silly straws all around

people have been illegally dumping their old boats all around abandoned neighborhoods in detroit so this one newscaster on the local news station has been collecting them and finding out who the owners are by looking up the ID numbers on the boats and then she puts them on a flatbed truck and she brings them back to their owners wearing a fucking captain’s hat and she knocks on their doors and goes “hey we found your boat!”

Ross dies of influenza

Why would Ross die of influenza? He’s the only one in the group who has any grasp of science and has a PhD. He’s incredibly smart and would be the last one to die because he would know how to take care of himself and actually have knowledge about diseases.

im screaming the plague isn’t gonna bypass you if you have a degree in paleontology

i just love that every time jkr introduces cornelius fudge in the books, she always makes sure to mention that he’s wearing that fucking ridiculously ugly lime green bowler hat

My body is like a temple. Well, more like a Catholic church. Full of wine and bread.

*gracefully flips over a quesadilla* anyone would be lucky to have me

if u think that there has ever been a greater scene on television think again