with the beast inside; there's nowhere we can hide

“mostly because i didn’t want him to think i am a pathetic asshat with no friends, which is… on a second thought, at least seventy-five percent true,” anita deadpanned. classic. anita, herself, was probably the only person who would take that self-deprecating humour to the next level and start rolling with it. why not, right? if more than a half of the things she was saying were true, she could have gotten used to it faster than if she tried to fight with it. “no? well… i mean, i guess i wanted to catch up? get to know you better, since vander’s a pal of mine, and all that jazz? unless you have better things to do, i’d understand if you wanted to reschedule it, or never see me again, or whatever…”

     the werecat raises a brow at the self-deprecation but neither agrees nor disagrees. she can tell that anita is just trying to make jokes; perhaps to ease the tension or perhaps that’s just what she’s like. helena has no particular desire to be standoffish with her - it’s more than she dislikes the uncertainty. “you wanted to catch up with me ??” she repeats, doubt clouding her features. “because of vander ??” she feels as though she’s missing something, confusion and a flicker of irritation forming her expression. “i don’t think vander gives two shits about what’s going on with me, so i don’t see why you would.”

      the blonde knew that could make helena feel uneasy, but it didn’t stop her from wrapping her arms around the brunette as soon as she heard her voice. “ of course i’ve missed you. ” she said, hugging her tightly. “ same here. but i’m also glad that you were away, things… weren’t very good around here. have you heard about the fair ? ”

     the hug ought to have been alarming, and from anyone else it would have been. but helena has grown used to the affection offered by tessa; and unexpectedly...had almost come to like it. though she doesn’t sink into the embrace, she doesn’t push it away either, only letting out a weary chuckle. “just checking.” the werecat snorts, stepping out of the embrace. “i heard, though not much detail. what happened ?? you alright ??”

    “ you know, that actually sounds wonderful. but i wouldn’t be able to leave the other shadowhunters and mason. ” faye replied, letting out a sigh. “ but did you have fun ? that’s what matters. ”

    “well you could’ve brought them.” she says half-heartedly, knowing full well that never would’ve worked. helena wasn’t exactly a people person at the best of times. and seeing faye with her friends...shadowhunters, the wolf boy...well, she had to admit it made her jealous. not because she didn’t want her to be happy - or even that she didn’t like them ( though she’d never admit it out loud ). but truthfully because they’d had years, they’d had the relationship she and faye should have had. and now, helena was clawing at something she didn’t know if she’d ever achieve and terrified to be honest with her. “it was fun.” the brunette nods. “though not half as eventful as wilshire apparently. did you get caught up in all that ??”

he doesn’t know where the pier is but surely it won’t be very difficult to find someone who does. vander takes a moment to reassure himself of this before typing a response, front teeth sinking deep into his lower lip.

( text to; helena ): sure.

( text to; helena ): i’ll see you there.

       it’s not warm at the pier, even under the usual LA sun. the ocean wind brings in a chill that would put goosebumps on any normal person’s skin. but this is just the right place for helena - cold enough to keep her alert and focused; and open enough that if things turn south she can run for it. her fingers cling tightly to her phone, icy irises still reading and re-reading the last text he sent. there’s nothing more she can get from it than she already has - no clues to how he will behave. she can only predict based on the vander she knows...but which vander is that ?? the one that broke her heart and left her ?? or the shattered young man in the hospital bed that she yearned to fight for ?? 

“i’ve come to the conclusion that rewatching all ‘star wars’ movies in a row is not a decent way to spend my free time,” she began, scrunching her nose up ever so slightly. “not only will your ass fall asleep multiple times, but the pizza guy won’t believe you when you order four pizzas and say that you’re having a party, either.” as anita carried on, a small frown made an appearance on her features – was she going to regret all of this in any time soon? well, she was more than sure that, yes, she indeed will. she’d only need to find a way to make it up to herself, for being as lazy as one can actually be. “especially considering the fact that you were wearing sweatpants. as if it wasn’t a perfect slumber-party attire, really…” // @hcvenbcrn

       “i don’t know why you bothered trying to convince him otherwise.” the brunette shrugs, shaking her head. honestly, she’s not even sure why anita is telling her this. it seems more like she’s trying to fill the silence between them with something. the shadowhunter had always been closer to vander; she imagines that hasn’t changed. so why now is she willing to engage ?? “look, not that i don’t love girl time but did you need me for something ??” helena eyes her warily.

he’s surprised to receive the messages though perhaps he shouldn’t be. after all, she’d gone to see him whilst he was unconscious in the medical ward and pathetic as it might be to hope, vander wants to believe that it means something. he answers quickly, outwardly eager though his responses are merely politely acquiescing.

( text to; helena ): yeah, of course.

( text to; helena ): where, then?

      the reply is faster than she expects; although not particularly revealing. it’s a vague concession to her request - leaving the ball in her court once again. lips purse before a slow sigh escapes them and she quickly types out a response.

( text to; vander ): the pier ??

        “have you been smoking something ??” she furrows her brow, though bemusement plays across her features. “i’ve never been an angel.”

       “and i repeat, vehemently, go fuck yourself.” 

          “you really should’ve come with me, you know.” helena scoffs, popping a fry into her mouth. “sure would’ve beat being a part of the whole carnival debacle. you and me, roadtripping across state lines. no idea where we’re going. it would’ve been fun.”