⋆｡°✩ harp-er ⋆｡°✩

Liam says Essek and Caleb never marry, and some people find that disappointing because, I don't know, we're told marriage is the end-all-be-all of a longterm relationship of any kind. Or they'll only accept this by saying they're married in spirit/unofficially because their unconventional approach to romance feels lacking without calling each other their spouses regardless (when they do not refer to each other as such in canon).

Liam says that at some point they "break up," but they remain very close for the rest of Caleb's life. And this is somehow... unsatisfying? Like friendship is a downgrade? As if friendship, or any platonic relationship, is a Specific Thing just like marriage looks and behaves like a Specific Thing (despite the fact that friends can kiss, or possibly share a living space, or do anything a romantic relationship traditionally does and have it still not be inherently romantic). Some think it's stupid because it feels meaningless, but even if shadowgast decided to change up their boundaries near the end of Caleb's life (which they would inevitably have to do this at some point when his health starts to deteriorate) it doesn't suddenly mean Essek can't help take care of him or anything. And they used to be romantic, so their relationship will always have a little bit of that.

Circumstances out of their control, Caleb's polyamory (even if he never gets with anyone else other than Essek), and Essek being aspec makes their relationship very unconventional and dubiously queerplatonic in nature. And somehow the end result of that is... less valuable in the long run? How? Why? Why would a polyamorous man or someone who is aspec subscribe to those social beliefs and systematic structures anyway??? Genuinely?

what if we were soft wizard husbands and we danced on a beach

beau - survivor. she can live through anything: poison, hunger, dehydration, etc. i think the challenge for beau would be to not kill the other contestants for being annoying to be honest.

jester - love is blind. she's gonna charm the pants off of everyone, win the season, drop the ball and use the money for her and fjord's second honeymoon

caduceus - masterchef. moves the slowest out of everyone yet still manages to finish on time. refuses to cook any meat or fish and uses substitutes but still doesn't get eliminated because his food tastes so good.

fjord - big brother. he can do well in the social aspect of the game while also being physical enough to win the challenges. he'd never get to be head of household though. will kill a man to win a phone call with jester.

yasha - great british bake off. she might try to add some bugs but with her charm and skills, the judges don't mind at all. bakes her winning creation for beau when her wife returns home

caleb - who wants to be a millionaire. the only game where the only thing you need is smarts. uses his one phone to call to essek to talk about tonight's dinner plans then wins the million.

molly - drag race. would do a killer impression of the ruby of the sea for snatch game. sewing skills unmatched. delivers it all during the rusical. queen.

veth - taskmaster. the quickest with the tasks and finds every loophole there is. somehow every item she brings is something that embarrasses fjord.