inactive

thinking about doing the “75 hard” challenge just because i can’t be the same person i am now once college starts. if i recognize myself by the end of it, i’m doing it wrong.

from now on, i’m doing better. i’m going to start today. not tomorrow or monday, today. i want to be a completely different person by the time college starts in august. i’m going to do it!!

i want to be the girl on my vision board so bad and the only way to do so is to actually act like her. get into the mindset and take care of myself for ME. i want pretty hair and nails; i want whiter teeth and a cleaner diet. i want to be “that girl”. i’m done being so depressed.

i got invited to an event to sell my jewelry and i haven’t heard back in over four days. the event is in two weeks exactly but i don’t think they actually want me there. they probably found some other business to do it and they’re more established so they’ll bring existing clientele there or something. i don’t know why i even try anymore; it’s so stupid. I’M stupid. idiot. i got my hopes up and i got hurt again. why do i do this to myself? it also could be the fact that i’m not very attractive and i fucking know that. you think i DON’T know that? god, ugly girl selling ugly jewelry. fucking idiot.

ngl i have an acquaintance/“friend” who was 130 lbs but now she’s 170 and that genuinely makes me feel better about myself. i feel bad for feeling like this, don’t get me wrong, but it also feels good because she literally said that i was “jealous of her body” and that’s why i’m a “bitch” to her sometimes. i’m a bitch to you because you talk shit about everyone in the friend group and you act so self-entitled when you literally don’t do anything but sit on your couch and rot away like… check your privilege lmao.

i think i’m finally healing my relationship with food. i feel genuinely ready to start eating healthier for myself. it’s not necessarily to lose weight, i’m just tired of all the heartburn and digestive issues i have. i also want to start working out but that’s just because i feel so weak all the time and walking up one flight of stairs legit almost knocks me out. i hope i can continue healing and get to the point where i’m actually happy with my body. i’ll update y’all periodically on how i’m doing but for now, this account is primarily a recovery account. i <3 you guys!! :)

bro i’m $7700 (usd) in debt…. wtaf am i doing…. i don’t even know how i got in this situation ngl. one day i looked and it was only $1000 and next thing i know, we’re here and i’m so confused.

i’m alive just dying inside because my “friends” aren’t actually my friends and my two true best friends are my bf (that i don’t even want to date anymore) and the other is a recovering alcoholic/druggie & nothing against her but she ignores people when she’s recovering so :/

i’m about to stop telling any of my “friends” anything because i was telling them how i’m questioning my relationship with my bf but we’ve talked about it multiple times & decided to just feel it out and they go behind my back to talk to him about what i said?!! pisses me tf off

hiii my crow brain is so happy right now because i got a sphere of selenite and every time i hold it i feel 10x better than before and tbh it called my name so that’s why i now have a gorgeous piece of selenite from a local crystal shop :3

anywayyyy after eating like GARBAGE the past few days i’m back on track and i have a plan to clean a majority of my house today so i don’t feel like i’m living in filth anymore PLUS i’m making baked chicken for dinner tonight :P

redid my layout again because new year new me!!