the rest is silence.

Constant occurrence where I’m like “I’m sort of pent up, but I’m an adult who can watch adult videos and jack off about it if I want to” and then I watch adult videos for like an hour and then turn off my laptop and realize ten minutes later that I completely forgot the “jorking it” step. I spent the whole hour critiquing the plot and camera work stonefaced and utterly flaccid

Fully clothed and bored looking guy sitting on his bed making snide remarks about the quality of the lighting, camerawork, and sound design in this film and then you look at his laptop screen and it’s just pornography

@hamletthebrain

I can't watch porn for this reason actually. I fucking hate lazy set design

It’s rotten work but only if it’s you. When I do it for other people it’s fine, enjoyable even.

@hamletthebrain

Xor if we ever met in a high school cafeteria I would send you into orbit

Why would we meet in a high school cafeteria???

objectively best place for suplexing nerds holding their lunch trays

you're shorter than 95% of the nerds I'd love to see you try

I'm not suplexing 95% of the nerds. I'm suplexing YOU

It’s rotten work but only if it’s you. When I do it for other people it’s fine, enjoyable even.

@hamletthebrain

Xor if we ever met in a high school cafeteria I would send you into orbit

Why would we meet in a high school cafeteria???

objectively best place for suplexing nerds holding their lunch trays

It’s rotten work but only if it’s you. When I do it for other people it’s fine, enjoyable even.

@hamletthebrain

Xor if we ever met in a high school cafeteria I would send you into orbit

if your weird enough with the homies you can break all boundaries of platonic/romantic love and make a third, more evil thing

a podcast...

@hamletthebrain

I hardly think philosophical bickering constitutes a show!

my mother, right after giving birth: and now... you owe me one. you will spend the rest of your life paying it back. stop crying its annoying me.

@hamletthebrain @benevolios

Was just diagnosed with “need to bite you” disorder. Yeah sorry it’s terminal. The only cure is biting you. C’mere.

@hamletthebrain

hey so biting your clavicle actually resets the timer of how long I allow you to live

maybe if we torture this kid harder our lives will get even more awesome

@hamletthebrain @benevolios

“whatever the fuck these two characters had going on” is a vastly underrated character dynamic

“Weird about each other” is how I’ve always put it. It’s my favorite thing.

@hamletthebrain

I would never call you friend, and I don't think I would recognize your face. but when you trace your hand along the walls of my labyrinth i keep the bull chained. i like how you don't stumble on the pebbles. your hands are full of secrets that lesser men have died for and i do not expect you to be kind, not forever. soon this will all come to an end. you will bite first, and i will bite harder because i never know how to let go. There is no place for you to sit at the table where I dine, but there are carvings of your words in that garden where I take my rest.

@hamletthebrain @benevolios

Parents kinning their children like fictional characters and then criticizing every innocuous autonomous choice the child makes because they don't see themselves making that same choice... the rage of parents towards children that develop into different people than they were as children sometimes seems similar to people who are angry when characters they identify with are acting "out of character" , except that character is simply making different choices than the reader who identifies with them.