Dropping in to say goodbye.
So ever since November of last year, I've been locked out of this account. I logged out and realized that it wouldn't let me log back in without using a confirmation code sent to my old phone number which I have not had since September. I was only able to use te mobile app but I completely hated everything about it and at this point, I had no motivation to go here to begin with.
Anyway, I know this is most likely going to fall on deaf ears but I'm just doing this for myself now. If anyone of my followers would like to continue seeing my content, it's better to just subscribe to my youtube channel or follow me on twitter if you (for any reason) need to get in touch with me. I'm more active there and honestly, it's a lot better for my mind since people actually talk to me there.
A big reason I'm leaving is because ever since I got locked out of tumblr, I realized that I never really truly connected with anyone here. I've made acquaintances but most, if not all of them only ever talked business with me. Every interaction I've had was either me trying to start a conversation that ends immediately or a reaction to content that I post. I received messages but guess what. Most of them are just anonymous messages and a lot of them are just hate messages. I tried lying to myself that hate messages are still messages and that it was still engagement with my audience. But that was all that ever came. Endless anonymous hate messages of people telling me how to do my job or that (INSERT VA HERE) is better than me. I'd only ever see a positive one in a sea of negatives when people think I'm close to killing myself. I was jealous of people who had a lot of friends. I was jealous of those VAs who were popular enough to have fans love them so much that they would come and attack me. I was mad at myself for not being able to fake positivity and just spouting out everything my mind wrongfully assumes. A lot of it resulted in pointing all the blame on to myself. Friends tried to help me understand that I'm going about it the wrong way and that I'm hurting them in the process but I didn't listen.
Eventually I did try to end it all. I failed. Thankfully due to my roommates at the time finding me and getting help. In the process, I lost a lot of my friends due to my behavior and even my roommates had to leave because they didn't want to live with the burden of having a suicidal roommate (we weren't close at all). Ever since then, I've been living alone but forced to go to therapy or be put in a psychiatric hospital.
A year later, I finished therapy and my therapists signed my clearance. I believe I've gotten a lot better because of it. Not 100%. I still get waves of depression from time to time but overall, leaving the toxic environment that is tumblr has improved my mental state.
So yeah, I don't know if I should delete thos account but I won't be coming back here again. And with that, goodbye everyone.
