As time went on, I tried to act like this wasn’t a part of me. I tried to pretend I wasn’t who I was.
But there was a longing inside of me. It just kept coming back. I had the typical binge and purge,binge and purge, that all ABDLs have. I’d log on to diaper-bois, buy a bunch of diapers, buy a
paci, buy a cute onesie, I’d get off on being dressed that way, then I’d throw it all away, swear
that it was just a moment of weakness, and then I’d go back to being the man I was.
But, no matter what I did, the siren call of the baby inside of me kept calling. And, I’d always
come back to the same place, on the floor, in a full diaper, sucking my paci, wishing daddy was
I can’t explain it, but there is something amazing about… filling your diaper. The feeling of just
letting it go — you don’t have to rush to the bathroom, you don’t have to worry about anything.
It’s almost like each time you… you know… your worries and your fears just melt away. That’s
what I told someone I was chatting with online one day.
“It’s like… I don’t know, all my big boy thoughts just disappear when I… you know…”
“When you what, bud? Use your words.”
I knew what he wanted. He wanted me to say that I, you know… did it. But a part of me still
couldn’t bring myself to say it. It was so shameful to say. I was a grown man, I was in college, I
had big plans. I had graduated top of my class and I had a bright future. Men who accomplished
things didn’t enjoy doing that in their pants.
“You know…” I wrote back.
“No I don’t, kiddo. What do you do?”
“It’s… it’s embarrassing to say…” I responded.
All of the sudden, a video message came. I opened the message to see a very handsome
man’s face. He couldn’t be much older than me, mid-20s maybe maximum. I pushed play.
“Come on wittle man, tell dada, what do you do in your diapers? Be a good boy,” the man’s
I don’t know what it was, but something about this man’s voice put me in a trance. My mind
started saying, be a good baby, tell daddy what you do. I’d never been able to even write out…
that… let alone say it out loud. But hearing this man’s voice, seeing his face, all I wanted to do
I turned on the camera, faced it towards me, looked directly at the camera and said:
As I hit send, I felt a lump fall into my underwear.
turnnoffyourmind
areudirty
jacobvanloon
