heart.above.water

Self-Portrait Series

Part Three - Reclaim

From Constraint to no longer living by the rules comes Reclaim.

After seeing Alemeda perform live at ACL 2025, I was playfully drawn to the song "Gonna Bleach My Eyebrows." Her overall punk rock/R&B aesthetic feels empowering, and it quite literally reminded me of who tf I am. I am in love with the goth aesthetic, especially the attitude it stands for. Reclaim is a testament to embracing my femininity.

"Here you are, finally saying you love me That used to be all I wanted to hear."

During this shoot, I sometimes felt dissociated, primarily because it's not like me to be something different. Even when I initially didn't recognize her, I felt comfortable with what she was voicing for me. Sometimes we may not be the loudest in the room, or we may be afraid to represent ourselves in a way that we're not used to, but removing the invisible boundary we've chosen because it was safe can be necessary.

"And I finally feel alive now And I'm gonna bleach my eyebrows And now I just don't care."

There's a part of me that feels like, "I don't know her," and another that says, "Why are you hiding?" This is a piece of my journey toward becoming someone different, yet it's still me. It's about putting myself and my needs first before accepting how others paint me, and learning to forgive myself for choosing what was perceived as love because I couldn't bear being alone. It's still a challenge, but as I widen my wings and give love back unto myself (as cliché as it may sound), I trust I'll find the energy that matches.

Self-Portrait Series

Part Two - Constraint (Ize)

"I think I know what you mean But watch what you say."

Following Part One, Constraint explores external pressure while wanting to be seen. "Ize of the World" by the Strokes is a song that expresses how we're programmed by society from conception. To me, it's the feeling of being drowned out by noise and expectation, desperate to be heard.

"Your dreams are sweet and obsessed And you're overworked You're over taken by visions of being overlooked"

Reflecting on the song, I connected to the idea of doing what is expected of me. Becoming another number and blending into the chaos, the green, crunchy void I feel confined to is a subtle nod to The Matrix, and the black dress pants and vest indicate how I am viewed: to follow orders. "A desk to organize A product to advertise A market to monopolize Movie stars to idolize Leaders to scandalize Enemies to neutralize No time to apologize Fury to tranquilize! Weapons to synchronize Cities to vapori–"

What may seem so important at times can be insignificant and distracting in comparison to what is happening elsewhere. I am fatigued by being told to ignore the pain and stand idly by. However, I find it necessary to smile and take comfort in the happiness and joy that are still present. I can't save the world alone, but I stand tall, looking up toward "awakening."

Self Portrait Series

This project as a whole is about going outside of my comfort zone and learning to embrace it. For Part One, I wanted to focus on the theme of awakening. The first chapter of my 6-part series begins with how I approach the walls I've created, which represent the weight of my emotions.

The song I was inspired by for Emergence is "Only Just a Dream" by the Marías.

"Tonight I'll sleep With demons in my hair That talk to me It's only just a dream"

I visualize myself alone with my thoughts, some of which carry a heavy perception of my own worth. "The demons in my hair" personify these negative emotions I feel attached to. I wanted to convey a story of fear and uncertainty, but ultimately one of acknowledgment as I move past them. My clothes are a reflection of my mental state, but in contrast to that, they also welcome hope. I am not so sure of myself, but open to the possibilities of peace.

Being my first, this shoot is meant to be minimal; I intentionally chose my bed as a base and a single blue velvet fabric to drape behind me. To make reference to my name and journey, this piece is visually inspired by one of my favorite movies growing up, Alice in Wonderland. I feel myself waking up into a different world, metaphorically holding myself as I grow into the person I want to be. Sometimes I think I carry a lot of self-inflicted sadness, but similar to dreaming, I have control. I've learned over time that the personal stories we have to offer are usually the most resonant, and I can't wait to continue creating this self-narrative journey.

Interests, Hobbies My interests include storytelling. I love beautiful images, colors, music, and art that help convey stories. Whether through dreams, fashion, or spoken word, I cannot go without expression.

General Lore I've always felt that I am someone who observes before I speak; I’m naturally reserved. I do feel that when I’m in a space of creating, I can find a sense of security.

In my work, I feel that I’m drawn to identity. I care deeply, and I love getting to know who people are beneath what meets the eye. I feel the need to understand what motivates us: Is it pain, joy, or our dreams? I want to showcase people (and myself) the way they should be seen.