cold as ice

hi friends, awkward into post here skjdgjksdg.

new(ish) indie eleven coming at you (definitely not new to writing as el, though.) i’ve never had an independent account solely for rping el because i normally play her in rpgs/groups, but i’ve missed writing for her so so bad that i gave in. here i am, attempting to navigate the indie world.

“What?“ She laughed as the imagine of the little boy fainting at the sight of blood. “It’s Halloween! That’s what this season is for fake blood and people screaming for help.” A small chime in her voice as a grin rested on her lips. “Mmmm more Texas Chainsaw.”

“Oh my gosh,” El shook her head, although her expression made it clear that she was holding back laughter. “This is why I’d hang out with Hop on Halloween and not you. To this day, I’m afraid of having a premature heart attack from all your antics.” El sighed, pursing her lips curiously. “Are there actually any non scary Halloween movies lying around? Other than, like, the Charlie Brown one. I fell asleep trying to get through that.”

regcneratives‌:

He hadn’t noticed he’d been holding his breathe for so long, not until he could feel the hospital bed dip and El’s arms were wrapped around him. Despite the exhaustion weighing down on him, Hop doesn’t hesitate to return the embrace. For a while he’d been in denial as if his mind had been playing some sick joke on him, making this all up to escape the horrors of The Upside Down even if for just a little bit. But this was real, he can feel how tightly she’s squeezing him and he can feel her tears staining the hospital gown. He can feel the way her body is shaking with every sob and it’s enough to spur tears of his own ; Jim Hopper has never been one to outwardly show his emotions. 

Hell, for a long time he’d even forgotten what those even were. But then he’d left some eggos out in the woods.

❝ What? ❞  He questions, its enough to have him break away from the hug. ❝ Don’t ever apologize for that. It’s not your responsibility to keep me safe. As your dad I’m supposed to keep you safe. ❞  If he were faced with the same circumstances, he’d make the same decision over and over again. Anything to save El and the rest of those good kids from the dangers of The Lab. ❝ I need you to understand that. ❞  He can’t stress it enough, they were all aware that there’d be a possibility someone wouldn’t make it and Jim was willing to make that sacrifice himself. ❝ I love you too, kid. So much. ❞  Tears are rolling down his cheeks and he’s sure this is the first time she’s ever seen him cry. Placing a kiss on her head, he hugs her again with his free arm giving her another tight squeeze.

Joyce is holding onto one of his hands and it hadn’t registered in his head, he’s gone so long in the Upside Down that it almost felt foreign. He knows his skin is calloused and scarred from the constant exposure to the cold temperature down there. But Joyce’s warmth is so comforting. He wants to tell her that he tried contacting her, had gone to her house and called once and when he’d gone to visit again she was gone and so were her belongings. He has a lot to tell her, there are already pressing matters but that could wait for another day. For the moment he wanted to relish in the moment of being reunited with them. It was a bit overwhelming, but welcoming nonetheless ; he wasn’t complaining. ❝ Please tell me you’re helping me escape these stale, white walls. ❞  It comes out as a whisper as he tightens his embrace around her, with a free hand he moves a few strands of her hair away from her face.

“Sweetie –” She whispered at El’s words. They seemed to rip Joyce’s heart in two, the last thing she wanted was the girl blaming herself for not being able to save her dad. She eased one hand off of Hopper’s, laying it softly on El’s back to comfort her. She didn’t say anything, that was Hopper’s job, but … this wasn’t her fault, not in the slightest. If only Joyce could have believed that for herself, too, even now that she laid eyes on Hopper alive and so close to them, she saw his face flashing before her, his smile, the peace he’d made with dying for their children’s safety and she felt a painful stab in her chest. Never, never had Joyce thought she’d be able to do something like turning those keys.

Suddenly, her mind flashed back to a night a couple of weeks before they moved away from Hawkins. The phone call, the dead line – it couldn’t have been him. She would have heard him. Heard something, like she’d heard Will, if it had been him, she would have known it and she would have gone to find him, by herself, if necessary. Her grasp on his hand tightened, while she focused on gently caressing El’s back with her thumb. Maybe, if she held on forever, she could be sure he would never leave again. The tighter she held his hand, she more she could feel the rough, torn texture of their skin, and it made the knowledge of what he had been through so painfully true.

Joyce hardly knew where to stick her feelings – the pain of seeing El’s body shake with sobs, the sight of the man she’d thought lost and had wished to feel by her side for three long years, the thought of what he must have endured, the brief memory of that horrible place he’d spent three years in. All the things she wanted to say while still trying to uphold her composure, which was a lost cause judging from the tears that kept flooding her sight. Seeing this precious, fragile moment between father and daughter didn’t help soothe her emotions. It was rare to see Hop like this, and seeing the pain melt off of El like that was the best gift anyone could have given to Joyce. 

She had so much to tell him. So much she needed to know. But for now, Joyce melted into him as she felt his arms around her tightening, taking in his familiar scent that was so unusually devoid of the smell of nicotine, closing her eyes to forget the world for a moment and just bask in this moment. It was like breathing for the first time after being underwater for a dangerously long time, and she could tell that she wasn’t the only one who felt this way. A small laugh escaped her, as she had already anticipated this question, yet she hadn’t expected it to be the first thing she’d hear from him. “What, you think I’d leave here without you?” Her voice was thin, breaking, a mere whisper as a response to his.

When she finally straightened to meet his gaze again, she hastily wiped a tear and her expression turned mischievous. “I also brought you something I thought you might crave.” She dug into the pockets of her flannel, producing (half) a pack of camels.

The conversation gave El a sick sense of deja vu, her stomach nearly dropping to her feet. Hopper’s insisting that she understand his words were all too reminiscent of the moments before they separated at Starcourt. If that didn’t get the waterworks going again, seeing Hopper cry, actually cry, sure did. She’d seen him angry, and she’d seen him happy. Actually being vulnerable enough to show his sadness in front of her, though? This was a first, one she didn’t know how to approach or handle herself. “Dad,” she whispered, letting herself sink into the hug. As much as she wanted to tell him it was okay, there was a part of her that felt like this was what they all needed. If they were starting over, being as open as possible was the key to that.  “Thank you for coming back to me,” she muttered, her face still mostly pressed into the gown. 

Joyce’s light touch ghosting her back acted as a way to bring her back to earth, finding herself moving out of the way for the two of them moments afterwards. Despite not being a giant part of it, watching their interactions was intriguing. They were still tiptoeing around each other slightly, as if they were hyper-aware of how fragile the moment was. Still, El’s eyes bounced between them curiously, the only movement from her side happening when she reached a hand up to wipe the dampness from her cheeks. She didn’t remember much about her parents, especially not together. The clearest memories were of her biological mother and the Lab, mostly thanks to connecting with Terry through the void and being shown. That was as much as she remembered about birth family. Watching Joyce and Hopper, though? It made it seem familiar again. Like this was where she was meant to be. Her family of choice.

She stifled a laugh once the box of cigarettes was presented, readjusting her position so that her head fit gently in the crook of Hopper’s shoulder. “You know I’m gonna bug you two about how bad smoking is for you tomorrow, right? Today is special, so...free pass.”

regcneratives‌:

He knows its wishful thinking that he’d get his hands on a pack of cigarettes any time soon. Had practically begged Callahan and Powell, much to Flo’s chagrin, to sneak in a pack of smokes for him to no success. It’d gotten late and he’d be left alone to wait. The room was eerily quiet with the exception of the consistent beeping from the holter monitor ; it makes him want to pull his hair out. Instead he’d busied his fingers with the hospital blanket, made out of the same material Sara’s had been, he’d pulled at the seams letting small threads fall off the side of the bed. He can spot the threads, and he hopes if the person behind the door is a nurse, that they wont notice.

But it’s not a nurse. The voice is all too familiar, one that brought comfort. Hop almost breaks his neck turning to face her, and for a moment almost forgets how to breathe. She no longer looks like the same little girl he’d given one last hug to on that fateful Fourth of July. No, she was older and taller ; but she’d always be his little girl, he’d recognize her anywhere. ❝Guess not. ❞  It comes out barely a whisper, he knew he’d been gone years but it didn’t seem to register until now. Slapping him in the face, Y E A R S he’d missed watching El grow. He’d been robbed of that with Sara and now partially with El thanks to the scientists and goddamn Russians. ❝ You gonna stand there or give your old man a hug?❞  He asks lightly, blinking away tears. If he could, he would’ve been up by now had it not been for the wires attached to his arms. ‘Nutrients’ or whatever the fuck the doctors had said, he’s got half the mind to rip them off so that he could wrap his daughter in a tight embrace. Tighter than the last hug he’d given her before departing ways in the mall.

For a moment he allows his gaze to move from his daughter to the figure standing behind her. If the monitor keeping track of his heart rate hadn’t been beeping enough, it’d surely leave him deaf by the end of the night. ❝ Joyce. ❞  She hasn’t changed much, still 5′3, her hair still reflectively auburn with soft waves ; still so breathtaking. 

“Go ahead.” Joyce nudged the girl forward and smiled encouragingly. Slow steps followed El into the room, as Joyce wouldn’t dream to interrupt the moment father and daughter reunited. Her fingers itched for the comfort of a cigarette just to keep them busy, as she could imagine Hopper’s had all day long.

The soft rumble of his voice hit her, and Joyce felt a warm shiver creeping up her spine. Her fingers, which still fumbled at her lower lip, unfolded to cover her mouth, suddenly hit by proof that he was here. It hadn’t felt real to her until now, and the fear that they might not find him in this hospital room after all had consumed her completely. And now? She looked at him, half-sitting in a puddle of white, almost as if he’d been waiting there for them all along.

The way he said her name was the same way he always had - slow, careful, like it might break if spoken too hastily - and the fear made way for a wave of warmth that radiated from his gaze as it finally met hers. “Hop,” She breathed as she felt a tear inching down her cheek, her feet carrying her forwards on their own. Joyce crossed the distance to the space beside the bed that El wasn’t occupying, heart threatening to break her rib cage, and while she watched her daughter finally embrace her dad, she grabbed onto Hopper’s hand with both of hers, silently trying to blink away the tears that clouded her sight. A smile broke her lips and Joyce inhaled suddenly, realizing she’d forgotten to draw breath.

When they slowly drew away from each other and he turned his head to her, Joyce placed one hand on either side of his face, studying every inch of it all at once, looking for all the answers to a million of her questions, her lips still quivering, but a smile spread across them that told him everything he needed to know. “Hop.” She said again. A long moment passed, then, she all but collapsed into his arms, burying her face in the crook of his neck.

You gonna stand there or give your old man a hug? His words weren’t necessarily meant to be funny, and neither was the situation, but El felt a bubble of nervous laughter push past her lips in response. It was like no time passed at all. They might as well have been in the cabin, the image of Hopper lying on the hospital bed almost similar to him sprawled out on the recliner at home. Almost. The laughter suddenly turned into a sob, and within a split second, she walked over and crawled up on the hospital bed, settling in at his side. She wasn’t fourteen anymore, but she still felt just as tiny next to him. “Dad,” she muttered again, leaning into him and bunching up part of his hospital gown in her fist. The water blue hair-tie around her wrist was a weird contrast against the generic, sickly pale blue he wore. She could feel his chest move under her grasp, and she wasn’t sure if it was just that action alone or finally being there next to him that did it, but she suddenly burst into tears. She should’ve been careful with him, considering what occasionally happened when she didn’t have full control of her powers, but she didn’t care. Despite the sobs wracking through her own body, she ignored them and wrapped her arms around Hopper as tight as humanly possible. It was like if she let go for even a second, he’d vanish into thin air. “I’m s-sorry…I didn’t keep you safe,” she croaked, thinking back to their last conversation in the mall. For a while, she thought that was their last conversation ever and that those were the final words she’d remember him saying. She was glad it didn’t end there. “I love you.”

She was finally able to catch her breath after a couple minutes, and although it was still coming out shuttered, she wasn’t crying as hard. It had settled to a silent stream. She knew she wasn’t the only one waiting, so she reluctantly loosened her grasp. As much as thinking she’d lost him hurt, she wasn’t the only one who went through that pain. Joyce had to witness it happen. She had to break the news to El about what happened. It wouldn’t have been fair for her to take up the entire visit when it wasn’t just her who went through hell and back. With that in mind, she untangled herself from Hopper but remained curled up at his side, letting Joyce have her well deserved moment. 

regcneratives‌:

Fingers pinch at the bridge of his nose before sliding over his eyelids, he’s still adjusting to the bright fluorescents of Hawkins Hospital. He feels uneasy, hospitals only ever brought life and death. Just like it’s brought Sara’s short-lived life onto him and Diane. He hates it, the disbelief, it feels too good to be true. As if his mind were playing some sort of sick joke on him, maybe he was in denial or dreaming it all to cope with the fact that he was still trapped in The Upside Down. Most of all, he hates the amount of relief the hospital brings, the comfort and reminder that he’d survived. It felt wrong, like some sort of internal war.

He doesn’t allow himself to find comfort in laying on the hospital bed nor does he sleep for too long, he’s been sliding in and out of a state of unconsciousness since he’s arrived. Instead he waits for El and Joyce, the image of them were the only sort of confirmation he needed to know he was still alive and fine. As fine as one could be in Hawkins anyway. He doesn’t know how long it’ll take them to arrive, just that the anticipation was getting to him.

Hours pass and he dodges Flo, Powell and Callahan’s questions, mumbling away at their questions that could be passed off as him being too ‘dazed’ to answer. Hop would cross that bridge when he’d get there. Ears pick up on a faint knock and he doesn’t bother looking over his shoulder, ❝ If this is ‘nother interviewer, I swear t’ God– ❞  He mutters, attempting to muster any energy he had within him to try to sit up. ❝ I need a damn smoke- ❞

The Welcome to Hawkins sign knotted up Joyce’s insides even more, making her shift in her seat nervously. Even though they hadn’t been here for over two years, every tree along the road and every rock the car rumbled over was familiar. The sentiment of Hawkins swallowed her whole and she tried to swallow the lump that formed in her throat as the memories came rushing in, seeming more and more real, the more they could see of the town. She tried to focus on El. Her words made her chuckle softly, looking into the rear view mirror again to get a glimpse of her boy slumped against his brother’s shoulder, a soft roar coming from his open mouth. “It’s been a long day, sweetheart. I’m glad you slept a little.” Joyce made a conscious effort to speak even more softly than she did anyway.

She couldn’t imagine how El must be feeling. The past three years had been hard for all of them, but El had lost the only father she’d ever known. It broke her heart to see her lose everything she clawed to as a lifeline, to lose so much. It had to end. She’d been brave about it, but Joyce could see the pain always glimmering in her eyes, every waking second – until today. She felt it, too. She couldn’t feel as much of the cold, heavy metal imprints on her hands that she’d seen any time she looked at the hands that had turned the keys back then, she could feel a sense of strength coming back to her that had been gone for a long time.

Joyce’s heart sank and a smile spread on her lips as El called her mom. She’d started to call her that for a while now, but still, it filled her with so much pride that she was able to be just that for her. Her mom. “I’m, um –” Her voice broke a little and she tried to remedy that my taking a drag of her cigarette that she’d been forgetting. “All I know is, I can’t wait to see him.” She bit her lip and instinctively grabbed El’s hand, squeezing it tightly.

They dropped off the boys at their place to stay for the time being, then pulled up into the parking lot of Hawkins Hospital just as the sun set behind the tall building and dipped them in darkness. The receptionist didn’t ask too many questions, which was good, because Joyce didn’t have a very long fuse this evening. Time didn’t pass fast enough as she pressed the evelator button one, twice, three times. Finally, they stood in front of the door, and she let El go ahead and knock as she stood behind her and pinched her lower lip with her fingertips.

El felt a sense of relief once Joyce’s hand found hers, letting out a sigh. “Me too,” she replied softly. She didn’t sound excited, her tone still flat as she tried to shake off her sleepiness but she was sure that would vanish pretty quick once they arrived at the hospital. Even thinking about the hospital had her stomach churning for different reasons. Her memories from the place weren’t great. It was one of the many places around town she’d had to try and defeat another upside down creature, so she’d never expected to be going back there and feeling a positive anticipation. Knowing that Hopper was back, was alive, made the stakes about a million times higher. She squeezed Joyce’s hand in return, keeping it in her grasp as she focused her gaze back out the window. They were almost home.

* * *

El followed in step behind Joyce, a tinge of nervousness settling in her gut upon entering the hospital. It wasn’t like she had a change of heart or anything; there was nothing more she wanted than to see Hopper. However, walking down the halls and seeing the florescent lights flicker changed the atmosphere. She was starting to understand what people hated about hospitals. There was nothing welcoming or reassuring with the off-white walls and the stinging scent of chemicals. It was enough that she barely registered the elevator ride or Joyce giving her a little push forward once they’d finally reached the door. His door. “Are you sure?” she asked, knowing that Joyce was just as eager to see him as she was, but sighing in defeat moments later. Joyce always put everyone else first. There was no way she wasn’t going to let El be the first to talk to him.

She snapped out of her daze completely once she lightly knocked at the door and heard his grumble in return. Something swelled in her chest, and she almost forgot how to speak. She had to see him to make it all real. Shutting her eyes, she took in a deep breath before she pushed the door open and walked through. “I guess the three inches rule doesn’t apply here, huh?” she asked, attempting to keep the tone light. That was shattered almost immediately once she saw him there, pausing in step to really take it in. He was there. He was alive. “Dad.” The words came out slightly strangled. El knew that if she said more, any coherent sentence would be drowned away by tears. Her lips trembled as she stood in place. Everything felt so fragile, like if she moved he’d break. Or she’d break. “Hi,” she finally said, her voice just louder than a whisper.