What am I even doing?

Please read:

You will probably learn something new about me in this if I have never told you.

People, I am not a person who is all lovey-dovey. I will not flirt with you even if I am single, I am uncomfortable when people flirt. It makes me want to get away as soon as possible as to me, you seem too needy. I dont mind the odd bit, it's just when it's all the time. Also dont expect it back as i cant even flirt with a loaf of bread.

If you can't hold a conversation with me, then I can't talk to you. I need someone that can keep the flow going. It is also very disappointing when I have written a paragraph and all I get is "ok" even when I ask questions. Like are you just going to ignore everything I have said?

It makes me feel like you are not generally interested in talking to me. If you dont want to read the full thing let me know and ill take out key points. The worst part is, I usually let people know beforehand that I do write a lot, so it's not like you dont know what you're getting into.

I don't mind if you have spelling problems or anything, I'll work out what you have said and if I dont understand, I'll ask. So dont be shy with the messaging.

I prefer if you actually get to know me and I dont mean, tell me that im "hot" or " good looking" and so on with nearly every message. It's even worse when I knew you years ago, you hardly spoke to me and then out of nowhere (usually after I post pictures) you start acting like we have a past together.

just ask me general questions, it's not that hard. Even if it's asking about my favourite flavour of ice cream. At least its something, as I can work on from thereon. I can lead the conversation if needed but I need you to work with me.

Oh, and dont get me started on people sending and wanting nudes! I dont even want to talk about that!

also im gay. Not as in happy, but as in i love women gay! I have known for a long time, I dont tell everyone as it's no one's business but mine, or no one ever asks if I even like dudes or not, they just assume, all you need to say is "do you like dudes?" Or "can I ask what your sexuality is?" Or just dont. it may even come up in a topic at some point anyway.

Oh, and no, you can not make me straight, no I will not kiss a woman in front of you to prove it, you perve!

Suppose someone does try to ruin my mood. Well, I'm not going to let the enemy of energy, get close to the queen I am trying to evolve and appreciate. So they can either back off or back down. Or even stand firm and join me.

Whether you are on that battlefield or not, you all are strong fighters; you will all be your own kings/queens in your time. Just keep going! Stay strong, fight for what you want to get your crown 👑

I have worked the whole time since covid has been discovered. I only have one day a week off (this week I haven't had any).

Yet, she still kicks off. Even though, im doing it to keep safe. Not just me but her too and everyone around her. Like, her son. I work with people; I could be a carrier.

She also brings up the fact of why I don't message her. I don't think she realises that working nearly every day, gets very draining as she's never worked. You're using your mind regularly; you want to unwind.

I understand that she's probably bored or frustrated, but so are many other people on this planet that are in the same situation, and there is nothing I can do about that.

She also doesn't like the fact that I now have a girlfriend too, and I see her. My girlfriend comes into my work nearly every day because she needs to. It's not even to do with me; some days she doesn't even see me.

Maybe I should have messaged her, on my day off. Even though im still busy as im usually going food shopping, getting pet supplies, cleaning my pets homes, doing my washing, tidying my room, making my bed. I am sometimes babysitting my siblings, as well. I have been none stop, since corona, but maybe I should have taken time to stop, to massage her, perhaps I am in the wrong here? I should probably have found time to message her.

Anyway, I never even felt sad or anything when she said she doesn't want anything to do with me. Like I generally couldn't care, I don't know why? I know that's not a normal thing when you have been best friends for four years. I know I should be sad but im not.

Does anyone else get like that? Or have you been like that? And if so, do you know why?