Lovely, Tender.

He chuckled lightly, walking up to where she stood against the counter and lifted her up so she was sitting on it instead. “And how would that work, Doll? You gonna wake me up at four in the morning so I get to the tower in time for briefing and take off?”

She grabbed his hands that were resting against her thighs, and threaded their fingers together. “Well,” she drew out the word, biting her lip and looking up at him with big doe eyes, “you could always spend tomorrow with me too.” She smiled shyly.

Bucky held back his laughter. He leaned in to kiss her pouted lips instead. “I love you,” he mumbled, kissing her again, “but no.”

(y/n)’s face scrunched up. “No?” Bucky let go of her hands, moving to the other side of the counter. “What do you mean no?”

He sighed contently, turning to the oven. “This pie should be just about done, right?”

“Baby, why won’t you stay with me?”

“I mean, it smells ready alright-“

“Buck!”

“And then it has to cool for another ten minutes anyway. So we should just take it out now.”

“Stop ignoring me!” The girl whined, feeling her plan shattering. At that, the timer went off and Bucky’s smile got even larger than it was before.

“I knew it was ready!” He grabbed a pair of oven mitts, taking out the pan carefully and setting it on the counter. Closing the oven door and discarding the mitts, he turned to face his girlfriend, who was giving him a sour glare, arms crossed in front of her chest. Bucky inwardly laughed, noting how much she looked like a kid who’s parents had denied her request for a new toy.

“Bucky…” she warned, narrowing her eyes at him. He sighed, walking over to her and throwing her over his shoulder, making his way to her bedroom. She squealed and hit his back, “put me down!”

He placed her onto the bed, throwing off his jacket and crawling on top of her. He placed gentle kisses all over her face, much to her disapproval.

“Um hello, does it look like I’m in the mood to sleep with you right now?” She sassed.

“Why else would you have invited me over? Thought I was here to claim my goodbye present, maybe a slice of pie, and then leave?” He teased. (y/n) narrowed her eyes at him, trying to keep her composed exterior. Channel Harvey Specter, (y/n), come on.

She pushed against his chest, letting him fall against the mattress as she straddled him quickly. “Mr. Barnes, I’m afraid the sex-and-pie offer is a two-day deal only. Unless you are prepared to spend the night and the entirety of tomorrow right here, we have no deal.”

Bucky smiled up at his girl, tapping her butt as he feigned contemplation of the deal. “Well I guess we had sex yesterday, that should keep me going for a few more days. And there’s pie at the bakery down the street you mentioned. I guess that’s no deal then.” (y/n) stared down at him, completely unimpressed.

“What is wrong with you.” She said, getting up to go back to the kitchen, but Bucky pulled her back on top of him, laughing loudly as she planted her hands on his chest.

“Hey now who told you to get up? I like seeing you up there.” He winked.

“Buck, come on, be serious,” she whined, “why do you want to go on that mission so desperately?”

“Doll, you know this is the first proper mission they’re letting me go on since Trujillo. Don’t you want your poor old boyfriend to have some fun again?” He asked, rubbing circles into her hips.

“I want my poor old boyfriend in one piece.” her eyebrows furrowed, breaking their eye contact as she looked down at where her hands still rested on his chest, feeling his steady heartbeat. “Or did all the morphine make you forget what happened in Trujillo? Why you weren’t allowed on missions in the first place?”

“Of course I haven’t forgotten, sweetheart. Which is why it can’t happen again, I’ve learned from my mistakes on that mission now. Besides, tomorrow isn’t gonna be anywhere near as dangerous.”

“But Bucky!” She cried, throwing her hands up in the air and swallowing thickly, trying not to cry from frustration and worry. “I don’t even know how long you’ll be gone for! And we’re not allowed to communicate during the entire time, how am i supposed to know how you’re doing? If you’re injured? Trujillo was such a close call baby, how can i ever let you go on a mission again without fearing the worst the whole time you’re there? I know for you it’s all adrenaline and you have the super serum to protect you, but that doesn’t make you immortal, Buck!”

Sometime during her rant, Bucky had sat up and leaned against the headboard, wiping away some of her tears that had fallen without her realizing it. When she had finished talking and was trying to steady her breathing, he grabbed the back of her knees to pull her toward him so that there would be no space between them. He pulled back her hair into a ponytail, securing it with an elastic he had around his wrist. When she had calmed down, breathing steady and eyes no longer wet with tears, Bucky spoke up.

“My sweet girl, I know this must be scary for you. I agree that the circumstances during the mission aren’t ideal. But this is what makes me happy! This is the job I chose, and if I were to decline this mission then I wouldn’t be a man of my word.” Bucky cupped her face, running a thumb over her quivering bottom lip. “I can promise you, everything will be alright, and I will be back in your arms before you know it.”

(y/n) let out a sob, admitting defeat: Bucky wouldn’t stay. “You can’t promise me that though.” Her voice was strained, and he could tell she was trying to remain composed. He reached toward her to try and wipe away her tears, but she pulled her head back and hid behind her hands instead. Bucky went to wrap her in his embrace knowing that always helped her calm down, but she refused and got up from his lap altogether. She stumbled toward her bathroom, closing the door and turning on the faucet. God, she had never felt so helpless and desperate before. She rubbed the cold water on her face for a few seconds, before turning off the faucet and wiping her skin dry. Grabbing a tissue, she blew her nose and sat on the toilet seat with her elbows resting on her knees and her head cradled in her hands. Her eyes were closed as she tried to steady her breathing, so caught up in trying to calm herself down that she almost missed the sound of a knock on the door. It opened gently, and Bucky came into her view as he kneeled down in front her.

Grabbing her hands and pressing gentle kisses to them, he mumbled apologies over and over. (y/n) almost started crying again at the thought of losing this. “Bucky, please. I’ve laid all my cards on the table; I’ve literally spent the last ten minutes crying and begging you to stay with me. Are you even considering it?”

Bucky swallowed harshly before shaking his head no. (y/n) shifted her gaze to the ceiling, blinking back tears. She took a deep breath, “Then you should go now.”

Bucky’s heart dropped, stomach clenching uncomfortably and he could hear his heartbeat in his ears. “Doll, I’m not gonna leave you now, like this. I’m going on a mission tomorrow and I don’t want this to have been how we part.”

The rational part of (y/n) was begging her to agree with him, kiss him, savor the remaining time they had together, and then send him off with pride. But that part was silenced by everything else in her that felt hurt, scared, and rejected. She shook her head, refusing to look at him. “Go, Bucky. I’ll see you after the mission.”

“You can’t be asking me to leave right now. Please, let’s talk this out! Let me give you the security you need that everything will be okay and let me leave when I won’t feel guilty for having to do my job anymore.” His voice was wavering, but (y/n) didn’t want to break this time. She got up from where she was and stalked back to the bedroom, falling onto the bed in an exhausted heap. She covered herself with the blanket, pulling it up over her head, and closed her eyes.

When she opened her eyes again, she realizes she fell asleep. Cursing herself for that, she rips back the covers and stops as she sees that it’s dark outside. “Bucky?” She calls out, hopefully, but she knew it was futile. Her heart begins to beat much faster than it should, and she can feel her hands get clammy. She runs to the kitchen, seeing the apple pie still there where Bucky had placed it on the counter - completely untouched. The sight almost made her cry, but she didn’t have time to waste. Grabbing her phone from the counter, she checks the time: 2:46 AM.

Before she knows what she’s doing, she’s sprinting down the stairs of her apartment complex while still tugging on her jacket. Shoving her phone and wallet in her pocket, she hails a cab and jumps into it, mindlessly rattling off the address of the tower. She had no clue how long the ride was, having spent most of it trying to get her hands to stop shaking. Once she got there, she payed the driver, and ran toward the entrance of the tower. Hoping security wouldn’t be a hassle, she entered and went through the process. Time being a concept she could not fathom right now, she found herself sinking to the ground of the elevator. Hands still shaking and tears falling unwillingly, she prayed she had made it in time. If Bucky had left and their last exchange was that, she would never forgive herself.

Once the doors opened, she ran down the corridor to the door she knew was his and knocked several times as hard as she could. Ages seemed to go by as she stared at the door, the lump in her throat growing larger and the pressure in her chest constricting her breathing. But finally, finally, she heard the door being opened. As soon as Bucky came into view - shirtless with old ratty sweatpants on and his hair a mess, she allowed the sobs to escape her throat and launched herself at him.

Bucky stumbled a bit at the contact, but quickly steadied himself and wrapped his arms around her. Thank God she came to her senses, he thought to himself. She was incoherently mumbling apologies while he tried to shush her. He pushed the door closed with his foot, squatting a little and grabbing her legs so he could pick her up. She wrapped her legs around his waist, and buried her face into his neck as tears continued to fall. He carried her back to his bed, where he sat against the headboard and tried to detach her from him, which only made her hold on tighter. He chuckled and kissed her shoulder to reassure her, “I just wanna see your pretty face, Doll.”

She sniffled and pulled back, resting her forehead against his. “How are you not mad at me?” She cried, looking into his eyes. He smiled back at her, reaching up to wipe away her tears.

“Well you’re here now, I have no reason to be mad, no?”

“I’m just so sorry, Buck, I don’t deserve you. I was so awful, I can’t believe I asked you to leave. What if I hadn’t woken up and you would have left and something would have happened to you? I would never be able to look at myself again. God, I was so awful to you instead of being happy for you for getting a chance to do what you love doing-“ Her rant was cut off by a pair of lips on her own. She melted into the kiss before pulling back abruptly. “No! You’re not supposed to forgive me so quickly, you have to be mad at me Buck! I messed up so bad.” She swallowed thickly, looking down at her lap again.

Bucky pushed himself away from the headboard and onto the mattress, (y/n) now lying on top of him with her chin resting against his chest. She looked up at him through thick eyelashes, silently begging him to comfort her and reassure her. He looked back at her and told her, “Tell me you love me,” she quirked her brow at that, “I just feel like you haven’t told me in a while.” Bucky smiled, feigning annoyance as she shook her head at him and chuckled.

“I love you, James.” She cocked her head to the side smiling up at him gently.

“Wow, James huh? Pulling out the big guns I see?” He laughed as her smile grew and she blushed. She scooted up so they were face to face and cupped his face in her hands.

“I love you,” she kissed him before pulling back and repeating; “I love you.” She continued this until Bucky felt his heart was going to burst and he had to stop her by deepening her kiss. When they pulled back, he retracted his hands from her hair, eyeing her ponytail.

“You still got my hair tie, don’t you?”

“Oh my bad, here you go.” She went to pull it out of her hair, but Bucky grabbed her hand and brought it to his mouth to place a kiss on it.

“Let’s just sleep now, doll.” Bucky gently pushed her head against his chest and her arms came to rest on his shoulders. He then wrapped his arms around her middle, bade her good night, and let sleep consume them.

When (y/n) awoke with Bucky underneath her, she sighed in relief that everything that had happened last night was not a dream. She woke him up by shaking him gently and a series of kisses, to which he responded with a groan and holding her tighter. She giggled but didn’t let up. “Come on, you big baby, it’s time for you to save the world.”

“Have you even seen the time, (y/n)?”

She furrowed her brows and checked the alarm clock next to her, eyes widening in shock and she bolted up instantly. “Bucky you’re so late! Get up and get dressed, I’ll tell them you’re on your way!”

Bucky chuckled and pulled her back down onto bed, rolling on top of her so she couldn’t get away. “Buck, you’re crushing me! Oh my god, get off!” She tried to push him off her - to no avail. The man wouldn’t budge.

“Shh, (y/n).”

“Did - did you seriously just shush me?”

“Yeah,” he yawned, “now let me sleep.”

“What about your mission?”

“Well obviously I’m not going,” he whined, “now shush.”

“What?” She half-yelled, and Bucky groaned at the sound. She used this opportunity to escape from under him.

“That was right next to my ear, doll.”

“What do you mean you’re not going? This is your job, you have people counting on you! You have to go!”

Bucky turned to his side to face her, a confused look on his face. “I tell you I’m going on the mission, you get mad at me. I tell you I’m not going on the mission, you get mad at me. Make up your mind, woman!” He groaned, tugging the covers back up and closing his eyes.

“Why are you not going?” She said, this time much softer, and he could hear the smile in her voice.

“Talked to Steve yesterday. He agreed it might be too early for a mission this big. Said I’d join them on the next one.” He mumbled. He scrunched up his face as he felt wet kisses on his cheek, “Yeah, yeah, you’re welcome. Now leave me alone.”

See, Bucky loved and trusted (y/n) more than anything in the world. When they had gotten to know each other first, Bucky was immediately a goner. And although he had completely forgotten what it felt like to be in love - exciting, breath taking, and scary, it caused more insecurities to rise. 

“Come on, Buck,” Steve sighed as he took a swig from the Beer in front of him, “don’t do this. The girl clearly likes you.”

“Steve, have you gone insane?” Bucky questioned, eyebrows furrowed. “Have you forgotten that I was an assassin? I don’t get to have a woman, let alone one like her, in my life after all I’ve done.”

“Listen pal, you’re gonna regret this.”

“Regret giving her a chance to lead a normal life with a normal man by her side? I don’t think so.”

Bucky didn’t believe he deserved anything good. And (y/n) was good personified. He had tried, so hard, to make her see that she didn’t need him. That she needed someone her age who could offer her stability. Someone without his ptsd, his trauma, without the nightmares. A man who could go out clubbing with her because the loud bass and flashing lights didn’t trigger memories of being strapped to a chair in an evil organizations’ base. But when (y/n) had come to his apartment, latched onto him and began sobbing because she loved him so much it hurt and she didn’t know what to do with herself if he wouldn’t have her, well, then things changed. 

He hadn’t realized that another human was capable of feeling so strongly for him. After that night he started calling her his girlfriend, and little by little, his insecurities faded into the background. Every gentle touch, every hushed whisper, every reassuring smile he got from her lead him to the place he was now: security. He had never felt this before. So he latched himself onto it, onto her, making her the source of his happiness. 

Which was why he never bothered asking her who she was texting when she began spending more time on her phone. He knew it was probably something important, since (y/n) preferred real life contact over social media. Her behavior toward him had remained the same as always, so Bucky thought nothing of it. 

(y/n) let out a laugh and clasped her hand over her mouth as her body shook with laughter. Bucky looked up at her from where he was sprawled out on the couch, his head in her lap as they watched TV together.

“What is it?” He smiled up at her.

“Ben sent me the funniest meme,” she laughed, “look!” She handed him the phone. He took it, read the caption and looked at the picture, chuckling as he gave the phone back to her. He didn’t get the joke, but as long as his girl was happy. (y/n) quickly typed a reply, and then another, and another.

“Baby…” Bucky huffed, and when she didn’t pay attention to him, he grabbed her phone and placed it on the table beside them, quickly turning them around and pinning her onto the couch. (y/n) squealed and then began laughing as Bucky placed sloppy kisses all over her face. 

“Bucky! Stop!” She breathed between giggles, grabbing his face between her hands and rubbing his cheeks with her thumbs. “You are such a beautiful man, it’s not even fair.” She pouted. Bucky reached down to kiss her puckered lower lip, which quickly turned into gently biting and tugging at it. “Fuck, Bucky.” She mumbled, reaching up to kiss him once more, moaning quietly when she felt his tongue roll into her mouth. She tugged off his shirt, and let him love her right there on the couch, her buzzing phone long forgotten. 

Bucky really felt like an idiot. Had he been living in a bubble? Naïvely believed that you wouldn’t find someone much better for you? As he stood in the doorway of your shared apartment, it was like he was watching a scene of your life if he wouldn’t have ruined it by letting himself become a part of it. You were sitting at the kitchen table, books and handouts covering its surface, highlighters and pens sprawled around, your legs resting comfortably on him. You guys hadn’t even heard him come inside. Taking a deep breath to try and loosen the knot in his stomach, he called out to you.

“Hey, Doll.” He said gently, walking into the kitchen, and placing a soft kiss on your cheek. You hummed in response, tilting your head back and smiling up at him. He smiled back, placing another soft kiss on your lips. He felt slightly better knowing Ben had seen that, but the unease settled back into his stomach as he saw the much younger man sitting in the seat adjacent to you, your feet perched on his lap. He forced a smile, and held out his hand. 

“Hi, I’m Bucky.” Ben smiled widely and shook his hand in a tight grip.

“Nice to meet you man, I’m Ben.” Bucky nodded and left the room. He hated how insecure Ben made him feel. He was exactly the kind of man Bucky had told you you needed to find all those years ago. He seemed really nice. He was obviously smart since he was studying the same thing as you. And Bucky hated to admit it, but he was handsome and you two looked really good together. 

Surely this was some sort of cosmic karma, someone’s messed up idea of revenge for all the unforgivable things he had done in his life. To let him believe that he was worthy of feeling so good and loving so hard, and being loved back exactly the way he needed in return - just to have it ripped away from him right in front of his sight. To have to watch the only person he had ever and could ever love, meet her soulmate right in front of his eyes. Bucky doesn’t even know how long he had been sitting on their bed thinking, but he heard her voice calling out for him.

“Buck, come here!” He complied immediately, getting up to see what his girl needed from him. He found her standing by the door as Ben put on his jacket. “Come say bye to Benny!” She smiled. He had a nickname now? He walked up next to her wrapping an arm around her waist and shaking Ben’s hand. 

“It was great meeting you, will I see you tonight at the party?” Ben inquired.

“Oh no, Bucky doesn’t do partying. I’ll be coming alone.” (y/n) interrupted, smiling sweetly at the man across from her. Bucky’s heart dropped to his stomach.

“Alright then, I’ll come pick you up around eight.” Ben winked, pulling (y/n) into a hug that she reciprocated eagerly. Bucky had to look away as Ben kissed (y/n)’s cheek and walked out of the apartment. 

“This is it,” he thought to himself, “this is my biggest nightmare come true.” Bucky tried to swallow down his tears, scolding himself for getting emotional. But he couldn’t help it, not when he was so desperately in love with her and didn’t know how to stop her from slipping through his fingers. He turned around, making his way back into the bedroom. Using the sleeve of his knitted sweater he wiped at his eyes, trying to take deep breaths. He sat at the edge of the bed, taking deep breaths and trying to clear his head. Maybe he was just overreacting. Maybe he was reading into this too much. 

“Bucky? Is everything okay?” He heard her angelic voice calling out to him. He looked up to see her walk into the bedroom, savoring the sight. He reached his arms out, feeling like a child, desperate for her to comfort him. “Aw baby,” she sighed as she sat in his lap, wrapping her arms around him. He held on to her middle, hiding his face in her chest. Her calm heartbeat and steady breathing allowed him to swallow down the tears that were building up, and he felt her small hands framing his face and beckoning him to look up at her. “What’s wrong baby?” She cooed while brushing back his hair and kissing his nose. 

Bucky felt so embarrassed to say what was going on. He didn’t want her to realize how insecure he was. Or perhaps what he was really scared of was that if he told her that he thought she was better off with Ben, she would agree, thank him for giving her the okay, and leave him for good. “It’s nothing.” He mumbled instead. 

“I’ve never seen you so upset before Bucky, what do you mean it’s nothing?”

He took a deep breath and looked her in her beautiful eyes. “I just get jealous of Ben.” He felt naked in that moment. It had taken a lot to be able to be this vulnerable in front of her, not wanting her to think that he was weak. Or worse, for her to think that she had given him reason to be insecure. Bucky felt her stiffen in his arms. 

“This is about Ben?” She said, slowly. He nodded tentatively, not breaking eye contact. “Oh god, Bucky. Come on!” She rolled her eyes and got up from his lap to begin pacing in front of him. He felt his insides clench as his heart rate picked up. 

“Doll, I just-“

“Just what, Buck? Just can’t get over your insecurities and just can’t stop comparing yourself to any man I ever talk to?” Bucky swallowed harshly, feeling the tears sting his eyes again. He found himself nodding. “Well get over it.” Her tone was cold and harsh, and he wished he wouldn’t have said anything. Wished he wouldn’t have given her a reason to be mad at him. 

“I’m sorry, Doll. It’s just that he can offer you so much, so much stuff that I can’t. And seeing you so close really drilled that point into my mind. You know my mind has a thing for being manipulated.” He tried a joke to lighten the situation, terrified of where this conversation would go otherwise. 

“Damn it Buck, stop trying to make everything about you and how damaged you are. Don’t you think that if I wanted Ben I would have had him a long time ago? I’ve always just wanted you, and I’ve wasted so much time trying to get you to see that! And after all this time, you’re telling me a friendship with a guy from college is making you doubt everything?”

Bucky couldn’t believe the damage he’d caused. He wished so hard he could rewind, just so he could have held her harder instead of ever opening his mouth to doubt her. “I’m sorry-“

“I don’t have time for this. If you still can’t get it through your head that there’s no reason for you to be this insecure then I don’t know anymore.”

Bucky scrambled to stand up and grab her hand before she could leave the room, tears freely falling from his eyes now. “Doll, please don’t leave.” He croaked, desperation laced in his tone. He looked at her with as much determination as he could muster, although he could barely see her through the tears. But he felt her hand in his grasp, the way she was squeezing his hand back ever so slightly, which was enough for him to get his hopes up all over again.

“Bucky...” she trailed off, looking at his tears with soft eyes.

He was met with silence, which amplified the sound of his thumping heart and bobbing Adam’s apple as he swallowed. He racked his brain for everything he had done today after breakfast, when they were still fine and she had kissed him goodbye so tenderly. He couldn’t seem to think of anything.

“Sweetheart, please? Tell me what happened.” 

“Seriously, just leave me alone.”

“(y/n), are you kidding me? You know I won’t be able to sleep if we don’t resolve this. Just tell me what I did so I can fix it.” he snapped. Bucky was getting frustrated. He could not think of what would have made her so upset, but he was determined to find out what it was. He knew (y/n) could be immature at times, and he was as patient as he needed to be. But they had an agreement that they wouldn’t go to bed mad at each other. Usually his girl was incredible at honoring this agreement; she wanted Bucky to be able to sleep at ease after all the torturous nights he had seen in his time. 

But (y/n) did not care right now. All she saw was red. And the fact that he couldn’t think of what it was that was upsetting her drove her even more wild. 

“(y/n), come on, please.” His voice softened again, and the twinge of desperation finally made something snap in the girl. 

“I told you I don’t want you sparring with Natasha in your free time anymore.” 

That’s what this was about? Bucky knew his girl wasn’t fond of the close relationship he had with the red-head, so out of respect he had cut off the constant communication. But the pair worked together, it was inevitable that they would see each other and talk.

“Baby we were just training, it would have been rude to say no to her!” He tired to reason, not seeing why this had gotten her so upset. 

“You know it’s never just training with her.” 

“What do you mean?” At that, she suddenly got up, turning to face him for the first time that night. His heart dropped slightly at her features: the corners of her mouth in a straight line, eyes hard and unimpressed. 

“I mean that you know just as well as I do that she’s in love with you, Buck.” Usually he would melt at the sound of his name rolling off her tongue, but this time he wished she had never said it at all. The way she spat it out, she may as well have called him an asshole. He opened his mouth to reply, but was cut off by the sound of her voice. “And by constantly giving in to her when I’ve specifically asked you not to do that, well what the fuck does that show? I know that you see training as something innocent, but she sees it as an opportunity to get physical attention from you. And you know it never ends at training.”

“You mean because I stayed to talk her after? Sweetheart, she’s being going through some really tough days lately, I -“

“It’s not your job to comfort her, Bucky!” She raised her voice so rarely, that it always left him stunned to hear it. Her words echoed for a few moments, as he didn’t dare to speak up. “If you’re there for her as her emotional crutch every time she has a problem, she is just gonna get more invested in you! Is that what you want? You just need another girls’ attention to feed your ego?”

“Baby, of course not -“

“Don’t you see that this is embarrassing for me?” She cried out. At that Bucky’s face fell.

“What do you mean?”

“She knows you have a girlfriend, Buck. Don’t you think she feels some sort of triumph when you go out of your way to spend time with her alone? When she knows what you’re up to and I don’t?” He sighed to himself, guilt beginning to blanket itself over his insides. 

“I never thought of it like that, Doll. But you’re right, you’re always right, I should’ve just listened to you.” He tries to reach out to her again, just to touch her hand, needing to feel her touch as affirmation that this is just a small misunderstanding. That they will talk this through, and that when he wakes up tomorrow morning she will be in his arms and he will kiss her good morning, just like every other day. 

“I don’t need you to tell me that I’m right Bucky, I need you to do something about it. I needed you to do something about it.” She says, voice just over a whisper, shoving her hands into her hair and depriving Bucky of the touch and security he so desperately needed. She was exhausted. Why couldn’t she get through to him? She wasn’t normally jealous or possessive at all, he knew that. So why couldn’t he respect the one restriction she had asked for? And why did he continue to give Natasha his time and attention when he knew she wanted him?

“I will do something about it, I promise. I never knew it affected you in this way, doll. You know I would never deliberately upset you.” He pleaded.

“No, Bucky.” She was shaking her head, gaze averted to the blanket that half-covered her.

His heart began to thump almost too loud for it to be comfortable, as he tried to take normal breaths. “No?” His voice came out weaker than he had hoped. 

“I think that maybe, it’s too late.” She whispered, looking up to meet his glassy eyes. He began to shake his head, breathing picking up, and tears beginning to fall.

“No, it’s not, I can fix this” He tried to keep his voice steady but the sobs in his throat were choking him. He didn’t want to register what she had just said, not wanting to think of the consequences of that one sentence. He couldn’t even think straight anymore. Fear and dread clouded his judgement, his body going into overdrive.  

“Buck, hey, calm down,” her eyebrows furrowed, “calm down baby.” The pet name was his saving grace, it was the one thread of hope he was holding on to. 

She mentally scolded herself for saying those words to him. She knew just as well as Bucky did that they were it for each other. Threatening to break up was a low blow, and in her frustration she didn’t take a second to think about the consequences that sentence would have on the man she loved. She watched as he hid his face behind his hands, his breathing uneven and abnormally quick. His body was beginning to shake, and immense guilt began to spread through her. 

“Bucky,” she called out, her hands settling on his biceps as she sat across from him, “breathe with me baby, come on. Just like that. It’s all okay, I’m sorry.” She whispered to him as she leaned forward to rest her forehead against his hands that were still hiding his face. As his breathing began to steady again, she reached to grab his hands, relieved when he let her. He kept his gaze low though, not daring to meet her eyes in fear that he would break down all over again. Feeling her soft lips against his rough hands calmed him down in a way he couldn’t fathom, and tears began to fall onto the bed sheet at the prospect of losing this; of losing her. 

“How can you say that, (y/n)?” he croaked, “I love you. I’m sorry. I was an idiot. I wasn’t thinking about the situation properly and I shouldn’t have disregarded you in the way I did. It will never happen again. But please,” he sniffles and pinches his eyes shut, “please, don’t let this be the end of us.”

(y/n) felt her heart break as she looked at the man sitting in front of her. She placed her hand under his chin, needing to see his eyes. She met the icy blue pools swimming in a sea of red, and felt tears drop down her own eyes. Pressing her lips to his, she took a moment to revel in his attention. To feel the way his body responded to hers, that despite breaking his heart he was so willing to give himself to her. She crawled onto his lap, straddling him as his flesh hand reached into her hair, holding her in place so he could deepen the kiss. She pulled away for air, the intensity of their shared moment still lingering in the air. She wrapped her arms tightly around his shoulders, burrowing her head into the crook of his neck. He wrapped his arms around her frame automatically, holding her close and thanking his lucky stars that he would be able to call her his for one more night. 

“Baby, do you wanna go dance?” She whispered into his ear and pressed a kiss to his neck. He nodded his head as he pressed a kiss to her lips, taking her hand as she led the way to the dance floor. Those already there cheered loudly as they saw (y/n) make her way to the dance floor, and she raised her hands as she walked toward the crowd, making sure to bump into Shawn as she did so. Shawn reached out to grab the girls hand, hoping to congratulate her but he was left looking confused as she brushed him off. 

(y/n) spent the night dancing with her friends and her boyfriend, making sure to grind on him or kiss him when she saw that Shawn was close by. She found herself dancing with Ariana Grande, whom she had quickly become close friends with after meeting her backstage at Coachella. The two girls squealed as “break up with your girlfriend, i’m bored” began to play. (y/n) felt the stars align when she saw that Shawn was dancing with girlfriend five feet away from her, getting ready to put on a show. 

(y/n) began to sway seductively to the beat and sing the lyrics, grinding on Ariana as she did so. She put her all into dancing, letting go, and having fun with her friend. She made eye contact with Shawn as she shamelessly mouthed the words to him, “and you’re at home like ‘damn, she can’t compare’”.

After the song was over, she felt herself out of breath from all the dancing as she excused herself to go to the bathroom. She was still drying her hands on her dress when she walked outside of the toilet and into the long and narrow corridor that led back to the club’s dance floor, when she was pressed against the wall abruptly. Her breath hitched for a moment but she quickly relaxed and smiled into the kiss, before pulling away and smirking at the boy in front of her. 

“Aw Shawn, where’s the sudden love coming from?” 

“Fuck off (y/n), you’ve been teasing me all night,” he mumbled as he moved his face dangerously close to hers again. 

(y/n) felt her breathing become more shallow, gulping as she stared at his plump lips, wanting nothing more than to feel them on hers again. “Well maybe then you shouldn’t have brought your girlfriend to my party,” she swallowed, trying to maintain her cool tone.

“Well then we wouldn’t have the fun of sneaking around,” he bumped her nose with his, lips brushing ever to slightly against hers, “and you know we’ve gotten so good at sneaking around.” He pressed his lips to her jaw, smiling as he felt her tense up. 

(y/n) wanted to walk away, leave him wanting more, but she couldn’t deny how badly she wanted to kiss him. She bit her lip and stared into his eyes, feeling her heartbeat quicken. She smiled at him softly, reaching her hand out to let it rest on the side of his face.

“Hey,” she smiled coyly, “I really missed you.” She let her eyebrows knit upward and she pouted slightly, watching as Shawn’s demeanor also changed. He stood up straighter, taking her hands into his and kissing them both. 

“I missed you too (y/n),” he sighed, turning his hands to interlock with both of hers, “and I’m so, so proud of you honey. I knew you would do amazing on all your finals.” 

She beamed up at him, leaning in as he caught on and closed the space between them, kissing her softly. She pulled her hands out of his, wrapping her arms around his neck and letting them settle in his hair. They deepened the kiss, desperate to feel each other. It was a messy kiss, teeth colliding and hands roaming, neediness evident. (y/n) jumped back when she heard someone approaching, putting a hand over her chest when she saw that it was just someone from the club’s staff. She looked over at Shawn as they both giggled, reaching up to wipe her mouth. He smiled fondly at her, biting his lip as he watched her blush under his gaze. 

“So what if someone saw us, huh?” He questioned as he moved to wrap his arms around her. She laughed and wrapped her arms around his waist as well, resting her head on his chest and smiling to herself when she felt his heart beat pick up. 

“Well that’s a scandal we do not need on our hands!” She mumbled against him, reaching to kiss part of his exposed chest. She looked up him, cocking a brow at him, “You could just break up with her, you know.”

He smiled and leaned down to peck her lips, “just like you’re breaking up with your boyfriend?”

She huffed at their predicament. “How did we get ourselves in this situation?” She thought to herself. She wasn’t a huge fan of Shawn’s before she met him. Sure, she knew his songs from the radio but she hadn’t bothered looking further into him. They met at an after party of some sort, and after talking for a while they hit it off. They were just good friends at first, both of them having a significant other. But the more they talked and hung out, the more obvious it became to both of them that they had more than friendly feelings toward each other. 

Somewhere deep down they hated themselves for sneaking around like this and betraying their significant others. It had been going on for a couple of months, but both of them were too consumed in their bubble to burst it already. Dealing with the consequences of admitting their betrayal would be catastrophic, and things were so simple right now. 

“We should get back, we’ve been gone a while.” (y/n) sighed while pulling away from the beautiful boy in front of her. He pouted, reaching out to tangle his hand into her hair, pulling her closer for a chaste kiss. Then he nodded at her, and watched as she made her way back to the inside of the club. He groaned and leaned against the wall, rubbing his face with his hands. He wanted her to be his. And he wanted to be hers.

…

There was no use in denying it. Shawn was fully and utterly in love with (y/n). His heart raced as he held her in his arms and they swayed to the song playing over the stereo. Her dad had invited her to another after party, but she found herself excited to go and see Shawn again. He looked so good in his fitted light blue suit that it took every ounce of her willpower not to pounce on him. She could barely suppress her smile when he had come over to her table to ask her to dance, graciously accepting the invitation and walking with him to the dance floor. The pair had the time of their life, oblivious to those around them. 

(y/n) snapped back to reality as she felt a hand on her waist. She looked up to find her boyfriend smiling at her before looking to Shawn, “Hey man, do you mind if I steal her back real quick?” He smiled naïvely. (y/n) rolled her eyes at her oblivious boyfriend and looked to Shawn as he plastered on the biggest smile he could muster. 

“Sure man, no problem.”

She smiled apologetically at Shawn as she was escorted away by her boyfriend. The rest of the night was spent dancing with her boyfriend and the friends that were also at the event. She would awkwardly try to dodge his affections, not really feeling comfortable being that close to anyone other than Shawn. Needing some air, (y/n) excused herself and headed toward the exit. Just as she had sat down and taken a deep breath, she heard the door open and shut behind her. Turning to see who had joined her outside, she tried to muster a smile when her eyes fell upon her boyfriend. He returned her half-smile and sat next to her, staying quiet. 

(y/n) felt so overwhelmed in that moment. She couldn’t kid herself anymore and pretend that she was happy in the situation she was in. She loved Shawn. But she wasn’t together with him, she was with someone else and so was he. As time passed, she began to resent herself for what she had done to her boyfriend as well as to Shawn’s girlfriend. Her guilt caught up to her, and as hard as she tried to suppress the tears that were threatening to spill over, she couldn’t control the sob that escaped her mouth and opened the floodgate. The boy sitting next to her simply extended his arm and pulled her into his chest, allowing her to cry into his shoulder,

“I’m so, so fucking sorry,” she sobbed, fisting his button-up shirt in her hand, “so sorry.”

He didn’t deserve anything that she had put him through. He was such a good guy, and she had been beyond cruel to him. He simply rubbed her arm up and down, trying to get her to calm down. 

“Breathe, (y/n). Breathe,” he whispered into her ear, “everything’s alright.” (y/n) tried to steady her breathing, pulling away from him slightly to give herself more space to breathe. “Listen, I know things haven’t been right between us for a while. I don’t think either of us are happy with the way things are in this relationship anymore.”

“But it’s not your fault!” She cried, feeling fresh tears coming on.

“No, it’s not my fault. I know that. But I can’t pretend like everything is okay anymore either.”

“I know. And I can explain everything, I will explain everything -”

“Please don’t,” he interrupted, and was met with a stunned expression “I don’t really want to know.” He admitted lowly. 

“But you deserve an explanation! I know I’ve hurt you and I -“

“(y/n), please. If you don’t tell me then I can walk away with at least my dignity in tact. I’m not as naïve as you think I am, I can imagine what’s caused the change between you and I. But if you don’t say it out loud, at least I’ll be able to look you in the eyes again.” He chuckled, and she shakily returned a smile. “You’re a great girl, (y/n). I wish you all the best.”

(y/n) grimaced upon hearing that. “Don’t say that. You’re supposed to be yelling at me, telling me how horrible I am.” She whined. The boy next to her laughed, getting up and standing in front of her. 

“I know you feel bad enough on your own, I don’t have to tell you anything to make you understand that what you did was wrong. Besides, you have to live with what you’ve done. I think that’s punishment enough.” He leaned down to kiss her forehead, bidding her farewell and leaving her alone. The girl sat there, wiping her tears away as they fell, trying to fathom what had just happened and what would happen next. 

She jumped as she felt a hand taking hers, not having heard the door closing or anyone sitting next to her. “Is everything alright, honey?” Shawn cooed, leaning forward to wipe away the tears that fell from her eyes. She shook her head and sniffed, leaning in to wrap herself around him. He immediately reciprocated the gesture, tightening his grip around her and pressing a kiss to the top of her head.

“Shawn,” she croaked, “do you love me?” Although they hadn’t ever said it out loud, Shawn didn’t hesitate to answer. 

“Of course I love you, (y/n).” He said, lifting her chin and looking her in the eyes. She looked so sad, so broken, and all he wanted to do was to pick up the broken pieces and put them back into place. He leaned in to kiss her, heart clenching when she pulled away from him. “Baby…” he trailed off, insides churning as he tried to understand what had happened. 

“Then leave her. We’ve already caused so much damage, Shawn. I just want to be with you without having to hide and without feeling like shit because you’re not mine and I’m not yours.” She explained, biting back tears.