Heartafterhorror

❛  i will always be by your side.  ❜ ❛  i will always find my way back to you.  ❜ ❛  i will always make room for you.  ❜ ❛  i will be gentle with your heart.  ❜ ❛  i will be here when you wake up.  ❜ ❛  i will bring you flowers just because they reminded me of you.  ❜ ❛  i will choose you on the easy days and the hard ones.  ❜ ❛  i will keep your secrets safe.  ❜ ❛  i will keep you safe, as best as i can.  ❜ ❛  i will keep you warm.  ❜ ❛  i will listen, even if you need to say it a hundred times.  ❜ ❛  i will make the scary things feel smaller.  ❜ ❛  i will remind you every day that you are loved.  ❜ ❛  i will stay with you when you need me.  ❜ ❛  i will take care of you when you forget to take care of yourself.  ❜ ❛  will you be mine, even just for today?  ❜ ❛  will you come closer?  ❜ ❛  will you let me be your safe place?  ❜ ❛  will you let me make you smile?  ❜ ❛  will you stay a little longer?  ❜ ❛  will you stay close to me?  ❜ ❛  will you stay for breakfast?  ❜ ❛  will you tell me about your day?  ❜ ❛  will you wait for me?  ❜ ❛  will you walk with me for a while?  ❜ ❛  you will always be enough for me.  ❜ ❛  you will always be in my heart.  ❜ ❛  you will always be someone i want beside me.  ❜ ❛  you will always be worth waiting for.  ❜ ❛  you will always have a home in me.  ❜ ❛  you will always look beautiful to me.  ❜ ❛  you will be my number one priority.  ❜ ❛  you will be safe with me.  ❜ ❛  you will be the first person i want to tell.  ❜ ❛  you will be the reason i feel loved.  ❜ ❛  you will have all of me, even the soft and silly parts.  ❜ ❛  you will never be alone while i'm here.  ❜ ❛  you will never be too much for me.  ❜ ❛  you will never have to pretend with me.  ❜ ❛  you will never have to wonder whether i care.  ❜

"Ah yes, the glamorous life of being the President's daughter and having cameras trail you wherever you go."    And secret service, who by the way, Leon is positive has been doing a terrible job.    Ashley isn't hard to watch over in the least  ——  they just seem to sorely lack when it comes to making sure the girl isn't in the presence of threats.     How in the Hell had they even gotten her to that island?     There's so many variables that Leon has yet to understand, and yet he doubts he ever will.     The President isn't going to admit that his security had been lacking; no, he'll just be elated that his daughter is back safely and then everything will go back to normal for him and his family.

But is it ever really going to be normal again?    It's not the first time he's considered taking Ashley up on her offer to have him assigned to her team.     As much as he knows its a bad idea, the thought of her being in terrible hands feels like it's been haunting him as of late.    It's easy to turn down an offer when he has Umbrella to keep seeking out, but there's also part of him that feels guilty for leaving her on her own.

"I wasn't aware you were a sentimental author.    It would probably make a fantastic kid's book.    Make sure they stay away from weird religious cults and the like."      Leon's thumb has been running along the hilt of his knife for the past five minutes, feeling every single ridge and carving in it as he does so.     His mind reels and he's attempting to pull it back in, but it's hard when Ashley is being earnest like this, like they haven't just nearly died over and over again.

Again, will everything ever really be normal again?    After everything that she has seen, has felt, is he just leaving her in horrid hands once more?

"I was thinking  ——  maybe not as a permanent position, but maybe I could stick around for a little bit.    Vet some better bodyguards for you.    Apparently whoever your father assigned doesn't know how to do their jobs and it would be a tragedy if I just got on a plane and had to come right back because apparently they can't keep you safe enough."    There, the words are out.    As soon as they are, he feels his chest constrict, the anxiety flooding in no matter how hard he tries to push it back down.

When Leon suggested that he stay around for a temporary time, she nearly jumped out of her seat in celebration. She would take it even though it wouldn't be forever. She shined an excited smile towards him making sure she controlled her tone and her emotions. "I can't complain with that. I don't think my dad would either. He would appreciate the help as much as I would. I'm happy to have the chance to spend more time with...er...getting to know you."

"Gal?" Leon's eyebrow raises slightly at the name that she's given her weapon. He's never been overly sentimental about his own; he tends to switch them so much that they just get lost in model numbers. But Gal? He shakes his head —— so long as it keeps Claire safe, that's all that matters. Besides, he's not going to be calling it that. "You should always come prepared with a pistol at least. That thing is great until you're surrounded." Without thinking about it, he reaches into the back of his vest and tugs free his spare, tossing it over to her. A little bit of anxiety eases away when she has it in her possession.

A smirk settles onto his lips as he follows her steps, eyes scanning the area to make sure that they're alone, that there isn't going to be anymore attacks. From what he can see the monsters have ebbed away, at least for now. Called back by their masters or because they've actually taken enough down, he's not sure. Even strained hearing comes back with familiar static in his ears —— the forest is going too quiet, almost holdings its breath for their next move.

Eyes flicker toward hers as she stops and he lets out a soft scoff. "Is that what you've been doing this whole time? Tricking lesser men into buying you drinks?" Again, that playfulness is on his tongue before he can stop it; the normally stoic persona that fills him falling away. It's easy to with Claire —— she was the first one who survived with him. There's an acute bond, no matter how long they spend apart. "Is that what Chris does when he's supposed to be on mission? Picking up big bro's bad habits are we?"

She scoffed a laugh at his comment about lesser men. "Think I can do better? or are you just jealous? sounds to me like you are. As for Chris, what he doesn't know won't hurt him. At least I can hold my liquor-" She stopped walking upon seeing the abnormally placed mansion downhill. "Didn't know someone lived in the woods..." came her comment as she glanced at her mission partner.

He's surprised when she closes the portfolio so soon —— he knows the agents are good, but can they memorize that quickly? He highly doubts it. But then she's leaning forward and no, he does not like where this is starting to go in the least. Luis has earned his keep here; Leon has vouched for him enough times and so has Ashley, and he has kept himself locked away in his lab with research for a good portion of it. Throwing himself into his work has proved helpful, chasing away the wrongs that he had committed one solution at a time. And as much as he playfully complains that he would rather be in the field to Leon.... that's with Leon. Trust is something that Luis doesn't give freely, especially not with his life.

"Oh no, you are not dragging me into this." Eyes narrow as his hands go up in surrender, heart pounding in his chest. The thought of being back in the vicinity of the plaga like he had once been sets him on edge. He still runs his fingers along his scar absentmindedly when he looks in the mirror. Whatever the amber is doing in Tasmania, that is her business and not his. He has done his time with the whole going into the field thing.

"They have people for that. Sherry. She can direct you through the whole thing. That's what people like her do." Luis is pushing his chair further back, trying to create more space; if he runs for the door and screams as loud as he can, will they come running? It's childish and he's well aware of it —— almost laughs at the stupidity of the thought. But he doesn't push closer to her, swallowing hard. "Until you have been near such a thing, you won't understand my hesitance. Until your mind isn't your own and you are part of nothing more than a hive..." Luis trails off, shaking his head.

"I do understand. My people were infected by a type of Plagas. I experienced first hand how horrific this disease was. How it made their victims suffer. They weren't Ganados...they were called Majini. Although I was lucky enough to not get infected. I do not understand what that's like. That's why I need you working with me. Sherry Birkin was infected by the G virus...She doesn't have the experience that you and I have. Chris chose you for a reason and I trust him with my life. No one understands the plagas as intimately as you do."

❛  i don't believe you anymore.  ❜ ❛  i don't have anything left to give you.  ❜ ❛  i don't know how to forgive you.  ❜ ❛  i don't know how to stop loving you.  ❜ ❛  i don't know if i hate you or miss you.  ❜ ❛  i don't know how to act around you anymore.  ❜ ❛  i don't love you anymore.  ❜ ❛  i don't need your pity.  ❜ ❛  i don't need you to save me.  ❜ ❛  i don't recognize you anymore.  ❜ ❛  i don't think we can fix this.  ❜ ❛  i don't think i can survive losing you again.  ❜ ❛  i don't want to see you again.  ❜ ❛  i don't want your apology.  ❜ ❛  i don't want to be your second choice.  ❜ ❛  don't ask me to stay.  ❜ ❛  don't ask me to be okay with this.  ❜ ❛  don't come back to me just because you're lonely.  ❜ ❛  don't leave me here alone.  ❜ ❛  don't lie to me again.  ❜ ❛  don't love me only when it's convenient.  ❜ ❛  don't make me choose between you and myself.  ❜ ❛  don't make me hate you just so i can let you go.  ❜ ❛  don't pretend you're the only one who suffered.  ❜ ❛  don't say you love me unless you mean it.  ❜ ❛  don't tell me what to do.  ❜ ❛  don't tell me this was all for nothing.  ❜ ❛  don't touch me.  ❜ ❛  don't turn this around on me.  ❜ ❛  don't you dare hold my past against me.  ❜ ❛  you don't deserve me.  ❜ ❛  you don't get to decide when i'm done hurting.  ❜ ❛  you don't get to hurt me and call it love.  ❜ ❛  you don't get to mourn me after killing every part of me that loved you.  ❜ ❛  you don't get to rewrite what happened just because you regret it now.  ❜ ❛  you don't have to pretend you missed me.  ❜ ❛  you don't know how many times i waited for you.  ❜ ❛  you don't know what i gave up for you.  ❜ ❛  you don't understand what you did to me.  ❜ ❛  you don't understand how tired i am of being strong because of you.  ❜

❛  i won't apologize for the way i chose to survive.  ❜ ❛  i won't ask you to love me.  ❜ ❛  i won't be another thing you ruin and walk away from.  ❜ ❛  i won't be here when you finally decide you need me.  ❜ ❛  i won't be the reason for you to stay.  ❜ ❛  i won't be your second choice anymore.  ❜ ❛  i won't forgive you just because you finally feel guilty.  ❜ ❛  i won't hold you back anymore.  ❜ ❛  i won't keep setting myself on fire just to keep you warm.  ❜ ❛  i won't let myself hope for you again.  ❜ ❛  i won't let you do this alone.  ❜ ❛  i won't let you turn this around on me.  ❜ ❛  i won't make it so easy for you this time.  ❜ ❛  i won't tell you when i miss you.  ❜ ❛  i won't wait forever just because you're scared.  ❜ ❛  won't you at least say goodbye this time?  ❜ ❛  won't you be lonely without me?  ❜ ❛  won't you be sorry for once?  ❜ ❛  won't you look for me when i'm gone?  ❜ ❛  won't you miss being loved like that?  ❜ ❛  won't you miss me?  ❜ ❛  won't you regret this when it's too late?  ❜ ❛  won't you remember that i tried?  ❜ ❛  won't you tell me what i did wrong?  ❜ ❛  won't you wish you had said something kinder?  ❜ ❛  won't you wish you had stayed?  ❜ ❛  won't you wonder what could have been?  ❜ ❛  you won't admit that you hurt me because then you'd have to care.  ❜ ❛  you won't be able to fix this so easily.  ❜ ❛  you won't be the reason for me to stay.  ❜ ❛  you won't even look at me anymore.  ❜ ❛  you won't find me waiting for you ever again.  ❜ ❛  you won't get another chance.  ❜ ❛  you won't get to break me twice.  ❜ ❛  you won't have to worry about losing me anymore. you already did.  ❜ ❛  you won't keep using my love against me.  ❜ ❛  you won't know what to do with yourself when i stop needing you.  ❜ ❛  you won't remember this the way i will.  ❜ ❛  you won't say it, but i know you blame me.  ❜ ❛  you won't understand what you lost until i'm gone.  ❜