my best, good things will happenāthatās how I live my life. Most movies and dramas are about imperfect people who finally become complete. Because things are meant to be complete in the end.
In his first ā-note,ā dated July 7, 2020āback when he was still a traineeāHEESEUNG took a look back at each of his lessons for the day, showing a serious thirst for improvement. Fast-forward to today, where the idol, having now achieved his long-held dream of becoming an artist, says heās āat a place whereā he ācan do excel at anythingāāa major transformation that includes going from a trainee anxious to debut to an artist performing with utmost confidence under stadium lights.
Youāre celebrating the fourth anniversary of your debut. Have you ever rewatched those old ā-noteā videos you made, by any chance?
HEESEUNG: Ah⦠I get so embarrassed now that I canāt watch them all the way through. (laughs)
I remember in the ā-noteā you filmed the day ENHYPEN was formed, you talked about how you felt when you found out you would be debuting with your group. You said you ākind of felt sad inside, but I was emotionally really happy.ā
HEESEUNG: Thatās true. Why did I feel sad about it? WowāI have no idea. (laughs) I guess I was anxious at the time and felt like it was really happening? Iād been keeping myself strictly disciplined for four years, and now that I was finally debuting, all those bottled-up emotions burst out of me. Thatās probably why I said that.
I rewatched your first ā-note,ā and in it, you talked about where you had room for improvement while reflecting on the practice you did that day.
HEESEUNG: I was kind of anxious when we were filming I-LAND. Honestly, after years of almost nonstop prep for the debut, I was having a bit of a tough time. Even after the show ended and we debuted, I felt so impatient. I felt impatient about everything. Debuting wasnāt the end of it. My goal when I wanted to debut was just to become part of a group, but then, of course, once I accomplished that, something else had to come next. I looked around thinking, āWhat do I do now?ā There were already so many people who are good at music and at performing. The first time I went to an awards ceremony and realized āthese people are my competition,ā it was scary and inevitably made me even more anxious and impatient. But now I feel like my own comfort is the most important thing. What hurts my pride is if I get nervous onstage. It feels like Iām bringing myself down if I get nervous.
In a ā-noteā from August, you said, āBut to ENGENE who have seen me since I was 20, it must be very interesting⦠I feel like Iāve changed a lot from who I was then⦠I definitely feel happier as the years go by.ā Is the fact that you donāt feel nervous anymore a part of that change?
HEESEUNG: I think itās because itās been about four years now. I try not to be impatient or feel nervous, and try to be relaxed at all times. I donāt even need to go out of my way to think about shaking out my nerves. I try not to even think about itāI just get on with it. I think clearing your mind and holding onto a bit of tension while youāre onstage is the best way to go. The same goes for everyday life. Hereās to easy, worry-free living. And to being open and just being comfortable doing things your way.
You seem much more comfortable expressing your emotions now.
HEESEUNG: I think Iāve become a little more human since back then. Nowadays, I just talk about however Iām feeling, which I find kind of funny. I actually feel like I need to tone it down a bit now. (laughs) But lifeās taught me that thereās more upsides to expressing your emotions than downsides. When youāre open about your feelings, communication is a breeze. If Iām not clear about things, I end up regretting it later. I speak up even if it feels a little unpleasant at the moment, or try a different approach. It can be a hassle but itās always better that way. So at this point, I feel like Iām at a place where I can excel at anything.
During the LIVE celebrating the fourth anniversary of the group, you reminisced about the I-LAND era with the others. I thought the words, āDonāt worry, guys, Iāll start, and make sure it works no matter what,ā really cut to the pressure you felt throughout the show. Do you feel more relaxed within the group now?
HEESEUNG: I actually said that out of fear. I was a little scared at the time, and I wanted to do well. Now I donāt feel that in the slightest. When we go onstage, itās like, āOh, dopamine. Thisāll be fun.ā Iām the oldest of our Gen Z crew, after all. (laughs) Weāve got pretty good teamwork. Weāre having some fun as we go. (laughs) Everyone does their own thing too, but we share the same goal, so itās like we kind of come together? Itās really unique and fun like that. Thatās when I realized I used to have a very rigid idea of what a team is before.
Your closing remarks at the WALK THE LINE concert in Goyang left a big impression: āHonestly, weāre human too, so we have our own share of tough times. But since each and every one of us is so kind and warmhearted, we donāt let it show, and work hard, and help each other out, and things that seemed impossible before became possible.ā It seems like you tweaked your teamwork while getting ready for the tour.
HEESEUNG: Whew, that was 100% genuine. Honestly, I donāt think thereās anyone as pure and kindhearted as the members of our group. Iām 23 now, and you meet more and more people out in the world. But truly, the other members are so pure and such incredibly kindhearted people. Iām so grateful how theyāre understanding even when I make occasional mistakes.
On the other hand, performing the fan dedication song āHighway 1009,ā which you produced yourself, during the WALK THE LINE tour must have been a special experience for you.
HEESEUNG: Oh⦠I got emotional but tried really hard to hold back my tears. It absolutely filled my heart to the brim. Writing a single song is always an incredibly long process. From sitting alone in the studio and thinking, āAh, whatāll I doā¦ā and then having that, āAha, here we go, okay!ā feeling, to writing lines, recording vocals, getting approval, and directing, then hearing that melody booming out at a huge concert venueāit was so surreal. It made all the hard work feel so rewarding.
Between doing the FATE PLUS tour and starting the WALK THE LINE tour, in what ways do you feel youāve grown from performing so much?
HEESEUNG: First there was all this anticipation for the new tour. During the stadium tour, I felt the importance of performing live yet again. I have a really good ear for when I wobble even slightly in pitch during live shows, so I worked through that with a lot of practice.
In the ā-noteā where you revealed the demo of āHighway 1009,ā you said, āI think I was more afraid about working on music than I realized.ā I was surprised to hear you say that. You sound very attentive when it comes to songwriting.
HEESEUNG: Itās comparable to cooking, where you get a little nervous when someone tries something you made. āHow is it? Is it bad? Too salty? Too sweet?ā Kind of like that. But if they tell you something tastes off, then of course I have to fix itābecause, whether objectively or subjectively speaking, somethingās not right. That was a decent analogy, wasnāt it? (laughs)
You talked about making your own songs in a previous Weverse Magazine interview, and you called yourself āsuper stubborn.ā You seem very open to feedback, though.
HEESEUNG: I mean, itās not a big deal to change something. (laughs) I have my stubborn moments, but when Iām writing a song, I tend to be super receptive to feedback.
I understand you also prepared meticulously for the making of ROMANCE: UNTOLD -daydream-.
HEESEUNG: For the single āNo Doubt,ā the group talked about which musical eras it evokes and how it sounds like older R&B. We also checked out a lot of different music and videos of live performances. Weāve been having lots of meetings on the direction our music should ultimately take as wellāwhether that means taking a somewhat different approach in terms of genre, wanting to have more hip hop vibes, or something elseābut regardless, we have to engage in friendly competition with each other. I think you have to spur each other on when youāre making music.
How was it practicing for āNo Doubtā after all that discussion? Youāre the one who starts the song off, right?
HEESEUNG: I liked it. (laughs) When I first heard the song, it felt like something I knew I could already do, but something that would be fairly new for the group. The choreographyās way more intense than it looks, tooāso much so that it beefed up my legs, even though I donāt work out much. So now I have some muscle in my legs. (laughs) The part in the chorus where we dance with our hands in our back pockets is the highlight of the choreo, and I love that part. It felt like the highlight to me, even when we were shooting the music video.
ROMANCE: UNTOLD, and ROMANCE: UNTOLD -daydream- after it, revolve around a highly jealous, very lonely vampire boyfriend. Is it similar to your own definition of love?
HEESEUNG: I donāt think of jealousy as love. (laughs) Love is⦠I donāt know. But I donāt think jealousy is it. Thatās just something that arises from feeling insecure.
You said you donāt know much about romance, yet ENHYPEN sings about romantic vampires.
HEESEUNG: Good point. I guess the somewhat idealistic parts of our song lyrics have become a good example for me to follow. (laughs)
Did HEE-roducer make another appearance when you were directing and giving ideas to the other members during the recording sessions for ROMANCE: UNTOLD -daydream-?
HEESEUNG: It never quite reached HEE-roducer levels (laughs) but I did give some feedback on little things here and there during dance rehearsal this time around. Ohābut itās not like Iām a dance drill sergeant or anything. That would be JUNGWON. (laughs)
You talked in that previous interview about the other ENHYPEN membersā strengths from the perspective of HEE-roducer. What do you consider to be your own strengths?
HEESEUNG: For me⦠I think my strength is doing things without anyone having to tell me toātrying out creative, new things on my own. And if Iām being honest, I think Iām pretty well-rounded. (laughs)
Is that how you got started with producingāby trying new things?
HEESEUNG: It was to understand myself better. I felt like I wanted to get to know myself. Thereās still things about me that I thought I knew but actually donāt, and I think I can uncover those things through music. I want to release my own mixtape and perform it onstage. Oh, and actually, I recently did something Iāve been wanting to do! It was just a cover, but it was part of my dream to perform onstage solo. I covered āCanāt Feel My Faceā by The Weeknd at Music Bank in Madrid.
You always struck me as someone who only puts something out into the world when you feel itās completely ready, but interestingly, during a Weverse LIVE, you said that the performance āwas more fun because I didn't really practice before going.ā
HEESEUNG: It was almost like a freestyle performance, but it was funāreally fun. Hearing 30,000 people there all cheering just for me was⦠fun. (laughs)
So you werenāt nervous then, either?
HEESEUNG: For that show? Of course I was nervous. (laughs) But itās one thing to not want that feeling and another thing to just not feel it. (laughs) I was warming up my voice and practicing my moves until 10 seconds before I went on, but as soon as I got up there, I thought, āWow, this is gonna be crazy fun,ā and all that nervousness turned into excitement.
What motivates you to work like that?
HEESEUNG: How I felt about my dream when I was younger, I guess?
How does it feel now that youāre living your childhood dream?
HEESEUNG: It feels unreal. I didnāt expect to reach this point in my life so soon. It was just four or five years ago that I was worried and skeptical, like, āCan I really do this?ā But now I can hardly remember those days of self-doubt because Iām living the dream.
So what would you like to accomplish together with ENHYPEN?
HEESEUNG: My dream with ENHYPEN is to be even better. Itās not about the numbersāitās about being able to express more through our performances and through our music, and receiving recognition for it. There are certain things in this industry that are set in stone, and I want to break through that. I said at the WALK THE LINE concert in Goyang that I felt like I needed to become a grown-up. Basically, with that, I was signaling that I could show a different side of myself than I used to. I buried my feelings deep down when I was a trainee, and in the same way, I had a bottled up thirst in a musical sense, too. So perhaps it was me hinting that Iām going to change a bit now? Come to think of it, it sounds a bit cringey for someone who isnāt [a hero like] Jeon Woo-chi. (laughs)
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I am currently at school but i wanted to go on a rant about the MAMA awards because as an engene i am extremely disappointed.
Since 2023 enhypen has been working NON STOP, comeback after comeback, photoshoots, collabs, stages, interviews, and basically everything in between. im basically saying they deserved at least ONE AWARD. their stage and preformance at MAMA was amazing and i am more than proud of them,, but to find out all their hardwork went unnoticed killed me. they placed #1 in the daesand ranking for over 2 weeks and didn't get it??? i wonder if MAMA ever gets tired of awarding the same people and rigging the voting.. anyways guys ty for reading
JAY loves Oasis, so I asked him what their song āWonderwallā means to him. Everyone who hears the song has their own interpretation, but for JAY, the title of the song meant āsupport.ā Read on to learn who he relies on for support more than anyoneāand who he feels compelled to look after for the same reason.
You visited your hometown, Seattle, for the first time in eight years during your world tour earlier this year. How did it feel to go back as an artist?
JAY: It felt great. It felt like I was being welcomed back on home soil. There was even an article about it in The Seattle Times. (laughs)
You threw the first pitch at a Seattle Mariners home game with the group and received a surprise video message from player Jay Buhner.
JAY: My dad was thrilled. (laughs) He talked about how he absolutely loved baseball even when he was a kid. I was happy because it felt like it wasnāt just my dream coming true, but my dadās dream, too. I visited the Marinersā home ballpark when I was really little, so I canāt remember it too clearly, but I made lots of new memories this time. Getting to throw that first pitch for the team that represents my hometown felt like a reward for all the hard work Iāve done up to now.
Quite the triumphant return. (laughs) You also filmed a vlog for ENGENE while there. What were you hoping to show them?
JAY: People these days are really into vibes and aesthetic, and thereās something uniquely chill about the ambience in Seattle. There are tons of famous jazz houses and old theaters, so it gives off a chill, antique vibe, which I wanted to give ENGENE a chance to share in, even if indirectly. I tried to show as much as I could within the time constraints, but thereās still so much I couldnāt show off.
In a live episode of JAY-FASHION with SUNOO focused on fragrances, you mentioned one youād like to wear if you ended up going to Seattle. Did you actually wear it in the end?
JAY: That was the plan, but I started using all sorts of different fragrances in the meantime. (laughs) I used a different one that I bought when I was in Europe. Itās a rose and leather scent. Since Seattle gets a lot of rain, thereās lots of roses growing there, and during the rainy season, it seriously rains nearly five days out of the week. Anyway, thatās why roses remind me of Seattle. I donāt usually like the artificial rose smell, but I love perfumes that put their own spin on the smell of roses. I prefer fragrances with a hint of earthiness and a certain weight of natural smells.
Most of the fragrances youāve introduced from your collection have heavy scents. Is there any reason for that?
JAY: I feel like a fragrance should bring out the positive qualities of the person wearing it, so I buy mine hoping theyāll give me an image as someone whoās deep. I tend to have fairly heavy, serious conversations, but when Iām with the group, weāre so close that it usually doesnāt end up that way. (laughs)
But you do always seem serious about performing. You talked about how you picked up the electric guitar for fun in your interview last year, and it seems like youāve been practicing really hard, seeing as you played it onstage a number of times.
JAY: Iām still just a beginner, honestly. Lots of people reach their goals step by step as they learn something new, and Iām the same way, making my way toward the goals I set out for myself as I learn and experience a lot through guitar. I watch my old guitar videos to better understand where Iāve improved and what I still need to work on. Iām not good enough at guitar to make it my main thing, so I think I need to improve technically and as far as stage presence goes.
What gives you the motivation to keep practicing guitar despite your busy schedule?
JAY: I see it as a clear-cut goal that I want to personally achieve. When I practice, I look at guitarists I love and respect and who inspired me to play, like Stevie Ray Vaughan, and even though I know Iāll never reach their level, Iām going to at least learn to imitate them. I just try and make sure thereās always at least one guitar in my line of sight wherever I go. Itās important to put in the effort to keep up with something continuously, but having a guitar always within armās reach is the key. Plus, playing is the best way for me to deal with my emotions. Iāve always been the kind of person who needs to vent emotionally. Before I started learning guitar, I tried working out, and one time I even tried just shouting. (laughs) Playing electric guitar feels similar to screaming āaaah!ā at the top of my lungs, both in the sound it makes and how I make the sound, just it doesnāt hurt my throat.
You really seem to love rock music. Has rock shaped your values in any way?
JAY: I think rock is among the genres of music that have changed the world. I feel itās shifted listenersā attitudes to create a more liberated worldāone where more people can freely express themselves with dignity. People still have to be careful not to hurt othersā feelings when expressing themselves, of course.
As a fan of guitar and bands, being part of GLAYās 30th-anniversary concert must have been very significant for you.
JAY: It made me realize that my passion for what Iāve loved for so long has gotten through to someone and that I have to hold onto that passion in the future, too. Even though I donāt play in a band, the mere fact that I said I like rock made this great band want to nurture my passion and teach me. Seeing artists respect other peopleās music has been an invaluable experience for me. It was clear to me there was something to be learned from GLAY that could only be learned from them, and I wanted to do that so I could improve more. Not only did my passion never wane, but it eventually got through to some else, too, and that made me confident enough not to be afraid of pursuing my passion further.
What influence has that experience had on your musical tastes and what youāve been trying to do since?
JAY: I love guitar in and of itself, and Iām really interested in rock music and different bands, so Iām trying to work in as many different styles as I can. I have a ton of ideas, but thereās a limit to what I can do with my hands and with my voice, so Iām working on the countless ideas I get from listening to different kinds of music one by one at the speed Iām able to.
In āNo Doubt,ā the lead single off your repackaged album, you used the same great rough vocals you used in your GLAY collaboration āwhodunitā and your cover of the LāArc~en~Ciel song āHONEY.ā
JAY: From the minute I heard the demo version, I knew I had to sing it with rough-sounding vocals like that. Not everyone thinks so, but I feel like my voice sounds better when itās rougher instead of soft and resonant. That was something I looked into to make my vocals sound a little better, so it was fairly intentional. (laughs)
Both āXO (Only If You Say Yes)ā and āNo Doubtā are love songs, but your persona in each feels different.
JAY: I come across as a little younger than I really am on āXO (Only If You Say Yes),ā while on āNo Doubt,ā I guess you could say itās a love thatās a little mature for my real ageāliking and yearning for someone, but also having a hard time, and having all these thoughts swimming around in your head. What itās ultimately about is a love that never changes, even in the face of all those feelings and difficulties. The message of the repackaged album and the mood of the song show what a slightly more emotionally mature ENHYPEN looks like.
How did you seek to express ENHYPENās more mature take on love while recording your vocals?
JAY: āNo Doubtā is a song filled with complex emotions, I think. Thinking about that other person can feel good but also be difficult, and your headās swimming with thoughts of desperate longing, but youāre certain in your resolve. What I had in my head when I recorded was, āYouāre the one for me.ā I ultimately look at recording vocals and performing onstage as forms of acting. Thatās why I always immerse myself in songs and performances by placing myself in the story.
In the fan dedication song āHighway 1009,ā you wrote the lines, āJust trust me and tag along / Just look at me and come along.ā
JAY: Weāve received so much from fans since we debuted by going through the show I-LAND. They give their hearts to us, like, āYouāre so amazing. Iām gonna stan you!ā So I feel like I need to continue living up to the faith ENGENE has shown in us since then. I feel a sense of responsibility to work hard and not lose these people. I hope one day we surpass expectations and change the order of things so that we prove ourselves first and only then does ENGENE show us love. Theyāve followed us and said good things about us back from when we were nothing, so itās our job to turn ourselves into something.
You mentioned in 2023 ENniversary MAGAZINE about wanting to take the hard path with ENGENE, not the easy path.
JAY: I donāt think thereās anything so easy to lose as hearts you had won over easily. If you get something effortlessly and just say, āIām happy. The end!ā then it becomes easy to lose in any number of ways, like through excessive pride, ignorance, or indifference. What I need to do now is be sure of why ENGENE loves me and keep moving forward, to make whatās happened to me truly mine.
That sounds like exactly what you meant on Weverse when you wrote, āItās our job to give you that smile, so just believe in us. Itās ENGENEās job to smile.ā
JAY: What keeps the world turning is the countless people on this planet whose lives are all interconnected like pieces of a puzzle. Itās my belief that people fulfilling each otherās needs is what makes the world go round. ENHYPEN is one cog in the machine and I think, when it comes to people who rely on us, our role is to alleviate their negative feelings, like loneliness and anxiety, to whatever degree weāre able. Obviously, as we go through life, unexpected things come up, and no one knows what slip-ups might happen. There are also going to be times when the world, or other people, force us to face our worries and anxieties. And I think, whenever that happens, itās our job to give ENGENE the courage to live a happy life, and to make them feel better even when misfortune finds them. Whether ENGENE loves us forever, a short time, or leaves and comes back, I just want to make sure they donāt regret the time they spent with us.
What do you do to make sure of that?
JAY: I try to live an upright life, even when no one can see me. If youāre going to really earn peopleās trust, you have to have your own rules and clear standards for life and put them into practice, even when no oneās watching. That way, I think I can influence and convince others, too, when I need to sometime in the future. Itās nice that even more people give me love and I become even more famous by working hard, but I think itās more important to be a good, upright person first. If I can do that, then ENGENE will naturally come to trust and follow me. Thatās why I need to lead by example.
Do you think these values you hold are also why you always take such good care of the people around you?
JAY: Oh, I mean, I think taking good care of those around me is a given. My philosophy is, you have to be good to your people, since theyāre your people, and if you canāt, then you shouldnāt make them your people at all. And Iāve always been someone who wants to help a lot of people and share what I have. (laughs) And I have to be upright and capable to do that. I work on my self-improvement specifically so I can look after others. My life motto is, āI want to make my people happier. I want to make the world a happier place.ā Making the most out of life, working hard, being good to the people around meāthese three things come together as a bundle for me.
What kind of happiness do you hope to bring to ENGENE through your efforts?
JAY: I have just one wish. I think our main responsibility is to make sure ENGENE doesnāt come to regret whatever effect we have on them. They might love us forever, or just a short while, or come and go then come back again. I hope everyone whoās been with us, even those who are only with us for a short while, is always happy and has a positive view of the world. Thatās exactly what gives my work purpose and why I look on it with pride. (laughs)