“The Onion” article title sentence meme
❝ Zing! I just got you with another one of my trademark ‘complete lies’. ❞
❝ Is this a picture of the internet? ❞
❝ I always thought losing your sunglasses was something that happened to other people. ❞
❝ When I die my entire fortune will be donated to charity, except the $40 billion I will have buried with me. ❞
❝ One time I punched a goose right out of the air. ❞
❝ I will drink every last drop of water on earth. ❞
❝ I know heaven is real because I saw it and abducted an angel. ❞
❝ Sometimes I feel like things would be better off if I never existed. ❞
❝ Whenever I feel sad, I just go down to the wreck of the titanic. ❞
❝ Please, make yourself at home while I silently count down the seconds until you leave. ❞
❝ I’m always open to feedback that I can get defensive about and ultimately ignore. ❞
❝ When I need strength, I turn to the bible or whatever else is around. ❞
❝ So help me God, I’m going to eat one of those multicolored detergent pods. ❞
❝ I wish I could get through to you with a sports analogy, young man. ❞
❝ God has kind of a loose outline for us all. ❞
❝ After another incredible summer, it’s time to put my shirt back on. ❞
❝ You really don’t know who people are until you make a vicious snap judgment about them. ❞
❝ If another country ever started calling itself America, I’d be so pissed. ❞
❝ I’d like to see the government try and take away my trash. ❞
❝ If you want to date my daughter, you’re going to have to date me first. ❞
❝ The only way to get over your fear of the moon is to walk on it. ❞
❝ A woman as beautiful and intoxicated as yourself shouldn’t be drinking alone, my dear. ❞
❝ Aw, fer crying out loud! ❞
❝ I only like movies where the whole cast dances in a little box next to the end credits. ❞
❝ Looking back on my life, I guess my biggest regret is trying to fight that alligator 5 minutes ago. ❞
❝ You might be wondering why I’m wearing a cap usually reserved for playing baseball. ❞
❝ As a failure, I’ve learned to appreciate the little things in life. ❞
❝ How about we go outside and settle this like emotionally stunted men? ❞
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