no way

“ Oh.. my shit! You’re totally one of those rom-com romantics! Alright, that’s totally on me, I could’ve seen that coming. I should’ve seen that coming. Okay, alright, this changes everything.. Not everything, but a lot. You’re totally a victim of commercialised love stories. Alright, alright, I’ll indulge you. Let me guess – they meet, fall in love, there’s some big complication, personal or otherwise, they fall out but end up together in the end and the movie ends before we ever get to see the monotony of their life together? Sounds awesome, let’s do it. ”

“You’re impossible. You know that? I’m not a victim of commercialised love stories. ...Okay, fine. Maybe a little. I will not be taking criticism at this time. Real life romance is shit. All people do is lie and cheat and break promises, so, yes. Let me enjoy Ryan Gosling sweeping Emma Stone off her feet by doing the Dirty Dancing lift. Now, swipe that smug smirk off your face.”

“ I just think romance movies are usually, no.. no, pretty much always, bullshit. That’s just not how it works.. at all. ”

“Oh God. It’s a movie. Of course it’s not how real life works, Nick. It’s a tale and right now I’m in the mood to indulge in those hopeless daydreams. So please, will you stop being a butt and watch this movie with me?”

“And here they are. The questions we know and love. How is the fascination with other people’s life not getting boring yet? I don’t understand it. It was fine. It was nice to catch up, to satisfy your curiosity, grey face. That’s all there is to say to it."

“I almost love this question! Just up my route. Nick and I have spent not only one, but two shifts talking about how we would save the world in case of an apocalypse. I kid you not when I say that we’re most definitely ready for whatever kind of apocalypse we’re talking about here. Alien invasion? Zombies? We’ve got you covered. Why I only almost love this question though? Well. I’m kind of mad at us since baby making was not part of our conversation. Not even once in those two shifts and I was sure we went over every thing there’s to consider. Since I know he’d take all of the responsibilities very seriously, I just know he’d put in the same efforts here. So, my answer is Nick. It’d be a very... professional baby making. For humanity.”

“ Yeah, just one year now and we’ll see exactly what she’s on about. That’s kinda crazy, isn’t it? I mean, middle school for example.. I mean, it does feel like a lifetime ago, but.. also not. I sound so boring, I feel like that’s all anyone talks about these days.. You know. But still.. Do you know where you’re going yet? You staying around here or spreading the wings? Two more siblings? That is.. wow, yeah. Brave of your parents. Brothers, sisters? You sure they don’t have some elaborate plan for all of you? ”

“Middle school definitely feels like a lifetime ago for me. We were.. actual babies. Thinking we had it all figured out when boy, we had no idea. I... don’t, actually. I don’t know, I like being spontaneous. Obviously I’ve looked around but I change my mind like underwear, so it’s still in the open for now. What, uh about you? Now that you and Emma... I heard you broke up? Brave or crazy, depending on where you look at it from. Two more sisters. The X chromosomes are just doing their thing.”

“ I’m just gonna go ahead and say it’s a mix of sexual frustration and trying to show off.. which.. doesn’t explain that much, really. We went to this, uhm.. this college party over the summer. And this stuff here is.. completely PG in comparison. Like, as much as it sounds like a cliche. Yeah. Uh, yeah, I’m great, yeah, I’m alright. You know. Thanks. And you? ”

“I don’t doubt that for a second. You know. My friend’s been telling me about college parties. She’s a freshman, or well, sophomore now. She goes to Wheaton. She says college is a whole different world than high school. Can’t wait to see what she’s on about. That’s good to hear. Yeah. I’m good too. Thanks. Got two more siblings since last time we talked. I know, we keep multiplying. If my parents don’t start wearing protection soon, we can found a football club by next year.”

“ Yeah, well, yeah. But someone having any task at a party.. Who knows how quick it’ll really go.. Yeah. You know. Someone says they’re just gonna go get a napkin and they’re back half an hour later, four shots deeper and holding a grilled cheese from somewhere. At least.. that’s how it is with my friends. ” 

“Ha, yeah. And I can’t even blame them. Very easy to get distracted. Especially since I’m positive I just heard Logan scream ‘body shots!’ in the living room. I still don’t get why anybody would want to do that, but you know. To each their own. How’ve... you been?”

“ Wha– oh, yeah, sure. Sor– oh. Hey. Hazel. Uh, yeah, course. Sorry. [..] There’s no ice right now. In case you were looking for some too. Uh, I think someone’s getting some more, though. ” 

“Oh. It’s. You. Hey. Benji. Thank you. [..] Uhm, okay. I’ll just. Wait then. Can’t be that long if someone’s already on it.”

"Hey, sorry, dude, but may I? I know I’m short and could most likely make my way through somehow, but. Could you. Possibly move aside? Just a tiny little bit.”

“ I mean. Okay. I feel like.. I feel like there’s a lot to unpack here. I guess flying’s an okay choice, you’d save money on travel. At first. But think about the capitalist world we live in. You’d definitely eventually have to pay air tax or airspace fees and in the end you might as well just take a plane and don’t have to deal with the vertigo. You know? Siphoning other people’s powers is definitely absolutely cool actually.. Definitely absolutely cool actually.. Right. Be kind and ignore that. No, but I’d want something that’s just mine, you know? Something you can totally master. Like.. like I’d wanna be a rat king or something. Imagine you can just talk to rats and tell them to bite Republicans or something. Also just having a tight circle of rat friends. That’d be tight. That’s what I’d want. ”

“Out of all the things you could have, you’d choose that? Be able to talk and control rats? I was thinking you’d aim higher than that, Nick. Don’t get me wrong, it’s definitely absolutely cool actually but that’s also just a little lame compared to all the things you could choose. If we go with your logic, Ratking, you know, the capitalist world logic. Maybe they’d want you to stop using your powers after time and fine you if you do. A lot of people are very wrongfully scared of rats and even more of something that’s out of the norm. May I remind you of the plague? Weil’s disease? See, my point. But beaming places? People would never find out and you’d never be late for work. Ever. .. Well. Not as much, anyway.”

“Alright, if you could pick any power in the world, be it super or mutant, what would you pick? I feel like I would pick flying or beaming to places... though I also feel like that would be such a common choice. Maybe the ability to siphon off other people’s powers? That might be a better choice? I’m not sure now, because that would mean other people have powers as well, and how special are powers when everyone has them? Do you get my drift? Or invisibility. That’d be dope.”

“ Sounds like a total idiot. I bet she votes Republican. Idiots tend to do that and we have too many of them walking around. Ran into one at the Walmart self check-out like, two days ago. She didn’t say she votes Republican, but you could tell she votes Republican. You always can, like.. Anyway, rambling. They are terrible. And now I apologize for saying you could be a Chloe. Nice. I’ll be sure to extend my thanks to Mitch. I always wondered whether neon green would be my color, so. Just back there? ”

“She probably does vote Republican. We’ve never gotten around to talk about our political preferences, thank God. You’re strange, you know that? We need a bit more of that around this town. Apology accepted, newbie. That’s lesson one, we rarely ever see Mitch around here. Pops in once a month to say how things are. So if you’re unhappy, talk to me and I’ll talk to him. Yeah, it’s on the rack. Let me know if you need any help. With finding it, I mean. Not with. Putting it on. You know what I mean.”

“ Not the first time I’m getting that. How exactly does someone look like a Nick? Because I’d say you look like a Hazel, you know, now that I know your name is Hazel. But you could also be a Lucy. Or a Shaniah. Or a Chloe, spelled K-L-O-W-E-E. Names are weird. Good to meet you, Hazel. Do you choose to wear this in your free time or are we all getting a cute uniform like that? ”

“By looking like someone like you. That’s how you look like a Nick. Now I don’t look like a Chloe. At all. I actually knew a Chloe once and she was a total idiot. So maybe it’s also the associations we make. Nice to meet you too, Nick. While I’d totally rock this in my free time, it’s the uniform Mitch makes us wear. Yours is in the back, so you may want to get changed into that.”

“ Newbie, new kid, greenhorn. Take your pick, I’ve been getting them all. With all these options I’m guessing Mitch failed to mention my name is Nick. Which it is. I’m Nick. Are you the Hazel that’s gonna show me the ropes or am I waiting for another Hazel? ”

“He indeed did forget to mention that. Nick. You look like a Nick. Hi, Nick. I’m the Hazel you were looking for, don’t know about any other Hazels in this town. So hey, you're lucky.”

“Yes. Jimmy. We broke up after being an item for like, two months? He lives in Cali, so it was a long distance kind of thing. He was blowing up my phone months after breaking up saying how much he misses me and “how he’ll never get over me” and “we can make it work”. He’s engaged now, so I guess he did get over it.”

“I’m not. At least, not that I know of. My parents have a thing for calling their children after ridiculous, nature-based things. I kid you not when I say I still have it best out of my other siblings though.”