an • ari @hauntjihari - Tumblr Blog

An • Ari • Jihari 吉哈里 bipolar type schizoaffective disorder, ocd, ptsd, $h3d MDNI 18+ sideblog (I will block)

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The thought of hurting you is so vivid in my mind.

I cannot look at you without imagining what you would sound like as you cried out in pain.

How pretty covered in blood you'd look.

Dark bruises across your body like a sick mark of mine.

The tears that would run down your face as I inched closer.

Or the way you try to push me away from you.

I have to remind myself that I cannot get too close to you.

If I let myself become undone and drop all of my defenses, I know you will be the subject of my abuse.

To keep you out of harms way and to keep myself out of trouble, it has to be like this.

But deep down I need you more than anything else in this world.

I want to keep you by my side, kept in line and behaving the way you are meant to be, obeying my every word like the good girl you are, taking the pain and pleasure I subject you to whenever I feel like it, under my control entirely.

I cannot get too close to you.

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