annainsanna

Instead of texting you I cleaned my kitchen Instead of texting you I paid bills Instead of texting you I finished that book Instead of texting you I baked brownies Instead of texting you I met all my work deadlines Instead of texting you I played with my son Instead of texting you I went to bed on time Instead of texting you I ate dinner with my parents Instead of texting you I did something creative Instead of texting you I wrote this Instead of texting you I lived life All because I didn't text you But you didn't text me either.....

I am no longer swimming Taking each waves as it comes I need no directions Because you are my current As long as you choose to flow I'll float with you And if you stop We stop.

I'm going to go on a little rant right here. Not really a rant, more my general feeling towards life in general. Over the past 3 months my life has just dropped one massive massive pile of excrement on me after another. Between health problems for both myself and my family, just general stress from being the kick ass working single mom I am, and the normal life obstacles I have become a bit overwhelmed at times. But all in all. This is the most positive I have been in the longest time. Coming to terms with your choices in life, becoming accepting of the fact that sometimes shit just happens, and owning up to things is just part of all of this big journey. What seems so crucial or critical right now won't be a dang ol worry in a few weeks. A few days. A few minutes. The point of this is. I have my days. I bitch and moan and complain. And this is all okay because you have to have release. But in general I am very content. I'm trying to take life as it comes. Whatever, whoever, however. It's too damn short to not be straight forward and go after what you want. Stop waiting for life to happen. Start making it happen.

I am burnt Charred Blackened Grilled Toasted Fried Blistered Red Boiled Burnt Your words were more than words Each with its own degree of urgency How would I be lit from the inside How were you going to ignite me make me feel your heat. Would you spit ashes from your mouth Still orange with dull anger Flinging across my skin Leaving scares on the surface Would you submerge me Let me boil in the water of your lies Let me slowly build Let me bubble Till I overflow Would you Grill me Ridicule my outfit My friend choices, "who's he?" "Why were you out so late" "You never texted me back " Would you blister me Letting the fire of your hands Rain down upon me The sting of each strike, turning into welts on my once pale skin Would I put you out I did put you out I extinguished every bit of your flame Before you damaged more of my interior But still you linger Your soot and ash The better parts of me forever stained Bits of you that cannot be removed New people can move in Paint my interior, replace my decor But they cannot remove you Because your the reminder As to why I waited so long To put the fire out in the first place.

I'm a pile of wires you'll never untangle Knots and kinks and splits and rips my insides exposed only briefly though I can't show it all or the current will course through Shocking you all My thoughts come in surges My core is over heating Melting Short circuiting. I'm tossed aside. What use am I without a spark. Nothing flowing through me I am drain. Donated. Disposed. Useless. Picked from the pile You Are My fix. Putting me back together the tangles unraveled but still kinks Still useful in your eyes no matter their cosmetic appearance You solder me, tape me, I am not what I once was. You find me useful when I feel so useless You give me a purpose, despite my wear.