Harringrove Flip Reverse It

“What were you doing under the bed?” Steve asked, rolling his eyes.

“I was looking to see if there was anything under it that we would need to pack up, duh! There was nothing but exposed springs and dust bunnies, though, and my headset got caught on something, but now I can’t get it!” Dustin explained, pulling Steve further into the room and over to the bed. 

“Alright, alright, just give me a flashlight and I’ll have it out in a jiff,” Steve said, and once said flashlight was in his hand, he got down on the floor and started crawling under the bed. He shimmied his way in and finally found Dustin’s headset caught on one of the exposed springs of the old mattress. He managed to get it free after pulling on the spring, and was about to wiggle his way back out when something else caught his eye in the dull beam of the flashlight. There was a rip in the lining of the mattress, and hanging out of it was an envelope, fat with papers. Curious, Steve grabbed it, and when he pulled it out of the lining, he was surprised to see his own name written on it.

“Pizza’s here!” Robin called from the living room, startling Steve and making him hit his head as he finally came back to reality and continued to squirm his way out from under the bed. He took the envelope with him and quickly tucked it into his jacket so he could check it out later.

“What’s that?” Dustin asked as he came back out, pointing to Steve’s jacket.

“Nothing, don’t worry about it. Go eat your pizza, we still have a lot of work to do before we’re done, so you need to keep that energy up,” Steve said, and followed him to the living room so they could get something to eat.

After lunch, it only took them another hour or two to get everything out of the last two rooms, except for the big furniture, which Mr. Sinclair and a couple of his work friends offered to come help with the following day. They took the donation boxes to Steve’s car and then everyone piled into it, too, Steve and Robin taking the kids to the arcade, promising they’d meet up with them after dropping off the boxes at the Goodwill. Everybody had pretended not to see it when Max snuck a few little trinkets out of the boxes of Billy’s stuff, and nobody mentioned it as she stuck them in her backpack. It almost made Steve feel bad for donating the stuff, but it wasn’t his decision, so after he dropped the kids off at the arcade, he and Robin continued on to the donation entrance of the Goodwill. They gave it all to the guy who was responsible for donations, and then they went back to the arcade, standing and watching as the kids played games and tried their best to cheer Max up. At one point, they even conned Steve into getting them slushies from the snack bar, so he and Robin hopped in the line and waited as the kids continued to play.

“Okay, seriously, what’s going on with you?” Robin asked as they waited, “You’ve seemed kind of lost in thought since lunchtime and you keep checking your jacket, what’s the deal?”

“It’s nothing, really,” Steve said, shaking his head.

“Yes it is. I know you by now, Steve, and c’mon, we said we wouldn’t keep secrets from each other anymore, so spill,” Robin insisted, crossing her arms.

“Okay, fine, you’re right, but just wait until we get our slushies and then I’ll tell you, okay? C’mon, we’re next,” Steve said, taking a step forward and starting to rattle off their order to the guy behind the counter. Five minutes and six slushies later, and he and Robin were off in an empty corner of the arcade, and Steve took the envelope out of his pocket, showing it to her.

“I went under Billy’s bed to get Dustin’s headset earlier, and when I was coming back out, I found this sticking out of the lining,” he said, handing her the envelope.

“What do you think is in it?” She asked, turning it over and examining it.

“I don’t know. I don’t even know if I want to. I feel kinda weird for taking it. Like, on the one hand, it has my name on it, and I don’t know any other Steve Harringtons, so it’s obviously meant for me. But on the other hand, why didn’t he just give it to me, unless he didn’t want me to have it?”

“Maybe he was going to, but he never got the chance,” Robin shrugged, taking a sip of her slushy.

“Maybe, but also, why was it under his bed, hidden in his mattress lining? That’s a weird place to put an envelope you’re planning on sending,” Steve said.

“Well, Max told us about how his dad was always looking through his stuff. Maybe that was the only place he could hide it that he wouldn’t find it until he could give it to you.”

“I don’t know,” Steve sighed, “I don’t know if I should open it or if I should just toss it. I’ve been going back and forth on it all day.”

“I don’t think you should toss it, but you also don’t have to open it right away. Keep it until you’re ready and then open it and see what’s inside,” Robin said, shrugging and handing the envelope back. “What can it hurt, y’know?”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” Steve agreed, putting the envelope back inside his jacket. 

“And as soon as you do open it, call me and tell me what’s inside, because if you don't, the curiosity is gonna kill me!” Robin said, and despite the questionable choice of words, Steve promised he would.

It ended up being that night that he opened it, just a little after midnight. He had tried to just go to sleep after getting home that night, but after a few hours of tossing and turning and wondering what was in that envelope, he finally cracked and decided to open it up and find out.

Inside was a bunch of folded up papers, and as Steve unfolded and examined each one of them, he found that they were letters, all written in the same red pen. Each one was dated, so he arranged them in order on his bed and looked them over. There were nine in total, and Steve was unsure if he really wanted to start reading them or not, but after a few minutes of deliberation, the curiosity finally got the better of him, and he picked up the first one.

October 31st / November 1st, 1984

Dear Steve,

I don’t know why the fuck I’m writing this. It’s Halloween, or, well, technically it’s not, but whatever, that’s a technicality. Either way, it’s some time after Tina’s party, and instead of going out and getting laid, I’m sitting here and writing this. I think I’m kinda drunk, although I shouldn’t be, I hardly had anything to drink tonight, including at the keg stand. Beating your record was easy, it was nothing compared to the record I held out in California. You small town hicks can’t drink for shit. So if I’m drunk, I don’t know how I got there.

Anyway, back to what I was planning on writing. I don’t understand you. I mean, I heard so much about you in the halls at school and from Tommy, but I must’ve walked past you a hundred times and I never would’ve known it. It wasn’t until Tommy pointed you out at the party tonight that I really noticed you. And I guess some of what I’ve been told is true, but I don’t believe all of it. For instance, I was told about your “unbeatable” keg record. Hah.

Still, I guess some things were true. You’re annoying, for one. Seriously, Tommy announces you’ve been dethroned and you just walk away? You could’ve had at least a little bit of a reaction, tried to insult me or something, but you didn’t, and I think that was very rude of you. Not that I care about being the new “king” of the school, but still. 

Another thing is you seem popular with the ladies. When your girl stormed out on you tonight, I saw at least three other girls follow you out the door, trying to catch up, they all wanted a piece of you. Not that I blame them, you’re pretty good looking and you do have great hair. I’d want to date you if I was a girl. Or maybe I wouldn’t. I don’t know. Like I said, I’m kinda drunk. 

Anyway, I guess I say all this to say, you’re not exactly what I expected of you from all the stories I’ve heard. You’re quite the enigma, Steve Harrington, you make me curious. I want to know more about you. What’s your middle name? Do you like pineapple on pizza? What’s your favorite Cheech and Chong movie? Personally, I like ‘Up in Smoke’. Seriously, ‘Earache my Eye’? That’s the story of my life, man. How they came up with that song, I’ll never know but it’s hilarious.

Anyway, I’m tired, and I’ve got to drive Max around tomorrow, so I better try and curb this hangover while I can. Goodnight, I guess. 

-Billy

P.S. I just realized you don’t know who Max is, but she’s my annoying little stepsister, so there you go.

Steve didn’t know what he expected from these letters, but that was certainly the last thing he’d thought he’d find. He had no idea Billy had thought about him like that from the beginning. He seemed almost friendly in that letter, like they could’ve ended up friends if either of them had given it half a chance. Which only made him wonder, why didn’t they? It could’ve been completely different, things could have played out so much better, but they didn’t, and it only made him more curious as to why as he picked up the next letter, trying to find some answers.

December 22nd, 1984

Dear Steve,

Once again, I don’t know why I’m writing this. I’m not drunk this time, but I might as well be. I’m not an alcoholic, I swear, but sometimes things in life are just easier to take when you’re drunk. That beating I gave your face a month ago, for example, that might not have hurt as much as I assume it did if you had been drunk. And this fucking holiday coming up, I swear, if my dad and Max weren’t watching me like hawks, I’d be blitzed through until New Year’s. But life sucks, so I guess I have to just fucking deal with it.

Oh, and speaking of beating you up, I’m sorry about that. I saw you driving that kid to the stupid dance at the middle school when I was dropping Max off earlier tonight, and I wanted to get out and say it to you in person, but I chickened out. She made me promise not to mess with any of you anymore, and that combined with the fact that you’d probably tell me to go fuck myself and we’d just end up fighting again anyway made me drive off without saying anything. 

But I did want to apologize. I had no right to hurt you like that. It really wasn’t you I was mad at, it was mostly my dad. He put me in charge of Max, but she snuck out and maybe I should’ve realized that, but I never signed up to be her babysitter. It was just kinda thrust on me when our parents got married, and only after we moved here. I guess they wanted to keep both of us in line, and keeping us accountable for the other was their way of doing it, but I was the only one that ever got in trouble if either of us did something wrong, so it was a rigged system anyway. And when they got home that night and found her missing, of course it was my job to go find her. This was after my dad shoved me up against a wall and slapped me across the face for “losing” her. So you can see my frustration. Still, I shouldn’t have taken it out on you, I was wrong for that, but I couldn’t hit my dad back, so when you hit me, I just snapped. And yeah, I started it by pushing you, but I knew there would be more to come if I didn’t get Max home, so I just wanted to get her and go, and you were in the way.

Anyway, I’m sorry about all of that. Maybe one of these days, I’ll get the courage to say that to your face, but I doubt it. Max would have my balls in a blender if I even tried to get close enough to talk to you, and I’m sure I’m the last person you want to hear from, anyway.

But anyway, back to what I was saying. I wish I was drunk right now. I hate Christmas. I hate pretending to be a happy family so that Susan can send out Christmas cards to all her friends (Susan is my stepmom, by the way). I hate watching Max open gift after gift on Christmas morning while I get a pack of socks, a stick of deodorant, and maybe a new book, if I’m lucky. Mostly I just get ignored while she gets doted on. And it’s not like I’m jealous that she gets presents or anything, I’m just pissed that I have to pretend to care and act like I’m not hurt that they didn’t care enough about me to get anything. And most of all, I hate all the reminders that Christmas is a time to be spent with family. I don’t have one of those anymore, not since I was ten.

I mean, I still have my dad, and Susan, and Max. But they don’t exactly count. Dad is an asshole, but he’s the only one who stayed with me after everything. Susan doesn’t look at me, she turns a blind eye to everything, but I guess that’s the only way she can cope with being married to a tyrant. And Max, well, you know Max. She’s stubborn, got a real mouth on her, and she acts like the rules don’t apply to her. I know a lot of people have dead families or their families are a lot worse than mine, but still, there are a lot of people who have a lot better, and it makes me wonder, how did they manage to get that lucky? It just doesn’t seem fair.

And even through all this, the holiday might still be bearable, if I could just see my mom again. She’s the reason I lost my family when I was ten. She left that year, she couldn’t handle my dad anymore, and I always wondered why she never took me with her. She was my best friend, she took care of me. She read me bedtime stories and embroidered flowers on my clothes. She called me ‘mi pequeño amor’, which means ‘my little love’ in Spanish. There was no doubt in my mind that she loved me, so why, when she couldn’t stand living with my dad anymore, did she leave me behind? 

Sorry, I didn’t mean to just dump all that out on you. Although, I don’t know whether I’ll ever give you this letter or not, so I guess I don’t need to apologize. I mean, I want to, but I never gave you the last one, either, and if I ever do, you’ll probably think I’m insane or something, so I probably won't. Either way, it doesn’t really matter. Merry Christmas, Steve.

-Billy

After reading the second letter, Steve practically dove for the third one, needing more information and needing it now. He had no idea so much was going on in Billy’s life. He suddenly felt like a world-class jerk for ever thinking anything bad about Billy, when he really had no clue what was going on behind closed doors. He had to know how things played out the way they did, and he had seven more letters waiting to explain it to him.

January 4th, 1985

Dear Steve,

Happy New Year. I know that was a few days ago, but today was our first day back at school, and I didn’t get to tell you in person, so here you go. I also still haven’t apologized, and I feel like a dick for this, but I don’t think I ever will. I mean, you seem pretty set on avoiding me as much as you can, and I guess I don’t blame you. I’d avoid me too, given our past encounters. But as much as I get it, I also kind of hate it. I still want to know more about you, but there’s only so much I can learn by watching you from afar. Wow, that sounded creepy, but I swear, it’s not. I’m a people-watcher by nature, so that’s where this is stemming from. 

Anyway, I did learn a few things. For one, you’re a sweater guy. I saw you around town a few times during the break, and every single time, you were in a soft, expensive looking sweater. Two, you have a freakishly close friendship with that kid, Henderson. Don’t get me wrong, he seems like an okay kid, better than Max at least, but frankly, I don’t understand it. But if it makes you happy, I guess that’s good. Better one weird friend than a hundred fake ones, right? And finally, three, (and I could be way off on this one, but) you seem kinda lonely. I mean, other than Henderson. But if ever he’s off with Max and their other little friends, you always look a little lost. You look like that in the hallway, too. I know it’s not how you always look, because when you were with that Wheeler chick, you never looked like this. And as soon as you broke up for good, that’s when it started. I’m sorry you’re lonely, I know how that feels.

I wish there was something I could do about it. I could lie and say that I don’t know why I wish I could change it for you, but since I’ve already decided I’m probably never going to give you these letters I write, I might as well just come out with it. Hah, see, I made a joke. I hope you understand what I’m getting at, but if you don’t get it yet, I’m rambling to try and brush over the fact that I have a thing for you. Yep, cat’s out of the bag now. 

I could also lie again and say I don’t know when it started, but I think I can pinpoint the exact moment that I started thinking of you like this. It was the first time I saw you, at Tina’s party. I didn’t know who you were, exactly, until Tommy said it, and then I think I started trying to hate you just because of who you were, but I just couldn’t. I knew I liked you and I knew I would do something stupid about it, like maybe giving you one of these letters, if I didn’t make you hate me first. It was like reverse psychology or something, make you hate me so that I’d hate you back and then I wouldn’t ever do anything about my crush on you. Maybe that’s stupid, but hey, it worked, kind of.

But anyway, earlier today, as we were walking down the halls, I felt really sorry for you. Jeez that sounds terrible, but I just mean that it made me sad that you were so lonely. I don’t want you to be lonely. If I could, I’d be by your side always, just so that you’d know someone was there. I’d be your best friend and do everything I could to make you smile instead of sulk all day. But I guess it’s too late now. I showed you my mean streak, and now you don’t want anything to do with me. God, I’d do absolutely fucking anything to change that.

Yours, Billy

The third letter hit Steve like a train. He could feel tears forming in his eyes as he read it, and now that he was done, they had started falling. How could he have not noticed Billy had a crush on him? Why didn’t he try to rectify their relationship after the fight himself? Maybe then they’d have ended up friends and things would’ve been different. He wouldn’t have been lonely, and then Billy wouldn’t have had to notice it, and everything might’ve changed. He didn’t know, and he never would. He picked up the next letter.

February 10th, 1985

Dear Steve,

I wanna set the record straight. I don’t hate Max. I really don’t. From what I’ve heard from people who have real siblings, she’s pretty much the standard. They’re hard-headed, stubborn, a bit of a bitch, but when it comes down to it, they stick by your side. That’s pretty much how she acts with me, although, maybe it’s different with stepsiblings, because sometimes it’s different. When my dad is beating on me, for example, she never jumps in and tries to defend me, or says it’s her fault, even if it is. Granted, I don’t think I’d want to get into that situation, either, but still. And as for today, when you saw us arguing in the car and gave me that look, that was something else entirely.

See, she was asking me what I’d get for someone I cared about for a valentine’s gift. She was hell-bent and determined to get something for the Sinclair kid, but she didn’t want to just do a card, she actually wanted to get him something. And I told her not to get anything. For one, she’s the girl, and as much as I’m all for equality and all that, I still think that it’d be better if she was the one getting the gift. Her mom is kinda old-fashioned, thinks that girls should all still wear dresses and be demure, polite little shells, even though that mentality was left behind in the sixties. 

And the other thing is, if Max came home with a valentine’s gift for someone, one of our parents would inevitably ask who it was for, and Max doesn’t know better than to tell them the truth. It’s the main reason I tried to scare Sinclair away from her, because if he steps one foot onto our property and asks for Max, he’s done for, and so am I. Apparently, both of our parents are stuck in the 1950s, when women were “proper” and when black people could be killed for so much as looking at a white person. And, of course, if Sinclair did end up getting her a valentine or vice versa, Max wouldn’t see the problem with saying so when we got home, and guess who would end up with a beating for “not protecting” her from him?

So, I know I haven’t been the nicest to Max, or to Lucas, but you can understand why, right? I don’t take pleasure in scaring off kids, and I don’t enjoy playing the bully to either of them. But I also don’t enjoy people getting hurt for the hell of it, which is what would happen if I didn’t try to keep them apart. And I’ve tried explaining it to Max a few times before, but she’s still living in Wonderland where everything is nice and her stepdad wouldn’t kill her boyfriend just for talking to her. So I’m doing what I can to keep all of us safe, no matter how unpleasant it may seem. 

Truth be told, it upsets me just as much as it does them. I think Lucas could be really good for Max, and I think it’s great that she has friends like him and the rest of their crew. They might be annoying and a pain in the neck, but I think they work together because of that. And Max deserves some good friends. She didn’t ask to be in this situation anymore than I did, but we’re both here, and I just wish she would understand it a bit more to make it easier on both of us. And I know I said I didn't consider her family a couple letters ago, but really, the way things are now, she's the closest thing I've got, and I guess I kinda love her for that, no matter how it might seem to anyone else. I guess we just show our affection in different ways.

Anyway, I gotta go now, I gotta talk her out of buying Sinclair a new radio so they can keep in better contact. 

Yours, Billy

P.S. Fuck it, change that “Yours” to a “Love”. It is almost V-day, after all.

This was starting to become a bit much for Steve. He didn’t know how to take all this new information about Billy. He’d spent so much time hating him, judging him, dismissing him, that he never even thought to look below the surface and try to understand if there was more to the story. He never thought that to protect someone, you might have to be a little mean to them, but now, he supposed a lot of things made sense in a way that they didn’t before. And suddenly, he found himself wanting to learn everything he could about Billy Hargrove.

March 31st / April 1st, 1985

Dear Steve,

It’s currently 11:58 at night when I’m writing this, and the clock is about to change again. So, fun fact about me, I guess, did you know that I was supposed to be born on April 1st? At least, that’s what the baby book my mom made for me said. My dad threw it out years ago, but I remember that part of it. I was supposed to be born on April 1st, 1967, but that’s not my birthday. It was actually a few days ago, March 29th, and I turned 18, finally. I came out early, I guess I didn’t want to be seen as a joke for the rest of my life. Hah.

I still feel like a joke, though. Maybe the due date was more fitting than I realized. I guess it’s hard not to feel like your whole life is a joke when life is constantly making you the punchline. Literally. 

See, around my birthday every year, my dad gets more pissy than normal. He’s always in a bad mood, that’s just his default state, but when the reminder that I’m alive comes around, he always ends up even more upset than normal. But this year was different. My birthday was on a Friday this year, and Susan decided to buy me a cake. It’s the first time she’s ever done that for my birthday. Max gets one every year, but this was the first time she got one for me. She went to Melvald’s and had them put my name on it in icing and everything. She even got it in my favorite color, blue. She said it was a milestone birthday for me, so she wanted to make it special. She put it in the fridge and said we’d have it after dinner.

But then my dad came home. He took a nap in his chair first, and then Susan woke him up for dinner. We had chicken, like we do almost every night. Dad can’t eat a lot of red meat or seafood because he has gout, and the beer doesn’t help either, so he gave up one vice for another, and it’s been chicken ever since. I'm so damn tired of chicken. But Susan tried to make it special, she added all kinds of spices and served it with noodles and a special sauce, and it was actually pretty good. But dad didn’t like it. He said there was too much going on and it made it disgusting. He likes his food bland, but Max and I liked it. We’ll never eat it again.

Anyway, after we finished, Susan got out the cake, and she put it on the table before going to get a knife. I’m really glad she waited and didn’t just bring it all out at once, because before she even got halfway back to the kitchen, Dad stopped her in her tracks. He asked what the hell the cake was for, and she must’ve been scared to death, because she couldn’t even stutter out a lie, and then my dad turned on me and asked why in the fuck I’d ask for a cake when I didn’t deserve it and I knew they didn’t have any money to spend on one. He said I was an ingrate and that I was spoiled, and then he took the cake and threw it on the ground, and it was ruined. You can see why I was glad he didn't have access to a sharp object right then, right? Then he told Susan to come with him, they had to have a talk, and then he told me that the floor better be cleaned up by the time he gets back. Then, he had the gall to apologize to Max for having to see that, and then he and Susan disappeared back into their bedroom. 

I cleaned up the cake and Max helped me, although neither of us said a word to each other as we did. She just took the plastic and as much of the cake as she could and threw it out, then handed me some paper towels and I finished cleaning up the floor. I didn’t even thank her for her help, I just told her to go to her room when it was done because she didn’t want to be there when dad came back out. And I’m glad that she listened for once, because I was right. 

Susan stayed in their room and Dad came back out then, and the first thing he did was go to the fridge and get another beer. He was kind of limping, so his gout must’ve been having a flare up and that made him even more miserable than usual, so I knew nothing good was to come. He opened his beer and drank at least half of it, and then he set it down and he came for me.

See, here’s the thing about my dad. He doesn’t care about anyone but himself. If he’s upset, he’s gotta make everyone else upset. If he’s in pain, he’s gotta make someone else hurt, too. And that someone else is usually me. I don’t know why he’s like this. And it kinda fucks me up to think about it, because I should love him. He was the only one who stayed with me my whole life. He’s half the reason I exist in the first place. He fed me and put clothes on my back and always made sure we had a roof over our heads, and I should be grateful. But he also drove my mom away, and he likes to beat on me, and he blames everything that goes wrong in his life on me. And I want to love him, I want to be happy to say that he’s my dad and that he always took great care of me, but it’s just not true, and I hate it. 

Anyway, when he was half done with his beer, he came at me. He grabbed me by the collar and marched me to my room, and he slapped me around a bit and asked again why I thought it was okay to ask for a cake even though I knew we were struggling with money. I said I didn’t ask for one, Susan surprised me with it, but he didn’t believe me. He told me not to talk back to him and lie on top of it, and I wanted to say more, but he never gave me a chance. It would’ve only made things worse, anyway. So he keeps hitting me and lecturing me about how I’m an adult now and I need to be responsible for myself. It’s been the same lecture since I was ten. Respect and responsibility. Over and over he’s drilled it into my head, and over and over he says I haven’t learned my lesson and that’s why he does what he does. 

Anyway, to make a long story short, I ended up with a black eye and was locked in my room for the rest of the weekend. Apparently, I also have to start paying rent now that I’m 18, so I have to start looking for jobs tomorrow. And he said that since I think we have money to burn on extravagant food, I wasn’t going to be allowed to eat until the weekend was over. Max snuck me a turkey sandwich yesterday night and I keep emergency food in here just for this reason, but it still fucking sucked. 

I wanted to write this sooner, but I was so angry I could hardly think, so I waited. I didn’t know if I should write anything at all, because I’ve never told anyone about what goes on at home before, but I had nothing else to do in here, so I finally just did it. Besides, I wanted to tell somebody, even if I know it’s just myself. 

So, I guess I’ll sign off here. I have to try and get to bed now anyway, since we have school tomorrow. That’s the best birthday present I’ve gotten this year, the fact that I get to leave the house again and even though I know we won’t talk to each other, I’ll get to see you. I’ve missed you.

Love, Billy

There were only four letters left, and even though he was going to push through, it was getting hard for Steve to read them. The last one had left him crying like a baby, so much so that his eyes were blurred and he had to hold the paper away from his face to keep from smudging the ink. He felt like with every new thing he learned about Billy, more questions were brought to the surface, and he wasn’t liking the way any of them were answered. But he had come this far, and there were only four left, so he kept on.

May 17th, 1985

Dear Steve,

Today was actually a pretty good day. I wasn’t planning on writing anything, but I just realized that when I write you these letters, I only end up telling you the bad things going on in my life, and even though I’ve been able to learn a lot about you, you haven’t learned much about me. I mean, you know what my favorite color is and which is my favorite Cheech and Chong movie, but other than that, you don’t know much, so here we go.

First off, as of today, I now work at the community pool. I went down and got an application, and after meeting the manager, I got a job as a lifeguard. I have to renew my CPR certification at the YMCA before I can start, but I can get that done easily and be all ready to go when the pool opens on Memorial Day. I’m really excited about it, I haven’t been in a pool since before the move, and it’s not quite as good as the ocean, but it’s the next best thing. And now I can start making more money to pay my dad and to save up and get my own place, maybe. It’s gonna take a while, but that’s the goal. 

And the pool job is only gonna be temporary. Are you planning on going to college after graduation? I don’t think I’m going to. It’s a waste of money, I don’t need a fancy piece of paper telling me I sat through classes of things I already knew, so no college for me. I’m gonna go right into the workforce as soon as I graduate. I know a little bit about cars, at least enough to build my own basically from scratch, so I’m gonna try and get a job at a mechanic shop and work my way up the ranks and just learn on the job. I think that’s the best thing for me.

Oh, and speaking of graduation, I don’t know if I’m even gonna go to ours. I’ll still get the diploma in the mail, and I’d rather not spend a week practicing standing and sitting on cue just to have no one show up to clap when I walk the stage. It’s pointless. Although, I’d get to sit next to you and neither of us would have a choice in the matter, and it might be the last chance I get to be that close to you. Not in a creepy way, either. I just mean we would see each other way less often and I want to get my fill of you before that happens. I don’t know, maybe I’ll go, I’ve still got time to decide.

By the way, I had a dream about you the other night. It wasn’t dirty or anything, although I wouldn’t have minded that, but that’s not what it was. Basically, I was in this aquarium, walking down a hallway into this room. It was the coolest room ever, all four walls were part of just one big tank and so was the ceiling, so that it felt like you were inside the tank, and it was all filled with jellyfish. Most of them were bioluminescent, so there was very little light in the room, other than the light emitted from the jellyfish, and it was just beautiful. They were all different colors and sizes, and it was so pretty. And as I walked into the room, I saw you standing there, just watching the jellyfish float around with a content look on your face, and when I walked up to you, you smiled. I went up and all I said was hi, and you said it back, but you called me ‘babe’. Then you kissed me, and it only lasted a second, then you turned back and kept watching the fish. And I could actually feel my heart beating in my sleep, and I kept glancing over at you until finally you smiled and laughed and said ‘okay, okay, I can take a hint’, and you went back to watching the fish, but then you grabbed my hand and held it, and we just stood there together until I woke up. It only felt like a minute or two, but it had to have been hours, because when I woke up, I realized I had slept through my alarm and was almost late to school. I’m really gonna miss you once school is over, Steve.

Anyway, what else can I tell you about me? I guess I told you a couple things already. I like to swim, and I like working on cars. But I said I was gonna tell you more, so here we go.

First of all, I like to read. I know, I don’t really seem like a reader, do I? But there’s something safe about books, you can hide in their worlds when your own becomes too much. My current favorite is one I found a few years ago in a little shop in California, it’s called “Annie on my Mind”. I can’t remember the author’s name, but it’s a fantastic book. It’s about two girls named Annie and Liza who meet in a museum in New York City and become best friends, and after a while, they fall in love. It’s not easy, and they break up when Liza goes off to school and has to leave Annie behind, but just before it ends, they call each other and end up getting back together. It’s a sappy rom-com, but it’s so beautiful, and reading it three years ago at 15, it gave me hope for my own future. Maybe one day I’d find my own Annie. I like to think that if I ever got the courage to go for it, maybe you could be my Annie. You fit the description to a T.

But enough of the mushy stuff now. Seriously, mushrooms are gross, I hate them. That’s another thing about me, I guess. I’m not picky with my food, not really, but if there’s one thing I just can’t stomach, it’s mushrooms. Not even on pizza, and everything tastes good on pizza.

Anyway, the next thing I’ll tell you is my favorite band, at least right now. It changes a lot, but as of right now, it’s Van Halen. They’re great. Something about them, I don’t know, they just make me happy. They’re just silly, I guess. The singer, David Lee Roth, sometimes he’ll just start monologuing randomly in the middle of a song, and if you ever see pictures of them in magazines or something, the guitarist, Eddie Van Halen, he’s just always smiling. They’re great, and I love them. I hope I can get a chance to see them in concert someday.

Anyway, I’m running out of ideas of things to tell you. There’s not a whole lot of room for individuality in my life, especially with my dad constantly going through my stuff to try and find either money or another reason to rag on me, but I’ve got two more things. 

One, I think that old movies are the best kind of movies. Especially if they’re B movies. There’s something so simple about the humor, it’s all slapstick, and I think horror and mystery movies are so much creepier when they’re done in black and white. I don’t know if I can pick a favorite, but the Miss Marple movies that came out in the sixties will always hold a special place in my heart (and yes, I realize that I’m about as old as these movies, but they’re at least 20 years old, so they count as ‘old’). 

Two, Billy is actually not my real name. I mean, it is, but it’s not. I was named after my dad, and William is actually my middle name. Still, I never liked the name Neil, and it was confusing having two Neils in the house when I was growing up, so my mom started calling me by my middle name, shortened it to Billy, and then it just stuck. Now that I’m legally an adult, I’m going to get my name officially changed, I just have to save up the money. I can now that I have a job, so hopefully soon, it’ll be done.

Anyway, this letter is getting kinda long, so I should probably wrap it up soon. I didn’t mean to ramble all that time, but I just like being able to tell you things. I haven’t ever really told anyone anything about me that they didn’t need to know, not even some of my friends from back in California, but I feel like I can tell you anything. I guess that’s kinda silly, but whatever. Somehow it still feels like you’re listening, like you’re hearing me, and that’s all I need.

Love, Billy

P.S. I remembered that author’s name, it’s Nancy Garden.

The last letter had been a little bit lighter than the previous few, and it made it a little easier to read it. At least he’d been able to stop crying while reading it. It even made him smile a little, until he got to the part about graduation. He remembered that day, Billy hadn’t shown up. He swore he saw him by the bleachers on their way to the football field for the ceremony, but he had never been sure. He always assumed Billy was just being aloof and blowing it off to be an asshole. Now he knew better, and he wasn’t sure whether he liked knowing. On the one hand, it was nice to understand Billy, but on the other hand, it was a tremendous burden. He’d never be able to discuss that book with him, or sing Van Halen while driving, or watch black and white movies with him. And maybe they never would’ve anyway if Billy were still alive, but now, there wasn’t even a chance. And it wouldn’t have weighed on Steve so much if he were still alive and it never happened, either, because he never would’ve known about any of this to begin with. And now, he just had to live with it as he read the last few letters.

June 11th, 1985

Dear Steve, 

Today was the first time since school ended that I saw you. I had to drive Max and her weird little friend Elle around, and they wanted to go to the mall, so of course I had to waste my gas chauffeuring them around, but even though I was pissed about it at first, it ended up being the best thing that could’ve happened to me today. I was just gonna drop them off and have them meet me back at the doors in a few hours, but as we drove around the building, I saw you walking in through an employee door on the side, and I decided then to park and go in, too. Max demanded to know what I was doing, she must’ve thought I was gonna follow her and her friend around all day, but I just told her that there were a few stores I wanted to check out inside, then left the car before she could ask anything else and told her and her friend to meet me back there in a few hours.

It took me a while to find you, but that was okay. I was able to go around and look at a few of the stores, and there were actually a few decent ones. There was a record store, for one, and I got a new cassette I’ve been looking for, so that was cool. There were also a couple of decent clothing stores, though I doubt they’ll last. The mothers and fathers of Hawkins will probably be too scandalized by anything they sell unless it's also sold at the Gap, so hopefully, I’ll be able to get some things while I can. I don’t make a whole lot at my job, not after I pay my dad for rent, anyway, but I should be able to get a few things by the end of the summer. 

But anyway, back to what I was saying. I walked the whole mall, looking in every store trying to find where you worked, but after a thorough sweep of the whole first floor, you were nowhere to be found. I even pretended to get lost and wandered into the movie theater to see if that’s where you were, but no dice. Then I saw the escalators that led upstairs. I don’t like malls, there’s too big a chance of running into somebody that you know that you don’t want to see, so I didn’t want to be there any longer than I had to, but I was determined to see you. I didn’t realize how much I would miss seeing you every day until school ended, and now I feel like if I don’t see your face at least once a week or so, I might lose my mind. I know that sounds stupid considering how little we actually saw each other in school, but it’s the truth.

Anyway, I didn’t want to leave without seeing you, and I knew Max and her friend wouldn’t be done shopping for at least another hour, so I went up to the second floor and started to look around. There wasn’t as much to see up there, mostly just more clothing and shoe stores, but then I passed these two girls, and they were tittering on about how funny and cute it was watching you trying to flirt with them. They each had an ice cream cone in their hands, and I saw the store they got it from a little farther down the hall, and figured that was as good a place as any to try and find you, so I went there. 

Scoops Ahoy! is kind of a stupid name, isn’t it? What does ice cream have to do with sailing, anyway? But whatever, it doesn’t matter, because when I looked in the window, there you were, in all your glory, behind the counter with the silliest outfit on that I’ve ever seen. Seriously, it was just like those girls had said, cute but hilarious, especially that absolutely adorable hat. Kudos to whoever designed those uniforms. And all joking aside, you wore it well. 

Well, I guess you know what happened next, you were there. I went inside and pretended to give a rat’s ass about the girl you were working with and flirted with her, but I was only trying to make you jealous. Which is stupid, right? Because there’s no way you’d ever be into me like that, but I can pretend that your face got all red because you were jealous of her and not because you wanted to flirt with her yourself and I had stolen your thunder. Not that I blame you, she’s got a certain awkward cuteness to her and you would make a sickeningly sweet couple, but you can’t blame a guy for hoping, right? It didn’t matter anyway, I guess I’m not her type, because she dismissed me before I even got going, so I guess you still have a shot.

Anyway, after that, neither of you seemed to want anything to do with me, but your girl was closer to the employee door, so she left and it was just you and me. You asked what I wanted, and to be honest, I wasn’t trying to be a dick when I said I wanted something smooth, sweet and rich, and I wasn’t referring to your coworker, I had just been so distracted up until that point that I hadn’t looked at the flavors yet, so sorry about that. 

You took it well, though, just rolled your eyes and suggested something with entirely too much chocolate, but it was pretty good, and that’s saying something considering I was the one who ate it. I’m usually not a huge fan of ice cream, but whatever you gave me was decent enough. I can’t remember what it was called, but I’m sure it’ll just give me another excuse to start up a conversation with you the next time I come in. It’ll probably be soon, since Max was already talking about going back to the mall when I dropped her and her friend off at the Chief’s house for a sleepover. I guess I don’t really mind wasting my gas carting them around if it means I get to see you again. I just hope that you and that girl aren’t an item by the next time I see you. 

Love, Billy

Steve found himself starting to get teary-eyed again as he finished the last letter, remembering that day he saw Billy in the mall. He’d gotten so upset when he started flirting with Robin, and he’d wanted to smack him when he made that crack about ‘smooth, sweet and rich’. Now he just felt guilty about everything. If ever there was a time he wished he had access to a time machine, it would’ve been now, because maybe he could go back and change things, fix one little thing and make everything better, make it so that Billy didn’t die and they could start all over. Instead, all he could do was keep reading and try to keep himself together as he did.

June 29th / June 30th, 1985

Dear Steve,

I wrecked my car tonight. It was out near the old steel mill, something ran in front of my car and I swerved to avoid it, and I completely ruined her, my baby. I don’t want to tell you where I was going. I shouldn’t have been going there, I shouldn’t have been out there that late at night. I just got so lonely, y’know? And it was nice to feel wanted, even if I knew from the start that nothing good would come from it and that it was wrong on so many levels. But I’ve been pent up and going stir crazy since I last saw you, and I just needed something to get me through until I could. 

Damn, I really built up the suspense there, huh? I guess now I have to tell you. I was going to a motel just a little bit out of town. I was gonna meet Mrs. Wheeler there. She and a few of the other moms that hang out at the pool every day like to flirt with me and sometimes I play into it, because what else is there to do? And it’s not like they’d stop if I asked them to, so sometimes I just decide it’s not worth the battle. I don’t get paid enough to deal with them anyway, so sometimes I just say whatever I can think of to get them to leave me alone. So maybe it was a bad idea for me to suggest it, but I couldn’t think of anything else to do. 

But anyway, I was gonna meet Mrs. Wheeler out at a motel, but then that thing ran in front of my car and I wrecked it. I don’t think the thing was hurt, but I was totally freaked out. It was dark and I was alone on this desolate little road and nobody knew where I was at or where I was going and I hit my head and my car wouldn’t start again, so I didn’t know what to do. And I think I hit that thing anyway, because when I got out to look at the damage, there was this weird goo on my car, like animal guts or something, and that just freaked me out even more. But what really got me was that then, I saw something move out of the corner of my eye, so whatever I hit, I guess I didn’t kill it, and I don’t know what kind of animals are supposed to be out in those woods, but this thing fucking growled at me, this weird high-pitched screechy kind of growl, and I wanted to get out of there so bad, but I couldn’t. And then I tried to be rational about it, hoping it was a person instead and not some kind of animal and that maybe they could help me, so I asked if anyone was there, but then something grabbed me.

Steve, I don’t know what the fuck it was. All I know is that it grabbed my ankle and was strong enough to pull me backwards and it was fast. Like, faster than any wild animal should have been, especially while dragging me along with it. It pulled me into the abandoned warehouse and tried to drag me down a flight of stairs, but I grabbed the handrails and tried to get away. It gets kinda blurry at this point, but I think I did, and I ran as fast as I could out of that building, and I didn’t even think, I just got back in my car and somehow it was working and I sped away and just drove until I found a phone booth. I called the cops, but I had no idea what the hell had just happened to me, and it was coming back in bits and pieces and I just couldn’t speak. And when I opened my eyes again to try and talk, everything was different. I mean, it was the same, but different. It was freezing, like it was winter instead of summer, and there was this weird dust floating around like snowflakes, and I was so confused that I hung up the phone and went outside. And my car was still there, it was still Hawkins, but somehow, it felt like the fog that hadn’t been there before was staring at me. I know this doesn’t make any sense, but in my head I could hear it laughing at me, like I was a sideshow attraction or something, and it made me feel anxious. And I started screaming at it, like that would do anything, because I had no idea what else to do, and then the sky lit up red from this weird lightning and I had no idea what was happening, just that it wasn’t good, and I was right.

This is the worst part, though. I saw someone walking towards me, and at first I was relieved, because I thought they were coming to help me, but then they got close enough for me to see them through the darkness, and it was me. It was me, but it wasn’t. It looked like me and walked like me, but it’s voice was different, and I know for a fact it wasn’t me, because I was right fucking there and it was speaking to me. I had asked it what it wanted while I was just shouting into the dark, and that thing, it answered me. It said in this dark, deep voice that it wanted to build, that it wanted me to build, and I had no idea what that meant, so I asked it what it wanted me to build, and it just said ‘what you see’. And I said I didn’t understand what that meant, and it didn’t say anything else, it just turned around and walked off. 

And then, the next thing I knew, I was back in my car, and I was on my way home. The crack in the windshield was still there, and it was still dented up, so I knew the accident happened, but now I don’t know what to think. I know I hit my head, so it must’ve just been a really intense dream, but it just felt so real. I could feel everything that happened, and I don’t know why I would dream first and black out second. I don’t know what’s going on, and I don’t know if it’s over or not, but I really hope it is. And this is gonna sound crazy, but on the off chance that whatever happened to me tonight actually was real and it did happen, I hope I die before I see the rest of it pan out. If that other me was real, I don’t want to know what the hell it can do to me or anyone that I care about. 

But I don’t know what’s real anymore. Maybe I’m not even writing this, maybe I’m still passed out in my car on the side of the road somewhere, still dreaming away. Or maybe I died tonight and this is the purgatory/Hell I was sent to. Either way, I hope that after I finish this letter and go to bed, I wake up for real tomorrow and everything is back to normal, or at least I get some answers on whether or not I’m going to spend eternity in that Hellscape I dreamed up.

Love, Billy

This had been the hardest letter of all of them to get through. There were so many things that just made Steve’s stomach turn, and he wasn’t sure which was the worst. For one, Billy must’ve been terrified. To be in a car crash and then to also be faced with what he assumed was the Mind Flayer and then end up facing himself after ending up in the Upside Down? Steve had faced demogorgons, demodogs and even torture from Russian soldiers, but all that seemed like nothing compared to what Billy went through. Not only that, but he hadn’t even known if it was real or not. That would be terrifying in and of itself. And to think that all of this happened because he was going to meet Mrs. Wheeler at some motel. 

Steve had never been very close with Nancy’s mom, but after spending so much time at her house, he liked to think he had a certain knowledge of the way she was. And to now find out that she was planning on having an affair with someone his and Nancy’s age… It made him feel disgusting on so many levels. It would be like if he had a thing for Holly, it was just gross. And Billy had to deal with that on a daily basis, and while he was working, too. And sure, maybe Billy wasn’t exactly innocent in all of this, either, but he was barely an adult, and he shouldn’t have had the opportunity in the first place. The only good thing about Billy getting into that accident was that he never had the chance to meet Mrs. Wheeler. The problem was that he met something much more dangerous.

That point was reiterated as Steve picked up the next letter, before he even started reading. The paper was a little crinkled in some places, like drops of water had hit it, and the pen was smudged in a few spots. It made a pit form in Steve’s stomach as he realized Billy must’ve been crying as he wrote it, and a lump started growing in his throat as he started to read.

July 2nd, 1985

Dear Steve,

I don’t know what’s happening, but I’m scared. Ever since the accident, things haven’t been right, and I don’t know what’s gonna happen, but I know it’s not good. And I know that it involves you, and Max, and Elle, and probably all of their little friends and your girlfriend, too, and probably a lot of other people. 

See, I’m writing this in a moment of lucidity, because lately everything’s been going black and when I wake up, I’m in a whole new place and I don’t know how I got there, and I only have so long before it all goes black again. I never know how long I have, but hopefully I can finish this before I run out of time. If not, I don’t know if I’ll ever get a chance to finish, because these blackouts are becoming more and more frequent and I think soon they’re gonna take over and I’m not gonna wake back up again. 

I don’t know what this thing is, though. I just know it’s what got me the night I crashed. It hates when it’s warm, and the sun is basically its enemy. I think that’s why that place where I saw myself was so cold. And speaking of seeing myself, I think that, whatever it was, that other me, it takes over when I black out, which is how I go from place to place without knowing it. It’s like a parasite, I guess, it takes you over little by little until there’s nothing left of you. I don’t want that to happen to me, but who could I tell that would A, believe me and B, help me get rid of it? I don’t think anyone would. It’s like the plague, everyone would find out I’m infected and run away screaming, and I’d be left to die all alone. I don’t want to die alone. I don’t want to die period, but it’d be even worse if I was alone when I kicked it.

Anyway, I don’t have much time, so I wanna say some things before I can’t anymore. One, if you ever find these letters, please don’t hate me for the things I say in them. I didn’t mean for it to go this far when I wrote that first one, but after I did, it just became like a journal, I could tell you anything and you’d listen and you’d comfort me just by hearing me. That’s cheesy as hell, but it’s true. I still kinda hope you never find them, but if you do, don’t hate me for them.

Two, if you are reading this, that means you found the letters, and if that’s the case, then I need you to do something for me. I need you to help Max through this. Make sure she’s okay, make sure she stays safe, and make sure as hell that she learns to drive better than the way I did. She better never crash because she was driving recklessly like I did, and if she does, I will personally kick your ass when I see you in the afterlife. And if this thing that’s in me ever goes after her, you better make sure it suffers as it dies, do you understand me? And I know that’s already a lot to ask, but I just need one more thing. As much as we got on each other’s nerves, Max and I needed each other. So if I die, please do what you can to be a big brother for her. Pester her a little bit, pretend you hate it when she demands rides all over town, and above all, be there for her when she needs you, because I know she will. Y’know, now that I think about it, I think I understand your relationship with the Henderson kid now. You’re already his big brother, so just be the same for Max, okay?

Three, make sure the rest of their little gang knows I’m sorry for the things I did to scare them, especially Lucas. I know it sounds like a cop-out, but I really was just trying to protect them. They’re good kids, but I knew they wouldn’t leave Max alone, and if my dad found out she was hanging out with a bunch of boys, it wouldn’t have ended well, for any of us. And as for Elle, I know that whatever this thing is inside me, it has something to do with her. I keep seeing her in my head, and I just hope that she knows that whatever happens, it’s nothing personal. I actually kinda liked her, as far as Max’s friends go, she was the nicest, and she always said thank you whenever I drove them somewhere. She’s a good kid, they all are.

And lastly, whatever happens, don’t feel guilty about it. You’re a great guy, Steve, and I know you think it’s always up to you to be the hero, but if I die, don’t feel bad, because there’s nothing you could’ve done. And even if there was something you could do, don’t feel bad, because even if I die, if you can help save Max and the rest of the kids and your girlfriend and maybe even a few other people, you’ve done more than enough. Don’t worry about me, okay? If this thing can be beaten, I’m gonna beat it, and if I come to after it’s all said and done and you’re mopey because you didn’t get to save me and be the hero, I’m gonna let it get back in me and finish the job.

Wow, actually, scratch that, I didn’t realize how morbid that was until I wrote it down, but the message is the same. If there’s even a chance I can get through this, I will, and that’s that, okay? I’m gonna see your face at the end of this, mopey or not, and when I do, maybe I’ll give you these letters. If I can face whatever this thing is in me, I can face you with a few sheets of paper, right? And if I don’t make it through and you find these letters anyway, know I did everything I could. 

Oh, and one more thing. If I don’t make it, I want you to take my bomber jacket. Y’know, the one I was wearing on that night back in November. You don’t have to wear it, you don’t even have to look at it, just keep it for me, okay? I love that jacket, it was my mom’s, and she gave it to me before she left because I always said how much I liked it. I know that when I’m gone, my dad’s not gonna want to deal with my stuff, so he’ll probably donate most of it and pitch the rest, but I want you to have the jacket. It means too much to me for it to end up at the bottom of a landfill or being sold for two bucks at a thrift store, so if you’d keep it, it would mean a lot to me. And if you want to wear it, please do. It’s kinda corny, but it’d be like giving you my letterman jacket like the guys would do with their girls in the movies. That might make it weird for you to think of it like that, but like I said, you don’t have to wear it. Just keep it for me so I know it’s in good hands.

Anyway, I’m gonna try to wrap this up now so I make sure I finish in time. I’m doing my best to be positive here, but I gotta tell you, every minute that passes as I’m writing this, the more scared I get. I don’t think there’s gonna be a way out of this for me. I just hope I don’t take too many people down with me. I’m sorry if I do. And I’m sorry in general. I wish I wasn’t such a coward and would’ve been able to put aside my pride to make things right with you. I wish we could’ve been friends. I wish I could’ve given you these letters and seen your face as you read them. I wish I would’ve known if you’d hate me for having a crush on you or if you would’ve been nice about it and let me down gently. I wish I would’ve known what your favorite Cheech and Chong movie was, and if you liked pineapple on pizza. I wish I’d have been able to learn your middle name because I asked you, not because I hid under the bleachers on graduation day and waited to hear it. I wish I could stop saying “I wish” and just get to the point. I wish I had all the time in the world to keep coming up with things to say “I wish” about. But I don’t, and I need to cut myself off before I keep saying it and I never say what I really want to say. 

I really care about you, Steve, maybe I even love you. I don’t think I’ll ever know, because I never got the chance to try, and it’s my own fault for fucking things up with you early on. But if it is love that I’ve been feeling all these months, I’m sorry that this is the way you had to find out. I’m really gonna miss you, Steve. And maybe it’s selfish, but I hope you’ll miss me a little bit, too.

All my love (I think), Billy

Steve finished the last letter, and as soon as he did, he scrambled out of bed and down the stairs, heading for the phone in the kitchen. It was a little after two in the morning and he was a mess, tears were streaming down his face and it was going to be hard to talk through the sobs, but he needed to talk to Robin. He punched in her number and tried to calm himself down a little, but it was no use, he only became more hysterical the longer it took for someone to answer. Finally, just before the answering machine would’ve picked up instead, her mom answered, sounding groggy and annoyed as she asked who was calling.

“It’s S-Steve. I’m so sorry, Mrs. B-Buckley, but I need t-to talk to Robin,” he said, rubbing his eyes as he continued to try and calm down.

“Steve, oh my goodness, is everything alright? Did something happen, are you okay?” Mrs. Buckley asked, her annoyance melting away into concern.

“No, no, I’m fine,” Steve said, clearing his throat, “I’m really sorry, ma’am, I just really need to talk to her, please.”

“Okay, honey, just hold on a second and I’ll go wake her up. We’ll be right back, okay?”

“Okay,” Steve said, swallowing as he listened to Mrs. Buckley setting the receiver down and walking away to wake Robin up. A few seconds later and he heard someone picking it back up, followed by a few steps and then the sound of a door closing before Robin finally yawned at him through the phone.

“Steve, it’s two a.m., what-”

“They were letters,” he interrupted, sniffling a little, “In that envelope, they were love letters.”

“Holy shit,” Robin said, both curious and astounded. 

“Yeah,” Steve agreed, leaning his back against the wall and then sliding down to sit against it.

“What did they say?” Robin asked.

“Everything,” Steve said, shivering out a sigh, “It started with him saying that he wanted to understand me more, and then the next few said that he was sorry for the thing last November and he told me about some of the things he went through at home and how his mom left when he was ten, and then he said he liked me but we weren’t even friends so he wasn’t gonna tell me in person but he cared about me and then in the next one he told me why he was always so mean to the kids and after that, he told me all about how his dad would treat him like shit and-”

“Whoa, whoa, Steve, I’m starting to lose you, take a breath, okay?” Robin said, breathing with him through the phone. “Now, I was with you for the most part, so keep going, just try and slow down a bit, okay?”

“Okay,” Steve said, taking one more deep breath. “He told me that on his birthday his dad beat him up because Susan got him a cake, and that it happened all the time for stupid reasons. And in the next letter, he had had a good day, so he told me all about himself. He liked black and white movies, Robin. He was gonna be a mechanic. He hated mushrooms and he loved Van Halen and he liked to read and Billy wasn’t his real name and he had a dream about me and jellyfish and I never even thought to learn any of this about him when he was still here and now I feel like a fucking jackass because I should’ve given him a chance while I could but I didn’t and now it’s too late!”

Steve had started crying harder again as he explained, and Robin just let him. She wished she could crawl through the phone and hug him, but she couldn’t, so she just let him get it out. He cried through the phone at her for a few minutes, and she kept telling him it would be okay, until finally, he’d cried himself out enough to keep talking. 

“He didn’t like ice cream, but he liked the chocolate cheesecake explosion I gave him when he came into Scoops that one time,” he said, swallowing thickly. “And then the last two letters was when he told me about how he got possessed by the Mind Flayer. He was in an accident and it got him, but he didn’t know what was happening because we never brought him into the loop about all that stuff.”

“Steve, you know we couldn’t. I didn’t know about it either, and you only told me when I got involved, otherwise you’d have broken your NDA. And Max couldn’t have told him, either, or else she’d have gotten in trouble, too. It’s not your fault,” Robin tried, but Steve only chuckled dryly through the phone.

“That’s what he said, too. He said it’s not my fault, but that’s bullshit. I’m bullshit. I should’ve told him.”

“Steve, you are not bullshit, you’re the farthest thing from bullshit. And when would you have told him, huh? When you hated him and didn’t want him within ten feet of you? You said yourself, you weren’t friends, and who knows if he would’ve believed you, anyway. I didn’t at first, I doubt he would, either. There’s nothing that you could’ve done.”

“Yes there is, I just didn’t do it and now he’s dead and it’s all my fault!” Steve yelled, slamming his fist down on the floor. “It’s all my fault, Robin.”

“It’s not, Steve. Billy made the choice to drive the way he did. He made the choice to be on that particular road at that particular time. And he also made the choice to save El and the rest of us by standing up to that thing. He was a fighter, if there was anything he could’ve done to get out of there with us, he would’ve, but he must’ve figured it was either him or us, and he chose to save us. There was nothing any of us could’ve done.”

“I could’ve forgiven him.”

“He never asked if you would forgive him.”

“That doesn’t mean he deserved what happened.”

“You’re right, it doesn’t. But it is what it is, and all we can do now is make sure we don’t take what he did for granted, right?”

“I guess so,” Steve sniffed, wiping away some fresh tears as he leaned his head back against the wall and stared at the ceiling. He didn’t know it, but Robin was sitting against her door in exactly the same position as she stayed on the line, just breathing with her best friend.

 “Hey, by the way,” he said after a few minutes, “Do you remember what we did with Billy’s bomber jacket?”

“I think we took it to Goodwill with the rest of his clothes, why?”

“In the last letter, he said he wanted me to have it if he died because it was his mom’s and he didn’t want it to end up in a thrift store for someone else to buy.”

“Then tomorrow, when they open, you and I can go and get it back, okay? For right now, I think we both just need to get some sleep, and then when we go tomorrow to get it, you can tell me more about these letters, does that sound good?”

“Yeah, that sounds good. See you tomorrow, Robin,” Steve said, waiting until he heard a click followed shortly by the dial tone. He grunted as he heaved himself up after that, putting his phone back on the cradle and then trudging back up to his room. He was exhausted, but he was almost afraid to fall asleep, not knowing what might enter his head if he started to dream after all this. Still, he cleaned up the letters off of his bed, folded them gently back up and put them back in the envelope. He put the envelope in his nightstand drawer and sighed as he closed it, wiping his eyes one last time as he settled in bed, falling asleep quicker than he would’ve liked.

He then found himself in an aquarium, surrounded by jellyfish on all sides. He was a little cold as he looked at the tanks, and he could feel himself shiver as he watched the creatures floating around him, but then he heard someone coming up behind him, and when he turned to look, there was Billy. He didn’t say anything, just took off his jacket, the bomber, and held it up for Steve to put on. He did, and then the two of them just stood there, watching the fish. Every few seconds though, Steve would glance over, searching for something to say.

“Okay, okay, I can take a hint,” Billy finally said, smiling and turning to face Steve before wrapping his arms around him and hugging him tightly as he added, “It’s okay, Steve. It’s all okay, I promise.”

It felt like only a second had passed when Steve woke up the next morning, in his bedroom, the covers twisted around him and his clock reading 11 a.m.. He called Robin and they made their plans, agreeing to meet in a half hour so that they could get to Goodwill with plenty of time before it opened. It was a Sunday, so they didn’t open until noon, and Steve was glad about that. If it had been any other day, Robin would’ve called early in the morning so that they could get there when it usually opened, and he might not have been able to see his dream play out, and that would’ve killed him. 

“But these guys are great! I don’t want to leave now! Besides, we still gotta muscle our way up front for when Eddie comes on!” Dustin complained, and Steve had to look away for a second so he didn’t strangle him. He loved Dustin, he loved all four of these knuckleheads, but right now, he was having trouble breathing on his own, and he needed to take a second to remind himself that it wasn’t their fault he was getting overwhelmed. 

“We still have plenty of time for that, but we need to go outside, right now! Come on!” Steve said, but as he started walking, none of the kids followed. “C’mon, guys, chop chop!”

“We don’t want to lose our spot! You go outside and we’ll stay here. We promise to stay together!” Lucas said, the other three agreeing, and at this point, Steve had had it. Against his better judgment, he threw his hands in the air and walked away, heading for the door.

Only problem was, in the time they’d been there, the crowd had nearly doubled in size, and in the dark, smoke-filled club, Steve could hardly tell which way was up, let alone which way led to the exit. He was caught in the sea of people, and as another song started, the panic started gripping him at full force. His vision went blurry, and the next thing he knew, he was starting to push people out of the way trying to get out. This only made things worse, because then people thought he was just doing it to have fun and mosh with the music, and they started doing it back, until he was at the center of a full fledged mosh pit with no way out. 

Finally, it all became too much, and Steve couldn’t take it anymore. He began to cry as he fell to the floor, curled up in a ball and tried to cover his ears, doing what he could to shut everything out and hoped it would be over soon. It didn’t end, though, it seemed to go on forever, until he felt a gentle hand on his own, and it pried it away from his ear long enough for someone to shout, “Hold onto me, I’m gonna get you outta here!”

Steve didn’t know who it was that was talking to him, nor did he know if he should really be following this guy, but at that point, he’d do anything to get out of that club, so he did as he was told and clung to the guy as he led him through the crowd, shoving his way through if necessary until they were outside in the cool, fresh night air.

“There we go, sit down here,” the guy instructed once they were outside, guiding Steve to sit down on the curb and placing a hand on his back. “That’s it, just breathe. Take your time, you’ll be alright.”

Steve did as instructed and took a few deep breaths, calming himself down enough to open his eyes and look around. There were no more people, no more smoke, just the open air of the street and the muffled sound of music coming from the club. 

“There you go,” the guy next to him said, smiling nicely as he patted Steve's back. “Would you like some water?”

“S-sure, thanks,” Steve replied, looking over at the guy and managing a tiny smile. 

“Don't mention it,” the guy said as he reached into the pocket of his cargo shorts and pulled out a small bottle of water, handing it to Steve and waiting for him to drink. “Number one rule of concerts, if you can smuggle in water, do it. Otherwise the venue will charge you through the nose for it.”

“I never would've thought of that. I never really go to concerts, though, I'm only here because-” Steve cut himself off, standing up in a whole new panic as he realized he left the kids inside by themselves. “Holy shit, thank you for everything, but I gotta get back in there!”

“Whoa, whoa, calm down, you're not gonna miss anything, you gotta chill first,” the guy said, standing up and blocking Steve's path.

“No, you don't understand, I'm supposed to be chaperoning a bunch of kids and I just left them in there!” Steve tried to get past the guy, but he wouldn't budge.

“No, I know, but if you aren't calmed down first you're not gonna be much use to them. And anyway, they're safe, believe me,” the guy said, looking Steve in the eye and placing a firm hand on his shoulder. “My friends and I were standing behind you guys and we saw you starting to panic, so I told my friends to keep an eye on your friends so I could help you when I saw you get stuck in that pit. And my little sister is here, too, she's about their age, and I trust my friends to keep an eye on her, so they'll be fine, trust me.”

“But I was supposed to look after them and no offense, but I don't even know your name! I gotta get back to them,” Steve tried, but the guy held his ground.

“My name's Billy. My friend's names are Sid and Wayne, and my sister's name is Max. We saw you having a hard time in there, so we agreed to help you if you needed it, and you did, so we're helping you. Now look, I'm not trying to keep you from your friends, but if you're gonna go back in there, you can't do it panicked or else you'll just end up on the floor again, so here,” the guy, Billy, said, reaching into another pocket and pulling out a few things. 

“What are these?” Steve asked, taking the little orange nubs from Billy. 

“Earplugs. They'll muffle the sound a bit so it's not so loud, but you'll still be able to hear. And here, take a couple of these,” he said, pulling out a small bottle of ibuprofen. “Perks of traveling with a younger sister, you always remember to carry ibuprofen, just in case.”

Steve thanked him and downed the pills, already starting to feel better as he took a deep breath and tested out the earplugs. They helped to muffle the sound, just like Billy’d said, but they also made him hear himself more, so his breathing was easier to regulate and he could actually hear himself think now. 

“How do you like them?” He could hear Billy raising his voice so that he could hear him.

“They’re great, thank you,” Steve said at a normal volume, taking them out again so that nobody had to keep shouting.

“My pleasure,” Billy said, smiling kindly as he sat down on the curb again and pulled Steve down to sit beside him. “So, can I ask you a question?”

“Sure,” Steve said, putting the earplugs in his pocket for safekeeping.

“If you get overstimulated at concerts, why’d you come to one?”

“I told you, a bunch of kids I used to babysit wanted to come, so I said I’d chaperone,” Steve replied, shrugging.

“Why didn’t you just tell them to get someone else? Or say they were out of luck and they could catch the next one?”

“Well, I was going to, but they really wanted to come and see their friend play. And I didn’t think it’d affect me this much, so I caved. And I guess none of their parents wanted to come and then drive two hours back home when they have to work the next day, either, so since my dad has a condo out here where we could stay for the night, things just seemed all too perfect.”

“Hey, two hours is better than two days,” Billy chuckled.

“What do you mean?” 

“I mean that at least you’re close enough to Chicago that you could go home tonight if you wanted to. We’re from California, so we’d have to either take a plane or drive for two to three days to get back home. Not that I’m in a big rush to get home, anyway, but at least you have the option.”

“I guess,” Steve said, “What are you doing out here though, if I may ask?”

“I’m looking at colleges, I’m taking a gap year, but then I’m gonna go next year. Sid and Wayne wanted to come with me, and Max of course had to join, too, and so we packed up and came on a road trip. While we were touring one of the campuses today, we saw a flier for the concert tonight, and we decided to come. I’m glad we did, too. Now I can tack an extra day onto the trip and I won’t have to rush home in the next couple of days.”

“That sounds like fun. Any colleges stick out to you?”

“None right now, but that’s just the indecisive part of me not wanting to have to pick,” Billy said. “What about you? Are you doing any type of college?”

“Nah, I went straight into working once I got out of high school. I don’t think college is really for me, anyway. Too much pressure that I just don’t need right now.”

“I get that. I’m already under pressure, that’s why I want to go to college, to get away from it. Hopefully it ends up as rosy as the picture I have in my head when it actually becomes a reality.”

“I’m sure it will. You’re a nice guy and you seem to be prepared for anything, so it should be a breeze for you,” Steve said, smiling.

“Thanks. I hope you’re right,” Billy replied, grinning back.

The two sat outside and talked for a while longer, telling each other about themselves and getting to know each other in a conversation that was as easy as if it were being shared by two old friends. They got so wrapped up in their discussion that Steve completely forgot why he was even anxious in the first place, and he hardly noticed it when the ground stopped shaking from the music inside the club.

“I think the opener just finished,” Billy said as the conversation hit a lull, “It usually takes a while for the next band to set up after that, so do you want to go inside and check on your friends?”

“Oh shit, I’m a horrible babysitter,” Steve said, “I completely forgot they were in there by themselves! Yeah, I need to go make sure they’re okay, fuck.”

“Hey, don’t sweat it, they’ll be just fine, I promise you. Oh, and if you want you can put those earplugs in before we go inside. It’ll still be kinda noisy in there and we wouldn’t want you to get overwhelmed again. We’ll all probably have to shout to talk, anyway. And I can kinda guide you so that you don’t get lost.”

“That’d be great, thanks,” Steve said, blushing a little as he put the earplugs back in. Billy waited until he had them the way he wanted and then took his hand, guiding him over to the door and back through all the crowds of people until they got to where their friends were. Steve let out a sigh of relief when he saw that all four boys were still right where he left them, no broken bones or black eyes to be seen. What he did see, though, was the boys talking with a girl their age with bright red hair and black makeup covering most of her face. She had a safety pin stuck in her ear and a black shirt on that seemed way too big for her, but it was tied in a knot behind her back. The boys were chatting away with her like there was no tomorrow, and from the fact that Dustin had his notebook out (he never went anywhere without it), they had all just exchanged numbers so that they could talk again later.

“That’s my sister, Max,” Billy said loudly to Steve as they walked over, “And the two guys behind them are Sid and Wayne, my two best friends.”

“They seem cool,” Steve said, suddenly feeling a little self conscious as he approached the group. When he saw the boys getting all dressed up in their black clothes and edgy makeup, he figured they wouldn’t be the only ones, but there would be some normally dressed people here, too, so he only wore a black t-shirt and jeans. Now he kinda regretted that decision as he walked over to Billy’s friends, who were more decked out than anybody and seemed to be fitting in better, too. Who knew that a bunch of nerds would be able to make Steve Harrington feel insecure?

He didn’t need to, though, because as soon as he and Billy walked up to the group, the boys were all over him, hugging him and saying they were glad he was okay before introducing him to Max. She gave him a firm look up and down before shrugging, which seemed like the best he was gonna get from her, and he took it gracefully. Then Billy introduced him to his friends, and they seemed a lot more friendly than Max, smiling and engaging in a nice conversation with him and the rest of the group as they waited for the next band to come on.

As Corroded Coffin took to the stage to tune up before starting, the boys and Max insisted on getting as close as possible, and they began to shove their way up front much to Steve’s dismay. He really didn’t want them to get hurt or anything, and he also didn’t really want to go up there with them, but he felt like he didn’t have a choice. He sighed and was about to follow them up, but Billy grabbed his arm and pulled him back, nodding for Steve to follow him.

“Sid and Wayne are going with them, they’ll be fine,” he said, seeming to read his mind, “But I can tell you’re still nervous so come on.”

“Where are we going?” Steve asked, still following anyway.

“There’s a few tables pushed up against the wall in the back. If you sit on one, you’ll be able to see the whole club, so you can keep an eye on the boys while also staying out of the mosh pits.”

“Am I allowed to do that?”

“Probably not, but I’m not going to tell on you.”

Billy helped Steve up onto one of those high tables that bars always have, and he was right, from up here, he could see the entire club, including where the crowd met the stage, and that’s where the boys were. He sighed in the closest thing he could feel right now to relief, and was about to thank Billy again, but by the time he turned to say it, the first loud chords to a song rang out, and he never got the chance. Still, Billy looked up at him and smiled, and he was sure he got the message.

They spent the whole rest of the concert together at the back of the club, Steve keeping an eye on the boys and Billy just enjoying the music. At one point, Steve tried to encourage Billy to go and do his own thing, he felt bad that he was staying with him all night when he should’ve been able to have fun, but Billy pretended not to hear him, and he stayed where he was until the show was over. 

When it was, Billy helped Steve down from the table, and they met the rest of their group halfway as they made their way back, the boys and Max unable to stop talking about how good the show was, and Sid and Wayne having to practically drag them along. The club was starting to clear out, so Steve was able to breathe a bit easier, especially when they started making their way outside, and once they were out in the open air, he got the first good deep breath he’d had all night.

“Thank you again,” Steve said to Billy as they leaned up against the wall of the club. The kids were still talking, and they knew they weren’t getting out of there anytime soon with the way traffic was gonna be, so they settled against the wall to share a smoke while they waited.

“If you thank me one more time, I’m never going to speak to you again,” Billy smiled as he flicked the ash off the end of the cigarette.

“Well, considering we only just met tonight and you live halfway across the country, I doubt we’ll be talking much after tonight, anyway,” Steve shrugged, surprised by how much his own words saddened him.

“That might’ve been true, if I didn’t plan on giving you my number and asking you for yours. But if you try to thank me again, I’m not gonna do it out of spite.”

“You want my number?” Steve asked, staring at him. “Why?”

“Because you’re a nice person and I feel like I made a potentially really good friend tonight, and I don’t want to never speak to you again,” Billy turned and smiled. “Besides, I have a feeling that I might be moving a lot closer to here within the next year or so, and it’ll be nice to have a friend so close when the rest of my friends will be back home.”

“Is that what we are? Friends?”

“That’s what I’d like us to be. And friends give each other their numbers all the time.”

“I guess you’ve got a point,” Steve said. “Hold on, I’ll be right back.”

He walked over to where the kids were, taking Dustin aside and borrowing his notepad and pen. He scribbled down his number and tore the page out, telling the boys to start saying goodbye to their friend, they were gonna have to leave soon. They all groaned, but did as they were told, and Steve made his way back over to Billy with the paper in his hand.

“We have to get going soon, but here,” he said, handing Billy the paper. “We’ll be back home by tomorrow afternoon, so feel free to call whenever after that.”

“I will,” Billy smiled, then tore the paper in half and pulled out a pen of his own. “I don’t know when we’ll be home, but I’ll call you when we are, and then you can call me whenever, too.” He handed the torn paper he’d scribbled on back to Steve, who folded it neatly and put it safely in his pocket. 

“I will,” Steve patted his pocket, then looked over to the kids again. “I should probably get going. It was really nice to meet you, Billy.”

“Same here, Steve. I’ll talk to you later,” Billy said, waving as Steve walked away.

It took him a few minutes to wrangle the boys over to his car, but when he finally did, they said goodbye to Max and she, Sid and Wayne walked back to where Billy was, the four of them watching Steve drive away.

“So, did you manage to get his number?” Sid asked, a laugh hidden in his voice as Wayne and Max made kissy faces at him.

“Hey, quit pickin’ on your babysitter. We’re all still just learning the ropes, and not everything comes easily to people who have better things to do than spend half their life in a sticky, smelly arcade,” Billy scolded Mike, who just rolled his eyes and flopped down on one of the other chairs in the room. 

“No, he’s right, I suck. Here, Will, you come play, I’ll just go and order a pizza for us, m’kay?” Steve said, trying to pass his controller off to Will, but Billy shook his head.

“Fuck that, he’s not right, and you don’t suck. C’mon, just finish your rotation, and if you really wanna quit, you can. You only have two more games left. Please?” Billy asked, making those eyes that he knew would get Steve on board immediately. It worked like a charm, and Steve sighed before settling back in on the couch and picking a new character. 

Billy, Lucas and Dustin also selected their characters, and once that was done, it went on to stage selection. They’d already unlocked most of them, and so far, they’d just been hitting the random selection button so that they’d be surprised at the beginning of every round, but this time, Billy didn’t press that button, and instead he turned to Steve.

“You pick the level. Maybe that’ll help improve your luck,” he said, ignoring the kids as they said that that wasn’t fair. 

“Um, I guess do the one with the weird ladybug thing on it,” Steve said, pointing to the bottom of the screen. 

“Distant Planet it is,” Billy said, pressing the button to start the game and smiling as everyone got ready. The deep voice of the game’s narrator came through, counting down from three until it finally let them start fighting, and then, it was every man for themself. Well, almost.

See, Billy knew he had to get Steve to win one of these games to get his confidence up, that way he’d want to keep playing and actually start to enjoy it, so he had a plan. He’d take the kids out first, go easy on Steve, and when it was just them left, he’d pretend he lost by accident so that Steve would win. They only had three lives each, and they kept items on, so final smash combos were still possible, but it wouldn’t be too hard for Billy to kick the kids’ asses and then let Steve win. 

The level was kind of a tough one, honestly, based off of the Pikmin games from the Game Cube, and not only could you just fall off the edge if you weren’t careful, but there was a ledge that would flood and create a waterfall you could get swept up in if it started raining, and the weird ladybug things that Steve had mentioned were Bulborbs, creatures from the Pikmin universe that would pretty much instantly kill you if you got trapped in it’s mouth. Still, Steve was pretty good at staying on the maps by himself and not falling off, as long as no one pushed him, so all Billy had to do was keep the kids away from him and it’d be a cakewalk to let him win. 

It actually went pretty well, at first. Lucas was playing as Link from the Legend of Zelda games, Dustin was Bowser from the Mario games, Billy was Mr. Game & Watch from one of the first Nintendo systems, and Steve was Kirby, obviously from the Kirby games. All of them were good character choices, but Billy knew his was the best for this round, since he had a lot of really good, complex moves that he could use to easily confuse and K.O. the other players. 

He went for Dustin first, knowing that he would be the less likely of the two to show Steve some mercy, and easily blew him off the screen within the first minute of play. As soon as he respawned, Billy went after him again, ignoring the kid’s complaints that he was targeting him specifically and kicking his ass right into the falling water, washing him off the screen again and taking his second life. He only had one left, so Billy switched gears and started to target Lucas, easily knocking him off the edge and leaving room for Steve to try and take the final smash power up. 

This was when the plan started to fall apart, because just as Steve was about to get the final smash, Dustin came out of nowhere and stole it from him, using it to K.O. all three of them. Billy shook it off, both he and Steve still had two lives left, Dustin and Lucas only had one each, so he still figured he could do it. Only problem was, while he was taking Dustin’s last life by hitting him with a power up, Lucas somehow managed to blow Steve off the map, leaving both of them with only one life and Billy with two. Still, Billy felt like he could do this. 

He fell off the edge to level the playing field a little, and then decided it was time to go after Lucas with everything he had. He pelted him with items, tried to take both of them off the map just by simply falling, and was using every tactic and skill he had to figure out how to get Steve to win. And finally, he saw an opportunity, as a Bulborb came up on the side of the screen, just behind Lucas. Steve was floating in the air, so Billy figured it was safe to rush at Lucas, easily knocking him into the Bulborb’s mouth, but the only problem was, just as he did, Steve fell down from the air, Kirby had been floating for too long, and had gotten pushed into the creature, too. It carried them both off the map, much to Billy’s horror, and the narrator’s voice once again called out, “Game!” 

“The winner is…” the voice continued, “Mr. Game & Watch!” as the characters reappeared on the screen, the other three clapping as Billy’s character did a little victory pose. 

“That was so unfair! You so cheated!” Dustin accused, but Billy didn’t pay him any mind. All he could see was the sadness in Steve’s eyes as he watched the screen, obviously upset at having made it so far only to die right at the last second. He had actually started enjoying the game as he got closer and closer to victory, and Billy had accidentally snatched it all away right at the buzzer. That must’ve absolutely crushed him.

“Nobody cheated, Dustin, that was just a hard stage,” Steve said, sighing as he stood and placed his controller on the coffee table. “It’s the end of your rotation anyway, you’ll do better the next time you’re in, but for now, you swap with Will. Oh, and Max, why don’t you take my last game, I gotta go pick up the pizzas anyway. I don’t really feel like playing anymore.”

“What, no! You said you’d stick it out until your last game!” Billy said, giving Max a look that told her not to go for the controller left on the table. It wasn’t her turn yet.

“Really, Bill, I don’t want to play anymore. I just need a break, that’s all. Maybe I’ll jump back in later, but I’m okay with just watching for now.”

“But that’s not the way we do it here! Everyone has to play to the end of their rotation, that’s the rules,” Billy said, standing and crossing his arms. He knew he was probably making this a bigger deal than it needed to be, but he wanted Steve to enjoy playing with them, otherwise he might stop altogether, even when new games came out. He had to get Steve to play and win this last round, but Steve was giving him a look like he was getting really annoyed, so Billy had to think of something, and quick. “You know what, you’re right. A break does sound pretty good right about now. How about this, Byers, Sinclair and I will go pick up the pizzas, and you and the rest of the kids stay here and get drinks and other snacks ready. Then maybe once we all eat and take a breather, we can finish playing, alright? Is that a good plan?”

Steve sighed, “I guess so. C’mon guys, turn off the TV and help me set the table.”

“Good,” Billy smiled, grabbing his keys and heading for the door. “Byers, Sinclair, you’re with me. Let’s get a move on, huh?”

Will and Lucas gave each other a kind of funny look, but both of them shrugged and got up to follow Billy to his car. They got in the back and waited as Billy pulled out of Steve’s driveway, and once Billy turned the music down, they started asking questions.

“So, why did you want us specifically to come help you with the pizza?” Lucas asked, crossing his arms and staring at Billy through the rearview mirror.

“Because I have a proposition for you,” Billy said, glancing back at the two every so often. “After lunch, when we start playing that game again, it’ll be us three and Steve. I want you two to throw the game so that Steve can win for once.”

“Why do you want us to let him win?” Will asked, blinking those big brown eyes in confusion.

“Because he sucks at that game, and he’s getting really frustrated with it. But he sucks at every other game too, so if we start letting him quit now, he might start quitting other games, and then he’ll just stop playing with us at all because he’ll feel like he can never beat us. We gotta let him win every once in a while so that he genuinely likes the games we’re playing and then he’ll keep playing with us,” Billy explained, pulling into the parking lot of the pizza place and turning around to face the kids before getting out. “So, here’s the plan. After lunch, I’ll talk him into finishing his rotation, and then we’ll play. We’ll all choose characters we suck as, and we’ll pick a stage with minimal hazards so that he doesn’t die accidentally. Then, we die as subtly as we can, come after each other and avoid Steve as much as we can, fall off edges, and let him get as many K.O.s as we can without making it suspicious. Then, when it’s all said and done, he’ll win and we get to keep him playing with us. Can we do that?”

“But that takes all the fun out of playing!” Lucas complained.

“C’mon man, think of how much fun it’ll be if Steve stops buying new games because he knows he’ll suck and so he doesn’t see the point in buying new games for us anymore!”

“I mean, I want to make Steve happy, but won’t it be, like, super obvious if we all just start to suck out of nowhere?” Will asked, and Billy groaned.

“It doesn’t matter! He won’t even notice, I promise you, he’ll just be happy he won!”

“But what if your idea doesn’t work and he stops playing anyway?” Lucas asked, and finally Billy had it.

“Look, that won’t happen, but if you guys won’t do it out of love for Steve, how about I give you each five bucks to throw the game?” Billy asked, taking out his wallet to show he was serious.

“Make it ten,” Lucas said, giving him a smug smirk as he held out his hand.

“You’ve been hanging out with Max too long, you little pirate,” Billy muttered under his breath, but he took two tens out of his wallet and gave one to each of the boys. That seemed to seal the deal, and once they got the pizzas home and everyone had eaten, he and both boys went to Steve and practically begged him to finish out his turn. Now that he’d eaten and had some time to breathe, Steve joined back in, and Billy was so excited he practically skipped over to the TV to turn it back on. He also fiddled with the settings quickly before anyone could see and set it so that only easy levels would be selected when he chose the random button, and he quickly set the screen back to normal before anyone else got into the room.

“You guys ready?” He asked when everyone had chosen a character, and everyone had said yes, so he continued on to stage selection. He chose random, and the stage selector put them in the Green Hill Zone stage from the Sonic the Hedgehog games. Billy was perfectly happy with this, as there weren’t many ways to fall off of edges, and it didn’t move, so it was free of most distractions. This was gonna be easy.

The narration voice counted down from three again as their characters showed up on the screen, and then, it was on. Billy was playing as R.O.B., an old accessory turned character from the NES system, Lucas was Pikachu from the Pokemon series, Will was the Ice Climbers from the NES game of the same name, and Steve had chosen another Kirby character, this time going with Meta Knight. It was quite the accumulation of characters, but it was half the fun of this game to see these random characters thrown together into a whole new game. 

And just like that, they were under way. It was actually surprisingly easy for the three of them to avoid hitting Steve and still make it convincing that they were trying, maybe because they chose characters they hated, but mostly because they were trying. Lucas managed to K.O. Billy after a few minutes by hitting him with an item, and Will, who was not great at keeping away from edges, fell through the ground when part of it disappeared. Steve got a K.O. of Will too after one too many hits, which sent him flying off the screen. Now that they had each lost one of their lives, Lucas went after Steve to make it look convincing, and though he managed to get close, he stopped just before he took one of his lives, and instead turned on Billy, who’d been attacking him as he attacked Steve. 

The land regenerated as Will respawned, and he and Lucas went for Billy, managing to get another K.O. after on him after pushing him into a checkpoint, which then threw him off screen. Steve also managed to get a K.O. on Lucas after diving at him and both of them ending up going too far off screen, leaving everyone with only one life except Steve, who now had two. To make it look good, after Will was K.O.’d by Lucas again, Billy went after Steve, getting one more of his lives before managing to take Lucas’s last one, and then it was just them, left with one life each. 

The end was surprisingly easy to fake, as Steve was safe on one side of the stage and Billy on the other, the ground giving out between them as they charged at each other, and after jumping over the pit to Billy’s side, Steve managed to push him into the pit. Now, normally it’s not too hard to get out of a pit in Super Smash Bros., but anyone who’s ever played as R.O.B. will tell you, he is not the easiest character to control, and seeing as how that’s the case, Billy was able to make a big show of trying to get out of the hole, smashing buttons with all his might as he tried to jump out.

“Fuck fuck fuck, shit, no! Goddammit!” He pretended to get upset, groaning and tossing his arms up in frustration as he finally fell into the pit, losing his last life and ending the round as the narrator called out “Game!”

“The winner is…” it kept going, “Meta Knight!”

“Yes!!” Steve jumped up, throwing his arms up in victory and basking in the cheers and claps of the other kids. “Did you guys see that?! I got so many K.O.’s! I can’t believe it! I won!”

“Yeah!”

“Go Steve!”

“You finally won!”

The kids kept cheering as Steve did a little victory dance, and Lucas, Will and Billy had to turn away to hide their smiles and try to keep up the charade of being upset at losing. Still, they couldn’t help it, and finally, they stopped pouting and just celebrated with him. 

“Okay, okay, that’s enough, the neighbors will start complaining about all the noise if we don’t quiet down,” Steve said after a while, setting his controller down on the coffee table and letting Max take his spot on the couch. Billy followed suit, even though he technically still had one game left, but he wasn’t a chronic quitter, so he could break the rules this one time and hand his controller off to Erica after fixing the stage settings. After that, he followed Steve into the kitchen, not saying a word as he started helping him clean up from lunch, putting the leftovers into the fridge and piling dishes in the sink.

“Whatever happened to ‘you have to finish your rotation, no exceptions’, huh?” Steve asked as he took up the spot next to Billy at the sink, grabbing a towel to dry as Billy washed.

“Eh, my hands started cramping after trying to get out of that pit, plus I don’t quit often, it’s only this one time,” Billy said, nudging Steve with his shoulder.

“Yeah, yeah,” Steve rolled his eyes. They worked in relative silence for a while, the only sounds being the running water and the kids making noise in the other room, but for the most part they were quiet until Steve turned to look at Billy, a knowing look on his face.

“You threw the game, didn’t you?” He asked, crossing his arms and narrowing his eyes with a playful smirk.

“I did not!” Billy denied, but Steve raised his eyebrow, and Billy just couldn’t lie to that face. “Okay, maybe I did, but I just wanted you to win for once so that you wouldn’t stop playing with us, is that so terrible?”

“I knew it!” Steve said, smacking Billy lightly with the dish towel. “But you know I’d still play with you guys even if I lost every time, right?” 

“Yeah, but you’d get tired of losing eventually and I just wanted to make sure you wouldn’t quit for good,” Billy said, flicking some bubbles at Steve in retaliation. 

“I wouldn’t do that. Losing is annoying, but as long as the kids are having fun-”

“But you need to have fun, too! That’s the point of multiplayer games, that everybody has fun, it’s not fair if only some people have fun and not everybody else,” Billy said, then sighed, “Look, just promise me that you won’t quit before you find another game that you’re really good at, okay?”

“Hey, babe,” he called, not looking up from his comfy spot on the couch, “Do you need help bringing the bags in?”

“Um, no, I’m good! You just relax, okay?” Steve called back, but it was odd. Something in his voice made him sound nervous, and it made Billy a little suspicious. Had he really gone that far over budget? 

“Alright,” Billy said, shrugging, “I had to piss anyway.”

Steve nodded and went back out to the car to get the next round of bags and bring them inside, and when he did, Billy got up and went to the bathroom. He did his business and then went back out to the kitchen, starting to look for the pizza Steve said he’d pick up on his way home. He was also poking around in the bags a bit, hoping to see what all Steve had gotten that hadn’t been on the list, but instead of three different kinds of Doritos, he found something that was the absolute last thing he’d ever expect. There was a black studded dog collar in there, as well as a matching leash, and Billy could not believe that that was what he was holding in his hands. Not that he and Steve were particularly vanilla when it came to sex, but most of the time they’d at least have a conversation first before trying anything new, and this was absolutely coming out of left field. Then again, maybe he was intending on talking about it still, but had just gone out and got something in advance, but that was unlikely. When it came to things like this, he really wasn’t one to buy something before they’d agreed to try it, so seeing a collar and leash in the shopping bag had left Billy in complete shock.

“Oh, shit,” Steve said, making Billy whirl around to look at him, “You weren’t supposed to see that yet.”

“Um, yeah, what exactly is this for?” Billy asked, not sure whether he should laugh or what.

“Okay, don’t get mad,” Steve said, holding up his hands to tell Billy to wait. He did, and Steve went out to the car one last time. When he came back, he was holding something behind his back, and he stepped up close to Billy, a sheepish smile on his face as he brought his hands forward. In them was a puppy, a runty little thing with a smushed little face, a stubby little tail, and more fat rolls than a depressed alcoholic. 

“Stephen, what the fuck is that?” Billy asked, shaking his head as he pinched the bridge of his nose. 

“I said don’t get mad! Look, I went to the grocery store and it was starting to rain and he was in a soggy cardboard box by the door, shivering like a leaf in the wind. He was the only one left in the box, and it said ‘free’ on it, but nobody wanted him! Not even little kids were stopping to look at him! And I couldn’t just leave him there, so I brought him inside, did the shopping, and then I took him to the vet to make sure he was okay before coming home,” Steve explained, cuddling the puppy close to his chest. 

“Steve, neither one of us has ever had a pet. We don’t know the first thing about taking care of a dog, and besides, what if he’s got, like, diseases or something?” Billy asked, unsure of what else to say. They couldn’t keep the dog, and that was final.

“Not true! I knew to take him to the vet, who said he was perfectly fine except being a little underfed, by the way, and I mean, how hard could it be? We just feed him, walk him, keep him alive and maybe do a little extra cleaning if he makes a mess. Trust me, babe, I can handle this. I used to babysit six kids at once during my teen years, this is nothing compared to that!” Steve begged, and Billy had to admit, he had a point. “Come on, pleeeeease?”

At this point, the little roll of fat in Steve’s arms was not the only one making big, sad eyes at Billy, and it was starting to tear down his resolve. He had always been more of a cat person, but it was a close race, and he supposed that maybe taking care of the little thing wouldn’t be so bad. It’d be a hell of a lot easier than taking care of Max, and at least a puppy couldn’t mouth off if he didn’t like what Billy had to say. Still, he wasn’t going to give up just like that.

He waited a minute with a raised eyebrow, giving Steve a look, but after a few seconds, he just couldn’t say no. Damn those puppy eyes, they practically had him in the palm of their hands. Or, well, paws. 

“Okay, fine! You can keep him,” Billy said, tossing his hands in the air and rolling his eyes just to be dramatic. Steve smiled so hugely that it filled up his whole face, and he did a few little happy jumps as he hugged the puppy, giggling like a little kid. Billy smiled too, shaking his head as Steve danced the puppy around the room.

“So, what are you gonna name him?” Billy asked, leaning against the counter.

“I dunno,” Steve said, finally calming down and bringing the puppy over to Billy. “I kinda think he looks like a Francis. What do you think?”

“I think Francis sounds like the name of a pompous old man, but I’ll settle for Frankie,” Billy smiled, using one finger to gently pet the dog’s little head. 

“That’s perfect,” Steve beamed. “Thank you for letting me keep him.”

“You know I can’t say no to those eyes,” Billy teased, giving Steve a kiss on the forehead. “Now, on to more important things. Where’s that pizza you promised? I’m starving!”

“Oooh, yeah, about that…” 

“You forgot, didn’t you?”

“No! I, uh, just wanted it to be fresh! I’ll go order now, you take Frankie,” Steve said, handing the dog off to Billy as he went for the phone.

And people would ask. Given, this was Hawkins, but when a group of kids stay out all night without letting their parents know, said parents were surely going to be worried about them. And like previously stated, Jim was the Chief of Police, and he would be the one they would turn to. So he might as well nip it in the bud.

So, despite his exhaustion, he left El with Joyce and her boys, and herded the kids into his car to drive them home. Well, the younger kids, at least. Harrington insisted that he didn’t have to go to the hospital, and while Jim wasn’t convinced – because the kid looked beat to hell – Wheeler said that she’d drive him home and keep an eye on him until the morning. Check for a concussion, wake him up during the night and all that. And while Jim would normally not let that fly, he’d had a long day and it still wasn’t over. So he nodded, told himself he would check on the kid in the morning, and then got in his car – which was full of loud, high-strung children.

Jim started the car, silently wishing he’d made a different career choice years ago.

He dropped the kids off one by one, and followed each and every one of them to the door to explain their absence to their worried parents. He tried to keep it short, for the most part:

It had all been a misunderstanding. The kids had been playing at young Will’s house, and yes of course his mother had been home. But Will had gotten sick, suddenly, and she’d had to drive him to the hospital. Her phone broke a while ago and she hadn’t had time to get a new one, so there hadn’t been a way for them to reach anyone. On the way to the hospital, she’d spotted Steve Harrington and asked him to watch the kids until she got back. She’d called Jim from the hospital once she knew that her son was going to be okay, asking him to drive the kids home. Yes, Will was going to be okay. No, no one was hurt. It had all been just a case of miscommunication and bad circumstances, and maybe the details could wait until it wasn’t the middle of the night – or rather, early morning? Perfect. You’re welcome. Get some sleep now. All right, bye bye.

For every house he visited, it became harder and harder to keep the smile on his face. His headache got worse, and by the time it was only him and Max Mayfield left in the car, he was driving one-handedly and massaging his temple with the other hand, hoping for some relief. Thankfully, she was the least loud out of all of them and didn’t seem inclined to strike up a conversation when it was just the two of them.

But that wasn’t the only reason why he’d saved her for last. No, the real reason why he’d dropped off all the other kids first was because he knew he needed to deal with her brother, too. Or step-brother, as she insisted on calling him. Because it had become apparent that William Hargrove – Billy – was the reason why the Harrington kid had looked the way he did. Jim hadn’t ironed out all the details yet, but from what Harrington and the kids enthusiastically told him, Hargrove had shown up to pick Max up and then proceeded to start a fight, and had beat Harrington unconscious before Max had stabbed him with a syringe in order to knock him out.

Which. On the one hand, Jim wanted to congratulate her on her quick thinking, but on the other hand, it had been incredibly dangerous and someone could have died. But in the end no one did die – Hargrove had been gone when the rest of them got back to the house – and since Jim was already exhausted, he decided to simply … not comment on the girl’s actions. For now.

But he still had to deal with Hargrove. Because while giving his step-sister a ride home was okay, barging in and starting a fight with the only semi-adult person there and beat him half to death was not, and Jim needed to make that clear. To Hargrove himself, and also to the boy’s parents. And while he could simply … pick the kid up from school or from home tomorrow, drive him down to the station, threaten to press charges to put the fear of God in him … Jim would rather do it now. Get it over with. Besides, he needed to drop Max off anyway, he might as well kill two birds with one stone.

And then finally go home and get a few hours of rest.

It was more morning than night when he pulled up in front of the house that Max had directed him to, but unsurprisingly the lights were still on in the house. There was only one car in the driveway, and since Billy Hargrove’s car was still at the Byers’ house, Jim figured it must belong to the father. Neil Hargrove, if his memory served him right.

He didn’t even have time to knock on the door before it flew open, and a tall red-haired woman pulled Max into her arms without so much as a look Jim’s way.

“Max!” she gasped. “Where have you been, we’ve been so worried about you!” Without waiting for a reply, she backed up to get a good look at her daughter again. “Are you okay?” At a nod from Max, she pulled the girl into her arms again with something akin to a sob of relief.

Jim looked away from the emotional scene and instead he locked eyes with the man he just noticed standing there.

“You must be Mr. Hargrove,” Jim said and held out his hand. The man eyed his uniform for a moment, before reaching out for a surprisingly firm handshake. “We haven’t been properly introduced. I’m Jim Hopper, Chief of Police.”

“Oh, has something happened?” the woman, Max’s mother, asked from where she’s standing, her arms around Max’s shoulders. Jim launched into the same story that he told the other parents, but kept it more professional since he hadn’t actually met these people before. They didn’t know him. And besides, he needed to make it clear that he was here in an official capacity, for the next part.

“Say, Mr. Hargrove,” Jim said after the woman has thanked him and taken her daughter into the house, “your son, William … Is he home?”

The man’s eyes narrowed. “Why do you ask?”

“Well,” Jim said, “apparently he got into a fight with a classmate tonight.” Keeping his words intentionally neutral, he tried to gauge the man’s reactions. Was he the kind of man who would listen, or the kind of man who would jump to his kid’s defense without listening to facts?

Thankfully, it seemed to be the first one. Hargrove Senior took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a moment. “What happened?” He sounded like a man who has gone through the same thing several times already, and Jim felt a sting of sympathy. Being a parent wasn’t always an easy job, that’s for sure.

“Well, I wasn’t there for it myself, but from what they’ve told me, William got aggressive and when he was told to leave, he forced his way into the house. Attacked one of the kids first –“ He shook his head and held up a hand in a calming gesture as Mr. Hargrove opened his mouth to speak, “– the boy wasn’t hurt, don’t worry, just frightened. But your son’s classmate – who was there to babysit them while Mrs. Byers took her son to the hospital – intervened, and … Well. William beat him. Badly.”

He made sure not to mention the syringe, and didn’t mention the drugging. Hoping against hope that the kid hadn’t already told his family about that part.

“The other boy,” Mr. Hargrove said. “How is he?”

“Steve Harrington. Well, he didn’t want to go to the hospital, but he probably should have. They tell me he was actually unconscious for some time.”

“Harrington?” The man frowned, and Jim could understand his concern. Even someone new in town would have heard about the Harringtons.

“Listen,” Jim said. “I don’t know if Steve will want to press charges, but I would like to talk to your son for a bit. Is he awake?”

Mr. Hargrove worked his jaw, but gave a sharp nod. He didn’t invite Jim in, but left the door open while he went back into the house and opened the first door on the right. Jim heard low voices and some scuffling, before Mr. Hargrove emerged, holding a young man by the scruff of his neck. With the boy’s head downturned and his face hidden behind tousled hair, and the way his clothes were rumpled, Jim guessed that he’d been yanked out of bed. Mr. Hargrove brought his son before him and gave his shoulder a little shake.

“William Hargrove?” Jim said, just for confirmation, and prepared to launch into a stern but shortened lecture when the boy looked up at him with wide eyes and gave a single nod.

Or, well. One eye was wide open, at least. The other one was almost entirely swollen shut, and that wasn’t even the worst of it. Out of the things Jim could see, the kid had – besides the damaged eye – a split in his very swollen lower lip, bruises on his jaw and cheekbone, and a split in one of his eyebrows, which still looked fresh. Must have re-opened when his dad pulled him out of bed.

In short; the kid looked like shit. Equally as messed-up as Harrington, if not more. Jim felt a stab of irritation; he wished someone would have mentioned that fact before he showed up at the Hargrove house, instead of making it sound as if the kid had whaled on Harrington without Harrington getting a single hit in. That had obviously not been the case; Harrington had given as good as he got. Jim just wished he’d been better prepared for it.

But he was nothing if not adaptable, so he gave a grim little smile. “Looks like you’ve had an eventful night too, kid.”

“A few,” Steve replied, shifting a little so he could show them. He lifted his right leg up and out of the blankets and pointed at his kneecap. “I was probably like eight, and I was riding my bike with Tommy, and there was a pretty big stick in the path we were on. Tommy saw it in time, but I didn’t, and I fell off my bike, hitting one of the pedals on the way down. Tommy ran and got his mom, and next thing I know, I’m at the hospital, getting my knee sewn back together.”

Billy sat up a little and kissed Steve’s knee, right on the scar, just like he’d done for him all morning. He smiled after and leaned over Steve, finding his hand and dragging him into an upright position as well, despite their heads almost bonking together.

“Okay, lightning round,” he said, “Anything we see we can ask about, and we have to go as quick as we can and see who ends up laughing too hard to keep going first.”

“Sounds fair,” Steve said, then pointed at Billy’s eyebrow, “What about that one?”

“A fight in seventh grade,” he answered. “That one?” He pointed at Steve’s collarbone.

“My grandma’s cat scratched me.” He tapped Billy’s left shoulder.

“Max threw a shoe at me.” He suppressed a giggle at Steve’s face, and instead pointed at Steve’s ankle.

“Dustin’s bike had a loose spoke and it cut me.” He said, pointing to Billy’s thigh once he got his face back under control.

“I fell backwards off a swing set,” Billy said, pointing to Steve’s upper lip.

“I was learning to walk and I fell headfirst into a glass coffee table,” Steve couldn’t help but chuckle, and Billy must’ve been imagining it playing out, because he erupted into a laughing fit that only ended when he leaned forward and kissed Steve, though his smile was still there.

“I’m glad my being in pain as an infant amuses you,” Steve mumbled as they parted, their foreheads resting against each other.

“It’s not that, it’s just that you told me before that the coffee table in your living room has been there since you were born, and how your big ass head managed to fall into it and not shatter it is beyond me,” Billy continued to laugh, and Steve shoved him back a little.

“You’re so mean to me,” he grumbled, but Billy wasn’t having it.

“Oh, I’m just playing with you,” he said, then took Steve’s hand and placed it on his lower back, just above his ass. “If it makes you feel any better, I got this one by jumping on a bed at my aunt’s house, which I then broke.”

“How did you break a bed?” Steve smiled, despite his best effort to try and stay pouty.

“I was a chubby kid, and the beams that were supposed to hold the mattress up snapped after I jumped on ‘em too long,” Billy grinned. “And even after that, I didn’t learn my lesson, I did it again with the other bed in the room. My aunt and my cousins were pissed.”

Steve just stared for a second, but as soon as Billy started to laugh, he couldn’t keep his own giggles contained. They laughed so hard their sides hurt, and they fell back down on the bed until the fit was over. Steve turned his head and looked at Billy, and with the sunshine dancing through his hair, he looked so young and cute and playful, he became overcome with fondness for him. 

“What’re you thinkin’ about?” Billy asked, his smile still shining.

“I’m thinking that I don’t care if you’re a little mean to me sometimes, I love having you around, and I’d like to keep you here as long as I can. As long as you promise not to break my bed, that is,” Steve smiled, caressing the side of Billy’s face.

“The best I can do is to promise not to break it by myself,” Billy said, “But if you’re with me, all bets are off.”

Billy never really learned to keep his nose out of other people’s business.

Maybe this will finally teach him.

The letter falls from his numb fingers, floating back into place on Steve’s desk, light as air and landing silently.

His grip on the page left it crumpled, wrinkled, sweaty fingerprints dented into the blank space below Max’s last words for Steve. Damning evidence that he’s been snooping around, not that Steve would normally care. What’s mine is yours, he said. And so far it seems he meant it.

The words leave a bitter taste in his mouth now.

But he never wanted Max to be his sister, did he. He always said as much. To anyone who would listen, including Max herself. It’s not surprising that she decided to replace him with someone better. His stare goes glassy, scattered papers and trophies and the yellow lamp all blur. His eyes sting.

He has no right to be hurt over this. It shouldn’t hit him like a punch in the gut, but it has, and he aches all over, swaying, nauseated.

And there’s not a damn thing he can do about it. That’s the worst part. He can’t make it better, there’s no fixing this, no patching things up with Max, no going back in time and beating the shit out of himself before he can ruin everything.

No one wanted to tell him, at first. After he clawed his way out of a fissure in the ground, blood and dirt under his nails, and scared the shit out of all of Max’s little nerd friends. She was conspicuously missing, and no one would tell him why.

Being trapped in hell for eight and a half months wasn’t as bad as finding out he was two days too late to ever talk to his sister again. At least when he was being attacked by monsters he could fight back. There’s no fighting this. There’s no excising his grief no matter how many times he bloodies his knuckles.

The sound of the front door being flung open echoes up the stairs. “I’m home!” Steve calls just barely loud enough to be heard, muted by exhaustion.

Billy goes rigid, tension coiling up his spine. It’s usually a relief when Steve comes back, after the quiet, the boredom of being cooped up in an empty house all day. He’s a bright spot, a comforting presence…

It’s not hard to see why Max preferred him.

Billy lets out a slow breath, and swipes at the wetness on his cheeks.

Familiar anger bubbles up in the back of his throat. So familiar it’s almost comforting. He’d rather be angry than blubbering like a child, wallowing in misery.

He’s tired of being second best. Never the favourite, never good enough.

He can’t do anything about how fucking inadequate he was, he can’t ever change enough to make it right, so what’s the fucking point, what’s the point of any of this.

It’s pressure behind his eyes now, tears blurring with something else, that rage that threatens to blind him. He can feel it in his fingertips, and coiled like a snake between his ribcage.

He has to get out. He has to just. Go. Before he breaks another thing that can’t be fixed.