Harringrove

Billy: Then why are you coming along?

Billy: Of course, Sweetheart, I'd do anything for you.

Steve: 😍

Billy: Except eat peas, those things are disgusting.

Steve: ...

Billy: ...

Billy: How so?

Steve: A good boyfriend knows how to stalk the love of his life.

Billy: ...

Billy: You followed my path of destruction, didn't you?

Billy Hargrove was absolutely the worst person to be Santa.

He was immature, arrogant, and loud. Not to mention having the constant need to make Steve’s face go red. With that annoying smirk of his and always having a candy cane in his mouth since smoking was forbidden in the workshop (they couldn't have kids opening their presents on Christmas morning and wondering why their toys smell like smoke).

But none of that seems to matter since all the elves love him, thinking him to be so cool. Even Dustin thought he was cool. The reindeer he understood since Billy most likely bribe them with carrots and sugar cubes.

He has no idea what Hopper sees in him, but he wasn't about to argue with Santa Claus. The guy might be jolly, but he was still his boss.

Still, he didn't know why he had to retire, sure he's been on the job for hundreds of years, and all the other holiday figures say it's time to choose an heir. But why, Billy? Anyone, but him.

But Steve was still Head Elf, Santa Claus right hand, so he has to suck it up and help prepare the new Santa Clause for his first Christmas.

...

Steve: I just got off the phone with the school. They say you punch a dad whose kid was bullying Will.

Billy: [Taking a sip] Was his nose broken?

Steve: [Blinks, confuse] No?

Steve:... explain?

Billy: aww

Steve:...

Steve: Why?

Billy: Come on you can do it.

Steve: [Lying on his back, sweating and gasping for breath] I can't... I'm weak.

Billy: I lie to everybody. What makes you so special?

Steve: I'm your boyfriend.

The Mummy 1999 au

In 1926, Robin presents her brother Steve—a librarian and aspiring Egyptologist—with an intricate box and map that lead to Hamunaptra. Robin reveals she stole the box from an American adventurer, Billy Hargrove, who discovered the city three years earlier while in the French Foreign Legion. Steve and Robin find Billy and make a deal with him to lead them to the city.

“What... How... Oh, look at this! Sons of the pharaohs! Give me frogs! Flies! Locusts! Anything but you! Compared to you, the other plagues were a joy!”

“I am so very sorry Mr. Clarke. It was an accident.”

“Steve, when Rameses destroyed Syria, that was an accident. You are a catastrophe!”

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“Um... By the way... why did you kiss me?”

“I was about to be hanged. It seemed like a good idea at the time.”

“Ooh!” [gets up and walks away in a huff]

[Calling after him] “What? What'd I say?”

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“Look, I... I may not be an explorer, or an adventurer, or a treasure-seeker, or a gunfighter, Mr. Hargrove, but I am proud of what I am.”

“And what is that?”

Billy: Oh, I’m going to draw a line under it, alright.

Steve: Good. [frowns] I feel like we’re on different pages here.

Billy: No no, draw a line under it. I get it. I understand.

Billy: ...

[Billy runs in followed by hundreds of demodogs]

Steve:...

Robin: Of course.

Billy: Sure.

Steve:  Okay, well, I did something that will either make me look like a lovable goof or a horrible monster.

Robin: Oh, I’m sure it’s lovable.

Billy: I’m gonna’ go with monster.  What do ya' got? 

Steve: Well, one of my teachers is retiring, and they were passing around one of those big cards for the class to sign, but no one told me she was in a horrible car accident over the weekend, and what I was signing was not a retirement card, but was actually a Get Well card.

Billy: [laughing] I’m liking my odds here.

Steve: So on the card, in the hospital, next to the woman who’s clinging to life, are the words, “Hey Mrs. Click, you deserve this,”

Steve:  And at least with you gone, no one will give us homework anymore.

Steve:  LOL, smiley face.

Steve:  P.S. Good luck wherever you wind up.”

Billy: Steve put salt in my coffee because I annoyed him, but I'm going to continue drinking it because I'm petty and I refuse to let him win.

Robin:...