headyolk

to be messy 🫟

lose control over what cannot be controlled

more whimsies & wants 🦩

overcome scarcity mindset and constant weighing of price and practicality over true likes and items that bring joy

write more 📝

a tumblr post a day

live in the present ⏱️

look back less and look forward less. reduce the magnitude of regrets and yearning of what’s yet to come

spend resources to develop interests 🎼

pig’s trotters

that’s what my left foot looks like today. the soreness started two days ago and it has only worsened since. i probably realised it this morning when my foot could barely fit into my sneakers. by 4pm it looked like it was expanding to fit the usually-loose sandal straps and by 9pm it definitely looks like cause for concern and a trip to not the TCM or masseuse but the doctor?!

“good job”

a full four months into this project and i’m starting to wonder if my senior colleague is intentionally conditioning me by saying “good job” to me for tasks i thought were done okay-ish and totally part of the job scope

i secretly feel happy whenever she tells me “good job” because it turns out that i am a validation-whore (realised this last December at the previous project where i was on the ground most of the time with the praise and flattery-generous contractors)

however, i was under the impression that i react stoically or neutrally to those positive appraisals, so how did she find out i was actually reacting to those comments?!

at this point i might really be gaslighting myself on different facets

1. perhaps i am really doing a good job (by her standards) or am clearing the things she dislikes doing, so she says “good job” to me to keep me on the hamster wheel

2. perhaps she doesn’t know that i enjoy the validation and feedback but does it anyway because ? and that im just being overly self-conscious about it

3. perhaps i’m actually doing a sub-par job but she wants to positively encourage me (nah unlikely)

ageing well

i attended a gathering yesterday where the average age was 63, if you remove all the adult-children

it was pretty inspiring, seeing all these elderly people so full of life - in fact even more than us young people

there were people singing karaoke non-stop, unabashedly; there were people playing ping-pong with such rigour and accuracy for extended periods of time (i even learnt how to play ping-pong from them!!)

the only thing that was lacking was their appetite

but they are all so grateful and zealous, with ample of time and money and wisdom to travel wherever their tired knees may bring

get comfy

it’s good to be back to BJJ after nearly 2 months - first three weeks was critical recovery period for my twisted ligaments in my wrist, the next two weeks classes were closed, and the past two weeks i was overseas

as usual shifu imparted some wise words. this was quite a simple wisdom but resounded in me:

if you’re in an uncomfortable position or place in life, the tendency to make bad choices increases

super true and self-explanatory but i’m sure this has happened to everyone across different levels of “discomfort”

the anti-dote to this bad choice making train is simple: make yourself comfortable

you could think of good memories or instances related to the scenario because that cools your head down and allows you to make a better follow-up move; or otherwise when that doesn’t work, remove yourself from the situation and become comfortable once again

indiscriminately

to act without careful thought, planning, or making fine distinctions

i have been picking up a lot of indiscriminate behaviour from myself and the people around me lately. take for instance

from myself, indiscriminately spending hundreds of dollars on beauty related packages, despite having told myself that i will not continue them or shall live without them

from others, indiscriminately making false promises or half-truths in order to sell a product, cover up mistakes, or achieve an insidious goal unknown to the giving party

perhaps indiscriminate isn’t correct because these mentioned behaviours have been mediated and to some extent, orchestrated or practised time and time again.

the heat is on!

the planet must have cranked the heat on because how is it so hot and humid at the same time?

of course there’s all the global warming and climate change and el niño, la niña

what’s that!

novelty is everyone’s adrenaline kick and dopamine hit

that feeling which tethers between trepidation and excitement

that unknown digit that makes you feel curious or fearful

all of a sudden all eyeballs are rolled and fixed like a spotlight on this fresh sight

footsteps hurried and ambling towards this new existence

wonder and questions, many a time

filter through everyone’s brains and become the core topic of conversation over meals… or sit mysteriously at the back of someone’s head for the next few minutes, hours, days even

over time it becomes a fitment - blended and assimilated into the background. the new thing becomes a white elephant at worse, and abused and overused at best

cabbage

dedicating a post to this vegetable

taking on a wide portfolio of flavours and cooking methods

pry them apart into whole pieces of leaves, slice them equal into pieces of steak, chop them evenly into skinny long strips

a natural sweetness that gives its unique flavour to whatever dish it is made into

cabbage soup, cabbage fried with eggs, miso cabbage steak!

each with its individualism, hard to replicate

oh what a lovely head of cabbage

whiplash

post-holiday brain

all mushy wushy slushy

post-holiday grin

all silly sloppy hoppy

post-holiday strain

transient

the underlying theme of the past few days could be ‘transient’

with my toddler niece’s whims and tantrums; with my mother’s sudden unwell-ness and unexpected health issues

the transience of precious and joyous moments is comparable to the terror, anxiety, and tiredness of the so-called bad ones

the fleetingness of good times is less noticeable than the bad ones - and i guess this is a sign of leading an overall blessed life, because the underlying idea is that those times would come again

on the other hand, the mini-episodes of bad things, once easily dismissed or forgotten, become exponentially real when the fleetingness turns somewhat frequent or semi-permanent

leading a blessed life with ‘elderly’ parents perfectly capable of taking care of themselves and even others; coupled with a battle-hardened elder sibling and sibling-in-law, i have never been expected to take a major role in times of crises (yes, i am sheltered)

seeing my usually active and spritely mother sit solemnly in an acrylic isolation box this morning scared a wave of tears out of me as i stood outside in my sloppy clothes and unbrushed teeth. i thought i was cold-blooded and uncaring until that sight triggered an unreal fear unlocked somewhere in my soft brain that honestly took everything for granted

it was a sobering morning but everyone rushed to the hospital and i weirdly got commended by my brother for holding the fort. then everything seemed to fall back to normal as we had a scraped-together lunch of junk food and made coffee from the beans we bought from our trip and reviewed our holiday photos together

post-holiday rituals

we are greeted with a strong blast of hot air as we take a step out of the airplane and into the connector

this must be a uniquely singaporean (or southeast asian) experience - a whiplash contrast from air conditioning to 98% relative humidity to air conditioning yet again

post-holiday rituals include non-stop complaining and whining about the weather; because even extra strong UV radiation is preferred over extra humid air that traps your pores from breathing

the post-holiday ritual extends to queuing up for overpriced taxis to take us and our luggages home, with the quintessential chit-chat that begins with “where did you come back from?” and so on

stepping back home means more lamenting over how gross the floor is, how much the lizards have partied and pooped in the house, looking at the garden and seeing how the flowers and plants have lived on in our absence

the following step would be a mad frenzy to clean the luggages (something i volunteer to do, and would otherwise not be done), unpacking everything from our bags, and throwing the first cycle of clothes into the washer

(this may seem like an insane move for the travellers who prefer to rest right after they reach home. but no, not in my family! we pride ourselves for business-like efficiency)

the washing machine starts to rumble, the robot sweeper-cum-mop starts to spin and whirr, the sockets are plugged back to the power sources, and the water dispenser starts to gurgle back to life

family vacation

what it means to be family exemplified through the smaller moments and bigger crises

taking away a huge pot of mushroom soup in a plastic container knowing that ma and pa would enjoy it, ferrying it 90 kilometres on a bumpy car ride and another 3 kilometres on foot

hugging on to my niece like everything depends on it even as i took a epic fall-slide down several slippery stone steps, bracing and preventing the skid by driving my shin further against the steps

carrying one sling bag, one heavy bag pack and cradling the little one, my dad shows silent support for the family by being the strong and sturdy warrior

then there’s my sis-in-law, whose mom-cells were in constant overdrive but ever more so when my mom suddenly took ill - the pragmatism and level-headedness, uncompromising and unwavering was something to learn from

my brother who is the force tying all of us together, shows up to deal with crap, make crappy jokes, and won’t take crap from no one

my niece who injects an infinite amount of energy and chaos and joy for all of us - a new addition and force to be reckoned with for years to come

homely encounters

never been super patriotic or overtly cheesy but this travel’s encounter made me realise what could potentially be the true “singaporean spirit”

being singaporean is somewhat a construct - i mean, all societies are - but in particular being singaporean means a couple of the few things: having almost the strongest passport in the world (think we are ranked 2nd), being the “poster child” of southeast asia in terms of economics and how westernised we are, growing up pampered and sheltered etc - but more critically, not having a distinct identity or culture of our own. almost everything is borrowed or shared, making it seem that our most successful product of society is conformity and intelligent workers

on our fourth day of tour we checked into a boutique hotel in a hipster commercial town street and found out that the owner is singaporean. to sum things up, things got rather messy during the next 2 days - having a toddler, changing our itinerary super last minute and almost falling out with the tour operator, falling sick due to a virus

what really showed up was the owner’s unwavering kindness and patience. not the outlandish type of warmth but a consistent, quiet way of showing care, concern and consideration. in simpler terms, the phrase “action speaks louder than words” applies aptly here

not zealous but not flaky

no overpromises of the sun and the moon, but delivering pinky promises built on reputation

a pragmatic, almost stern care which transcends niceties and guffaws

the other side

in this quaint little boutique hotel off a small alley along the main street, i sit upon the many sights, smells and sounds of the day

walking on the uneven cobblestone pavements, lined by traditional houses in grey chinese-style porcelain roof tiles and white plastered walls draped with tendrils and flowers

on the ground there are people peddling freebies along the shopfront, people selling street food and people even doing sound healing

up above on the second storeys, i see singers seated beside fully-open full-height windows, playing the guitar and acting as effective honey traps to passers-by walking along the street

deep inside storefronts, an internal courtyard awaits with extensions of the store complete with impressive landscaping integrated as branding concepts, or lived-in communal spaces that offer customers a glimpse of a laid-back behind-the-scenes perspective

i later realised that multiple storefronts would share an internal courtyard - something i believe is quite different from the ubiquitous shophouse or rowhouse layout you’d chance upon in other countries

the snow-capped mountain sits peacefully at the faraway end, cradled between the opposing rows of the iconic chinese-style roof. an intermittent rain falls as the sun sets and covers the mountain with foggy clouds. the cobblestone pavement becomes extra treacherous with countless puddles of water formed

like clockwork

economics is interesting because there is an interrelatedness to everything and a domino-effect to all involved in the system

take this morning’s tourism trap for example. the designated tour guide brings us to an attraction - he passes us on to a designated local in charge of the attraction to introduce and sell the various packages to us - he then passes us on to the next stop, a horse stable where an auntie concocts a untruth about getting our hands dirty and thereby needing to purchase gloves - the auntie then passes us on to the horse guides who leads us off on the horses into the trail - where a photographer sits on an e-bike, snaps photographs of us on the horse and designated points and scoots back to the starting point to develop and laminate the photos to sell to us as memorabilia

the same trap goes for all the food stops along the way and shops in streets

what makes a good hotel?

these come from observations over the years and in particular a comparison between an international hotel chain and an independent boutique hotel:

1. service and staff would always play a crucial role - from the first impression at the reception to how they respond to your requests; and in the case of unique concept hotels, additional service and tea break thrown in “for free”

2. number of dustbins in the hotel room and where they are placed. this is a criminally overlooked detail!! apart from the water closets, there should always be a bin right beside the sink(s) and another in the living area! bare minimum!

3. the ergonomics and sensibilities in the toilet. what is unforgivable is the distance between the faucet and the sink - also pay extra attention to how water flows from the tap because all these lead to irritating minute moments and extra clean-up work for staff. unfortunately it is more common to see a flooded sink - even worse a flooded floor outside the shower, than a dry one